Christians and Raw Emotions

Christians & Raw Emotions

Hate & Anger at Injustice

By Vicki Morris

A sex abuse survivor e-mailed, fuming with anger at the injustice of her still hurting years after the abuse, while her abuser seemed happy and content. With her identity concealed and her permission obtained, here, in essence, is what she wrote:

• I’m sure you’ll blast me for writing this, but I’m filled with fury! Oh, I could give the “correct Christian” responses, but I value honesty. My heart’s desire is to obey and follow Christ, but I am just not ready to forgive my abuser! I’m angry – no, furious – at him! I’ve realized what an evil and horrible a man he is! He is selfish and hateful and prideful! He is a liar, a manipulator, an abuser and an emotional thief! He is awful and I’m not ready to forgive! If that makes me a bad person, then at least I’ll be an honest bad person! Now you see my black heart. I’m not proud of it, but at least I’m honest about it.

• 
  

Do not think that anger is wrong. Jesus got angry over how the temple of God was being abused. “In your anger do not sin,” says the Bible (Ephesians 4:26). The Psalms are filled with huge emotions, anger included.

Anger is part of healing. Injustice arouses much anger. Such anger should not to be whitewashed but faced squarely and worked through until you find the peace you deserve.

Maybe some get away with their crimes in this world. But this is a very brief world compared to what they face in the next. Moreover, I’m about to show that fewer escape than we suppose.

You can heal. Unless abusers face what they did and repent – truly regret what they did – they spend their lives running, even if it doesn’t show.

I once sat down with a man who had committed murder. He shot a man in cold blood, blowing his head off while the man was on his knees, looking into his eyes, begging for his life.

He never was caught for it; never served time. There was no justice for the victim. Or so it seemed.

He confided to me that the man he had killed was always with him, haunting his dreams and his waking moments; ruining his sleep and spoiling his carefree times. He took drugs to run from that man but far too soon the victim was back in his head again.

Outwardly, he seemed normal and did well, but inside he was in perpetual torment. Then he suffered a serious car accident and ended up in the hospital. He got over a million dollars worth of free care at tax payers’ expense. The hospital called me, saying he was asking for me. The staff couldn’t understand and neither could his family. He was calling out to someone. “Go away! Forgive me! Leave me alone! Help me! Forgive me!”

Of course, there was no way for this man to receive the dead man’s forgiveness. When I arrived he grabbed me in desperation, telling me that the man he shot was standing in his room watching him. He pleaded with me to make the victim go away. For years, everyone had thought he was prospering, but all the while he had been tormented by guilt and horror.

Some abusers might not be able to connect with their conscience to feel guilt, but is that any better? Anyone unable to feel guilt is missing the opportunity to repent, thus causing his sin to consume him more than ever. Such a person has hell to face. You don’t. He isn’t getting the forgiveness of God. You are being healed. He is living without connection to his conscience, whereas you are connected to the living God. Eternal life is flowing through your veins and with God you will push through every obstacle to endless victory.

Who has it the worst? Who will suffer the most? You who are getting healed? Or an abuser who is not facing reality and repenting?

You have every right to be angry. Allow yourself to express those deep emotions. Pour them out to God. He is more than big enough to take them. But don’t forget the big picture. None of us deserve God’s grace, without which we would all be damned to hell with our abusers. But in the end, those who avail themselves of God’s grace win.

Comments another sex abuse survivor:

You are right on target when you contrast the life that abusers have to look forward to versus the life the abused has to look forward to. We who have been abused have already been through our “hell on earth”! What else is left for us? Healing. Hope. A chance to grow and to learn to connect with feelings again, both good and bad. And when the bad feelings come, we don’t have to allow them to drag us down.

On the other hand, there’s no way our abusers can have peace. I don’t care how hardened their heart is. There’s no way someone can be so abusive and still be joyous and free, unless they genuinely repent.

Important Related Page:

Sweet Revenge! Turning Hate into Healing