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Comfort, Understanding and Healing for Abuse Survivors

Help & Support for Both Genders


To have been sexually interfered with

is more common and the consequences

are far deeper and longer lasting

than even many victims realize


When Boys are Sexually Interfered With (Of Interest to Both Genders)


For both genders, being sexually interfered with is highly damaging and, unless dealt with, the damage will last a lifetime, even though with both genders, some innocents initially find the experience as pleasurable as sex is meant to feel, whereas for others it is nothing but terrifying agony. The molesters’ method, not the victims’ morality, creates the difference.

This website caters for both genders. Male survivors are mentioned first on this page simply to reassure them that this website is not like the many that overlook them. Pain and confusion are not lowered by being a man but the pressure to agonize in silence is raised alarmingly. There is no distinction: when sexually interfered with, both genders suffer enormously – and usually more than they realize.

Further down, are links to women sharing their stories.

As unbelievable as it might seem, both female and male survivors suffer in surprisingly similar ways. This means everyone can benefit from all of the links, except for the section on loss of physical evidence of virginity.

Here is a page in which a man tells of his long journey to healing:

A Male Survivor of Sexual Molestation


Only “Minor” Sex Abuse?

It is not weakness to still be devastated decades after what you might try to dismiss as “minor” sex abuse. Healing is available, but any sexual abuse wreaks such havoc within our being that there can be no such thing as “minor” sexual abuse.


“I had always thought it was my fault!”

It is common for people to wrongly be convinced that they were to blame for being molested as a child. The more certain you are that it was your fault, the more you need to read:


Incest

Under normal circumstances, there is a strong natural bond and trust between family members. And sex is divinely designed to bond two people together in a unique and powerful way. The upshot is that it is highly confusing to have been sexually molested as a child by a loved one; especially if the offender pleasured the child tenderly and claimed that the victim was privileged to have experienced that degree of intimacy.

Often, even as adults, survivors of this type of abuse so much long to think highly of that loved one that victims find it astonishingly hard to believe that it ever happened. Even those who realize that it occurred, find it hard to accept that this makes the offender guilty of a horrific crime and that the offender is likely to be a danger to other children.

These unresolved issues can play havoc with one’s mind and can even end up endangering one’s own children and grandchildren. For spiritual help in getting one’s head around this,


The Dilemma of Feeling Pleasure When Abused

So powerful is sex that it is almost inevitable that any sexual encounter – no matter how despised and unwanted – will contain elements of pleasure and deep bonding. In an unwanted encounter, these are highly obnoxious consequences of sex but they are such an integral part of sex that they are almost impossible to completely remove from forced sex. This fact is so rarely understood that sex crime victims usually end up loathing themselves or at least being confused and deeply disturbed over what is just a normal reaction to unwanted sex.

Vast numbers of abuse survivors know from bitter experience that pleasure inflicted by a sexual predator can be more damaging than severe physical pain. Some survivors, however, have experiences so different that they find this incomprehensible or even offensive. Experiences differ for the simple reason that abusers differ in their techniques.

If predators are sufficiently skilled, the pleasure they inflict will be sexual. Otherwise – in the case of pedophiles – the pleasure their victims feel will be the gifts they bribe children with or the attention they give love-starved children. Rapists can even force unwilling adult victims to experience sexual pleasure. This very pleasure inflicts horrific, but quite unnecessary, pangs of guilt.

A degree of pleasure or bonding in no way justifies the offender, nor in any way hints that the victim might be perverted or immoral.

The memory of pleasure suffered (yes, “suffered” is the right word) during abuse might currently be suppressed but it could surface at any time. So it is good to prepare oneself by learning about this rarely understood consequence of unwanted sex.


Short Video about Sexual Abuse

Abuse Recovery Video/Documentary


During his childhood, Cory’s grandmother repeatedly abused him sexually and physically. This ten minute video provides a mild account and a brief overview of the healing he eventually found.

Our uniqueness means there are sure to be aspects of Cory’s experience that differ from yours. Even so, it could help you feel less alone and encourage you to deepen your healing.


If You Suffered Childhood Trauma . . .

Although it is not uncommon to live in denial of it, if you suffered trauma as a child, the traumatized part of you could have separated from the adult part of you and need special attention. Understanding this can be critical for healing.


Memories


When you don’t want remember


Healing of Memories



Help with unpleasant memories


Help With Ugly Memories & Flashbacks


For Children & The Inner Child


A true story of how a sexually abused child found help suitable for children and the inner child of adult survivors of child sex abuse


The Big, Bad Secret: How I Stopped Feeling Yucky and Afraid


Hurting Oneself


It is tragically common for abuse survivors to cut themselves or engage in what superficially seem perplexing forms of self-abuse. For an understanding of the cause and how it can be cured, see:


Why self-harm is normal for abuse survivors who are not yet healed


Vent your Anger


For the therapeutic benefits of getting in touch with your anger and expressing it, see:

Emergency Help


For the spiritual benefits, see:

Why to Truly Forgive Hinges on Getting in Touch with Your Anger


A webpage that considers what the person who hurt you deserves. The execution of justice on your behalf. Turn hate into healing. For a moving, enlightening and therapeutic experience that could forever change your life, see: Sweet revenge!


For another insightful webpage, see

Raw emotions: Hate & anger at the injustice of sex abuse


Masturbation: Relieving or Reliving the Past?


Former generations commonly called masturbation (solitary sex) self abuse. Never is this term more appropriate than when abuse survivors masturbate. It is tragically common for survivors to find themselves uncontrollably hooked on combining this highly addictive behavior with fantasizing about something related to their abuse. If they don’t directly fantasize about their abuse while masturbating, they imagine someone else being abused or they view porn that is somehow associated with the type of sex their abuser had with them. By doing this, comfort, sexual highs, distasteful experiences and self-loathing all get rolled into one destructive package that is as addictively enslaving as heroin. The last thing anyone needs is to add guilt to the mix, but survivors need to be freed from this because, like nothing else it locks a person into continually reliving one’s past abuse and never moving on.


Sexually Molested Though male, the survivor’s story is typical of both genders.


Becoming a Winner! This begins a series of webpages about how to break unwanted habits.


Sex addiction


It is very common for abuse survivors to suffer sexual craving and even addictions to sexual highs. For understanding and compassionate help see Sex Abuse & Sexual Addiction


Survivors Feeling Uncomfortable About God


Despite their earnest attempts to think differently, it is tragically common for abuse survivors to feel deep down that God, the One who longs to support and heal them, does not like them or might even be like their abusers. For help with this critical issue, see:


Fear of God or Fearing Jesus & Healing Sex Abuse


Discovering You Don’t Hate God After All


In your pain it was natural for you to lash out at the hideous, unfeeling monster you supposed was God. The God you thought you hated is just a figment of your tormented imagination. It’s time you met the real God – your Healer.


Just as there are things about its loving mother that a tiny child cannot comprehend, mysteries remain when we try to understand the infinitely superior mind of God. Nevertheless, the following webpages will help.


If anyone has reason to hate God, it’s Sue


You must read this inspiring story about how one woman found peace and healing in the midst of hate and bitterness. Writes one abuse survivor about this amazing webpage filled with compassion and life-changing answers:

This is some kind of testimony!! I am going to print this out and pass it on. I will read it again and again.


Where was God when you suffered unspeakable horrors?


Why would a God of love allow suffering?


God’s plans for you are comforting, not fearful


Life’s Mysteries Explained


Discovering God’s love for you


Tragically, so many people bungle through life living shallow, wasted lives. Through Jesus we can leave behind a meaningless life of selfishness headed for endless regret. We can choose a life in which every second counts for all eternity, achieving the highest good in union with the God who made you and loves you more than life itself. Life can be crammed with so many urgent things that we forget the really important ones. Don’t let this wonderful opportunity slip from your grasp. Make life’s most important issue top priority.


You Can Find Love: What your fantasies reveal A most significant webpage


The key to supernatural healing Why Christ’s suffering can change your life.


God as Mother Feminine aspects of God. Healing for those whose father let them down.


You are loved When you can’t feel God’s love


Release from Blaming Yourself


Handling guilt is the first of many helpful and encouraging webpages about overcoming guilt feelings.


Overcoming Feelings of Worthlessness


To God, you are special


Power to Escape the Trap of Bitterness


Should you forgive your abuser?


This most serious, often misunderstood, issue is carefully examined in two special webpages listed below. It is vital for your healing that you read them. So much hinges on this delicate matter.

I am convinced that just as martyrs are especially honored in heaven, so are those who have suffered greatly and yet have forgiven.


Forgiving others is tough. It is so critical to our own emotional and spiritual well being that our spiritual enemy strongly attacks us on this issue. Nevertheless, divine help is available.


People suffering great difficulty in forgiving others usually have as the basis of their agony the (sometimes subconscious) pain of having great difficulty forgiving themselves. The two sides of forgiveness – forgiving yourself and forgiving others – rise or fall together. Many people raging against someone else’s guilt are pressured by a subconscious urge to keep suppressed the tortured screams of their own conscience. Peace soothes our troubled mind when we dwell on the extent of the forgiveness and purity that we have in Christ. When we realize how much God has forgiven us, it becomes easier to act more Godlike and have that same forgiving attitude toward ourselves and others. For this reason, I recommend beginning with the webpages about handling guilt.


Breaking the stranglehold of bitterness:


Unforgivable!


Lord, make him regret what he did to me!



Why Me?


Tragically, sexual abuse increases one’s vulnerability to more abuse. The following links explore reasons for this.


Why abuse survivors attract the wrong sort of people Predators hunt the wounded


Why bad things keep happening to some people


How to Stop Degrading Oneself & Find True Fulfillment


Sadly, in a desperate attempt to find the peace and comfort they deserve, abuse survivors often end up resorting to inappropriate sexual highs, not realizing that by so doing they end up wounding themselves over and over, and sabotaging their healing.


Sex abuse survivors are often among the countless thousands who find themselves trapped in a cycle of guilt, low self-esteem and some form of degrading sex addition (porn, masturbation, sex fantasy, or whatever). For the thrilling news as to how to be set free, see:


Healing Sex Addiction & Sexual Abuse


Overcoming Destructive Thinking


Whether it be the desire to hurt yourself, or to hate yourself, or to hate others, it is a temptation.


Becoming a Winner! begins a series of webpages about overcoming temptation. Follow the links.


Wishing You Were the Opposite Sex


It is very common for abuse survivors to feel very uncomfortable about their gender. For help, see:


Wish You Were the Opposite Sex?


Sex Dreams/Nightmares


A sex abuse survivor’s journey of discovery of the real cause and nature of her erotic dreams:


Your Sex Dreams: Normal, Demonic or Highly Revealing?



Fantasy/Imaginary Friends


Christine, a lonely abuse survivor in her thirties, found immense comfort in masturbation and imaginary friends. Some people had the audacity to call it demonic. Christine gives some fascinating insights into an often misunderstood subject.


The Surprising Comfort of Imaginary Friends


Lost Virginity


The enormity of God’s forgiveness makes all of his children chaste virgins in his sight, but how would a potential Christian marriage partner see you?


Who says Christian men prefer women who are physically virgins?


Lost Virginity Can Be Restored


Learning to Appreciate your Sexuality


It is natural that anyone for whom sex has been a source of suffering would to some extent resent the fact that God made us sexual beings.


The Abuse Survivor’s Ultimate Revenge Reclaiming your Sexuality. A powerful webpage


Celebrate your sexuality This webpage is intended particularly for singles but could help anyone for whom sex has unpleasant memories.


How holy wives express marital love This, of course, is intended for wives or women close to marriage. There are some useful thoughts there, but expect many of the suggestions to be beyond what you are presently capable of doing.


When You Don’t Want Marital Relations

It might be so severe that you are determined never to marry, or maybe it is just that an aspect of the physical side of marriage makes you feel a little uncomfortable, but an almost inevitable consequence of sexual trauma is a lowered enjoyment of sex. You deserve the full restoration of the ability to enjoy marital relations. There is a web series specifically written to help you:

When a Woman Doesn’t Want Sex


Handling Depression

Dark Blessings


When You Can’t Feel God

Spiritual Wilderness Survival Guide


Toilet difficulties

A painful, humiliating consequence of childhood abuse can be difficulties in relieving oneself. Two survivors, a man and a woman, reveal their secret agony in this regard. Their stories provide not just comfort, but practical steps for healing.

Toilet Fear: compassionate help for victims of abusive potty training or child abuse


The Healing Secrets of Five Abused Women

Mary Lee: My Miraculous Healing from Child Abuse

Healing from sexual abuse: A Significant Testimony

For the abused: A Beautiful Poem by a sexually abused woman

Patti Willis: A Testimony of Hope


Sexual abuse led to substance abuse: I was Gang Raped

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