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The Need for Caution Keeping secrets from people is burdensome. It not only leaves us feeling lonely and isolated, it makes us feel as if there is something about us of which we should be ashamed, when there isn’t.   We need to be wise and prayerful about who we select to tell, however. We need to know their integrity and how well they can maintain confidentiality. Some people, even with the best intentions, are not good at keeping secrets – especially a secret so unusual that it plays on their minds. They could very well blab it to someone else, asking them to promise to tell no one else, and before long it has spread far and wide.   We also need to somehow get an accurate idea of how what we tell them would affect the way they view us. Tragically, average people not only know next to nothing about Dissociative Identity Disorder, most of what they know is  worse  than nothing. They may think D.I.D. is proof of demon possession, or means you are a potential psycho killer, or something equally ridiculous, hurtful and destructive of a good friendship.   I once thought I had found an exception. Someone wrote to me who was very open in her church about having D.I.D., and things were going swimmingly. I was amazed and thrilled for her. Sadly, a few months later, it turned sour. In fact, whist still remaining devoted to Christ, she ended up feeling too uncomfortable to remain in a church where so many knew she had D.I.D. but too few truly understood.   Telling someone will affect not just you but everyone inside you because any outside person who hears about it will look at  all  of you differently. It isn’t fair to make such a major decision without everyone inside agreeing. An additional problem is that it is quite likely that still more alters will eventually surface who are unknown at present and they cannot contribute to the decision.   Often certain alters will detest pretending to be the host and will want outside people to recognize them for who they are. This feeling will increasingly diminish, however, because the longer alters are out, the more alike they become. This means you could be taking a long-term risk for only a short-term need.   If, after prayerfully weighing all this up, you wish to proceed in telling someone, it is important to first get that person to fully reveal his/her views about D.I.D. before even hinting that the matter is of any interest to you beyond idle curiosity. You might say, “Have you heard about people with multiple personalities? What do you think about it?” Then after they have given their answer you could say something like, “If someone told me they had multiple personalities, what should I do and say?” Also question them about confidentiality.   Provided you get the person talking about it for long enough, raising the subject in casual conversation as if the matter were of little concern to you is often all it takes to get a clear idea of the person’s attitude and to determine whether he or she has a sufficiently accurate and non-judgmental understanding to be trusted.   Another way of achieving this might be to tell the person, “I have heard of a game to improve friends’ understanding of each other. Could I play it with you? It simply involves dreaming up weird, largely out-of-character scenarios and taking turns asking how the other thinks he/she would respond to that situation. It takes us beyond what we have experienced with each other and so gives us new insights into each other’s attitudes.”   Use your imagination to list every shameful and embarrassing thing you can think of. Fill in the dots below and add any other situations you can think of. If you feel the response you receive is too shallow, question your friend deeper about how he/she would react if the situation were true. Ask your friend, “How would you feel and what would you do if I told you that:   I had lied to you all my life about . . . I am addicted to . . . I have told others that you . . . I have secretly thought . . . about you I have these spiritual doubts . . . I have these daydreams and longings . . . I have cheated you out of . . .”   You might like to make it even harder for your friend to guess why you are doing this by adding some scenarios that are not confessions, such as, “What if in the future I . . . ?”   If you find your friend’s response favorable, slip in your truth, but treat it just like the others, not letting on that it is genuine. Then later decide if you can trust the person sufficiently to tell him or her.   If you are sure it is safe to proceed with telling someone you have D.I.D.,  Dissociative Identity Disorder Explained  will help you in explaining it to the person.

Evil Alters If someone with Dissociative Identity Disorder has alters (‘personalities’) who are demonized, sadistic, occultic, or witches What happens when a Christian alter  and  an anti-Christian alter share the same body and brain? (‘Alter’ is a name for a ‘personality’ or part of a person who has Dissociative Identity Disorder or – as it was once called – Multiple Personality Disorder.)   You cannot cast out (exorcize) or remove an alter, any more than you could cast out or remove half of your brain. And alters can never by changed by trying to suppress them or forget that they exist. The only workable option is to lead one’s non-Christian parts to Christ. This can only happen through dialoguing with them. If, however, you hate or despise them, do you really think they would listen to you or find anything attractive about Christ? Moreover, a basic reason for the formation of alters is that they had been starved of love. They are desperate for love and are keen to please someone who offers them genuine love.   For insight into this, I would like to share with you a message written by a friend of mine I’ll call Jan. Here’s how it came about:   A person I’ll call Jan heard of a devout Christian with Dissociative Identity Disorder who was mortified to discover that she had what she felt compelled to conclude was an alter or ‘personality’ who not only acted without Rachel’s knowledge but literally practiced witchcraft and used demonic powers on people. Upon hearing this Jan wrote the following to her.   It is so helpful and beautifully passionate that I obtained Jan’s permission to share it with you.   For fear of swamping you with words, I will avoid a long introduction. I am concerned, however, that some readers might feel that what Jan says is spiritually over the top or even unbiblical. As a compromise, I have provided a brief biblical explanation at the end of the webpage, with links to still more. If, however, theological doubts about what Jan is saying begin to nag you, please immediately slide down to the end and read it before continuing with her message. Some readers will find the biblical explanation the most valuable part.   Your servant,Grantley Morris Founder of NetBurst.Net   Coming to know those inside us is a long process. I truly believe Jesus allows it to be this long so that we can build a strong foundation and deep stability in him. It is then that we are able to handle what ends up being a profound and heart-wrenching insight about our lives. I believe there are probably many broken dear Christian souls who have been victims as we have been, but have never had the inner strength to come to know the truth of what is inside them. So, even right now, I pray Jesus strengthen both you and me in our ‘inner person’ to come to know the truth that sets us free – the truth about ourselves, our history, our wounds, but even more so, the truth of your healing, restoration and grace that sets us free to the core.   One of the things that has been a great comfort to me is that, although I was utterly shocked to know that there were witches inside of me, Jesus was neither shocked nor rocked! He has seen and known the struggle from the beginning, understands how this has happened, and has IMMENSE COMPASSION for all those inside.   I will share what I understand about what happened to me, in the hope that, even if it’s not exactly the same with you, somehow, by God’s grace and goodness, there will be something helpful or useful.   Having been born into a trans-generational family of witches and satanists, I was, in the womb, and in all my tiny years and beyond, purposefully tortured and split. Even at a very young age, I was split into two ‘camps’: the ‘front’ aspects, who were encouraged to be Christians, and the ‘back’ aspects, who were taught how much God ‘hated’ women, etc. The latter were the ones who would become trained in witchcraft. Scripture was constantly twisted to show the ‘little girls’ (and boys) inside of me how much God despised girls and women. I was taught to understand that all women are seen as Jezebels in God’s eyes, using stories like Eve being deceived by the serpent, Lot’s wife turning into a pillar of salt, Delilah, Jezebel and every other part of the Bible that could be distorted to put women down. I even wanted to be a minister when I was a teenager but was told I couldn’t because I was a woman. God did not want me. He only wanted men.   Deep down, I came to hate that I was a woman and I came to understand that God must have hated me and wanted to curse my life by making me a woman. (This was all generated under the surface. The ‘front’ part of me was aware of some of this, but not how powerfully rooted these lies were planted. There were deep places in me that felt that God saw me as dirty, hideous and profane because I was a woman, and that he must have truly hated me to have made me a woman.   My split-off parts were also raped, tortured, and tricked by abusers who actually pretended to be Jesus and God the Father. These parts of me came to hate God for making me ME. Once these parts were created, many were taught to stay in hiding from God because they were shown ‘from Scripture’ that if they came out where God could see them, he would smite them, or cause them to burn forever. So they believed they needed to keep the secret and stay hidden.   I was mortified and horrified when, recently, I finally came to terms with understanding that based on all the evidence I now currently had, that there were indeed witches in me. And, because of this and because of much we are taught in the church that really is NOT the true Gospel, I believed that Jesus and God the Father were horrified about me, too, and that Jesus and Father would reject those parts in me and wanted to ‘get rid’ of them as much as I did.   But Jesus showed me something that turned my world upside down, and also challenged so many of my beliefs, even as a Christian.   First of all, as I said, Jesus showed me that he was neither surprised, nor unsettled by any of this. He had always known, had always accepted me, and always loved me, regardless.   But then it was like he took me to the Father’s throne. I thought he was going to maybe show me the judgment or the consequences he had in store for all those who partake of the occult, whether in satanism or witchcraft. Instead, this is what the Father said to me, as he looked down on all the witches and satanists:   “Do you know what I see when I look at them? I see little girls and little boys with shattered hearts who are simply trying to somehow get their power back. And they have come to believe this is the only way. What they don’t understand or know is that I freely offer them more power than they could ever conjure or manipulate.” He looked over all the witches and satanists with such compassion and kindness and I could see that his greatest desire was for them to come to know how much he loves and accepts them and wants to heal their hearts and restore their God-given power that had been STOLEN from them. It was not given up of their free will; it was beaten from them, tortured from them, tricked and deceived from them and betrayed from them.   Sadly, both witchcraft and, in some ways, the church had taught me that God rejected me, rejected women, rejected witches and Satanists, and it is those LIES that have held those parts separate from me and from God’s love and grace.   I had believed that God rejects witches and that, since witches were part of me (albeit not by my choice) they were parts of me that I then couldn’t accept. The problem, then, wasn’t so much that there were witches in me, but that ‘I’ (the part of me usually out front), believed the lie that they were unacceptable and worthy of rejection because ‘I’ believed the lie that God rejected and hated them and wanted them destroyed or removed or gotten rid of.   The truth I am coming to know is this: God the Father and Jesus love witches and satanists dearly. When Jesus died on the cross with open arms, he died for everyone – those who love him, those who hate him, those who are deceived.   This is an important point – maybe the most important point I want to make – witchcraft is built on a foundation of rejection, hatred of women, hatred of men, hatred of God but, even sadder, it is founded on the belief that WE are hated and rejected by God. The great antidote to rejection is acceptance, and the antidote to hatred is love. If you come at the foundation of witchcraft with more rejection and hatred, you only add fuel to the fire. And if you believe God rejects them, it gives them a place to stand.   I am starting to see that it is our responsibility, as the Christian front part, to love as Jesus does; to accept the witches in us, with love and kindness and compassion, and without judgment, since they have endured horrible things that have caused them to believe as they do.   I remember a pastor once telling me, “Acceptance is the very BEGINNINGS of love.” I have come to understand this more and more. We cannot genuinely love someone if we do not completely accept WHO they are and WHERE they are in their lives. I believe this means loving without an agenda that the other person changes; without coercion by covert or overt means. Sadly, much of Christian evangelism is based on pretending to love people with the agenda of changing them into people that these Christians can actually love. That’s fake. Nobody likes it and, in a way, it is manipulation which is regarded by the Lord as witchcraft.   We love because, regardless of what our witches believe, we were ALL created in the image of God and when he saw what he made he declared it GOOD. Witches can do evil things (but so can Christians) but though they may believe they ARE evil, they can only DO evil.   Sadly, I’m sure the rejection you experienced in the church probably filtered down to those inside you and further reinforced the lie that they are rejected by God and the church. Nothing could be further from the truth: Jesus loves, accepts, and honors ALL those inside you and does not reject any.   I believe he even sees valuable and praiseworthy characteristics within your witch part. She probably has some knowledge she can help you with, when you are being truly received by those around you with grace and understanding.   I find it interesting that those inside who were, or maybe currently are, involved in witchcraft, react horribly to Christians who are still living or preaching out of the law, but when True Grace is present, their hearts melt inside. You see, they are ANTICIPATING being rejected by God and the church. They are expecting to be misunderstood, and perceived as wrong and attacked. To be in a Christian atmosphere that is still caught up in the law further provokes them, because this is the foundation on which they were created and built. They expect to be told, “This part of you is good: keep it. But this other part, the witch part, is BAD, so stow it away where neither you nor God can see or judge it.” That is not New Testament living.   But I thank my Lord that the truth is true for ALL of us “It is by GRACE we have been saved”. In Jesus, the witch or witches in you have ALREADY been loved, accepted for who they are, and are precious in his sight. They just haven’t, as of yet, come into the faith and understanding of knowing it, because they have been tricked, tortured and brutally betrayed and deceived into NOT believing it! That is why I say please don’t judge her/them. They lived things and endured things that you are not aware of (yet) and “there, but for the Grace of God, go I.”   More and more, I am seeing that the most powerful force in the world is love and it begins with acceptance. I believe if we can come to know how much Jesus loves and accepts them, and then embrace them with that love, and value them in our inner community, it will transform them. We don’t have to cajole them or chastise them or tell them they are wrong. We need to honor them, receive them and listen to them. Believe it or not, I think they have a profound wisdom that, when balanced with the Christian perspective, can be very insightful and valuable.   I hope this didn’t sound preachy or confusing in any way. I can come across as opinionated and maybe even bossy but I think that might be because for me to actually write something down, I need to have a strength of conviction about it. If this is the case, please forgive me. I know you are likely to have many insights that would be helpful to me as well, and that I would love to hear about, if you are able.   Bless you, my dear sister. May the Lord Jesus comfort you and strengthen you on this very difficult journey to love and accept ALL of who you are, even as he loves and accepts you. Not only do I believe that he has special help and provision for those like us, but precious rewards, too.   With love and much admiration for you,   Jan   P.S:  If you are comfortable to read this to your inside witch, I have a message for her, too.   Dearest one who identifies as a witch:   I want to express to you my deep sorrow and regret for all the ways you have felt rejected by and ostracized from the church. I know that must be very painful, as no one likes to be rejected. We all want to be seen and valued for who we are.   I am someone who also has a witch living in me. I have felt the rejection of those in the church and not only has it hurt me, but made me angry, too.   Sadly, both witchcraft, AND sometimes churches, have mistakenly taught me that God rejected me (or more accurately my witch) and that he hated me and would hurt me.   I have come to find out, surprisingly, this is a HUGE LIE.   I am learning that Jesus really does genuinely accept witches for who they are. He loves them and he is highly interested in talking with them and getting to know them. I didn’t know this before! Maybe you didn’t either. I thought he was mad at my witch, but he’s not at all!!! He values her greatly, and values you, too.   Grantley has created this website to try to get this message out, and give those of us who are confused a chance to sort things out. I just want you to know that I accept you as you are and I welcome you to share your heart. You will be respected, and I would love to get to know you better.   With love,   Jan   P.P.S:  Dear and treasured Friend,   It might sound a bit strange to you (or maybe not) but I also wanted to ask if there is a way you could maybe buy something for your inside witch (I feel sad addressing her this way, I wish I knew her name). I have in mind something beautiful and feminine – maybe a pretty flower, or something she might really like – and then tell her it is for her and help her see that she really is a very special part of you. I think you would find that, over time, this might encourage her to share her heart and her hurts with you, and she might even be transformed by your love.   I got my nails done pretty to acknowledge that my alter who is a witch is loved and honored, and that the feminine side of me is a gift from God and is accepted by me. It’s just a little token, but the more I can gain her trust, the stronger we will all be inside.   My prayer over my life and my mind is Jesus’ own prayer. I pray it for you too: May we, as many as we are, be ONE, even as Jesus and the Father (and the Holy Spirit) are one. Sending my love to all those within you,   Jan   Is this Biblical?   God is the most misunderstood and underestimated person in the universe. The mindboggling extent of his compassion and tolerance is such an enormous subject that I have written extensively on it (See the  Staggering Bible Truths  link near the end of this webpage.)   “God so loved  the world ,” says John 3:16 – not just some likable people but  all  of humanity. The infinite compassion and love of the God of the Bible extends to the most despised people on this planet. When God loves, it is with  all  of his heart. The God who asks us to love him with all of our heart, soul, mind and strength is no hypocrite. Likewise, he is no hypocrite who commanded us to love our enemies.   The Lord did not wait until we repented and put our faith in him, but “while we were still sinners, Christ died for us,” (Romans 5:8). “ . . . when we were still powerless, Christ died  for the ungodly  . . . when we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son,” (Romans 5:6,10).   To be godly is the act like God. Wrote the great apostle: “Be imitators of God,” (1 Corinthians 11:1) and “Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ,” (Ephesians 5:1). The One we are expected to model our lives on was continually blasted by the ‘righteous’ for befriending ‘sinners’. He touched and healed the unclean and compassionately set free the demonized. He defended prostitutes and adulterers and befriended tax collectors who, out of greed, became collaborators with the foreign occupying force and extorted taxes from their countrymen for the Romans.   Will you do as the Bible instructs and “Do not repay anyone evil for evil. . . . as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. . . . If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. . . . overcome evil with good” (Romans 12:17-21)? Or will you ‘fight’ evil with hate, self-righteousness and other forms of evil? That is not fighting evil, it surrendering to evil. It is letting evil win by becoming like what you imagine you hate.   Tragically, many of us have an appallingly inflated view of our own ‘righteousness’ relative to someone we despise as lowlife. The emphatic teaching of the Bible is that  none  of us is worthy of God’s grace. Each of us is utterly dependent upon the undeserved mercy of God. Not one of us is more deserving of God’s approval than anyone else. Anyone arrogantly thinking otherwise is in grave spiritual danger.   So what does it mean to be like God? “But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous,” (Matthew 5:44-45).   God loves the people we are strongly tempted to reject as despicable, and he longs for them to avail themselves of Christ’s free gift of cleansing and spiritual union with the holy Lord. And this is taken to an even higher level for the alters of people who have at least one part committed to Jesus.   Philippians 1:6  being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.   Romans 5:9-10  Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God’s wrath through him! For if, when we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life!   Even the great apostle Paul recognized within him things that were utterly opposed to God’s way:   Romans 7:15-24  I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. . . . As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.  . . . For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do – this I keep on doing. . . . For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work w ithin my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?   Instead of despairing, however, he immediately responded with:   Romans 7:25-8:1  Thanks be to God – through Jesus Christ our Lord!  . . . Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.   Another factor worth remembering is that just as little children have diminished responsibility, so do many alters. For insight into this see   How Accountable are People with Multiple Personalities?   For more help and Bible insights regarding loving one’s alters, see   Love One’s Alters? God, the Bible, & Christian Factors In Healing Dissociative Identity Disorder .   For help with loving and assisting alters who seem like your enemy, see   Angry, Nasty, or Terrifying Alters .

Bulimia, Anorexia, Binge Eating, Comfort eating, Compulsive Eating, Etc Help for eating disorders when you have dissociative identity disorder After a very brief description of different types of eating disorders (one of which is seldom mentioned) we will discuss why they are so frequently associated with Dissociative Identity Disorder (D.I.D.). Drawing upon this information, we will then list practical ways of reducing the severity of eating disorders and, eventually, healing them. Types of Eating Disorders To my mind, there are at least four Eating Disorders, the first of which deserves more mention than it commonly receives. Eating certain foods that for medical reasons, such as diabetes or a food allergy or food intolerance, you know your body cannot tolerate. In some cases, this might be a deliberate attempt at self-harm. However, due to such things as a delayed physical reaction, the connection between a certain food and an adverse reaction is not always obvious. Even without multiple personalities, it is therefore not uncommon for the body to crave foods that it cannot tolerate – just as an alcoholic or smoker can crave substances that harm the body. So this type of eating problem can sometimes be more like an addiction than deliberate self-harm. Regularly choosing not to consume the calories that the body needs.   Regularly preventing the body from benefitting from the calories consumed, either through vomiting, over-exercising, or laxative, diuretic or enema misuse. All of these can lead to dehydration as well as malnourishment. Excessive vomiting can cause a wide range of additional health issues, including ruptured esophagus, damaged teeth (decay, enamel erosion), gum disease, scarring of the knuckles (if fingers are used to induce vomiting) and more. Laxative, diuretic or enema misuse have their own set of health implications, in addition to malnourishment. Excessive exercise can lead to such things as body injuries and heatstroke. Binge Eating. The Seriousness of Eating Disorders Eating disorders of any sort are associated with wide-ranging and serious medical complications and can adversely affect virtually every organ in the body. The mortality rate for people with eating disorders is the highest of all psychiatric illnesses, and alarmingly higher than that for people without eating disorders. Why Eating Disorders are so Common with D.I.D. To have Dissociative Identity Disorder makes it almost inevitable that you will have had at least occasional bouts of an Eating Disorder. Regardless of whether you can currently recall this aspect of your childhood, at the heart of Dissociative Identity Disorder is childhood trauma/abuse. Such suffering creates six possible routes to an eating disorder: Reactions to past trauma typically produce on-going stress, such as fear and anxiety which, in turn, can lead to eating disorders.   Another common reaction to abuse is self-loathing, which can also lead to eating disorders. Eating disorders can sometimes be a form of self-harm.   A common form of child abuse is either severe food deprivation or force-feeding or, not uncommonly, a combination of both. This can be yet another route to an eating disorder. There might be, for example, a fear of being punished if one doesn’t eat everything in front of one, or feeling a strong need to eat everything one can find for fear that the next eating opportunity could be days or weeks away.   Some parts (or alters as they are sometimes called – short for alternate personalities) can have had repulsive, non-food items put into their mouths, causing them to refuse to open their mouths to allow anything (including food) to enter their mouths.   Childhood abuse, especially if sexual, can create body image issues, such as wanting to look physically undesirable (sexually unattractive) so as to avoid attention from the opposite sex. Anorexia might be seen by a woman as making her look less sexual, or obesity could be seen as making her look less desirable.   Being abused usually involves suffering things one has no control over. That can leave people desperate to try to always be in control of things. Strictly limiting their calorie intake can cause some such people to feel a strong degree of control, even though in reality they usually find themselves unable to break their habit. One or more of the above is likely to have affected you at some time or another and, since you are reading this page, is probably still a problem. You can heal, however. How D.I.D. Complicates Eating Disorders Eating disorders can go either way – causing one to overindulge or to detest food – and which way this goes can depend on which alter is involved. A common feature of eating disorders with someone with Dissociative Identity Disorder is therefore having some parts who can eat normally, some who seriously under-eat, and some who overindulge. These differences occur because, before they begin to heal, alters keep their memories, fears, feelings and so on largely sealed off from the rest of the person. At certain times in a person’s life these different reactions might balance each other, if alters with different coping methods regularly rotate or those alters most commonly present might have no Eating Disorder. Nevertheless, the ideal remains to eventually reach the point where no alter has a problem with food. As implied by the above paragraph, it is common to have some parts who are highly motivated to do something and yet have one or more others who see no such need, or even want the very opposite. For example, someone might be in serious medical danger due to obesity and be eager have lose weight but have alters who mistakenly believe that lessening their calorie intake would literally starve them. Or someone might be determined to avoid certain foods she/he knows the body cannot tolerate but have certain alters who had no such medical condition as a child and are unaware that things have changed since then and so remain eager to eat those foods. This highlights one of many reasons why information-sharing among alters is so important. It is also a huge factor in people with D.I.D. finding it hard, and sometimes impossible, to break addictions until they help certain alters. This is explained a little more in a link at the end of this page. A further complication is that people with Dissociative Identity Disorder often have one or more parts who have little awareness of their bodies. This is a rather clever technique they taught themselves in order to cope with physical pain associated with abuse. It has its downsides, however. One of the problems flowing from it is a lessened awareness of the damage their eating behavior is causing their bodies. They might, for example, experience stomach cramps through eating badly, but feel no pain, either because they are so disconnected from their body or because they regularly switch to another alter before the pain begins. Moreover, some alters often have little drive to live, and so, even if aware of the damage they are doing to themselves, such alters might have little concern about it. Help for all Forms of Eating Disorder I beg you to realize – and to keep telling yourself so that the message might eventually get through to other parts of you – that no matter how unpleasant things currently are, damaging one’s body through an eating disorder will only magnify one’s pain and problems. Malnourishment (whether through not eating or associated with such things as bulimia) can lead to brittle bones and many painful and distressing physical ailments and even a slow and agonizing death. Overeating, too, can lead to serious health concerns. Additionally, both can also result in hospitalization, which is usually highly triggering for people with Dissociative Identity Disorder. On the other hand, try to avoid scaring any part. Try to give enough information to motivate them to want to eat properly, but with reassurance that they will be fine if they do so and give an indication of how long they have to learn this skill before things get really critical. Of course, not everyone with an Eating Disorder has Dissociative Identity Disorder. Nevertheless, we have seen many ways in which D.I.D. and Eating Disorders are interconnected. That means that, if anyone has both conditions, healing from Dissociative Identity Disorder is critically important for healing from an Eating Disorder. Since healing from D.I.D. is complex and explained in detail in other webpages of mine, I will not attempt to repeat it all here. In this webpage there is only space for minimal information. Reading those other webpages, however, is most important. You are likely to have had occasions when you have been relatively free from a particular Eating Disorder, and some other occasions when controlling that Eating Disorder has been beyond you. In most cases, this is because of changes in the degree of influence that particular alters have over you. At any given time, an alter can be in one of four different positions in your consciousness: In control of your body. This might be thought of as being in the driver’s seat. Like being in the passenger seat, the alter can see everything happening in the outside world but cannot control your body. Unable to see what is currently happening in the outside world but able to communicate with the host and other key alters. So deep inside that the alter is not only oblivious to what is happening in the outside world, but the host and other key alters cannot communicate with her/him. The ideal is for alters to be in position 3, until they heal sufficiently for it to be safe and pleasant for them to be in the passenger or driver position. Ideally, until then, they should be allowed into the more aware positions only when those who have a keen awareness of the outside world know that they are alone, or at least in a situation where it is safe and not upsetting for sensitive alters to see what is currently happening in the outside world. A significant incentive to help alters stay inside is to use your imagination to create in your mind a highly secure, cozy place deep inside where alters feel safe from the outside world. If need be, imagine high walls around the place to increase the feeling of security but fill the inside with fun things and beauty. Being unable to dialogue with key alters is far from ideal. For healing to occur, communication is essential. As I’ve explained in more detail elsewhere, every alter needs healing, not only because it will then be so much better for that particular alter, but every healed alter makes an invaluable on-going contribution to the entire person’s well-being. Having parts that sabotage one’s health and one’s body can be frustrating and even frightening, but please understand that even their most distressing behavior is because they are in deep inner pain, fear, confusion, feel hated by people, and/or have been cut off from vital information that you regard as basic, such as what year it is, that their eating habits are unhealthy, or that your abusers have ceased mistreating you. Your parts are doing their best under appalling circumstances. They need special love, attention and reassurance from you and also to know that it is safe for them to draw close to Jesus. He will treat them in a way that will help them feel loved and special. These parts of you not only deserve your compassion and unconditional love, they will very positively respond to it. In fact, your healing hinges on you befriending them and sharing information with them, such as bringing them up to speed with current reality. Without this, they are locked into needless fear, appallingly low self-esteem, little or no desire to live, little or no awareness of the health implications of their actions, and so on. We can sometimes mistakenly think we are being godly by being harsh with ourselves, or even hating ourselves, but our Lord respects and tenderly, unconditionally loves every part of us. As carefully explained from a biblical perspective in the  Love One’s Alters?  link at the end of this page, it is Christlike to have that same loving, patient, gentle attitude toward your every alter. As mentioned earlier, one of the driving forces behind an eating disorder is sometimes the effect it has on making a person look less physically desirable and so making someone feel safer. This again shows the importance of helping each alter know if they are now safer then they realize. It is very common for alters to have been kept so out of the loop as to not realize that the abuse has stopped and the danger has passed, even though the host might know that it ended decades ago. It hardly takes a genius to realize the value in sharing such reassuring information with alters. The alter most likely sees herself/himself as a child and therefore very vulnerable. (Some alters act tough and old but it is just fear-driven bluff.) Explain to the alter that she/he has been inside for very many more years than she/he realizes. This could be a shock to the alter and, if so, it will take the alter a while to believe it and adjust. Try to gently convince the alter that you are very capable and know how to keep her safe and that you would do anything to protect her/him. Ask the alter her/his age. (Some might be unsure but they should be able to give you at least a vague idea.) Recall what it was like when you were that age and think of all the good things that have happened since, and all the things that make you safer than when you were that age. Then share all this news with the alter. These things will include that the alter now lives in a strong (relative to a child) adult body (make use of a mirror to help confirm this). Explain that you are not only an adult but very experienced at being one and that this gives you special authority and skills and a degree of believability that empowers you to stop people from hurting any part of you. If the abuser is now dead, or is now old and frail, or now lives a long way from you, or you have not seen him for a long time (explain exactly how long), sharing this information will obviously give the alter significant relief. If you are being pressured into hospitalization it is, of course, because people are rightly very concerned about your well-being. These people need to understand, however, that the cause is psychological and that, as important as hospitalization might be from a physical perspective, it is likely to worsen some of the causes of the problem. The confinement and being in a strange environment can trigger fears, flashbacks and all sorts of unpleasant things. Try to explain this as best as you can to anyone suggesting hospitalization. Sadly, in some cases, hospitalization is necessary, but see if there is some program available that will work as an alternative, such as, for example, visiting a day clinic as often as they deem necessary. Some hospital outpatients departments have such a clinic. Even if you want to try it entirely at home, it is important to be guided by a fully trained nutritionist and you might need regular blood tests. Overcoming any Eating Disorder is daunting, and having Dissociative Identity Disorder as well as an Eating Disorder makes it even more challenging. So if you have both, not only do I not look down on you, nor do I merely have compassion for you; I am in awe of you. Not only are you not a failure, you are a complex person who has suffered horrifically – probably more than you currently recall – and for you still to be alive is a monumental testament to your inner strength, courage and resilience. Your battered self-esteem hides this truth from you and the ignorance of most people keeps them from seeing it too, but God sees you as more worthy of honor than you realize. Help with Avoiding Overeating or Eating the Wrong Things If this does not apply to you, feel free to skip to the next section. The last thing I want is to in any way make you feel uncomfortable about your weight. I write simply because your physical well-being is important to me and if I happen to mention something that ends up being helpful to you, I’d be delighted. Whether overeating be an attempt at seeking comfort or a form of self-harm, it will be beneficial to help your parts find healthier, less self-destructive ways of expressing (and hence releasing) their distress. The  Self-Harm Alternatives  link at the end of this page provides many helpful ideas. Physically hiding or locking away all food, or at least those foods that are particularly open to abuse, might prove surprisingly beneficial. This also applies to access to money that might be used to buy inappropriate food or even to car keys that might allow you to travel to places of food temptation. At first thought this seems ridiculous because you know where the food and key is. Having Dissociative Identity Disorder, however, means you could well have certain alters who currently cannot access your memory in order to know where they are hidden. Many people do not realize how peculiar feeling hungry is. We might expect that once we feel hungry, the feeling would keep intensifying until we eventually eat. For most people, it is nothing like that. If you do not eat after feeling hungry, the feeling will fade and might even disappear. The time that the feeling will return, and whether it will be as strong as before, is fairly unpredictable. Knowing that the discomfort associated with not eating will not keep building after initially feeling hungry makes it easier to resist the urge to eat. Another surprising, little known fact is that some people who find dieting – eating less per meal – extremely demanding, can find fasting – consuming no food at all – much easier and almost completely painless. This can work well for some people but can be dangerous for some with health issues, such as diabetes or hypoglycemia. So you should consult a doctor before fasting. Unfortunately, some doctors don’t understand the benefits of fasting and can be needlessly against it but they should at least know from blood tests whether in your case there is a strong medical reason precluding it. I had a time in my life when I would eat breakfast and then have lunch at noon. By about eleven in the morning I would begin to feel hungry and it would grow quite unpleasant until I had lunch. One day, I decided to fast. I had no breakfast, and ate nothing for three days. To my astonishment, for the entire three days I never once felt as hungry as I usually felt before lunch. Subsequent experience proved this is normal for me. I’m told that for many people there is a time after eating when their blood sugar dips below fasting level and then returns. This was probably the reason for feeling hungry before lunch. Interestingly, the very act of writing about how hungry I used to feel before noon, made me feel hungry, and it was a time of day I do not normally feel hungry. This illustrates what a huge role one’s mind plays in all of this, and the fickleness of our sense of being hungry. I pressed on, refusing to eat until a couple of hours later when it is my usual time to eat. That is when I almost always feel hungry, and for good reason, as it is about fifteen hours since last eating. When that time arrived, however, I didn’t feel at all hungry– so much so that I decided not to eat. People’s metabolisms vary considerably. By the end of the third day of fasting, I usually feel physically tired and weak and want to end the fast because of that, not because I feel hungry. Some people, however, feel weak much earlier, and later in their fast they begin to feel strong again. People sometimes think fasting gives them a headache when it turns out that the headache is not from not eating but a product of caffeine withdrawal, due to choosing not to drink coffee while fasting. Researchers asked people to fast a day and then on the next day eat whatever they liked, as often and as much as they wished, and then maintain the cycle of alternating between a day of fasting and a day of indulgence for a while. The researchers found that the overall calorie intake was less than before starting this regime, and the people significantly lost weight. There are a variety of different eating regimes that might possibly work for you. For example, some fast for just two nonconsecutive days a week, eat normally the rest of the week, and find it very effective in weight loss. Exercising has so many proven benefits beyond the obvious one of burning up calories. For example, some research has shown exercising to reduce depression as effectively as anti-depressants – and, of course, without adverse side-effects. Exercise increases one’s metabolic rate, so that even when resting, one is burning up more calories. And even if one remained as overweight, being overweight makes it even more important to counter some of the health risks by exercising. I also suggest you do some research into gut health. This seems to be quite a factor in one’s overall weight. Help When Finding it Hard to Eat Although, from a purely psychological perspective, treating yourself might seem to have advantages, it can also have grave dangers, including permanent disability or death, for underweight people who increase their food intake. At the very least, it is important to seek medical advice and be guided by that as to how strict the medical supervision needs to be. Eating might trigger flashbacks, vomiting or awful physical or emotional feelings. As is obvious in the case of flashbacks or body memories, this is usually because in one’s mind one is taken back to a past traumatic event and the effect can be so powerful that it temporarily seems as though you really are back there. Helping to remind yourself that you are not physically in the abuse situation, but are in a different time and place (often called grounding) can lessen the intensity. Related to this is reducing the points of similarity between the past traumatic event and the current attempt at eating. I will share some ideas that might help. It might stimulate some additional ideas of your own. When you are about to eat, try to find a location that will make it very obvious that you are not back in time, nor in the location where you were once traumatized but that you are in the current year and in a safe, cozy place. Consider the physical appearance of the surroundings where you choose to eat. You might even choose outdoors, if that is very different to the original abuse environment. The presence of a calendar might help reinforce that this is not your childhood years, though it might be less effective for very young parts. A mirror might help remind you of your current age, or perhaps even reveal this for the first time ever to a part who is only beginning to catch up with current reality. The presence of some modern technology might also serve as a reminder that this is not in the past. If the original traumatic experience involved sitting at a table, you might prefer for there to be no table and to sit on a sofa or comfy chair or maybe even stand. You might even consider smell and sound (using, for example, music) to create surrounds that are relaxing and as different as possible from that in which you were traumatized. Is there something about the way you physically get the food into your mouth that would be less like the abuse situation and so less triggering? Could, for example, certain cutlery be upsetting? Since it is likely that someone was present when you were originally abused, it might be that the presence of people would be scary for some parts of you and that eating alone (or at least with them out of sight) is better. Just because you know and feel safe with whoever else is present does not mean that they are not scary strangers to the alter. The downside with going to a clinic is that it might be a rather cold, sterile environment and involve people who, although safe, parts of you might not feel comfortable with. This must be balanced, however, with seriously considering the medical risks of attempting this alone. Even though any treatment regime from health professionals or concerned loved ones is likely to be putting pressure on you to eat, try hard not to feel pressured. To whatever extent you can, try to stay relaxed and happy and to find ways to see eating as a fun, pleasurable activity. Breathing exercises and physical relaxation exercises (such as deliberately relaxing every muscle group in your body) could help. Especially when flashbacks seem likely, try to bring Jesus into the memory. Ask for his help in seeing the original event through his eyes. You will discover that he is so very tender and deeply compassionate toward you, and highly supportive. Additionally, keep reassuring yourself that you are now safe and that you have survived that awful time and that it will never be repeated. Human sensitivities are such that even someone not having a current eating problem is likely to develop an aversion to food if subjected to nausea or upsetting food-related flashbacks while forcing herself/himself to eat. This, of course, applies equally to any alter who previously had no aversion to food. For yet another part of you to develop a problem with eating would magnify your overall eating problems. This presents a serious problem when there is a pressing medical need to eat. As already explained, the ideal is for an alter who reacts adversely to eating to stay inside when you are approaching the time to eat. This will be much more pleasant for that alter and for the rest of the person, and it will make it more likely that your body will be able to benefit from nutrients it desperately needs. In practice, it might be difficult to get the alter to stay inside. For example, as soon as such an alter becomes aware that eating might occur, he or she might panic and think it is necessary to stay out in order to fight eating. The mix of alters who are conscious of what is happening (including, of course, knowing whether you are about to eat) tends to vary somewhat randomly throughout the day and night. You might not be able to predict much in advance as to when that time will be, but as soon as you sense that such a moment has arrived I suggest you seize the opportunity to eat as soon as you can,  provided, of course, it is medically advisable to do so . Eating at regular times might be ideal, but what is more important is consuming needed nutrients, when possible without an alter’s flashbacks, or whatever, turning part of you even more off food. To facilitate this, it is good to have nutritious food readily available. Even the time taken to cook might be all it takes for the alter to come out whom you had been hoping would stay inside. Remember, however, the warning already given about the need for medical advice as to the type, quantity and frequency of food intake.  Having Dissociative Identity Disorder makes this particularly challenging. Although you might be well aware of the guidelines, an alter might suddenly take over who has no such knowledge. The obvious question is how can one help an alter go deep inside at the appropriate time, such as when you are going to eat? Most likely, the alter comes out when he or she senses you are about to eat because the alter feels the need to protect himself/herself from the perceived threat. As already explained, things will improve the more you befriend the alter and gently convince her/him that you can better handle the situation than the alter. If eating disorders seriously threaten health, and one is forced to choose between the two, it is important to give priority to eating, rather than to long term healing of the cause of the problem. Obviously, long term healing is the ideal we should work toward but for that to happen, a person needs to remain alive! Once one’s health is stabilized, one can then slowly tackle issues related to long-term healing. For example, a friend of mine has learned that, rather than dissociate, healing is facilitated by connecting with an alter and feeling her pain. It breaks down barriers between the part most often in charge (sometimes called the host) and alters who are hurting. This allows the hurting parts to connect with the positive things the host has to offer. My friend felt guilty about not wanting to do this with the part who, when faced with food, suffers adverse feelings and flashbacks. I urged her not to feel guilty about this, nor to push herself to the point where it endangers her health. She will eventually benefit from connecting with this alter, but stabilizing her health is more important. If, however, she is able to connect with her alter while timing her contacts with her so that they do not correspond to when it is necessary to eat, that is ideal. To try to calm the alter, my friend encouraged her to draw when she was at the eating disorder clinic. This is good, if the alter cannot be coaxed to go inside at such times, but I urged her to give this alter other opportunities to draw so that drawing at the clinic did not inadvertently act as a further incentive for this alter to be in the fore during times involving eating. Related Pages   Self-Harm Alternatives Love One’s Alters? God, the Bible, & Christian Factors in Healing Dissociative Identity Disorder

(Alters are also called Insiders) Help in Understanding Multiple Personality Disorder (M.P.D.) (M.P.D. is also known as Dissociative Identity Disorder) The following touching account – largely in her own words – is fairly typical of alters’ experiences and as such it will help hosts and counselors better understand alters. It will also help alters feel less alone and is likely to encourage them to reach out to Jesus. Finally, we will examine these experiences in the light of Scripture. In this account, you are privileged to glimpse God, the Father of the fatherless (Psalm 68:5), in the process of healing his shattered daughter. You will see Jesus fathering someone who had not only been tragically starved of genuine parental love, but had been traumatized by having been sexually violated by her father. I told Little One, an alter mentioned below, how privileged alters are to have such wonderful experiences with God. I explained to her that millions of Christians – myself included – never have such experiences, but would dearly love to have one. Later, Little One wrote to me with the sweetness that is typical of alters who have let Jesus relieve their pain: I don’t want anyone to feel bad because they don’t have these times with Jesus. I want everyone to have these times, but Jesus said not everyone can at present. He has to treat people according to what they need to be better people and stronger in his kingdom. His main point was that everyone is different, with different abilities and different needs. Thinking we should all be treated the same would be like expecting that if a mom wore glasses then all of her kids would need them. This could very well happen, but mom having glasses does not automatically make that true for every kid. He also explained that his reason for appearing to alters more than the average person is because people without alters either had the nurturing they needed from a parent or other adult or found a way to cope, whereas we did not. Since we are now adults, we cannot expect people to fill our every longing left over from childhood. Could you imagine anyone sitting on my adult host’s bedside, reading her a bedtime story, cuddling her as she prays, and tucking her in, to meet the needs of the child within her? The only way for these needs to be met so that we who have alters can become the person he wants us to be, is if he meets them for us. I understand this, but I still want everyone to have these times. Jesus said everyone who believes in him will, some day. If they don’t in this life, they will after this life. He promised me that everyone will get to know him and have him as personally as I do now. That made me feel a little better, but I don’t want anyone to be hurt. I can’t wait until my Christian friends get to stand face to face with Jesus and feel his breath-taking embrace. I want so much to see their faces light up with his love. I imagine it is sometimes very hard for those who don’t have it now, as it was for me when I didn’t see him for all those years, but rest assured that if you hang in there, your turn will come. A sexual abuse survivor in her twenties, along with the three alters mentioned below, have kindly let me share the following. I have changed their names to help them feel more secure. Star is an alter who formed at age 9 and believes she is now 11. When she first e-mailed me she was very angry over the abuse she had suffered and she treated other alters badly. Her anger was partly a response to her deep inner pain but she was especially angry at a younger alter, Little One, because she blamed Little One for the horrible abuse Star has suffered. Little One had been molested by her father. She had submitted to it because she had been desperate for her father’s love and this was the only way he would give her any attention. At the time, Little One found the abuse mainly pleasant but she later repented of it and now has a beautiful relationship with Jesus. Star’s anger at Little One was because Little One’s largely pleasant experience had lured Star into having a sexual encounter with another abuser. This encounter had begun by feeling nice but ended up being agonizing and terrifying. Baby is an alter so young that she only recently said her first word – she called Jesus “Daddy.” Communicating mainly by e-mail, Star and I had worked through the anger issues and she was no longer hurting the other alters. To reach this point I had gently tried various things, but merely offering her a sympathetic ear was a significant factor. Throughout my interaction with her I kept mentioning how kind Jesus was and how much he could help her. Star had observed that Little One had a wonderful relationship with God that she, too, would like, but she was frightened that Jesus would reject her. She had seen Little One enjoying times with Jesus but it seemed to Star that Little One got all the attention and she was ignored. I explained how gentle Jesus is and that he was being careful not to frighten her. I assured her that if she spoke to Jesus he would respond. More than just rejection, however, she was terrified that Jesus might molest her. She was frightened of all men, including me. I did my best to affirm that Jesus was safe and perfect and unlike any man, but she was still very scared. She said she did not want to approach Jesus alone. I suggested that she take Little One with her. Soon after, I phoned Star. After some coaxing she agreed that she would meet with Jesus if I would go with her. Thinking it might help her feel more secure, I offered to hold her hand, but she did not want this. Her response came as no surprise, given the fact that I’m a man. Even though it was just by phone and I was literally half a world away, I always respect an alter’s wishes. I always seek to empower alters and I’m encouraged that in every account alters have shared with me about encounters with Jesus, he has taken an identical approach. Despite declining my offer to hold her hand, Star was still willing to proceed. So I simply prayed out loud. Largely for Star’s benefit, but also because I usually fill my prayers with thanks, I thanked Jesus for being so tender, patient, gentle and kind, and then I asked him to come. After a few moments, Star mumbled something about Little One and then said that it was alright for me to end the phone call. I was keen to know how it turned out. Here’s what Star e-mailed me next day about what had happened: Jesus put his hand out for me like you did, but he was okay when I didn’t want to take it. He led me to Little One’s room. She had bunk beds, but they were separated so I could sleep in one. I was really scared and didn’t want Jesus to come near me and he didn’t. Instead, he sat on Little One’s bed and took her in his lap. They cuddled as he read us a story. She hugged him, got into bed, and he tucked her in, kissing her cheek. She was so comfortable with him. I’ve never before seen anyone as gentle as him. Jesus came to me and asked if I wanted him to tuck me in, too, and I let him. He was very careful to not move too quickly with me, or really touch me at all. He asked if he could give me a kiss goodnight. I was scared but told him he could, if it wasn’t near my mouth, so he kissed my forehead. He promised he would be right outside the door if we needed anything and he turned out the lights. I didn’t sleep a lot, but I did some. (Usually, I hardly sleep at all.) I got up a few times and checked to see if he was really outside the door and he was. Sometimes he was sitting against the wall, other times he was up doing things, but he was always within sight of the door. Even with all the work he has, he never left us. He really stayed right there. I don’t understand why he would do that for us. Then this morning, Little One and I got up and we went to see where Jesus was. He was still right there. He asked us what we wanted to do. Little One wanted to play at a place that looked like a park. I sat on the bench and kept to myself, but watched them. Jesus pushed her on the swing and she went really high. Then they played on a thing that had slides, rope bridges, and a cargo net to climb on. She’d run around it and he would try to tag her. She was giggling and laughing. She’d squeal with delight when he got her. Sometimes, he’d catch her and tickle her is the kindest, safest possible way. He had a huge smile on his face. I sat there watching, longing to join in, but I’m still way too scared to ask to play. I’m still too scared to let him touch me. I’m scared if I let him tag me, he may later try to touch me down there. I don’t want to be touched like that anymore. I don’t want to be hurt again. He didn’t really say much to me. He didn’t make me feel bad for being scared and not wanting to play. He just let me be, and then he took us to get ice cream. He let me get a big scoop of whatever kind I wanted. Then he brought us back and he went to take care of some work. He said he will be back tonight to read to Little One and tuck her in. He looked at me and said, “I’d be overjoyed to read to you and tuck you in, too, if you want me to.” I just nodded. I want him to. I liked it. He was so careful with me. I felt really special. He treated me like I was some prized possession and took great care to move slowly. He made me feel good about myself. Maybe I will be able to cuddle with him someday, like Little One. I want to, I just can’t bring myself to do it. Thank you so very much, Grantley, for taking me to him last night. I’m sorry I didn’t want to hold your hand. I’m just really scared. I don’t want to think you would hurt me, but I’m too scared to take that chance. Please don’t be hurt by this. Can I meet with you again sometime? Would you still hold my hand when I am ready? I still want so much to cry. I know I cried a little with you, but I feel like I have a lot more tears in me. Thank you for not laughing at me or making fun of me. You were so kind that if you weren’t on the phone I’d be terrified, wondering what you were wanting to get from me. In Christian fairy tales, people have an encounter with God and thereafter life is bliss. In reality, progress is usually like learning to walk, with tiny achievements mixed with plenty of falls and tears. Each significant advance is later challenged by satanic counter attack, often taking the form of doubts and fears in a full-blooded attempt to lure us back to old thinking patterns and old ways of coping. The next day, Star’s fear of Jesus seemed as intense as ever. I spent about thirty minutes by phone trying to restore her confidence that Jesus was safe. Eventually, she asked if she could take Teddy with her when she met Jesus. I assured her that it would be fine. “Do you think I’m stupid for having a teddy?” she asked. I didn’t. I asked if Teddy had a name and asked what he looked like. I explained how a dear friend of mine has alters who need their dollies. “Why are you so kind?” she asked at one point. “Jesus is in my heart and I feel the love and respect for you that he feels,” I replied. I had no intention of mentioning hand-holding but Star asked if she could hold my hand as we approached Jesus. I agreed and prayed out loud. I assume she saw Jesus because soon she said it was safe for me to hang up the phone. Yes, it is important to show love, share wisdom, explain spiritual truths, and so on, but nothing we can do for an alter – or anyone else – can equal leading them to Jesus. This is critical not just as a one-off salvation experience but for healing, comfort, fellowship, revelation, and so many other needs that we have. The next day, Star’s host was feeling down. I spoke with her for a while and then asked to speak with Star. It turned out that after being with Jesus for a little while she had run away in fear. Now she was afraid that I would be disappointed with her, or maybe even angry with her, for running. I assured Star that I was proud of her for meeting with Jesus despite her fear. I said that courage is a huge factor in healing. Real courage, I explained, is about pushing on despite strong fear and I declared that she was displaying that courage. I am very familiar with how timid alters are and how at first they will often only say a few words to me and then feel the need to withdraw. I assured her that she was making great progress. Then I pointed out that Jesus did not chase her when she ran away. I explained that he wanted her to feel safe and give her whatever space she felt she needed. afterward I discovered that Star had sent me an email that I hadn’t read before the call. Here’s what she had written: I feel like I need to tell you that I ran away from Jesus. Please, don’t be mad at me, but I just couldn’t do it. He was too nice and it overwhelmed me. I already had crippling fear and when he was being so nice to me, I got beyond being able to function, even a little bit. I don’t have words for the feeling, but it was horrible. I hope he will let me come back in a few days. I just can’t do it right now. I know you had been proud of me for trying. I’m sorry for letting you down. Please don’t leave me. Don’t give up on me. I’ll work on it and try real hard. I just need a couple of days to get the courage to do it again. I hope you can understand. I want to ball up in fear. I want to run away from you, too, before you leave me. Mary [Star’s host] says you won’t, but I am scared you will. How can I make all this fear go away? It is more than I can handle. It is crushing me and there is nothing I can do. I keep hearing, “Give it to Jesus,” but I can’t get close enough to him. I’m still too scared of him. I don’t want to live anymore. I can’t stand this. Please, Grantley, don’t leave me yet. Soon after, she e-mailed, saying: I don’t want much to do with Jesus, but I do want to sleep in the room again with him outside. It made me feel a little better and I actually slept some. I replied: You sense that Jesus makes you safer, and he really does protect you. He will never hurt you. A few days later, Little One e-mailed saying: Star is doing great. As you asked, I’ve been talking with her and trying to help her. She is still too scared to meet Jesus directly, but she is getting better. She sleeps in my room almost every night now. She isn’t too scared to smile now when Jesus is around. I’ve seen a couple of smiles start to come out, especially at night when he comes to read and tuck us in. But a big step was the other day when we were playing on the floor and I wanted to go somewhere. Jesus picked me up. Then he put his hand out in her direction. She hesitated, but took his hand. I was so happy for her. I can’t wait until she trusts him. It will be so cool for her. Then Star wrote: How can Little One be so intelligent? She is able to understand really complex stuff, yet she is only three and still does babyish things. She still clings to Jesus and loves being carried by him. She sucks her thumb and clutches a teddy bear almost everywhere she goes. I know I have a bear, too, but I don’t take mine with me when I go somewhere. I replied: Every alter is part of Mary [their host]. You each share not only the same body but the same brain. As alters lose their pain they begin to relax and find that they can access other parts of Mary’s brain instead of needing to restrict themselves just to the memories and knowledge that they had at the time that they were “born.” By this they will suddenly, but very naturally, discover new skills and knowledge. Nevertheless, everyone needs and deserves a good childhood. For years, you missed out on that but now God is giving you and Little One what you missed out on. Just as a little child needs and deserves not merely a month’s worth of hugs etc, but years of them, so does Little One. Star’s e-mail continued: I am starting to like Jesus. He has tucked me in most nights and I even took hold of his hand the other day. I’m still really scared to let him touch me, but I am trying really hard to give him a chance. You keep saying that you are certain he is completely safe. I’m still terrified that he might try to touch me down there. I feel I have to wait until he leaves the room and closes the door before I can even close my eyes, and every time he opens it to check on us, I wake up in fear. I’m really trying to trust. I hope you can still be proud of me. And so, Star’s healing adventure and spiritual pilgrimage continues. How does this Gel with the Bible? Clearly these encounters had deep healing, emotional and spiritual benefits. But how do they line up with the Bible? Consider the following Scriptures: Revelation 10:10 I took the little scroll from the angel’s hand and ate it. It tasted as sweet as honey in my mouth, but when I had eaten it, my stomach turned sour. Acts 10:10-13  . . .he fell into a trance. He saw heaven opened and something like a large sheet being let down to earth by its four corners. It contained all kinds of four-footed animals, as well as reptiles of the earth and birds of the air. Then a voice told him, “Get up, Peter. Kill and eat.” Isaiah 6:6-7 Then one of the seraphs flew to me with a live coal in his hand, which he had taken with tongs from the altar. With it he touched my mouth . . . Which of these biblical visions is less bizarre than Star eating an ice cream? Ezekiel 8:4,8 And there before me was the glory of the God of Israel, as in the vision I had seen in the plain. . . . He said to me, “Son of man, now dig into the wall.” So I dug into the wall and saw a doorway there. Is Ezekiel’s experience more believable than a traumatized girl in the process of returning to normality being calmed in her mind and bonding with her Savior by a vision of playing on a swing? Ezekiel 8:3 He stretched out what looked like a hand and took me by the hair of my head. The Spirit lifted me up between earth and heaven and in visions of God he took me to Jerusalem, to the entrance to the north gate of the inner court, where the idol that provokes to jealousy stood. Is this more normal than Jesus playing tag with a love-starved girl? In this webpage we have seen an aspect of the heart of God that is portrayed in: Psalm 27:10 When my father and my mother forsake me, then the LORD will take me up. Deuteronomy 1:31 and in the desert. There you saw how the LORD your God carried you, as a father carries his son, all the way you went until you reached this place. Isaiah 46:3-4 Listen to me, O house of Jacob, . . . you whom I have upheld since you were conceived, and have carried since your birth. Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you. Psalms 37:24 though he stumble, he will not fall, for the LORD upholds him with his hand. Isaiah 41:13 For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you. Psalms 22:10 From birth I was cast upon you; from my mother’s womb you have been my God. Hosea 11:3-4 It was I who taught Ephraim to walk, taking them by the arms . . . I led them with cords of human kindness, with ties of love; I lifted the yoke from their neck and bent down to feed them. Isaiah 40:11 He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young. Throughout his earthly ministry, Jesus was forever staggering his followers by singling out for special attention those everyone else seemed to despise or ignore – children, gentiles, lepers, beggars, the immoral, the unclean, the luckless losers. In the light of Scripture, it is so typical of him to lavish his tenderness upon alters. I believe alters are so precious to him that it is a great spiritual honor to be used of God to minister to them. Isaiah 57:15 For this is what the high and lofty One says – he who lives forever, whose name is holy: “I live in a high and holy place, but also with him who is contrite and lowly in spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly and to revive the heart of the contrite. . . .” Ezekiel 21:26  . . .The lowly will be exalted and the exalted will be brought low. To Those Not Having Such Encounters in This Life We all are called to live by faith. Even of those extolled as champions in the Hebrews Faith Gallery, it says, “These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised” (Hebrews 11:39). Peter, who could say, “. . . we were eyewitnesses of his majesty. . . . We ourselves heard this voice that came from heaven when we were with him on the sacred mountain” (2 Peter 1:16-18) praised his readers with the words, “Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy (1 Peter 1:8). I am reminded of Thomas who had the chance to physically touch the glorified body of the risen Lord, and yet, instead of declaring him blessed, Jesus said, “Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed” (John 20:29). Most miracles in Scripture occurred only to people in dire need, or called to do scary things. No one receives a healing miracle without first being sick. If anyone on this planet deserves special attention for the healing required merely to reach what the rest of us take for granted, it is alters. Everyone knows that people differ in their natural abilities, and 1 Corinthians 12 reveals that we also differ in our spiritual abilities. Since God is both the Creator of the natural and the supernatural, we can expect him to assign both natural and spiritual gifts to match our calling. It seems feasible that those called to have special ability to see into the spirit world are those most likely to be equipped with the mental powers required to respond to trauma by creating alters. Living in a low rainfall area, I am well aware that water-deprived plants develop deep roots, whereas pampered plants fail in tough times. Too little or too much water will keep plants from their prime, and just how much is best depends on the type of plant and the conditions it will face in the future. God treats each of us as individuals. He knows how to bring the best out of each of us. In telling me about what Jesus revealed to her, Little One wrote: He said that everyone is different and that in Old Testament times, although miracles and personal encounters made some believers very strong, most actually lost faith because of them. They took God for granted and didn’t see a need to keep searching, growing, and learning about him. God reads people’s hearts to see what will benefit them the most. He doesn’t want to do anything that will cause someone to take him for granted, or lessen the craving to draw closer. Some people always want what they can’t have and if he were to appear to them like he does to me, they would have what they had been seeking and would lose interest in chasing after him. I see another factor as well: instead of treating us as clones, or turning us into ones, our Lord nurtures different strengths in different people. People denied sight sharpen senses that remain underdeveloped in those who see. “If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be?” (Corinthians 12:17). The body of Christ needs not only eyes but those who excel in other abilities. Even when I am tempted to feel unloved relative to those granted special experiences, I must grit my teeth and take it by sheer faith that God loves me no less than those I envy. And I must cling to the fact that the One who is perfect in love is also perfect in wisdom and that being denied the things I crave is building a toughness into my character and honing gifts within me such that when all is revealed I’ll marvel with endless gratitude; praising him for all eternity for not pandering to my shortsighted presumption as to what is best for me. For us to be envious of other Christians is like eagles wishing they had the powerful legs of an ostrich, or magnificent peacocks feeling inferior because they cannot fly like geese. We each have a unique calling and we will be rewarded not for how many gifts we have been given but for how faithful we are with what is entrusted to us. The person who has little but is diligent with it, is headed for far more eternal glory than a less diligent person endowed with stunning natural and spiritual gifts. Don’t suppose that athletes with the toughest training regimes are cruelly treated. They are the ones who end up champions. Related Pages Alters Meet Father God About Multiple Personality Disorder: Healing your “Inner Child”

Forgotten Christian Secrets of Prosperity Prosperity Doctrine I admit that for most of my life I have been inspired by the faith-filled message of preachers devoted to Christian prosperity teaching or, as it is sometimes called, prosperity doctrine. Despite any personal bias, however, my goal – and yours – must be to ruthlessly push aside personal preferences and presumptions. No matter how uncomfortable it makes me, I must continually seek to expand my mind and heart to embrace the staggering vastness of God’s full biblical revelation. Will you join me on this journey? Will you stay if it takes some unexpected turns? The Bible says so much about finances that although it is my habit to adorn webpages with quotes from the eternal Word of God, this time I’ll lavish upon you an even higher proportion of the Bible’s priceless treasure. To minimize your reading time I have pruned each quote to make it as short as possible. So although throughout this webpage, bold italics indicate words I particularly want you to note, the other words have been retained only because they, too, are significant to the point I wish you to see. To cut through spiritual deception and blindness to discover eternal truth, it is essential that we get passionately serious with God. So I urge you to make this courageous prayer your own: Precious Father, I need you infinitely more than anything else in the entire universe. You are my joy, my love, my hope. Only you are good and perfect. No one has love and wisdom like you. You have said, “ . . . broad is the road that leads to destruction . . . But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it” (Matthew 7:13-14). You alone offer eternal life. Only you know what awaits me beyond the grave and how I must act to achieve the most good and to maximize my eternal bliss. May I never again be content with a needlessly shallow understanding of spiritual reality. Help me hunger and thirst after righteousness and be rid of all the sin that so easily seduces and deceives; grieving you and robbing me of your best. May I die to self and come alive to you. Give me the courage and determination to pay whatever price it takes to know you and delight you as fully as any human can. Help me break through fears, biases and preconceptions to truly hear from you. We’ll start with a Scripture that unveils what for some Christians has become a forgotten factor in Christian prosperity and financial provision. It seems mundane and yet the Bible emphasizes it because the all-knowing Lord sees it as significant: Psalm 128:2 You will eat the fruit of your labor ; blessings and prosperity will be yours. Did you catch it or did it sneak past you? “You will eat the fruit of your labor . . .” Even with divine blessing, you still have to work. Sadly, many of us are so out of touch with biblical thinking that even the thought of having to physically work for God’s physical blessing seems unspiritual! To confirm that this verse is not some biblical aberration, examine the following: Proverbs 24:33-34 A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest – and poverty will come on you like a bandit and scarcity like an armed man. Proverbs 13:4 The sluggard [the lazy person] craves and gets nothing, but the desires of the diligent [the person who works hard and consistently] are fully satisfied. Proverbs 12:24 Diligent hands will rule, but laziness ends in slave labor. Proverbs 20:4 A sluggard does not plow in season; so at harvest time he looks but finds nothing. Proverbs 23:21 for drunkards and gluttons become poor, and drowsiness clothes them in rags. Consider this Scripture on divine provision: Psalm 104:25-28 There is the sea, vast and spacious, teeming with creatures beyond number – living things both large and small. There the ships go to and fro, and the leviathan, which you formed to frolic there. These all look to you to give them their food at the proper time. When you give it to them, they gather it up ; when you open your hand, they are satisfied with good things. God provides but it still takes effort. The principle applies even to the miraculous provision of manna: Exodus 16:14-18,22,26 When the dew was gone, thin flakes like frost on the ground appeared on the desert floor. When the Israelites saw it, they said to each other, “What is it?” For they did not know what it was. Moses said to them, “It is the bread the LORD has given you to eat. This is what the LORD has commanded: ‘ Each one is to gather as much as he needs . Take an omer for each person you have in your tent.’ ” The Israelites did as they were told; some gathered much, some little. And when they measured it by the omer, he who gathered much did not have too much, and he who gathered little did not have too little. Each one gathered as much as he needed. . . . On the sixth day, they gathered twice as much. Six days you are to gather it, but on the seventh day, the Sabbath, there will not be any. Each Sabbath, no gathering of the manna was permitted because gathering was work. And don’t for a moment imagine that New Testament faith negates this spiritual principle of divine provision requiring work on behalf of the recipients. Read this carefully: 2 Thessalonians 3:6-12 In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, we command you, brothers, to keep away from every brother who is idle and does not live according to the teaching you received from us. For you yourselves know how you ought to follow our example. We were not idle when we were with you, nor did we eat anyone’s food without paying for it. On the contrary, we worked night and day, laboring and toiling so that we would not be a burden to any of you. We did this, not because we do not have the right to such help, but in order to make ourselves a model for you to follow. For even when we were with you, we gave you this rule: “If a man will not work, he shall not eat.” We hear that some among you are idle. They are not busy; they are busybodies. Such people we command and urge in the Lord Jesus Christ to settle down and earn the bread they eat. 1 Corinthians 3:8  . . . each will be rewarded according to his own labor. Colossians 3:22-23 Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything; and do it, not only when their eye is on you and to win their favor, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord. Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart , as working for the Lord, not for men As we will soon see, these Scriptures are but a tiny fraction of the New Testament emphasis on physical work. Faith is not a way of avoiding hard work. What makes God’s blessing different is not how hard we must work but that without God’s blessing our hard work ultimately ends up wasted: Deuteronomy 28:15,38-40 However, if you do not obey the LORD your God and do not carefully follow all his commands . . . all these curses will come upon you and overtake you: . . . You will sow much seed in the field but you will harvest little, because locusts will devour it. You will plant vineyards and cultivate them but you will not drink the wine or gather the grapes, because worms will eat them. You will have olive trees throughout your country but you will not use the oil, because the olives will drop off. P salm 109:2,11 . . . wicked and deceitful . . . may strangers plunder the fruits of his labor. Jeremiah 3:24,25 From our youth shameful gods have consumed the fruits of our fathers’ labor . . . We have sinned against the LORD our God . . . Jeremiah 51:58 This is what the LORD Almighty says: “Babylon’s thick wall will be leveled and her high gates set on fire; the peoples exhaust themselves for nothing, the nations’ labor is only fuel for the flames.” Habakkuk 2:13 Has not the LORD Almighty determined that the people’s labor is only fuel for the fire, that the nations exhaust themselves for nothing? Haggai 1:6-7,9,11 “ . . . You earn wages, only to put them in a purse with holes in it.” This is what the LORD Almighty says: “Give careful thought to your ways. . . . What you brought home, I blew away. Why?” declares the LORD Almighty. “Because of my house, which remains a ruin, while each of you is busy with his own house. . . . I called for a drought on the fields and the mountains . . . and on the labor of your hands.” A soft, lazy life is associated not with God’s blessing but with his displeasure: Matthew 25:26 . . . You wicked, lazy servant! . . . Titus 1:12 . . . Cretans are always liars, evil brutes, lazy gluttons. Hard work is an important aspect of godliness: Ephesians 4:28 He who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with his own hands, that he may have something to share with those in need. Acts 20:34 You yourselves know that these hands of mine have supplied my own needs and the needs of my companions. 1 Corinthians 4:12 We work hard with our own hands. 1 Thessalonians 2:9 Surely you remember, brothers, our toil and hardship; we worked night and day in order not to be a burden to anyone while we preached the gospel of God to you. 1 Thessalonians 4:11 Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we told you Titus 3:14 Our people must learn to devote themselves to doing what is good, in order that they may provide for daily necessities and not live unproductive lives. The Bible’s ideal housewife works so hard that you might need to rest up after merely reading of all she crams into her long day: Proverbs 31:10-27 A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. . . .She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands . She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. She gets up while it is still dark ; she provides food for her family . . . She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night . In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers. She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. . . . She makes coverings for her bed . . . She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes. She is clothed with strength and dignity . . . She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness . Here’s a Scripture addressed to people in houses that not only had no washing machines, but no piped water; an era in which families were large and there was not only no cheap ready-made clothing but not even access to sewing or weaving machines: 1 Timothy 5:13-14 Besides, they get into the habit of being idle and going about from house to house. And not only do they become idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying things they ought not to. So I counsel younger widows to marry, to have children, to manage their homes and to give the enemy no opportunity for slander. In contrast to hardworking wives, Paul writes: 1 Timothy 5:6 But the widow who lives for pleasure is dead even while she lives. Get rich quick dreams and schemes lead not to wealth but to poverty; not to contentment but to an endless craving. They are a curse that promises blessings but ends in regret: Proverbs 20:21 An inheritance quickly gained at the beginning will not be blessed at the end. Proverbs 28:8 He who increases his wealth by exorbitant interest amasses it for another, who will be kind to the poor. Proverbs 28:19-20,22 He who works his land will have abundant food, but the one who chases fantasies will have his fill of poverty . A faithful man will be richly blessed, but one eager to get rich will not go unpunished . A stingy man is eager to get rich and is unaware that poverty awaits him. Proverbs 13:11 Dishonest money dwindles away, but he who gathers money little by little makes it grow. The Second Secret Let’s unpack a second key to financial peace. The Bible emphasizes it and yet, even more than the first, it somehow slips past most of today’s Western Christians. We’ll start with the obvious, however, before moving to the road less travelled: Proverbs 21:17 He who loves pleasure will become poor; whoever loves wine and oil will never be rich. Proverbs 23:4 Do not wear yourself out to get rich; have the wisdom to show restraint. Deuteronomy 5:21 You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife. You shall not set your desire on your neighbor’s house or land, his manservant or maidservant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor. Luke 3:14 Then some soldiers asked him, “And what should we do?” He replied, “Don’t extort money and don’t accuse people falsely – be content with your pay .” 1 Timothy 6:8 But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. No matter how much he earns, anyone is headed for poverty who fails to show restraint but squanders his money on self-indulgence. There are much deeper truths than this, however, associated with being content with less. The great apostle of faith writes: Philippians 4:11-12  . . . for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need , and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry , whether living in plenty or in want It is ironic that the highly popular Scripture, “I can do all things through Christ” (King James Version) refers primarily to what is decidedly unpopular – being content with an empty stomach: Philippians 4:12-13  . . . I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength. It is also ironic – or perhaps disturbing – that Paul mentions his being in want and even hungry just before another oft-cited Scripture: Philippians 4:19 And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus. Actually, Paul refers to going hungry several times in his writings: 1 Corinthians 4:11 To this very hour we go hungry and thirsty, we are in rags, we are brutally treated, we are homeless. 2 Corinthians 6:4-5 Rather, as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses; in beatings, imprisonments and riots; in hard work, sleepless nights and hunger 2 Corinthians 11:27 I have labored and toiled and have often gone without sleep; I have known hunger and thirst and have often gone without food ; I have been cold and naked. He also says of himself and his companions: 2 Corinthians 6:9-10  . . . beaten, and yet not killed; sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor , yet making many rich; having nothing , and yet possessing everything. It is easy to forget that so many early Christians were slaves that: * Philemon was written solely because of a Christian slave * In Titus 2:9 a leader is guided as to how to instruct Christian slaves * 1 Corinthians 7:21-22, 1 Corinthians 12:13, Galatians 3:28, Ephesians 6:5-8, Colossians 3:10-11, Colossians 3:22, and 1 Peter 2:18-25 were specifically addressed to Christian slaves. Not only were slaves poor, they often became slaves as a result of extreme poverty. In fact, to be poor was normal in the early church: 2 Corinthians 8:2 Out of the most severe trial, their overflowing joy and their extreme poverty welled up in rich generosity. Why were the Macedonian churches so generous despite “their extreme poverty”? Because they were giving to Christians who were even poorer: Romans 15:26 For Macedonia and Achaia were pleased to make a contribution for the poor among the saints in Jerusalem. Note that it was not some backwater church that had impoverished members. This was the mighty Jerusalem church of the book of Acts; the church born out of the original Pentecostal outpouring, complete with tongues of fire and astounding miracles. Paul did not regard these Christians in Jerusalem as spiritually inferior because they were deeply impoverished. On the contrary, you’ll see above that even behind their backs he called them saints – God’s holy ones – and rather than supposing that he could rectify the problem by preaching to them about having faith for finances, he went to extremes to collect money for them: Galatians 2:10 All they [the apostles in Jerusalem] asked was that we should continue to remember the poor [among the Jerusalem Christians], the very thing I was eager to do. 1 Corinthians 16:1-2 Now about the collection for God’s people [in Jerusalem]: Do what I told the Galatian churches to do. On the first day of every week, each one of you should set aside a sum of money in keeping with his income, saving it up, so that when I come no collections will have to be made. The inspired apostle considered this so important that in 2 Corinthians he devoted two entire chapters (eight and nine) to urging his readers to give sacrificially to the poor in Jerusalem. Titus and another respected leader were equally enthusiastic about this project: 2 Corinthians 8:17-21 For Titus not only welcomed our appeal, but he is coming to you with much enthusiasm and on his own initiative. And we are sending along with him the brother who is praised by all the churches for his service to the gospel. What is more, he was chosen by the churches to accompany us as we carry the offering, which we administer in order to honor the Lord himself and to show our eagerness to help. We want to avoid any criticism of the way we administer this liberal gift. For we are taking pains to do what is right, not only in the eyes of the Lord but also in the eyes of men. You no doubt know that the whole saga of Paul being arrested, imprisoned for years and finally sent to Rome, began as a result of him insisting on going to Jerusalem (Acts 21:10-14). Did you realize, however, that a key reason why he was in Jerusalem was to deliver the money he had raised for the impoverished Christians there? Romans 15:25-26 Now, however, I am on my way to Jerusalem in the service of the saints there. For Macedonia and Achaia were pleased to make a contribution for the poor among the saints in Jerusalem. Acts 24:17 After an absence of several years, I came to Jerusalem to bring my people gifts for the poor and to present offerings. And it was not just the Macedonian and the Jerusalem Christians who were poor. Of the church in Smyrna, the risen Lord said: Revelation 2:9 I know your afflictions and your poverty . . . Most of the people James wrote to were clearly poor: James 2:2-5 Suppose a man comes into your meeting wearing a gold ring and fine clothes, and a poor man in shabby clothes also comes in. If you show special attention to the man wearing fine clothes . . . have you not discriminated among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts?  . . . Has not God chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith . . . ? Yes, “rich in faith” but still poor – and the context eliminates any chance of “poor” referring to something other than material poverty. By the way, how many of us are so poor that we regard wearing a gold ring (a wedding ring, for example) as a sign of wealth? Here’s a hint at the extent of their poverty: James 2:15-16 Suppose a [Christian] brother or sister is without clothes and daily food . If one of you says to him, “Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? We noted Paul seeing the impoverished Christians in Jerusalem as needing practical help, not faith teaching, to counter their poverty. Now we see from the above quote that James likewise saw the poor among the Christians as not needing preaching or spiritual words to escape their poverty but material help. Our Lord can send us soaring on spiritual highs and thrilling faith adventures but he is also disturbingly practical: James 1:27 Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction . . . If our religion moves us merely to climb on our soapboxes, we are nothing but clanging cymbals (1 Corinthians 13:1). If we stop at spouting doctrine or merely trying to look “holy,” rather than rolling up our sleeves and/or emptying our pockets, we are probably fake. Paul bursts false spirituality with the ease of a pin through a balloon. The following could hardly be worded any stronger: 1 Timothy 5:8 If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. Of course, Jesus was the master at shattering the hypocrisy that religion inevitably attracts. For example: Matthew 15:3-6 Jesus replied, “And why do you break the command of God for the sake of your tradition? For God said, ‘Honor your father and mother’ and ‘Anyone who curses his father or mother must be put to death.’ But you say that if a man says to his father or mother, ‘Whatever help you might otherwise have received from me is a gift devoted to God,’ he is not to ‘honor his father’ with it. Thus you nullify the word of God for the sake of your tradition.” Our Lord expects far more from us than just prayer and preaching. Look at what Scripture puts side by side: Hebrews 13:15-16 Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise – the fruit of lips that confess his name. And do not forget to do good and to share with others , for with such sacrifices God is pleased. God sees the highest spiritual worship and the most practical physical help as belonging together. It is as vital that they be interconnected as it is for a car’s engine and wheels to interconnect. Anyone trying to divide them is like the Priest and Levite in Jesus’ parable of the Good Samaritan (Luke 10:30-32). We love to rip the following out of context: 2 Corinthians 9:8-11 And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need , you will abound in every good work. As it is written: “He [the righteous person] has scattered abroad his gifts to the poor; his righteousness endures forever.” Now he who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will also supply and increase your store of seed and will enlarge the harvest of your righteousness. You will be made rich in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion . . . Before getting too carried away with expounding these verses, we need to realize that this is in the middle of Paul’s efforts to raise money for the material needs of Christians who, despite their faith, were so poor that they needed a handout. 2 Corinthians 9:12 This service that you perform is not only supplying the needs of God’s people but is also overflowing in many expressions of thanks to God [that is, the receivers will be exceedingly grateful because they need this financial help]. It is to our shame if we see dollar signs when reading “You will be made rich in every way.” Let’s glance at that passage again, noting how much the spiritual riches predominate: 2 Corinthians 9:8-11 And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work . As it is written: “He [the righteous person] has scattered abroad his gifts to the poor; his righteousness endures forever.” Now he who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will also supply and increase your store of seed and will enlarge the harvest of your righteousness . You will be made rich in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion  . . . We noted how James wrote of being rich, not materially, but “rich in faith.” Jesus, too, spoke of spiritual riches: Luke 12:21 This is how it will be with anyone who stores up things for himself but is not rich toward God. To the church in Smyrna, Jesus said that although they were materially poor, they were rich (Revelation 2:9). And Paul spoke about being “rich in good deeds” (1 Timothy 6:18). Although it is less obvious in some English versions, Paul speaks similarly in this long passage about giving: 2 Corinthians 8:7 But just as you excel [many versions say “abound”] in everything – in faith, in speech, in knowledge, in complete earnestness and in your love for us – see that you also excel [or abound] in this grace of giving. The word here translated “excel” refers to having an abundance. The Bible sometimes applies this Greek word materially and other times spiritually. For example, Paul used this same Greek word when he wrote “I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty [many versions say ‘abound’]” (Philippians 4:12). So here Paul is talking about abounding or being rich in faith, love, generosity and so on. As confirmed over and over in his writings, Paul’s heart is clearly for spiritual riches, not material riches. Just a couple of chapters earlier in 2 Corinthians he spoke of he and his companions being “poor [materially], yet making many rich [spiritually]; having nothing [materially], and yet possessing everything [spiritually]” (2 Corinthians 6:10). It is vital that we crave a spiritual, not a material, abundance. It is this that must captivate our imagination and fill our waking moments. Supernatural Joy Let me share one of my favorite verses. It highlights just how supernatural Paul’s walk with God was. In the same letter in which Paul lists all the torture he had suffered, he writes: 2 Corinthians 7:4  . . . in all our troubles my joy knows no bounds. What makes that verse so exciting is that if Paul could so dramatically tap into the heart of God, so can we – if, like him, we pay the price. Face it: for someone living a soft life to be joyful is hardly a powerful witness to the reality of God, relative to Paul’s testimony of being content while hungry. He knew the truth of this Scripture: Psalms 4:7 You [God] have filled my heart with greater joy than when their grain and new wine abound. Psalms 63:4-6,8 I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands. My soul will be satisfied as with [not “with” but “as with”] the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you. . . . I think of you through the watches of the night. . . . My soul clings to you . . . Let’s drill deeper into Paul’s declaration of contentment: Philippians 4:12  . . . I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation . . . This contentment, says Paul, is something he had to learn . It did not magically fall into his lap. Like learning to walk, we can expect reaching this degree of contentment to take deliberate, prolonged effort. Paul’s contentment hinged on his spiritual union with Christ: Philippians 4:12-13  . . . I have learned the secret of being content . . . whether . . . hungry . . . or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength . For this level of contentment we must discover how to draw deeply from our relationship with God: Hebrews 13:5 Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” If such contentment were something that automatically comes upon Christians, not only would Paul have not had to learn it, there would have been no need for this instruction. This contentment is something that one has to work at. One has to deliberately stir oneself up to delight in God. Habakkuk 3:17-18 Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior. Job 1:21 [After losing all his children and all his possessions, Job] said: “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will depart. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised.” Deuteronomy 12:18  . . . you are to rejoice before the LORD your God in everything you put your hand to. Psalm 34:1  . . . I will extol the LORD at all times; his praise will always be on my lips. Philippians 4:4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! The fulfilment that comes from rejoicing in God empowers us to put into practice such Scriptures as: Romans 5:2-3  . . . And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings . . . James 1:2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds. 1 Peter 4:13 But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed. An important aspect of finding contentment is to foster a spirit of thankfulness. There is much truth in the old hymn “Count your blessings . . . and it will surprise you what the Lord has done.” Ephesians 5:20 always giving thanks to God the Father for everything , in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. Colossians 1:10-12  . . . growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father  . . . Colossians 2:6-7 So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness . 1 Thessalonians 5:18 give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. A thankful person is a happy person. An envious person torments himself with needless misery. Our fallen nature is such that we find it easier to be grumpy about what we don’t have than to be grateful for what we have. To rise above this degradation is a continual challenge. The more we praise God, however, the more he will praise us. Will we choose to delight in what God has given us or grizzle about what he has not given us? This is a far more serious matter than many of us realize: Numbers 11:4-6,10,18-20,33-34  . . . the Israelites started wailing and said, “If only we had meat to eat! We remember the fish we ate in Egypt at no cost – also the cucumbers, melons, leeks, onions and garlic. But now we have lost our appetite; we never see anything but this manna!”  . . . Moses heard the people of every family wailing, each at the entrance to his tent. The LORD became exceedingly angry . . . ‘Tell the people:  . . . “Now the LORD will give you meat, and you will eat it. . . . for a whole month – until it comes out of your nostrils and you loathe it . . .” ’  . . . All that day and night and all the next day the people went out and gathered quail. . . . But while the meat was still between their teeth and before it could be consumed, the anger of the LORD burned against the people, and he struck them with a severe plague. Therefore the place was named Kibroth Hattaavah, because there they buried the people who had craved other food. God’s provision was both miraculous and ample. It delighted them for a while but, instead of continuing to be grateful for God’s provision, they began to grumble. Those back in Egypt might not have had the miracle, but they had a greater variety. The Israelites’ griping initially seemed to pay off: they were granted their wish. Don’t be envious of those who seem more blessed of God, however, until you see the long-term result. Sometimes you have to wait decades or even until after death before it becomes obvious, but in this case they did not have to wait long to discover that being granted their wish was a curse. Soon their belly aching literally became a belly ache – and it turned deadly. The New Testament emphasizes the importance of this incident for us living under the covenant of grace: 1 Corinthians 10:1,4-6, 10-12 For I do not want you to be ignorant of the fact, brothers, that our forefathers were all under the cloud and that they all passed through the sea . . . and drank the same spiritual drink . . . Nevertheless, God was not pleased with most of them; their bodies were scattered over the desert. Now these things occurred as examples to keep us from setting our hearts on evil things as they did. . . . And do not grumble, as some of them did – and were killed by the destroying angel. These things happened to them as examples and were written down as warnings for us, on whom the fulfilment of the ages has come. So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall! So we are to be grateful for God’s provision, even when it is less than what we crave. On the other hand, it is important not to think God is stingy and/or settle for less than God’s best. For the biblical balance we need look no further than this: Philippians 4:6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving , present your requests to God. Here is one of the great killers of the joy that thankfulness brings: it is hard to be thankful for things we think we deserve. What I am about to expound is not intended to depress but to open our eyes to spiritual reality and release us into the joy that springs from gratefulness. If you were healed of an illness, your degree of gratefulness would depend on your understanding of the seriousness of the illness. Likewise, our appreciation of what Christ did for us by his death hinges on how much we understand the horror that his sacrifice has saved us from. Never in my life have I got what I deserved. If people knew every detail of my life, I think most would say I have lived a very moral life. But that means less than a character reference from the world’s greatest con-artist. Like you, I have confirmed over and over again that I deserve nothing less than an eternity in hell. Any moment I’m not in the same torment as the rich man who begged that the beggar “dip the tip of his finger in water and cool my tongue, because I am in agony in this fire,” (Luke 16:24) is yet another moment in which I am not getting what I deserve. For any of us to think ourselves better than someone else is to teeter on spiritual suicide: Luke 18:11-14 The Pharisee stood up and prayed about himself: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other men – robbers, evildoers, adulterers – or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.' But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’          I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. . . . Here’s another sobering Scripture that not many frame and hang on their wall: Luke 17:9-10 Would he thank the servant because he did what he was told to do? So you also, when you have done everything you were told to do, should say, ‘We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty.’ No matter how much we do for God we could never work our way out of hell, let alone deserve a reward. For where I live – in an average city in the western world – my income and possessions are way below average. The millions who have so much more might be no better than me but I am no better than the billions of people who have much less than me. I’m told that in the world as a whole: * Rural areas account for three in every four people suffering from malnutrition, and yet even among urban dwellers one out of three (approximately a billion people) live in slum conditions. * Every night over a billion people go to bed hungry. * Three billion people have no drinkable water within a kilometer (over half a mile) of their homes, and 865 million people have no access at all to safe drinking water. * 2.5 billion people are forced to burn wood, charcoal or animal dung for cooking. The resulting indoor pollution kills 4,000 people a day. * Nearly a billion people are unable to read a book or sign their names. * In India, a typical “middle class” person earns $2,500 a year and lives in a tiny brick house with no running water. Yes, that’s considered middle class, not poor. A pirate is said to have felt so bad about having killed a man that he could not sleep properly for days. Nevertheless, he kept killing and reached the point where he could murder someone, use the corpse as a pillow and sleep soundly all night. We have been surrounded by wrongdoing and personally engaged in it so much that we have become as hardened to our own forms of evil as that pirate and we have a grossly inflated view of ourselves. In stark contrast to us, the Judge of all humanity – the Lord of heaven who keeps our heart beating and seals our eternal fate – sees nothing through sin-clouded eyes. The perfection of his holiness renders him terrifyingly righteous in his judgments. Heaven would lose its perfection if the slightest trace of selfishness or any other “minor” sin were introduced to it. Heaven would end up corrupted like earth. God’s righteous assessment is so flawlessly accurate that the minimum standard he sets for anyone to be worthy of heaven is absolute perfection, not just occasionally, but for the person’s entire life from birth onwards. We so much recoil from the truth of our depravity that we rarely contemplate the implications of the reality that we were born the product of a long line of evildoers, all of whom, except for the mercy of God, should have been annihilated long before having the chance to reproduce. But God’s mercy allowed them to breed, with the devastating result that they passed on to their offspring a genetic predisposition to wrongdoing. We entered this world not with the pristine holiness without which no one can see God – much less have spiritual union with him. Instead we entered life with sin’s corruption in our very genes, which we confirmed by deliberately sinning the moment we were old enough to know what we were doing. The wages of just one sin is death and yet we have sinned far too many times for us to even count. Given our defiled nature, we should have been wiped out like vermin the instant we were conceived but, instead of giving us what we deserve, God in Christ endured the torment of the cross so that he could shower us with his love. We must resist the tendency to let the intoxicating foolishness of pride delude us as to who we are, without the utterly undeserved mercy of God. Let us not, like spoilt brats, take Christ’s enormous sacrifice for granted. It is mind-bogglingly true that, through Christ, God has highly exalted us – and in other webpages I emphasize this – but it is entirely God’s grace and has never been remotely our right or what we deserve. Those who dare take Christ’s hand and plunge deeply into this truth will reach levels of joy and contentment that others know nothing of. Each of us has more for which to be thankful than our finite minds can conceive. Finding Joy Let’s look further at the early Christians’ source of joy and its relationship to possessions: Hebrews 10:34 You . . . joyfully accepted the confiscation of your property . . . How could they do that? The answer is in the rest of the verse: Hebrews 10:34  . . . because you knew that you yourselves had better and lasting possessions. They achieved this by putting into practice this important spiritual principle: 2 Corinthians 4:18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. Colossians 3:1-2  . . . set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. Rather than distract us from our earthly mission, fixing our sights on heaven empowers us to make the necessary sacrifices to successfully complete our earthly mission. It makes us like top athletes who sacrifice so much because they are focused on the honor of winning: 1 Corinthians 9:25-27 Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize. Put another way: 2 Timothy 2:3-4 Endure hardship with us like a good soldier of Christ Jesus. No one serving as a soldier gets involved in civilian affairs . . . Frontline soldiers sleep rough, eat rations and face constant hardship without expecting to be thanked for it. They do not wear fashionable clothes or engage in their own pursuits. The only ones living a soft life are shame-faced deserters. Likewise, elite athletes regularly embrace pain and voluntarily deny themselves ease and pleasures that most other people indulge in. They do not complain because their hope is fixed on the glory of winning. Tragically, so many athletes sacrifice enormously without ever achieving the worldly fame and titles they had striven for. And even the winners gain so little, relative to spiritual achievers. In contrast to athletes, you can “Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain” (1 Corinthians 15:58) and your reward is endless and totally eclipses any sacrifice you could ever make: Romans 8:18 I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. 2 Corinthians 4:17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. Those who live as if earthly comfort is their reward are to be pitied. Like couch potatoes squandering their lives, those living the soft life miss the excitement and achievement and fulfilment of extending themselves to the max. They are two-time losers: despite their ease they get so little out of life on earth and in addition they miss their heavenly reward. Romans 8:17 Now if we are children, then we are heirs – heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory . We are not in heaven yet. That simple fact changes everything. We are on a relatively short but critical special assignment to planet Earth, just as the eternal Son of God once was. As Jesus sacrificed everything to rescue us, so we, despite our Christ-bought status, must have the same attitude while we are on this needy planet: Philippians 2:5-8 Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death – even death on a cross! Christians looking for a soft life in this age are like firefighters partying while houses go up in flames. Like want-to-be athletes who think they can avoid the rigor and austerity of training, they will make a laughing stock of themselves on the Big Day. Now that we have had a glimpse at how profoundly setting our “minds on things above” (Colossians 3:2) empowers our earthly pilgrimage, let’s return to that passage. We dare not pluck it from its context because the next verse is critical. It reveals the driving force in keeping one’s mind fixed on heavenly things: Colossians 3:3 For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. Through spiritual union with their crucified Lord and a deliberate daily dying to self they had crucified their flesh with its spiritually cancerous lusts for sensual pleasure and material possessions. Luke 9:23 Then he said to them all: “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.” Romans 6:5-6 If we have been united with him like this in his death, we will certainly also be united with him in his resurrection. For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin. Romans 8:13 For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live. Romans 13:14 Rather, clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the sinful nature. 2 Corinthians 5:15 And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again. Galatians 5:24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Galatians 6:14 May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world. Philippians 3:8 What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ For most of my life, pursuing happiness has been of little or no interest to me. Like a soldier at war, I find the notion ridiculous. To be honest, not even heavenly reward matters to me. The thought of disappointing God horrifies me, however. That would break my heart. I’d do anything to avoid that. I’ve tried to analyze what makes me tick so that I could explain myself to you, but I guess my attitude is simply a consequence of dying to self. God, not me, is the love of my life. I live for him, not me. In my case, what brought this to a head was accepting God’s challenge to live a lonely, celibate life for his greater glory. I found the torment of being single so unbearable that for much of my life, had I been seeking my own comfort, I would have eagerly chosen suicide. For me, remaining unmarried seemed the greatest sacrifice I could ever make. For Abraham, the divinely ordained sacrifice was leaving home to wander as an alien in a foreign country and, later, resolutely preparing to sacrifice his “only” son (Genesis 22:2). For Old Testament prophets, it was embracing unpopularity to life-threatening extremes. For you, God will probably put his finger on something else. Despite our individual differences as to what most challenges God as our greatest love, however, all of us must die to self in order to live for God: Luke 9:24 For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it. John 12:25 The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. Acts 20:24 However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me . . . Death to self sounds brutal and yet to many of us this seems even worse: Mark 10: 17,21  . . . “Good teacher,” he asked, “ what must I do to inherit eternal life? ” . . . Jesus looked at him and loved him. “One thing you lack,” he said. “Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.” Luke 12:33-34 Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will not be exhausted, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Luke 14:33 In the same way, any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple. Luke 16:9 I tell you, use worldly wealth to gain friends for yourselves, so that when it is gone, you will be welcomed into eternal dwellings. Luke 18:28 Peter said to him, “We have left all we had to follow you!” Luke 19:8-9 But Zacchaeus stood up and said to the Lord, “Look, Lord! Here and now I give half of my possessions to the poor, and if I have cheated anybody out of anything, I will pay back four times the amount.” Jesus said to him, “Today salvation has come to this house . . .” Matthew 6:19 Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth . . . This terrifies us because we live under the delusion that money can be relied on. God’s Word seeks to torpedo this dangerous fallacy: Job 27:19 He lies down wealthy, but will do so no more; when he opens his eyes, all is gone. Psalms 39:6 Man is a mere phantom as he goes to and fro: He bustles about, but only in vain; he heaps up wealth, not knowing who will get it. Proverbs 23:5 Cast but a glance at riches, and they are gone, for they will surely sprout wings and fly off to the sky like an eagle. Proverbs 27: 24  . . . riches do not endure forever . . . 1 Timothy 6:17 Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain , but to put their hope in God . . . James 1:10-11 But the one who is rich should take pride in his low position, because he will pass away like a wild flower. For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich man will fade away even while he goes about his business. James 4:13-14 Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. We are even enticed to suppose that riches offer more security than Almighty God who sacrificed everything so that we might live eternally. Psalms 62:10  . . . though your riches increase, do not set your heart on them. Luke 12:29-31 And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well. Even the more spiritual of us are repeatedly tempted to hedge our bets by trying to put our faith and our delight in both God and money. This is no more an option, however, than reaching the moon while staying on earth: Luke 16:13-15 “No servant can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money .” The Pharisees, who loved money, heard all this and were sneering at Jesus. He said to them, “You are the ones who justify yourselves in the eyes of men, but God knows your hearts. What is highly valued among men is detestable in God’s sight. Mark 10:23-25  . . . “How hard it is for the rich to enter the kingdom of God!” The disciples were amazed at his words. But Jesus said again, “Children, how hard it is to enter the kingdom of God! It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.” To want both God and money as your security and source of joy is like being in the foolish and highly dangerous situation of wanting to be saved but being too scared to leave your sinking boat in order to board the rescue ship. Does the following shock you? Job 31:24,25,28 If I have put my trust in gold or said to pure gold, ‘You are my security,’ if I have rejoiced over my great wealth . . . then these also would be sins to be judged, for I would have been unfaithful to God on high. That’s worth reading a second time. Here are other Scriptures affirming this truth: Psalms 49:5-6  . . . wicked deceivers surround me – those who trust in their wealth and boast of their great riches Psalms 52:5-7 Surely God will bring you down to everlasting ruin . . . The righteous will see and fear; they will laugh at him, saying, “Here now is the man who did not make God his stronghold but trusted in his great wealth and grew strong by destroying others!” Jeremiah 48:7 Since you trust in your deeds and riches, you too will be taken captive . . . God provides the initially startling revelation that greed is idolatry: Ephesians 5:5 For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person – such a man is an idolater – has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God. Colossians 3:5 Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: . . . evil desires and greed, which is idolatry . To keep wanting more and more material things is to dethrone God in our hearts. It is to strip him from being our Savior and Protector and Joy, and instead worshiping whatever objects we covet, foolishly hoping that they will end up giving us more security and lasting fulfillment than the Almighty Lord whose love never fails. Here’s a similar Scripture about dethroning God: Philippians 3:18-19 For, as I have often told you before and now say again even with tears, many live as enemies of the cross of Christ. Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach , and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is on earthly things. That is the fate of those who set their minds not on things above, but on earthly things. It is such a grave matter that Paul here refers to them as “enemies of the cross of Christ” whose “destiny is destruction.” Likewise, Ephesians 5:5 (quoted above) emphasizes that no greedy person “has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ”. God’s Word keeps repeating this terrifying truth: 1 Corinthians 5:11  . . . you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy , . . . With such a man do not even eat. 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither . . . idolaters nor . . . nor thieves nor the greedy will inherit the kingdom of God. Galatians 5:19-21 The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: . . . selfish ambition . . . envy . . . and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. Without exception, all of us end up being ruled by whatever we most love. What matters is not what we say we most love but what we really love most. Unless our greatest love is the eternal Lord of glory, who alone is all-powerful and perfect in goodness and wisdom and self-sacrificing love, what we serve is inferior, with the result that our efforts are not just wasted on the inferior but our whole lives end up inferior. And since only God is eternal, any efforts not devoted to him end up squandered on things that are decaying. Isaiah 55:2 Why spend money  . . . and your labor on what does not satisfy? . . . 1 John 2:15-17 Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world – the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does – comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away , but the man who does the will of God lives forever. Faith is about putting all our eggs in one basket: Matthew 13:44-46 “The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field. Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it. In the magnificent parable just cited, the delighted discoverer did not reluctantly part with his goods but “in his joy ” sold everything. He could barely contain his excitement because he recognized the vastly superior value of what he would gain. All this planet’s riches combined are as dirt compared with having as your best friend the Almighty Lord, the endless source of perfect love, wisdom and everything good, beautiful and lasting. He totally eclipses everything anyone could ever wish for. To sacrifice everything for him is no sacrifice but simply the best investment anyone could ever make. This is why the Hebrew Christians responded joyfully to the confiscation of their property and why we read: Acts 5:40-41 They called the apostles in and had them flogged. . . . The apostles left the Sanhedrin, rejoicing because they had been counted worthy of suffering disgrace for the Name. We have all heard of insurance fraud in which people happily see their life’s work burn to the ground because the insurance money is worth more to them than their loss. Each of us is loved so extravagantly that everything we desire is divinely over-insured. We can lose nothing for the sake of Christ without being so lavishly over-compensated that every temporary loss – no matter how initially painful – is reason for wild celebration. Matthew 5:11-12 Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad , because great is your reward in heaven . . . Romans 8:17-18 Now if we are children, then we are heirs – heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory. I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. 2 Corinthians 4:17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. Anyone not learning to be content with whatever he has (or does not have) is in grave danger not only of enslaving himself to debt but of becoming an addict, with an endless craving eating away at his soul; pathetically driven by the mirage that if only he had a little more he could at last be happy. Proverbs 22:7  . . . the borrower is servant to the lender. Ecclesiastes 5:10 Whoever loves money never has money enough; whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with his income. . . . Isaiah 56:11 They are dogs with mighty appetites; they never have enough . . . . In the parable of the sower, among the things that can destroy a person spiritually, Jesus mentions: Mark 4:19  . . . the deceitfulness of wealth and the desires for other things . . . Consumerism is a tragically appropriate name: it consumes whoever it gets its claws into. Lusting after objects – or whatever one imagines money might buy – gnaws away at one’s soul, leaving each victim a hollowed out shell of a person. 1 Timothy 6:9 People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction. Once the lie enters our heart that having a few more things will bring us happiness, we quickly degenerate. The devastating result is more pathetic than a hungry donkey reducing itself to a laughing stock by ignoring plainer food to keep chasing a carrot dangled in front of its nose until it collapses in exhaustion and hunger. The tragedy is that people waste not just a few days or even their entire lives chasing an illusion but end up ruined for all eternity. When visitors from affluent countries meet people in the third world living in hovels made of scraps of plastic, cardboard and tin, they often express amazement that these people seem just as happy as those who have so much more. We seldom pause to consider that Jesus himself was homeless and expected the same of his followers: Luke 9:58 As they were walking along the road, a man said to him, “I will follow you wherever you go.” Jesus replied, “Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.” Most of us – even those who claim that the spiritual is much more important – are so pitifully addicted to materialism that we are like junkies continually fantasizing about the next fix, unable to conceive of how anyone could be happy without this enslaving habit. Jesus zeros in on the folly of someone who supposes he has finally arrived at the happiness he imagines prosperity provides: Luke 12:16-22  . . . The ground of a certain rich man produced a good crop. He thought to himself, . . . ‘This is what I’ll do. I will tear down my barns and build bigger ones, and there I will store all my grain and my goods. And I’ll say to myself, “You have plenty of good things laid up for many years. Take life easy; eat, drink and be merry.” But God said to him, ‘You fool! This very night your life will be demanded from you. Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself?’        This is how it will be with anyone who stores up things for himself but is not rich toward God.        Then Jesus said to his disciples: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes.” Let me put it this way: When hopes of wealth fill your dreams And you think that to be rich is to be blessed; When you bow in prayer for get-rich schemes And bet your life on the guess That money will buy an end to regret And insures against all fears, And you think that to live is to get and get – The glitter will fade, tarnished by tears, And the craving to get turns to regret; The hoped-for blessing becomes a curse. In the end, still as a stone and equally cold, You’ll lie in a hearse With no room for your gold And headed for things that can only get worse. You Have Not, Because You Ask Not Here’s a Scripture that is so tempting to sever from its context: James 4:2  . . . You do not have, because you do not ask God. Don’t you love that? Here’s our chance to get more and more – or is it? It certainly is possible to miss out simply because lack of faith in God’s willingness to provide keeps us from asking God. That’s a danger we need to avoid. That’s not the thrust of this Scripture, however. There’s a more sinister trap far more likely to ensnare Christians living in affluent countries. Let’s read more: James 4:2-3 You want something but don’t get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures. By, “You kill,” James had in mind the perspective that moved John to say: 1 John 3:15 Anyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life in him. Near the beginning of his epistle, James said we cannot expect answered prayer if we waver in faith (James 1:5-8) but he was referring to asking for something highly spiritual – godly wisdom (James 1:5; 3:13,17). Trying to entice God to answer prayers to foster our selfishness, however, is such a lost cause that, rather than suggest more faith, James denounces the practice. He continues his tirade against praying for wrong things or with wrong motives: James 4:4 You adulterous people, don’t you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. The next verse, as translated in the King James Version and the New International Version, initially seems strange: James 4:5 Or do you think Scripture says without reason that the spirit he caused to live in us envies intensely? This translation is reminiscent of what Paul says: Romans 1:28-29 Furthermore, since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, he gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what ought not to be done. They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy , murder, strife, deceit and malice. Interpreted in this light, James is saying that we are all subject to an intense urge to envy. How true that is! Our natural tendency is to slide into the pit of regretting what we don’t have, rather than rejoicing in what we have. Give Joe Average a hundred million dollars and he’d be over the moon with excitement about how rich and blessed he is. Then give ten billion dollars to hundreds of people around him and it will not be long before, regardless of his millions, he is feeling deprived. Despite our natural predisposition to be driven by envy, however, James immediately continues to explain that through Christ we can live in victory over this insidious temptation: James 4:6-7 But he gives us more grace.  . . . Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Had you realized that the famous Scripture, “Resist the devil, and he will flee from you,” though applicable to other situations, was actually referring to resisting the temptation to envy (verse 5) and to overcoming the temptation to pray “with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures” (verse 3)? Few of us pause long enough to realize that this famous quote is referring to resisting the devil’s enticement to use prayer to try to manipulate God into giving us things that end up not being in our best interest spiritually. The attraction of devilish practices such as witchcraft is that they seem to offer supernatural help in feeding selfish desires. The devil does not display our Heavenly Father’s reluctance to grant us things that end up hurting and enslaving us. There is nothing wrong with having favorite Scriptures. Sometimes we can even take verses out of context and the result still be true. To avoid distorting God’s revelation, however, it is likely that the verses we have not underlined are the ones we most need. Christians are typically well aware that lack of faith often hinders Jesus’ longing to miraculously meet our physical needs: Matthew 13:58 And he did not do many miracles there because of their lack of faith. The equally serious, but seldom recognized, hindrance to God pampering us with material possessions, however, is the human tendency to push aside the true God and instead worship money, pleasure and/or ease, and ruin our lives by making them our god. We see the divine dilemma exposed when Jesus fed the multitude. This was no treat to titillate the taste buds. The situation was so serious that some were in danger of fainting on the long walk home (Mark 8:3). Moved by compassion, he who denied himself bread in the wilderness miraculously provided for these people but – as God’s longing to meet our physical needs often does – it backfired. John 6:14-15,26-27,34-35,49-51,66 After the people saw the miraculous sign that Jesus did, they began to say, “Surely this is the Prophet who is to come into the world.” Jesus, knowing that they intended to come and make him king by force, withdrew again to a mountain by himself.            Jesus answered, “I tell you the truth, you are looking for me, not because you saw miraculous signs but because you ate the loaves and had your fill. Do not work for food that spoils, but for food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you. . . . “            “Sir,” they said, “from now on give us this bread.” Then Jesus declared, “I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty. . . . Your forefathers ate the manna in the desert, yet they died. But here is the bread that comes down from heaven, which a man may eat and not die. I am the living bread that came down from heaven. If anyone eats of this bread, he will live forever. . . .”  From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him. In contrast to some preachers, Jesus withdrew, rather than let people seek God for the wrong reasons and he ended up making it so hard for them that those with materialistic motives left him. We, too, are in danger of degrading God by worshipping him as a Cash Cow instead of honoring him as the Holy One whose passion is righteousness and selflessness. Too many of us break God’s heart by putting him in a no-win situation: if God lovingly refuses to indulge our greed, we resent him; if he gives us what we clamor for, we destroy ourselves by becoming infatuated with the temporal rather than the eternal. God is generous. He longs to shower his gifts upon us, but our sinfulness and spiritual immaturity often stymies him. And even if we could be trusted with wealth, those we seek to bring to the Lord could see what we have and be fooled into thinking they are heading for a pleasant eternity when they are not saved at all but have merely “come to God” for material gain. Jesus kept warning would-be followers to count the cost, but today’s tragedy is that some Christian leaders have abandoned Jesus’ method because lowering the price of following Jesus swells the number of fans who will throw money in their direction. The terrifying thing, however, is that the price is not theirs to lower. They are like salesmen who astound everyone by their number of sales, when it is yet to be revealed that they have infuriated their boss by criminally selling his goods at way below cost price. They have sold their souls to temporary fame and fortune and – far worse – seduced others into following them to spiritual ruin. Without exaggeration, the most sadistic of all crimes is to let people feel assured of salvation when they are not in spiritual union with the Holy One. It means they are headed for endless torment without the slightest inkling that they still need to be saved. Blissfully ignorant of the eternal disaster awaiting them, they have been conned into building their house on sand. The Terrifying Side of God’s Love Anyone very familiar with my vast website will know I go to enormous lengths to emphasize God’s gentleness, love for each of us and his eagerness to forgive us “seventy times seven” Nevertheless, there are alarming, inescapable consequences of God’s holy love. If everything about humanity’s Judge is driven by sacrificial love, then he will judge us by that standard – i.e. by how much we have acted in sacrificial love: 1 John 3:14,16-17 We know that we have passed from death to life, because we love our brothers. Anyone who does not love remains in death . . . . This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? 1 John 4:16,20-5:1 And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. . . . If anyone says, “I love God,” yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother. Everyone who believes that Jesus is the Christ is born of God, and everyone who loves the father loves his child as well. If love is so fundamental to God that Scripture declares “God is love,” then he passionately loves and yearns to defend not just you, but everyone you have ever hurt by your sin, selfishness or neglect. The Infinite Lord’s mind-boggling love provokes him to mind-boggling wrath against anyone who hurts us or lets us suffer through their greed, selfishness, neglect or whatever. 2 Thessalonians 1:6-7 God is just: He will pay back trouble to those who trouble you and give relief to you who are troubled, and to us as well. This will happen when the Lord Jesus is revealed from heaven in blazing fire with his powerful angels. A perfect judge must be utterly impartial, however, and there is no limit to our Judge’s love – i.e. he loves those we despise with the same “insane” abandonment that he loves us. So unless we genuinely repent of hurting others, he is compelled to focus on us that same wrath and yearning to execute justice that he longs to pour out on those who have mistreated us. Since humanity’s Judge loves everyone, we expose ourselves to his judgment if ever we hurt someone through greed or we leave someone to suffer through our lack of generosity with the resources God has entrusted to us. This is why Jesus said such things as: Matthew 5:20 For I tell you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Pharisees and the teachers of the law, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 25:32,41-46 All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats.  . . . Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’      They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’      He will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’ Then they will go away to eternal punishment . . . Mark 10:17,22  . . . “Good teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?”  he said to him, “You still lack one thing. Sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.” Luke 10:25 On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. “Teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?”      What is written in the Law?” he replied. “How do you read it?”      He answered: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”      “You have answered correctly,” Jesus replied. “Do this and you will live.”      But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?”      In reply Jesus said: “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he fell into the hands of robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, took him to an inn and took care of him. The next day he took out two silver coins and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’ “Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?”      The expert in the law replied, “The one who had mercy on him.”      Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.” God’s entire purpose for our lives is that we become like his Son, whose love for God and for humanity compelled him to sacrifice all. For example: Romans 8:28-29 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose . For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son , that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. 2 Corinthians 3:18 And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory . . . Ephesians 4:22,24  . . . put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires  . . . and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. Philippians 2:5-84 Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death – even death on a cross! Read this prayerfully: 1 John 4:16-17  . . . God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him . Blast from the Past A reader of this webpage kindly drew my attention to this insightful 1786 quote from John Wesley, the famous leader of what is variously called the Great Awakening, the Evangelical Revival or the Weslyan Revival: I have seen that wherever riches have increased, with but few exceptions, the essence of religion, the mind that was in Christ, has decreased in the same proportion. Therefore, I do not see how it is possible, in the nature of things, for any revival of true religion to continue long. For religion must necessarily produce both industry and frugality; and these cannot but produce riches. But as riches increase, so will pride, anger, and love of the world in all its forms. . . . Is there no way to prevent this continual decline of genuine religion? We ought not to forbid people to be diligent and frugal. We must exhort all Christians to gain all they can, and to save all they can [I think the context is clear that by this Wesley meant not frivolously squandering the money]. But to do so is, in effect, to urge them to grow rich! So how can we avoid letting our money send us to hell? There is one way, and only one, under heaven. If those who “gain all they can,” and “save all they can,” will likewise “give all they can;” then, the more they gain, the more they will grow in grace. More We are over half way through our exploration of the Bible’s teaching on finances. The final section begins by exposing tithing legalism and fallacies; explaining how the tithe is often overemphasized and misrepresented in today’s churches. We will then move on to discussing God’s provision. Please continue by reading The Tithing Trap.

(Alters are also called Insiders) Help in Healing From Multiple Personality Disorder (M.P.D.) (M.P.D. is also known as Dissociative Identity Disorder) The following is by a friend I’ll call Ashley who is healing from Dissociative Identity Disorder (D.I.D.). Also known as Multiple Personality Disorder (M.P.D.), Dissociative Identity Disorder is a method of coping with the consequences of severe childhood trauma that is more common and less obvious than most people realize. Most of us have met – or could even be friends with – far more people with D.I.D. than we suppose. Many people with Dissociative Identity Disorder are themselves oblivious to it. Ashley is delighted to share her story with you because she herself has been helped by the webpages about D.I.D. on this website and to be granted the privilege of helping other people with D.I.D. transforms her own past suffering so that she can no longer see it as a useless waste but as something that empowers her to help other people. Being able to share with others exalts her from being a victim to being a pioneer, blazing a trail to freedom and fulfillment for others to follow. Most of what Ashley shares focuses on two of her alters’ encounters with Father God – someone they had previously been afraid of. (Alters are also known as insiders or parts. They are parts of a person that, as a way of quarantining the person from traumatic memories and experiences, had at one stage somewhat isolated themselves from the rest of the person.) No one in the universe is so slandered and misunderstood by so many people as God is. The mere fact that he allows it shows how kind, gentle, patient, selfless and forgiving he is. For so many astounding reasons, God is the best friend anyone could ever have. One of the greatest dilemmas that alters often face, however, is that they desperately need God and yet they are terrified that he might physically abuse them. Often their fear stems from them having been abused by a male. It is a well-established psychological fact that fear spreads from the specific thing that originally hurt a person to other things that have only a superficial similarity to the original source of distress. For example, if a little child received a painful snakebite, the child is likely to end up not just frightened of that specific snake, nor even that specific species of snake. In fact the child might end up feeling uneasy even about eels and large worms. Nevertheless, regarding God as male becomes a huge healing advantage once an alter feels safe with him. It will, for example, help counter a needless fear of non-abusive men. Another significant reason for many alters fearing God is that abusers, being anti-God, lie about him. Some abusers try to increase their illusion of authority and respectability by deceitfully claiming that God approves of them. Such lies create a highly perverse view of God for the alters of little children who innocently believe whatever older people tell them. Other abusers are so opposed to Christianity that they deliberately try to get their victims to hate Jesus. For example, some get an accomplice to use a false beard and Middle Eastern clothes to disguise themselves as Jesus and then torture children who are too young or traumatized to see through the deceit. On the other hand, alters need God because he alone is totally safe, available 24/7, will never get sick, burn out or die, thoroughly knows and understands absolutely everything the person has suffered and always knows the perfect way to communicate and help the person. Miracles are a cinch for him. Alters of little children are highly vulnerable, being easily deceived and lacking caution like normal children and sometimes needing help with bathroom difficulties and so on, while having a sexually mature body that might tempt a male or female counselor or friend. God alone is beyond temptation. And only he can fill the unfillable holes within a terrified, love-starved person. Ashley was inspired by accounts on this website of other people’s alters’ encounters with God. She admits that until reading them she had resisted such experiences, thinking they might be fake. She has now proved for herself, however, that alters are not only capable of genuine and profoundly significant experiences with God, such encounters are actually a key to emotional and spiritual healing. Sit back and enjoy what Ashley has to share. Grantley Morris NetBurst.Net For a long time, I was scared to even think that I might have Dissociative Identity Disorder, but I’m so happy now. God knew that I was too afraid to admit it, and he would give me mental pictures of himself interacting tenderly with my alters and healing their excruciating pain. I’m so glad he didn’t give up. I am learning that if I offer my alters love and affirmation, they are the most precious people in the world. My self-talk had always been horribly negative, and now I see that I had heaped years of abuse on these people inside of me who didn’t deserve it. I have now discovered that when I offer them affirmation and encouragement, I feel the benefits in my own mind and body. The more I love and cherish and allow these beautiful selves to flourish, the more God is able to work in each of us and make us whole. Before getting to the heart of what I have to share I would like to briefly share something about the sections of this website that describe gaining of abilities through healing from D.I.D. (For example, see The Positive Benefits of Befriending Every Alter. ) All my life, writing has been very important for me, but I haven’t been able to write fiction, as though there were a block whenever I tried. This began to change as God unlocked my repressed and hidden parts and emotions. Last year, I wrote a novel in one month. It was picked up for publication almost immediately in a very miraculous set of circumstances. It is stocked by major booksellers and now I’m nearly finished with my second novel. I truly believe that if I had never opened the door for healing, I would never have been able to do these things that are becoming more and more important in my life (and increasingly feel like part of God’s ultimate calling for me). It makes me see how high the stakes are with healing. That doesn’t frighten me; it just encourages me that God isn’t going to give up, because the journey we’re on has a goal that goes beyond just feeling better (as important as that is). It’s a journey that produces fruit that impacts our lives and the world in very practical and meaningful ways as well. Two of my alters are very excited and want to share an experience with you. They are too shy to write themselves, so I am writing for them. One of them is 4-6 years old, I believe, and the other is around 12-15 years old. The younger has been getting to know Jesus for a while now and likes him a lot. I have only recently become aware of the older one. She bore the brunt of my horrendously painful pre-teen and early teenage years. Not too long ago, she started to voice her intense anger and extreme fear and shame. Listening to her has helped a little bit, but she remained very hopeless and sometimes suicidal because of her deep craving to be touched. She believed this desire could never be met and she wanted to be rid of it because she felt it made her weak. Her feelings of isolation and alienation were overwhelmingly intense, and she genuinely believed that she would never feel truly safe or cared for. I used to self-harm, and I now believe it was because that was the only way that she ever felt touched by anything. Last night, both alters were with Jesus. The older had been coming with the younger for a while, though she would not participate as much. Suddenly my little alter asked Jesus if he would take her to meet God the Father. This surprised me because they have both been apprehensive about him. I have always felt myself held back when I interact with God the Father, as if some alters were not participating. Jesus was delighted, and took the little one’s hand and brought her to Father God. I don’t claim, as an adult host, to have any idea how this works, but it’s a beautiful mystery that we thank him for. Even more surprisingly, Jesus and I asked the older alter to come as well, and she did, though she was extremely scared. My younger alter enjoyed Father God greatly and felt very happy with him. She especially liked that he treated her like a little girl, because she has struggled so much with feeling like she has to do everything for me, including adult tasks that are far too difficult. He played with her and held her and made her feel very special. After this my older alter agreed to approach him. She often doesn’t like to stay around to communicate, so it was surprising for her to even be willing to stay so long, let alone meet God. I think watching him with her sister alter made her feel more confident. The Father called her to come close, and when she did, he knelt down in front of her and put his arms around her. He helped her rest her head on his shoulder, and he held her for a long time. He spoke to her, using a form of her name that no one but him has ever used before. His love was completely beyond anything I can even hope to express. I have been blessed to feel God’s love many times, but this eclipsed by thousands of times every other experience I’ve had. My alter felt like she was being hugged – but a hug that was amplified a million times. It was completely overwhelming in a wonderful way. Afterward, we cried because we were so happy, which is very unusual. Today this alter has been completely different than ever before. She is crazy about the Father now and can’t believe that when she prays, he keeps calling her to come again. She’s happy – something that has never happened before. For the first time, she feels really loved, and that love is tangible – something that actually touches her. She also feels safe, because she realizes love that vast and that strong cannot help but be protective. Perhaps the best part of all is that she feels deeply connected to God, no longer isolated in her terror and pain. Both of these alters thought they knew God the Father, but through this experience, they came to know someone who is completely different from who they thought he was. Even their wildest dreams (and mine) didn’t approach how loving and accepting and tender he is, while being strong enough to take care of us, too. We used to read in Grantley’s webpages about Jesus’ and his Father’s tenderness toward other alters and cry because we felt like we would never know that kind of love, but now we have it. I would like to add a subsequent conversation my alters had with God. It involves the same two alters. Jesus’ responses appear in a different color. Sometimes it seemed that one alter was speaking for the other or for both, but most of what is said seemed to concern the older alter. The two alters are separate, but I can’t always tell which one is speaking, since they are very close, and they seem to take turns speaking for each other. I learned a great deal from this conversation, the main thing being that Jesus is much better at speaking to my alters than I am. I can offer love and support, but with his love and his understanding of exactly what she needed, he was able to totally reverse the negative track my older alter had been on. He also helped her to sleep. This was something really wonderful that I haven’t experienced before. My alter began: Jesus, we’re so frightened inside. Why is it that when the Father is nice to us, we lose sight of how nice you are? We have been loving you a long time now, but we can’t see that any more, and we’re scared of you and the fact that you look like a man and that you can hurt us. Love scares us because it has been used against us. We know your love is different because Ashley says so, but it’s confusing and hard and we don’t know what to do. We want to want you, but when we see you now, it scares us so much. It’s like all we can see now is the Father, but we know you are the same. But how are you the same? We are scared of being too close to someone who is bigger than us and can do things to us. We like remaining distant because it keeps us safe. Please help us to come back to you and let you hold us. We’re so scared of being close to you. Jesus replied: My children, you are my precious ones. Come close to me, and I will soothe your pain and heal your hurting hearts. Your fear is not from me. It is from the Evil One who wants to keep us apart. The Evil One is not in you. Do not be afraid of that. He’s outside you, but he wants you to think he’s in you and part of you. He’s not. You have me, and I’m all you need. I and my Father are one with the Holy Spirit. All three of us love and care for you in special ways, my princesses. You are dear and tender and deeply loved and cared for.   Jesus, I do not feel safe and protected.   Little One, come close to me, and I will hold and protect you.   I don’t believe you. What if you hurt me?   I will never hurt you.   What about when bad things happen?   I will shield you in my presence and comfort you with my warm love to soothe your heart. I will hug you.   I don’t want your hugs. You’re a liar.   Satan is a liar. He’s the one who makes you feel afraid. I am the one who gives you comfort and love.   Love is scary. It hurts.   Real love is never scary. It’s only good.   What if you need to discipline us?   I am your Daddy. I won’t scare you. Ever. I will help, not hurt. I don’t want to break you. I want to heal you.   We don’t want to be healed.   You don’t want to hurt. Healing is the opposite of hurting.   How do you know? You haven’t hurt this way, have you?   On the cross, I felt the same kind of pain you’re experiencing now, and I know its every depth.   I’m sorry. I don’t want anyone to feel that way. It’s terrible.   I am glad I felt that way. It means I know how you feel, and I feel it with you.   Do you really? Ashley doesn’t believe that.   I know she doesn’t, but it’s true. You can help believe it for her and help her.   I am not good at believing things.   I will help you if you let me. I want to help you have faith.   Okay . . . will you cuddle me?   Of course I will, sweetheart. Come and crawl into my lap and let me snuggle you in my arms. That’s the best place for you to be.   The alter climbed into Jesus’ lap.   Thank you. This is nice.   It’s nice for me, too. I love to hold my little girls. I missed you when you didn’t come to me, and I waited for the day you would know how much I love you.   Do you mean that?   Of course I mean it. I have always meant it, every time I said it. I will never lie to you about anything.   It seems too wonderful to be true. Grantley says our time with Father God will be made into a webpage soon. Are you okay with that?   I’m very proud of you for sharing when I wanted you to.   It was a little scary, but we were very excited.   I know. It made me happy to see you so excited.   I don’t think I have ever been that excited before. It was nice.   I liked it, too. You lit up like a Christmas tree.   Will you stay with us for Christmas? We don’t always like it when there are extra people around and things are stressful.   Of course. You can come to me any time and stay in my arms when you need to, and I will hold you close.   Papa, you know that we don’t feel okay with ----- [a family member was named]. That is hard to talk about. It scares me very much.   Let me help you. I am proud of you for coming to me about this. Don’t worry. I am already helping you, even if it doesn’t feel like it yet. You are on a journey. It is steep and long, but we will get there soon, and you will be so happy.   I don’t want to trust you with that. I love you, but I don’t like trusting anyone. It’s easier to trust myself and it feels safer.   Jesus gently touched the alter in a comforting, respectful way.   Thank you, Jesus. I feel better now. I feel like I can trust you more when you hold me.   That’s because you see how real I am, and you are starting to know my goodness. I am very proud of you.   How can you like someone so stupid?   You’re not stupid.   I always feel stupid. I make Ashley feel stupid. She doesn’t like me.   She loves you, and I love you. You don’t need to be afraid of making mistakes. They don’t make you stupid; they make you human. I’m the only one who was ever perfect, and you wear my perfection like a dress.   But other people can’t see it. They just see the mess I am.   Do you think Ashley is a mess?   No. She’s okay. She’s an adult and everything now.   You look just like her, you know, since you’re in her.   But I’m the stupid part.   You don’t have a stupid part. You’re all intelligent and capable, the way I made you.   I don’t want to believe you, but you’re Jesus, and you don’t lie.   Good logic, Sweetheart.   Ashley likes logic.   I know. I made her that way.   I like logic, too. It makes sense.   I make sense. I will whisper the meaning of things to you if you will stay close and let me. I know everything, and I can give you the knowledge you want.   You would do that?   Definitely. I will be your teacher.   The alter snuggled into Jesus and sighed happily.   You are very good.   Thank you. I love to be good to you, my precious one.   I used to be so angry, but now I’m only angry sometimes. Thank you for helping me.   You don’t need to be angry anymore because you’re safe. You don’t need anger to protect you.   No, I have you to protect me, and that doesn’t hurt like the anger does. It makes us feel powerful, but then we feel like we’re dying.   You were never meant to take care of yourselves that way. You thought you needed a big anger to give you big protection.   But it didn’t make us feel safe. It just made us scared inside.   I can take care of you without hurting you, if you’ll let me.   I’m scared, and that makes me more scared. Our parents used to punish us for being scared.   That was very wrong of them. I will never do that to you, my child.   Are you sure? It seemed very real.   It’s not real any more. Ashley will hold you now and not get upset if you’re scared, and I will comfort you.   I feel bad when I’m scared, like a bad person.   You’re not a bad person, Child.   Is it a sin to be scared?   It’s a natural reaction that is a result of sin in this world, but feelings are not sins. I will help you deal with it and get rid of it. I know it hurts.   I feel like you don’t care when I hurt. I know you do because Ashley knows, and we know the same things, but it’s hard.   I’m very proud of you for realizing that you and Ashley have the same mind. She’s very proud of you, too. I know you don’t feel like I care all the time yet, but let me keep holding you more and more, and you will. I’m not angry with you   You didn’t want me to hurt?   I didn’t want you to hurt then, and I don’t want you to hurt now.   I feel like I deserved to be hurt, because I’m very bad.   You’re my little girl, and I say you’re good. What do you say to that?   It feels like a hug when you say that. I like it.   I like it, too. It makes me happy to make you happy.   Thank you, Jesus. You are a good Daddy to all of us, though we don’t all know it yet. There are more of us, aren’t there?   Yes, there are more, but don’t be worried or afraid. We will find them together and heal them.   I’d like that. I don’t want them to hurt.   Neither does Ashley. She will help us, and you will all be whole in my love.   Your love is so protective and nice.   Jesus smiled.   Jesus? Yes, Lovely?   Will you hold us while we sleep? We hate sleeping alone. It’s so scary. Please don’t say no.   I won’t say no. Of course you can sleep close to me. I will cuddle you all night long, if you want me too.   Are you sure? That seems like too much, like we shouldn’t have that much.   I have more than enough, my child. Come and see.   Okay.   The alter laid down in Jesus’ lap and enjoyed resting while Jesus smiled at her.   Jesus, are we going to marry ----- [person’s name deleted]?   Yes, my child, you are going to marry him.   That scares us a little bit.   I know, and that’s why I told you early, so you could be ready and not afraid when it’s time.   I don’t know if I like him.   That’s okay. There’s plenty of time. Don’t worry about it. Let me take care of it, and you go to sleep. Let me cuddle you and take away your cares for the night.   I don’t know if that’s possible.   It’s possible with me. I love you, and I want you to sleep peacefully.   I’d like that.   The alter leaned on Jesus and tried to let go of worries. Jesus held her close.   You’re so nice. Ashley said you were this nice, but I didn’t believe her.   Jesus kissed the top of the alter’s head and calmed her so that she could sleep.   I’m getting sleepy. I like doing it this way.   Me, too. Now sleep and let me take care of things for you.   Okay.   The alter went to sleep.   I didn’t realize how it would feel to have Jesus help an alter sleep. I felt calmer than I have in ages, possibly since I can even remember. Usually, this alter just leaves. It’s not peaceful – more like quietness without peace. This was different. She was quiet, but literally at rest, which is amazing for us both.    Comment by Grantley Ashley has shared her experience because she is convinced that you can have equally significant encounters with God. God is in an entirely different category to anyone else. There is no one so tender, compassionate, understanding and patient. He believes in you. He is so wrapped up in your well-being that your pain hurts him. Jesus would not only willingly swap places with you, he did precisely that when he, the totally innocent, eternal Lord let himself be tortured to death on the cross. He yearns to help, support and encourage you. You are of such incomprehensible importance to God that you not only mean as much to him as Ashley and her alters, there is no one in the entire universe that means more to him than you. Tragically, it is exceedingly difficult for you to grasp this if key people in your life have mistreated you during your most impressionable years. Just as fear spreads like a cancer beyond the specific, so does our impression of how people regard us. God is not even human and yet if key humans in our lives do not respect us, we lose our grip on rational thought and fear that God must be as fickle as humans. Throwing logic to the wind, we needlessly worry that the perfect, forgiving infinite Lord must think about us like those who broke God’s heart and his laws by mistreating us. I have poured my life into a series of webpages exposing this mistaken view and proving that you are of infinite importance and irreplaceable in God’s eyes. See How Much does God Love Me? Receiving a Personal Revelation of God’s Love for You. I beg you to keep reading those pages until you are convinced that God is devoted to you and longs to bless you and to speak tenderly into every part of you. Related Pages Help When You Are Afraid of God

Fear of God or Fearing Jesus Stops Healing Of Physical, Mental, or Sexual Abuse and/or Dissociative Identity Disorder This webpage is for everyone, even though it is of particular relevance to all abuse survivors, whether child abuse, sexual abuse or domestic abuse . If you have suffered abuse and do not have multiple personalities (Dissociative Identity Disorder) , part of you probably fears that God is like your abuser, without you being very conscious of that fear. Having alters (different “personalities”) merely reveals more directly the hidden, hurting part of you. It is appallingly common for people to use the word love when they really mean the exact opposite. They mean lust – a selfish longing to exploit a person. For them, “love” is getting what they want. In contrast, true love is generously giving what the other person wants. It is respecting people and wanting their happiness above one’s own. Genuine love is so beautiful and so rare that it seems almost unbelievable, especially when so many of us have only ever seen the fake. Some child abusers even claim it is an act of love to beat their children senseless, but here’s the truth: “Love is patient, love is kind . . . it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. . . . It always protects, always trusts . . . (1 Corinthians 13:4-7). Having God in one’s life produces “. . . patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, . . . gentleness and self-control” (Galatians 5:22-23). Arrogant self-righteousness deeply grieves the God who “made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant” (Philippians 2:7) and would not so much as break what everyone else regards as a good-for-nothing bruised reed, or snuff out a smelly, smoldering wick (Matthew 12:20). We tend to think that since God is holy and all-powerful he must be cold, harsh, intolerant and scary, but God is not only holy; he is pure, selfless love, like we have never seen in a human. This means he longs to respect you, honor you, believe in you, and exalt you. That can seem too good to be true, but God is so good that he is in a totally different category to anyone else. “No one is good – except God alone,” said Jesus (Mark 10:18). God wants to be on your side as your defender and to shower you with blessings. He so passionately yearns to be your best friend that he has gone to the greatest imaginable extreme to make it possible. This is why the eternal Son of God left heaven’s throne to be abused, humiliated and tortured to death. By swapping places with you, the Lord’s holy requirements can be met, freeing him to treat you as he would treat his favorite – his one and only holy child, the Lord Jesus. Yes, God will treat you as his favorite! The Perfect One is the exact opposite of an abuser. Despite all his power, he chooses to be ever so gentle and treat you with dignity. So, regardless of his intense ache to lavish you with his blessings and be your best friend and confidant and defender, he restrains himself, waiting for you to let him. Even though the exalted Son of God suffered beyond words for you, he will allow all that agony to go to waste, rather than force his goodness and total cleansing upon you against your will. Once you allow Jesus into your life, however, the one thing hindering the Holy One from getting close to you – unforgiven sin – disappears. He who knows your worst secrets, the Judge of all humanity, joyfully declares you innocent and would defend your innocence to the death. In fact, Jesus has literally done just that. Once you accept Jesus’ forgiveness, the most powerful person in the universe is free to be to you what he yearns to be – as warm, safe and comforting as a teddy bear. As proved by Jesus’ sacrifice, he would take the bullet for you. He is on your side and fights your battles. He feels your pain. He weeps for you. He is an oasis in the desert; a soft, cuddly blanket to snuggle into on a chilly night; the best and most exciting friend anyone could ever have. God and his angels are not the only spiritual beings. There are also evil spiritual beings – Satan and his angels. These evil beings not only inspired those who have hurt you, they are intent on hindering every Christian’s relationship with God. Being evil, they play dirty and specialize in deception and in exploiting any hurt or wound within us. They delight not only in initiating evil, but in trying to fool us into blaming God for their dirty work. The enemy of our souls is the master deceiver because that is all he can do. The devil cannot change reality. He cannot change the fact that God is selflessly devoted to you with all of his unlimited love and that Christ suffered for the sins of the entire world, which has to include every sin that ever touched you. The filthiest sinner who puts his/her faith in the power of Christ’s forgiveness is instantly made as pure as crystal, as holy as God himself, in God’s eyes (2 Corinthians 5:21). So all the devil can do is to blast you with deceptively strong fear or guilt feelings, hoping that you will start to believe them rather than believe in the power of Christ’s forgiveness and the tender love of God. It is of critical importance that you focus on God’s great love for you and not let deceptive spirits trick you into thinking that God frowns on you when you fall into sin. Yes, God is disappointed, but when a little child with good parents runs off and falls, what’s the first thing he does? He looks to mommy or daddy for comfort. You, too, should run into Daddy’s arms for the comfort you need. God is on your side. He cares deeply for you. Your spiritual enemies, however, want to make you feel uneasy about running to God. So they swamp you with feelings of condemnation, hoping you will believe those feelings rather than believe the truth about God that he is tenderly forgiving toward all who put their faith in Christ. This is a major strategy of these deceivers because they know we instinctively recoil from anyone we fear might be angry or displeased with us. We can’t help but inwardly keep a person at arm’s length, if we suspect he is displeased with us. So your enemies flood you with guilt feelings, hoping to fool you into being standoffish from the only One who can truly deliver you from every problem and defeat their every attempt to bring you down. Rather than see you rejoice in God’s forgiveness they want you to feel miserable and isolated from the warmth of God’s compassion. Sex abusers rarely stop at sexual abuse, and men, women or children engaging in domestic violence rarely stop at physical abuse. They commonly inflict serious psychological abuse in the form of repeated putdowns and slander that so shatters their victims’ self-esteem that, until they find healing, victims stagger through life with, to say the least, a low opinion of themselves. As I’ve noted elsewhere, a diamond is just a hunk of rock. For centuries many cultures considered them as worthless as dirt. A diamond’s value is measured not by what it does, but solely by how much some people are willing to pay to have one. Likewise, your worth is not based on what you do. You are of infinite value because the King of kings, the Lord of the universe, paid a far higher price than all the wealth of a million earths – the willing sacrificial death of his holy Son – to have you as his best friend. And if he has invested so much in you, he will treasure you and cherish you for all eternity. But because so few of us grasp this, it is common for not-yet-healed abuse survivors to hate or blame themselves and/or feel they deserve to be punished. As if this were not distressing enough, they usually assume that God must feel the same way about them. Mistakenly suspecting that God feels negatively toward them has one inevitable but tragic consequence. Without necessarily even realizing it, they instinctively shrink from the One who is truly their best friend, putting at least a little distance between themselves and the One who longs to comfort and heal them. Your mind might be so certain that Jesus is good, perfect and sinless that it seems incomprehensible to you that deep within there could be part of you that feels very differently. Because you know that such a fear is utterly irrational, you might have convinced yourself that there could be no fear lurking in the back of your mind of Jesus acting like an abuser. We need to realize, however, that fear is something we inherit from past trauma; it is not an emotion that submits to rational thought. We must address the subject of fear because no matter how strong we pretend to be, the undeniable fact is that anyone suffering abuse has suffered something so unpleasant that it is only human to be terrified of a repeat. So to avoid being unnecessarily hard on ourselves or living in blind denial of what is going on deep within us, we need to understand the nature of fear. If you suffer from headaches and have a brain scan that proves the headaches are not due to a brain tumor, your headaches will not magically disappear. At most, pain responds only slightly to knowledge. So it is with fear. If someone were terrified of spiders, you might convince the person that a particular spider is harmless but not even that will allow his terror to magically vanish. He will still find it enormously difficult to push through his crippling fear and touch the spider. This is not because he is crazy or is distrusting of whoever says the spider is harmless. It is simply the nature of fear. Becoming intellectually convinced that a certain spider is harmless can help, but theory is not enough. Refusing to cave in to the fear, he must draw close to the spider. Only then will the fear slowly dissipate. Even so, he must keep this up for days or even weeks before every trace of fear leaves. There is no point waiting until all fear disappears before approaching a spider. Overcoming fear simply does not work that way. Likewise, in our relationship with God, theology is not enough to remove all fear. Knowing that God is safe can reduce fear but we must still courageously push through the remaining fear and draw close to God and experience him. Only then will the remaining fear gradually fade. Faith is like Peter courageously getting out of the boat and stepping on the water; not sitting around waiting until the water evaporates! Just as fear barely responds to rational thought, the same is true of the passing of years. The mere fact that the original cause of the fear occurred decades ago will not cause fear to fade. Neither does fear magically disappear if you happen to be male or mature. Fear is not an indication of a man being unmanly, or a person being immature or lacking in courage. Fear, like pain, affects us regardless of gender or maturity or courage. Some people feel pressured to act as if fear is not there, but it is just an act. Pretending not to fear will not make the fear vanish in a puff of smoke, although as we noted with a fear of spiders, continual exposure to whatever is feared should eventually cause the fear to gradually diminish. I will endeavor to pamper you with intellectual assurance that God is safe and that his warm compassion for you is pure, selfless and utterly non-sexual. I wish that this were all it takes to make the tormenting fear within you completely vanish but, like convincing someone that a spider is harmless, I realize there is only so much that addressing the intellect can achieve. You will find significant links at the end of this page addressing all the issues of guilt, self-hate, self-blame and low self-esteem causing us to shrink a little from God because we mistakenly presume that he feels coldly toward us. For now, however, we will focus on what might initially seems ridiculous and yet at a barely conscious level it haunts many survivors of sex abuse – fear that God could be sexually abusive. We have already seen that fear is an almost inevitable consequence of abuse and that any sort of fear barely responds to rational thought or the mere passing of time and it is no respecter of age or gender. We should now examine yet another significant characteristic of fear. Fear spreads beyond whatever originally caused it. Years ago, experimental psychologists proved this by first startling babies with a loud noise as soon as a white rat appeared. Thereafter, the babies would cry whenever they saw a white rat. No surprises there. You might also expect the babies to react the same way when they see other white rats that look similar to the original one. What the psychologists found, however, is that the babies would now cry if they saw a cute white bunny. This is why intense fear generated by one man can spread not only to a fear of being alone with any man but to feeling uneasy about getting close to God, especially if he is regarded as being male. Besides gender, another superficial point of similarly between God and an abuser is that, should he choose to do so, God has the ability to overpower us. Let’s begin by examining the gender issue. Despite the use of the male pronoun and the word “father” and “son”, God the Father and God the Son are sexless. You will find a link at the end of this page to a biblical exploration of this fact and that God is not just like a father but also like mother. But what about the risen Lord? Isn’t he male? The Bible teaches that in the next life we will have glorified bodies. It also declares that, spiritually, there is no male or female. It is logical to expect that our heavenly bodies will reflect this fact by being sexless. In fact, there will be no sex (marital relations) in heaven. Our future bodies will be like the resurrected body that Jesus now has. It is therefore logical to presume that even if our resurrected Lord looks superficially male, he does not have a male body but is genderless, like God the Father and angels and like we, ourselves, will one day be. Regardless of whether we have multiple personalities (alters), we all have parts of us that influence us even though we are, at most, only vaguely aware of how they affect us. Increasing our awareness of those parts can greatly speed our healing and help us identify and resolve things within us that hold us back from running into God’s arms, gleefully yielding to him and falling in love with him. Even though in the remainder of this webpage I will refer to alters, what I have learned from ministering to people with distinct parts is relevant to us all. The most powerful thing anyone can do for alters (or anyone else) is to help them learn to trust Jesus so that they open up to him and discover how wonderful he is. Tragically, alters are often terrified of their Healer and Best Friend and the safest Person in the universe – Jesus. They fear he will act like their abuser did. No matter how groundless or irrational the fear is, the feeling is often devastatingly intense. So when ministering to people with multiple personalities, I devote much time seeking to reassure their alters that Jesus is safe and not the terrifying potential abuser that they fear. I do my utmost to coax and entice them to interact with Jesus and let him minister to them. Of course, I am acutely aware that no matter how important my efforts are, I cannot eliminate their fears. The best I can do is merely to lower their fears. Ultimately, they need to find out for themselves how safe and wonderful Jesus is by taking the “risk” and pushing through their fears to come to Jesus. Jesus understands this so deeply that he is mind-bogglingly gentle, tender, compassionate and patient with alters. (You will find an example of an alter’s experience in a link at the end of this page and that page links to further beautiful examples.) Sometimes we get so carried away with abstract theories about God – that he is holy, all-powerful, exalted, and so on – that we lose touch with biblical revelation. The Jesus of the Gospels was stern with the hard-hearted self-righteous who looked down on others, but he was always so tenderly compassionate toward everyone who was hurting or crushed with guilt. He came to heal the brokenhearted. He will not break even an apparently useless bruised reed, nor snuff out a stinking smoldering wick (Matthew 12:20). Throughout Scripture we see over and over that God continually delights not merely in bringing down those who lord it over others, but in lifting high the oppressed and those weighed down with despair. This is emphatic biblical revelation but it has only been through relating to alters that I have glimpsed the full glory of this facet of our Lord’s beauty. For example, as a result of humiliating potty training as a little girl, a mature woman with D.I.D. often suffered horrific pain, fear, false guilt and enormous embarrassment when using the toilet. More than once, at her alter’s invitation, the exalted King of kings entered the toilet, knelt on the floor and held her hand to comfort her. When Jesus allowed himself to be humiliated for us on the cross, we see not just the past but the eternal heart of our loving, selfless God. He was not just humble and gentle on earth; he is eternally humble and gentle. Over and over, I have known alters to rail against Jesus, grossly insulting the Holy Son of God, and they report that to their amazement the Lord of Lords just stood there with pain in his heart, tenderly absorbing all the verbal abuse (just like he did on the cross). Innumerable times, alters have told me how the all-powerful Lord has let them order him around when, out of fear, they have demanded that he keep his distance, or leave, or whatever. The resurrected Lord not only rules the universe, he is still the humblest, most selfless Person you will ever find. He lives by the highest conceivable moral standards. No one is as trustworthy as him. Abuse survivors have had their trust violated in a most appalling manner. Suffering such devastation makes trusting anyone exceedingly difficult. Of all people, however, Jesus is utterly trustworthy. He truly understands. He is patiently waiting, aching for you to draw close to you so that he can take your pain upon himself and heal you.

Helpful Advice to Hosts and other Alters The following is by what is known as an alter or insider – one of the multiple personalities of a man who suffered severe physical and sexual abuse from babyhood. He originally wrote this to help a Satanic Ritual Abuse (SRA) survivor who was trying to come to terms with having alters. It was so good, that I obtained his permission to share it with the world. I also asked him to add more details to his testimony. I’ve acted as ghostwriter, but it is largely his words. The term “host” refers to the personality that controls someone with Multiple Personality Disorder more often than the other personalities. Grantley Morris I was formed when I was gang raped in a bathroom at age seventeen. I thought I must have deserved what I suffered because part of the attack was pleasurable. Just a few months ago, I resurfaced. I was shocked to discover that instead of having the body of a skinny 135-pound seventeen-year-old, I found myself in the body of a really old (forty-three years old) 210-pound person! And as if this wasn’t bewildering enough, it is a man’s body! I was certain that I was a young woman. I had given myself a woman’s name. I tried telling my host to let me buy women’s clothes and let me walk around outside. He freaked. I really could not understand why he would not let me. I was a girl. Even my host also saw me as a girl internally when he looked at me, because that is how I showed myself to him. My host would take me into the bathroom and have me look in the mirror. It was weird. What in my mind I saw and felt wasn’t at all what was in the mirror. I would reach up and try to feel for my breasts and they were not there. It really freaked me out. I was sure I was in the wrong body. It was incredibly confusing. I hated that body. I had wanted to be on stage and make men look at me. I did not cope well at all. I would punish this body thinking that it was just wrong. I did not belong in it. It was truly frightening. It took my host and a friend’s alter and Grantley quite a while to help me with this. All of them would tell me that I was really a man and that I only felt like a woman. The frustration and bewilderment of having a body that was the wrong gender and totally the wrong weight and age was just a fraction of my problems. I was hurting really bad. I was always fearful of being raped again and was full of pain. I hated God and was furiously angry with him. I thought that he would rape, hurt and reject me, just like other people had. It made me very afraid. Jesus would appear to me. I would scream at him and even cuss at him, telling him to leave me. He just stood there. He didn’t yell back or attempt to touch me or hurt me. Convinced that he would end up hurting and rejecting me, I wanted to get this impasse over with. I would tell him how he should hate me and use me as a whore. I would then start hitting myself over and over again. I would do terrible things to myself and whenever God stopped me from hurting myself I cussed him for stopping me. Always hurting, I wanted him to kill me. I told him that he was a liar whenever he indicated that he loved me. For me, love meant me being used as a whore. Once, when I was so fearful of Jesus that I wanted to hide from him, I told him to go away. Do you know what happened? He did! Then a demon came. In a panic I quickly told Jesus I was so sorry and asked him to come back and not go away. Alice is a friend of mine who has alters. She lives in another state but we often e-mail and sometimes phone each other. It was after I told one of her alters about me being raped that I started feeling different. When you keep things secret they seem so much more fearful and shameful than they really are. I had believed the degrading things my abusers had said about me and I thought I deserved what they had done to me, but with this alter’s help it slowly dawned that what they had said and done was evil and wrong. The same kind of people beat Jesus until the blood ran down him and pooled on the ground at his feet. They stripped him, put thorns in his head and hung him on the cross until he died. Alice’s alter helped me see that Jesus was not going to harm me; that he was not like the abusers and rapists who have hurt me in the past. She said Jesus suffered for us that he may take in his own body our pain, hurt and every wrong thing we have ever done. Having suffered so much, he knows exactly what I feel like and more. He has been there. The thought that Jesus wants to take my pain away, however, scared me. I thought I only existed to bear pain, so I was afraid I would disappear if Jesus took the pain. And even without that thought, I was terrified just to be near Jesus. How could he love filthy scum like me? Didn’t he know that I had all this filth on me from the rape? It felt like the mess was still on me physically, just as it was immediately after the rape. I would try to clean it off but it would not go away. Alice’s alter told me that Jesus didn’t care if I came to him with a bra or boxers. She would tell me on the phone that Jesus died for my sorrows and was gentle and would not touch me if I didn’t want him to. One of the other alters that share my body also helped. We call him Twelve because he was twelve when he was formed. He whispered in my ear about the love of Jesus. He would tell me how much Jesus loved him. He said how gentle Jesus is and that I had no need to fear him. I really didn’t want to hear about Jesus but I craved that kind of love. Because Twelve was an alter, I believed him. My real turning point, however, came when I decided to make Jesus my Lord. I had always wanted to die, but I now decided I wanted to live, but did not want the torment of body memories to continue. It felt like being raped over and over. It was so painful. While on the phone to Alice’s alter I asked Jesus to be my Lord. And you know what? Jesus took that body memory away. He became my Alter, taking my pain, just like he took my sin on the cross. I had come to exist as an alter to take my host’s pain and carry it for him. Jesus, however, came to take my pain. He died for my well-being, as it says in Isaiah 53, and to carry my sorrows. It was surrendering to Jesus – the one I had greatly feared – and letting him bear my pain, that finally gave me freedom. The body memories stopped and so did feeling like a woman being raped. Whenever I have other memories I immediately cry out to Jesus and drop them at the cross, and then I find peace. He died to bear my pain, so why should I carry it anymore? I want to live! I want to be alive! Although the following is a personal word to the woman who has suffered Satanic Ritual Abuse, it is insightful – Grantley Dear friend with alters, I am sorry that you have had to endure all that you have suffered. I have been praying for you and continue to. So have my host and Six (another cute alter who shares my body). Six just loves God and he knows that God is his Daddy who is perfect and will never harm him. It is good to get Six on your side praying. He never wants to stop. He just loves talking to Jesus. Alters can really feel like dying, but in truth we want to live. We want our host to live, or we would not have carried the pain. Jesus wants us to live or he would not have died and carried our pain. He loves me and his love is so gentle and tender. Why should I carry that pain when he has already died for it? I like being free from pain! Like me, your alters want to live, no matter what they tell you. It is just that they do not know anything else yet. But you will teach them. Jesus will come down and be tender to them. May the God of all comfort, comfort you in all your tribulation. May his peace that passes all understanding be your guard forever. May you and your alters find healing and rest in him and in him alone. Father God, Come down with your healing touch and touch all the wonderful alters that my friend has. We know you love alters and we thank you for that. You do not cast us away. May my friend’s alters know that with deep assurance. Daddy, comfort them and keep them. Make your face shine upon them. Be their true Counselor and Healer. Minister to them in ways that only you are able. Please take their fear away and let them see that your love is truly and utterly amazing. We love you, Daddy. In Jesus name we come. It is important to help alters feel safe. Not only will this lower their distress, the safer they feel, the more of their secrets they will share so that they can find healing. One of the things that I have found so very helpful is to talk to other people and to alters so that I don’t feel so isolated. On the other hand, some of the alters who live in the same body as me, used to look to Grantley to heal them. That is toxic thinking. A good friend or counselor can help a lot, but healing comes from Jesus. God will not share his glory with another. It is Jesus who heals and he alone. It is Jesus who has paid to take alters’ and hosts’ pain, no one else. Good counselors are brothers and sisters who, like the rest of us, are still growing in Christ. We can learn from them, but grace and strength come from our loving Father’s hand alone. Finally, I would like to ask a question of those who think alters are demons. Even my host used to think that way about me. Such accusations are devastating. Does Jesus love demons? Does Jesus minister and talk to demons? Does Jesus heal demons? No!!!!! NO!!!!!! NO!!!!! Do demons call Jesus Christ their Lord? Never! They hate Jesus. There is only one thing that Jesus does with demons: he casts them away. He fights them. But he tenderly and gently loves us alters. He brings us life. He is the alter’s Alter, as my friend said. Understanding Dissociative Identity Disorder: Powerful Answers For People Traumatized as Children The Positive Benefits of Multiple Personalities: Does Multiple Personality Disorder Create a Superior Brain? Free help in the full recovery of survivors (male and female) of all forms of sexual interference: Comfort, Understanding and Healing for Abuse Survivors Testimony: Extreme Grace The encouraging story of a man recovering from D.I.D (alters not specifically mentioned)

Leading an Alter to Christ Real-Life Example Jake, a Christian with multiple personalities (Dissociative Identity Disorder) Instant Messaged Sharon, another Christian who also has multiple personalities. One of Sharon’s alters, a strong one called Rose, decided to overpower Sharon and keep her suppressed indefinitely. Unlike some of Sharon’s other alters, Rose had not yet given her life to the Lord. Another of Sharon’s alters is called Ashamed. We were unaware of her until Jake learned of her in the dialog that appears below. I’ve slightly touched up the grammar below, but changes are minimal. The text is color-coded. Blue for boys (Jake). Pink for girls (Sharon’s alters). Please see Is this for You? before proceeding with this webpage. In the course of the conversation, matters common to alters, but nevertheless disturbing, are mentioned, including cutting, physical harm, alters hurting each other, wishing they were dead etc. I have retained these references because they give hope to those facing such things. Some readers, however, might find it too upsetting. Is this for You? Webpages or books empower you to absorb life-changing insights for little or no charge, and at your own pace and time of day, in the comfort, convenience and security of your own home. It might take years and thousands of dollars to gain the same help from, for example, a therapist. And not everyone has access to someone with the required understanding. Additionally, it is surprisingly easy to unexpectedly develop an unhealthy attachment or dependence upon a helper and, tragically, not every professional is as safe as they should be. There’s a downside, however. Articles cannot be personally crafted for you after devoting hours and hours of getting to know your needs and sensitivities. Even skilled therapists can occasionally slip up, although it is much less likely. For full healing, issues must be faced, but timing is important. It’s frustratingly easy to believe we are sparing ourselves by avoiding painful issues when, like avoiding an unpleasant dental visit, we are actually prolonging our agony and could be letting our predicament deteriorate even further. The webpage you have been led to might liberate you, transform you and usher you into fulfillment like nothing else ever has. Nevertheless, it is possible that you are not ready for some, or all of it. Is this your time? God only knows. And that’s perfect. You might not believe in God. But he believes in you. You might even be furious with the person you think God is, but he isn’t fazed: he knows it is just a tragic misunderstanding. The real God is kind and compassionate. He cares for you more than you can imagine, and he longs to help you. I am praying that you end up choosing precisely what will best speed your healing, and I suggest you join me by praying along these lines: Lord Jesus, if you are the ultimate healer and you know everything, you know exactly what this webpage contains and what will most help me at this precise moment. If I should skip some or even all of it, I look to you to make this abundantly clear to me. Otherwise, be with me as I read; giving me all the comfort, strength and understanding I need. Unless you feel a strong indication that you should not proceed, please proceed with the webpage. Jake and Sharon were members of an Internet group I had established for Christians with Dissociative Identity Disorder. Grantley Morris Sharon, is that you? No. Is that Rose? Yes. I saw you the other night in my spirit screaming. I was praying hard for you. I care about you, and what happens to you. I am so sorry that you are having such a rough time, and Sharon also. Sharon has a new alter. Her name is Ashamed. She has been beating me up. I’m sorry. Will she talk to me? I thought I told everyone I was in charge. Okay. You are; so will you let her talk to me? Is that better? I’m not in charge. She keeps beating me up. She is hurting so deeply right now and taking it out on you. I feel for her hurt, and yours also. I really don’t like for people to see me this way. That is okay. You should have seen me the other day. Or this last two years. It was bad at times. Every one inside beating everyone else up. Now most of them are friends. I really want to cut Sharon right now. That only prolongs your pain and causes retaliation from the others inside also. It will make things much worse. I will stay here with you, if you want, until you are safe. If I was there I would cry with you for your pain. I wish I could take the deep pain from you, yet only Jesus can do that for you. What did Sharon do that makes you want to hurt her so much? I want to end the pain. I want to die. I would miss you, and Sharon, her other alters, and the new alter that I am eager to meet. I went to see Sharon’s therapist tonight with her husband. Her therapist kept talking like I wasn’t in the room. That must have felt like you were unimportant to them. You are important, and you have a voice and it should, and deserves to be heard. I wrote him a note and handed it to him before our session. I said: ‘Sharon is not here right now. If you squeal on me, I won’t let her come back.’ While her husband was out of the room, I looked at him and asked him why he was talking about me like I wasn’t in the room. He then spoke directly to me. I’ve never spoken to a person using Sharon’s voice before; not when they knew it was me talking. He wasn’t mean or anything, it just made me mad. Everything makes me mad right now. I am also feeling mad about everything!!!! Everything hurts so deeply. It is like no one can understand that pain. Correct? Yes. And even you wonder where it is all coming from? Who knows? Jesus knows. Today I had that happen to me. I know what you feel like, and what that kind of pain is like. Jake, I don’t love Jesus. Quite frankly, I don’t even like him. That is okay. You can tell him, he will listen. He will not hurt you. I’m holding Sharon hostage until things quit hurting. He loves you so much that when I was praying for you and did not even know about the email that was sent until a few minutes ago; he showed me to pray for you, Rose, specifically and that you were hurting and screaming in pain. This was this afternoon or this morning I do not recall the time. You are important to me. I’ve been screaming in pain all along. It has just gotten to the point that I can’t take it anymore. Locking Sharon out will only increase your pain. She can’t take this pain, though. So she is better off in my prison. Can I tell you about Seth, an alter of mine that was in horrible pain and found freedom from the pain? Go for it. Okay. I will post it here in his own words. I need a minute, okay? Please do not go away! Okay. Meanwhile, I have to have a cut. [Jake then quoted all of An Insider’s Testimony which is about one of Jake’s alters.] Alters can really feel like dying, but in truth we want to live. We want our host to live, or we would not have carried the pain. Jesus wants us to live or he would not have died and carried our pain. He loves me and his love is so gentle and tender. Why should I carry that pain when he already died for it? I like being free from pain! Father God,Come down with your healing touch and touch Rose whom you dearly love. We know you love alters and we thank you for that. You do not cast us away. May Rose know this with deep assurance. Daddy, comfort them and keep them. Make your face shine upon them. Be their true Counsellor and Healer. Minister to them in ways that only you are able. Please take their fear away and let them see that your love is truly and utterly amazing. We love you, Daddy. In Jesus we come. Rose I believe that what you are feeling is fear – fear of Jesus, and fear of God that makes you afraid of rejection. He did not reject me covered in filth, and ugliness. Instead he cleaned me, and took my pain away. He touched my heart. Blew his love over the top of me. He says ‘I see you cast away in your own blood; naked, ashamed, fearful, cold and trembling. It is easier to not come in case you will again be rejected.’ Jesus says; ‘I have loved you with an everlasting love. A love that will never end; that will not seek its own but will only seek the good on the one that is loved  so  much that I did die for you and your pain. I will carry your pain. Yet, unlike those who want to or did try to control you, I will not. I let you make your own choice.’ Jesus says, ‘I desire to give you the best gown, and a royal crown. I will crown you even in the same righteousness that I have. Yet I cannot, nor will I ever go against your will in this. I love you too much for that.’ Jesus says, ‘Do you want me to help you, to heal the deep pain in your heart? Do you want to run free even now so that you no longer long for death as an escape? You must come to the cross where all was paid for. I paid for your freedom, yet unlike abusers I will not force it on you. My eyes weep for you! Will you let me help? Love, Jesus.’ Beautiful story. You’ll hate me. Not at all. My heart has a giant lock on it. Would you like the lock to come off so you can be free? It must be heavy, and burdensome. I can’t move anymore because of it. It crushes me. That is very tiresome. But you don’t have to carry it any more. The alter Ashamed says I do. If a best friend of yours comes, someone you love; and they had such a heavy burden they could not carry it, would you help them get rid of the heavy burden? I would try. That is what Jesus wants to help you with. Yet he not only tries, he does if you allow him to. Shame is soooo very heavy to carry. Jesus wants to give Ashamed a new name. And remove the guilt and shame feelings, and change them into beauty. I wish I had the strength and power to do so, yet I am only human and I am unable just as you are also unable to carry such a heavy load. You were meant for much greater things. To fly free. I love you guys and wish I could lift it off. I will help carry you in prayer. Jake, you’re wasting your time. Rose is not allowed to have freedom. Who stops her from having freedom? I do. Is this the one that calls herself Ashamed? She and all of Sharon should be ashamed of themselves. Would you like to tell me why? Because they are filthy rags. I will not reject you. All the dirty things they have done and have had done to them. They are black with dirt. I thought the same of me. I know. I’ve read your story . [ The Christian who kept doing all he could to force God to reject him ] I have done terrible things that I regret yet the feelings of shame Jesus took because he paid for them. Then those rags he took and cast into the sea, never to remember any more of them. Would you like him to take your rags and give you a clean gown that is never soiled by the stain of sin, or what others have done against you? He weeps for you, and longs to do this for you, yet he is unlike those who have harmed you, so he will never force this on you. He loves you too much to do that. My mind is playing tricks on me. How so? I see this Jesus in his white robe kneeling down next to me with his hands extended out toward me. In his hands is a pure white robe. He has a crown of thorns. On his head? Yes. This is not a trick. It is a gift that he longs to give you. This is a vision from him. It is real! I’m not supposed to have visions. I was not ‘supposed’ to, either. Yet God had different plans. He broke the box that I put him in and showed me who he truly was. I’m supposed to be filled with shame to the point that I make others feel ashamed. I am not ashamed of you, and Jesus is not ashamed of you. Whether it be false guilt or real guilt, Jesus carried that guilt on the cross. This is all confusing. I will pray for you now. I wish you wouldn’t pray. I don’t deserve this. But Jake was already sending his prayer. Jesus, I ask that you would blow all the confusion away from this dear one’s mind. I pray that whatever is hindering her, you would remove it now, so that she may be free to know your love and grace in all its fullness. In Jesus’ name, amen. You, my dear friend, are like me. How? We do not deserve it, that is true. Yet it is freely given out of love. He longs to do this for you. You must see the thorns on his head? I do. This was done for you. He paid the penalty that you and I deserved because he just wants to bring freedom, and a robe (gown) of righteousness so that you can be his daughter, and he will be your true father, friend, savior – one that will never hurt nor harm you – in purity, and truth. He wants to name you Pure. That means clean and innocent. He made you for this. He made you for honor, and dignity. Why is it that I’m believing everything you’re saying? Just say, ‘Yes, Jesus, I take the gown of righteousness and I give to you my rags. I know you died for me, and paid for my shame. I let go of the rags now. I let go of my shame that has bound me, and receive your purity that you made me for. Thank you Jesus.’ I believe all of this. Every word. Then receive the gown. Let him take the rags. Tell him so. He just did. He also removed the lock from Rose’s heart. He took the lock that was so heavy to carry? Praise Jesus! The robe just turned red. Yes. That was his blood that covers you, and cleanses you. Your sin, and shame was paid for with it. I need him to do the same thing for me that he did for you. What is that? He has done many things for me. His cleansing. Ask him to show you that you have been cleansed. Let him know that you need to see, even though you know it in your head. Let it go to your heart as his Spirit ope ns your eyes to this truth. I’ve never felt this way. How so? He’s holding me like a newborn. Like the most tender mother he is. I’ve never felt such tenderness. Praise you, Jesus! Praise you! Thank you! Is this for real? Very much so. I feel a tinge of excitement. I’ve never known that before. Is it like every cell of your being has been given life? It’s like I’m floating. And safe. Yes, safe. Never before have I felt that. I have never been able to cry. I am now. Yet your heart has longed for it, seemingly forever. Yes. Is this what it feels like to have a parent? Yes, a good, loving one that longs to just hold you, and care for you. Who cries for you when you hurt. Who is good to you as a parent should be. One who has never known sin. And desires your growth and believes in you. Your Papa believes in you. Nobody has ever believed in me before. I have a Papa? Yep. The best. You have now come home. He was just waiting. My Papa has arms of steel, yet to me they are tenderness. I’ve always wanted a Papa. Will you still be my friend? Oh, most definitely. You are more than that. You are my sister. I have a brother??? Me. No kidding??? No kidding!!! I’m overwhelmed. That is good I presume? Yes. You are just enjoying his presence? Yes. I’ve never known the calmness and peace. What about Rose? I was beating her up. Tell her how sorry you are. Tell her that you love her. Tell her about what Jesus did for you. Jesus is with both of us. That is amazing. I’m so glad he is with me. I’ve never had anyone with me before. And he will never leave. He promised. Did he just tell you that? He wrote it for you in the Bible. It says, ‘I will never leave you, nor forsake you.’ Sharon can help you understand that and read to you from the words that he wrote. Jake, this is Rose. Hi, Rose. Never mind. It’s okay. You have a voice and a right to speak. I will listen. You are important. How are you Rose? Is the lock off your heart also? I feel better. I’m glad! I don’t have a lock. Oh good! It is gone. I am still in charge of Sharon. Okay. Did you see Jesus also? No, where was he? He came and held Pure. Who is Pure? The one that used to call herself Ashamed. Jesus changed her name, and cleaned the shame from her. She is a sister of our alter, Eagle, who used to be called Guilt. When you read this IM over you will see what happened. I believe in you, Rose. Why? You shouldn’t believe in me. I’ve made a mess of things for Sharon. That may be true; but you have been made for great things. You just have not realized it yet. You are worth it, and of great value, and deserve dignity and honor. You were made for great things, such as life, and love. I was made to carry Sharon’s pain. Would you like to get rid of your pain? Who wouldn’t? That’s true. I know someone who wants to carry it for you. He is an alter’s alter. You have been made to carry Sharon’s pain. He comes now to carry your pain, like you did for Sharon. You enabled Sharon to live; now he wants to enable you to live in honor and dignity. He desires to honor you, and lift that heavy burden off your shoulders. Jake – look, I don’t want to be mean to you. But I’m not willing to give up control here. Sharon is lost right now. People are running all over her. That is why I am taking charge. I understand. You have much strength. And have been, and are of great value to Sharon. I admire you. Yeah, so much strength that I want to kill myself. That is because you have now come to your human limit. He wants to now give to you his strength and free you from that heavy load. You will not disappear, yet you will gain peace. I’m still not relinquishing control. He is asking permission to remove this heavy load from you. Jesus wants to take this and carry it for you. I wish I could do this for you, but like you, my strength is limited. He wants to give you his strength. Jake, my head hurts and I feel sick to my stomach. I’ll have to talk to you some other time about this. Please don’t hate me. I’m just wimped out. I’m sorry for offending everybody. You have not offended. You are loved and prayed for, as a dear sister. Okay. We will talk again when you feel better if you want to. I gotta go. I’d like that. Goodnight. Goodnight. The next day, while conversing with a woman’s alter, Rose gave her life to Jesus Christ. Rose then released Sharon, who had to read the above and speak to Rose to catch up on what had happened.

The Unique Value of the Apostle Paul’s Writings to Understanding Jesus As a highly intelligent and well informed Jewish scholar authorized by the Jewish hierarchy to stamp out Christianity, Paul had full access to all the dirt on Jesus (if any existed) and all the arguments against the Christian interpretation of Jesus’ life and message. What makes this particularly relevant is that any perceived influence on Jesus by a foreign religion would have been seen as scandalous by orthodox Jews. It would have so infuriated them as to have dominated their whole attack on Christianity. The first of the Ten Commandments is “You shall have no other gods before me,” and the second is “You shall not make for yourselves an idol, nor any image of anything that is in the heavens above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth: you shall not bow yourself down to them, nor serve them, for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God . . .” ( Exodus 20:2-5 ). Although the Apostle Paul was not a disciple of Jesus while Jesus was living, Paul’s message was fully approved by Peter and the other disciples: Galatians 2:1-2,6-9 Then after a period of fourteen years I went up again to Jerusalem with Barnabas, taking Titus also with me. I went up by revelation, and I laid before them the Good News which I preach among the Gentiles . . . But from those who were reputed to be important (whatever they were, it makes no difference to me; God doesn’t show partiality to man)—they, I say, who were respected imparted nothing to me, but to the contrary, when they saw that I had been entrusted with the Good News for the uncircumcision, even as Peter with the Good News for the circumcision (for he who appointed Peter to the apostleship of the circumcision appointed me also to the Gentiles); and when they perceived the grace that was given to me, James and Cephas and John, they who were reputed to be pillars, gave to me and Barnabas the right hand of fellowship, that we should go to the Gentiles, and they to the circumcision. Acts 9:26-28 When Saul [also known as Paul] had come to Jerusalem, he tried to join himself to the disciples; but they were all afraid of him, not believing that he was a disciple. But Barnabas took him, and brought him to the apostles, and declared to them how he had seen the Lord on the way, and that he had spoken to him, and how at Damascus he had preached boldly in the name of Jesus. He was with them entering into Jerusalem Acts 15:2,4,7,12-13,22,25-26  . . . they appointed Paul and Barnabas, and some others of them, to go up to Jerusalem to the apostles and elders about this question. . . . When they had come to Jerusalem, they were received by the assembly and the apostles and the elders, and they reported all things that God had done with them . . . When there had been much discussion, Peter rose up and said to them . . . All the multitude kept silence, and they listened to Barnabas and Paul reporting what signs and wonders God had done among the nations through them. After they were silent, James answered . . . Then it seemed good to the apostles and the elders, with the whole assembly, to choose men out of their company, and send them to Antioch with Paul and Barnabas . . . it seemed good to us, having come to one accord, to choose out men and send them to you with our beloved Barnabas and Paul, men who have risked their lives for the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. 2 Peter 3:15 Regard the patience of our Lord as salvation; even as our beloved brother Paul also, according to the wisdom given to him, wrote you with the wisdom that God gave him.

When Alters See Themselves As Someone or Something They are Not   Animal Alters? Non-human Alters? Confused Identity? Insiders   Until you better understand alters you might think it weird that it is quite common for certain alters to have convinced themselves they are someone or something other than who they really are. Our surprise should fade, however, in the light of two facts:   1.  Make-believe is a large component of children’s play and children’s stories are filled with goblins, talking animals and the like.   2.  Most alters are the product of a child’s frantic attempt to escape an intolerable reality.   When an imaginative child is desperate to escape reality the possibilities are almost endless. An alter might, for example, come to believe he/she is a robot, an alien, an animal, a good ghost or spirit, a demon, a monster, a stuffed toy, a cartoon character, a bodiless head, or someone who had been shattered to thousands of pieces. I’ve spoken to one who had the head of a human and the body of a spider. She had a sister alter, who despite being just one alter, could split into hundreds of spiders, each with its own voice and yet they would speak in an eerie unison. These spiders could scatter, or they could combine into any shape they wished, such as a ball, a sword or a human. (To make matters still more confusing, a giant spider appeared soon after she appeared and the giant spider turned out not to be an alter but a genuine demon.     The Demon   The Host Writes:   I was feeling mysteriously anxious. So I looked into my inner world. On the ground were hundreds of spiders crawling around. I called Jesus. Then the spiders all rushed together and formed a ball, rolled over to me and crawled all over my body. That was a bit unpleasant. Then they morphed into the shape of a human and said, “We are one.” Every spider had its own voice and they spoke in unison.   I gave Jesus a questioning look and he replied that they are a new alter. I called Jax (an alter with a human head and a spider’s body). He seemed overjoyed at seeing them. He joined the ball and they rolled around for a while. “These are my spider family,” he told me.   Just then, a giant spider came out. The other spiders scattered. I don’t think this new arrival saw Jesus. I shot Jesus another questioning look and mouthed, “Alter?” He shook his head. I signaled to Jesus to deal with the demon.   “This one’s all yours,” Jesus said.   I glared at him, thinking, “Seriously, Jesus! You could do this in a snap!” But it seemed he wanted me to. I rolled my eyes and sighed. I looked at the giant spider and said, “I am a daughter of Jesus, the One True King. I stand in his authority. Stop it. Go away. You aren’t welcome here.” I shooed it away with a casual wave of my hand. It turned into a woman with daggers for teeth, hissed at me, and ran away.   Certain alters even believe they are dead. Some take on the identity of another living person and are convinced they are that person (these are known as introject alters). Some are convinced they are the opposite sex (complete with genitals) to who they really are.   Here are the most common reasons for alters assuming peculiar forms or identities:   *  Abusers treat their victims as less than human, which can cause some alters to consider themselves as less than human.   *  Humans have feelings and some alters could easily be in such inner pain and turmoil that they do not want to feel and so try to convince themselves they are something that is incapable of feeling.   *  Desperate for at least a moment’s respite from feeling vulnerable to further trauma, alters can gain a smidgeon of comfort from imagining themselves as having qualities that might make them less vulnerable, such as being a member of the opposite sex or someone with the power of their abuser, or a ferocious animal or a creature able to elude capture (spiders, for example, have eight legs with which to run and can hide in tiny crevices and people tend to be scared of them and so leave them alone).   When people – and especially children – are suffering horrifically and cannot change their circumstances, it is natural for them to use their imagination to retreat to a fantasy world that seems more bearable. When circumstances improve they might be so deep into their fantasy world that they do not realize it is now safe to return to reality or it has become such a habit that it is hard to break.   I have identified ten possible reasons for alters taking on the identity of a non-human:   1.  Some alters have suffered so often at the hands of people that they have concluded that all humans are cruel and/or untrustworthy and they see themselves as better than that.   2.  Abusers treat their victims as if they were not human and alters can take on this identity.   3.  In order to try to help themselves feel safer, alters often try to convince themselves that they are something or someone who is less likely to be abused. Some, for example, see animals treated better than they are and so some convince themselves that they are animals.   4.  Some tell themselves they are a vicious animal or monster that could attack or scare off abusers. The more they believe this fantasy, the safer they feel.   5.  Some alters prefer to convince themselves that they are non-human because they think this would make them less subject to human emotions and pain.   6.  Some have been in so much inner pain that they have trained themselves to feel little or no emotion and some even feel little emotional pain. One of the downsides of this is that the lack of feeling makes them feel less than human – more like unfeeling machines. For help with this, see  Feeling Numb .   7.  Some alters have been in such isolation that they have rarely interacted with people and often had not even had a name – or at least one that sounds like a human name – much less have been addressed by name. Being continually and solely treated like this would be highly dehumanizing for anyone.   8.  Even some hosts have treated their own alters as if they were demons or a figment of the imagination.   9.  To admit to oneself that one is human is to raise one’s hopes of being treated with dignity and respect and perhaps even love. Most alters’ past experiences have been so tragic that they conclude this is unlikely and that it is less painful never to get one’s hopes up by letting oneself think one is human.   10.  Some alters believe they are human but do not want the limitations of a human body. In some science fiction there are beings (sometimes called Shapeshifters) who maintain their personality but can assume the physical body of any creature they wish to be. Some alters see themselves this way – humans who can assume the physical characteristics of anything they want to be. Some always prefer the same non-human body but a few, just for the fun of it, might, for example, one moment be a girl and then transmute into a cloud, then become a giant snail, then spend a few minutes as a water slide for fellow alters to play on, while all the time knowing they are human.   We can understand why people might want to resort to fantasizing about being someone or something different but how is it possible for alters to become convinced they are someone or something they obviously are not? I have identified three factors.   1.  Young Children are Exceptionally Good at Make-Believe   Once the skill of creating alters is learned and it becomes a primary means of coping with distressing situations, alters can be formed later in life, but it is believed that the first alter is produced at a young age. Perhaps it is more than coincidental that it is also at a young age that people are at their best at make-believe   Moreover, as far as I recall, although many people had older alters, all the alters I’ve encountered who see themselves in a grossly distorted way were formed at a young age.   Not only do most young children enjoy make-believe, the pressure to withdraw into a world of make-believe is obviously intense for children whose circumstances in the real world are intolerable.   I’m unsure how it could be conclusively proved without morally unacceptable experimentation but it is also commonly believed that even in identical situations not every child would develop Dissociative Identity Disorder. If so, how good they are at make-believe might be a factor.   2.  Self-Image is Exceedingly Resistant to Change and/or Rational Thought   What alters consider to be their physical appearance is actually a visual representation of their self-image – who they imagine themselves to be.   Even without Dissociative Identity Disorder, once people become convinced they are useless or stupid or unattractive or unlovable, and it becomes their self-image, they have a powerful tendency to keep seeing themselves this way, no matter how much evidence to the contrary they encounter. To quote from my webpage  How to Change Your Self-Image :   For each of us, our self-image seems rock-solid reality and, rather than conclude that we have got it wrong, we interpret everything else to fit our conception of reality. Should, for example, I think everyone despises me, I would interpret it as an act of spurning me if people typically go about their normal business without interrupting everything to make me the center of their attention. To my warped thinking, people’s normal shyness, fear of rejection, preoccupation with their own concerns, and so on, would “prove” I disgust them. Even if a few people actually went out of their way to say nice things about me, I would dismiss it as an act of insincerity (forcing themselves to be polite, feeling sorry for me, trying to manipulate me, etc.) or based on ignorance (not really knowing me, being poor judges of character, and so on). As a final resort, if anyone acted in a manner I found impossible to squeeze into the categories just mentioned, I would interpret it as “the exception that proves the rule” and would probably even find perverse satisfaction in restoring my equilibrium by deliberately recalling events that seem to confirm my distorted self-image.   Like any of us, once alters develop a self-image it becomes amazingly resistant to evidence disproving that view of themselves.   3.  Lack of External Verification   Although relatively rare, there are people without Dissociative Identity Disorder whose self-image is so strong that it defies what the mirror plainly reveals. The plight of dangerously skinny girls who see themselves as fat (anorexia) and people who think they look grotesque (Body Dysmorphic Disorder) are examples. A grossly distorted conception of one’s physical appearance is much more common and more extreme in people with Dissociative Identity Disorder, however, because most alters who manifest this are inside alters. They rarely, if ever, look in a real mirror.   And because they share the same brain, fellow alters see the alter as that alter sees himself/herself, which can further reinforce the false view of themselves.   Healing   Hosts, friends and therapists are likely to presume that alters who see themselves in a grossly distorted way would be eager to be healed of this misconception, but they rarely are. First they must come to believe that it is safe and desirable to see themselves as they really are and that it is now safe to feel. You need to be kind to them and boost their self-esteem.   Here is a tiny example:   Shelly had wanted to be a monkey for two reasons. She felt safer (thus lessening her anxiety) by believing she had the speed and agility of a monkey who could elude any sadistic person who tried to catch her. She also believed she had a better chance of winning her father’s love and approval (and also avoiding his wrath and abusive punishment) by being a monkey. She reached this conclusion by noting that her father liked monkeys and that he called her sister, whom he loved more than Shelly, his “little monkey.”   Shelly eventually came to see herself as human and enjoyed it, although for a while she would revert to seeing herself as a monkey if anything frightened her.   Another woman’s alter called herself Confetti. She was formed by a method often used in Sadistic Ritual Abuse in which the victim is placed on a specially designed table and furiously spun around and around. The experience was so horrific that she believed she flew off from the rest of her body as countless pieces and was now scattered all over the place and floated in the wind like confetti. The advantage she saw in this is that confetti is not human and so cannot feel. She sensed that there was intense inner pain within her and that being human would mean she would have to feel all that pain. She began talking to me and some other people in on-line group therapy, however, and through this she was gradually beginning to think that she might be human.   Shelly wrote to Confetti via the on-line group:   I just wanted to say how excited I am that you are discovering your personhood! Being a person is really special and I keep clapping for joy to hear you accepting a little more every time! God made you  so  special. He made you to be like Jesus! Jesus is the most fantastic human ever! That means you were made to be fantastic! Jesus is the happiest person ever! That means you were made to be happy! Jesus is the most important person ever! That means you are an important person too!   Monkeys weren’t made to be like Jesus but every person was. That’s why I like being a girl person. Being a girl person means I am an important, fantastic, happy person! That’s better than being a monkey any day! Every time I read about you learning something more I can tell that you are an important, fantastic and happy person too! Grantley says to talk to Jesus. That is a great idea! If you don’t want to do that maybe you can just watch Jesus. If you watch him you might learn how awesome it is to be human.   Shelly’s host commented:   This is what I hear as Shelly walks off: “Jesus is stronger than anything! That means I am too! Jesus is super smart! That means I am too! I am pretty awesome!” Apparently, Shelly has been talking to Jesus! Lol! He really does make everything better! She is just an excited 6 year old girl.   Confetti wrote:   Pieces [of me] – just one or two or three or four – are starting to come together. It’s kind of weird ‘cuz confetti isn’t supposed to clump together, you know? It feels funny. Today I started to see like half a body almost, but it looked like a ghost with confetti floating in it.   Then everything floated away again. I don’t know what’s happening.   Shelly replied:   There was one time when I wanted to be a person and some of my fur would fall out – big clumps of it. Then I’d want to be a monkey and fur would grow back. It would happen a lot. I think you are getting so close that your body started showing up. That was why there was a ghost with confetti in it. You’re getting closer and closer! Related Links Answers to Every Question - Part 1 Answers to Every Question - Part 2

(Part 1 here) Dreams & Nightmares Nightmares and some dreams can be exceedingly unpleasant, so don’t waste them. They contain valuable information, so record them. This needs to be done as quickly as possible, even if it is the middle of the night, because many dreams fade from one’s memory amazingly quickly. The obvious place to record them is in your journal, which ideally, should be kept by the side of your bed. An alternative is to keep something next to your bed that allows you to jot things down (or the audio equivalent) and later transfer them to somewhere more permanent. Writing out what you dreamed and thinking about them when relaxed and fully conscious can help remove some of their terror and might possibly prove beneficial, should the dream recur. The practice also provides a good opportunity to ask alters about the dream – what does it mean to them, how do they feel about it, and so on. Nightmares and unpleasant dreams are your mind dutifully alerting you to matters you must face before they become even more serious. It is warning you that, despite your attempts to move on, you are still being crippled by past trauma. Most likely, your lack of recovery is because you have left past events languishing in the dark – where things always seem scarier – instead of devoting sufficient effort to prayerfully re-examining them in the reassuring light of God’s truth. For instance, lurking in the murky depths of your consciousness could be the fear that ugly incidents in the past indicate that God abandoned you and that he is not good and trustworthy, or that because of those unfortunate events God sees you as untrustworthy or unforgivable, or that you see yourself that way. If so, these are not merely events in the past; they are fears and lies that hold you back right now and will continue to do so until you identify the lies that haunt you and you explode them with God’s truth. Some dreams are the mind trying to come to terms with things that have been bothering you. You might not have even been conscious that these matters were bothering you. They can also be valuable in giving you insight into what some of your alters might be coping with. In fact, some dreams can actually be alters seeking to communicate with you, either by symbolically revealing how they feel or by sharing accurate memories. Additionally, some dreams are alters trying to come to terms with things by imagining themselves in various scenarios. Dreams can sometimes be like flashbacks – accurate memories of past events that you may or may not be aware happened – but at other times they are symbolic. I know a woman who repeatedly has nightmares in which blood is everywhere and she is being sacrificed on an altar by Christians. In reality, she has never in her life been on an altar, nor have Christians physically attacked her – except her parents, who claimed to be Christians, had often mercilessly beat her on the buttocks (without drawing blood). These nightmares were not of literal events but were her mind expressing how it felt to be on the receiving end of the way certain church-goers had treated her and how horrifying, heartless and malicious their actions had been. The dream might seem a gross exaggeration but it was emotionally accurate. What they had done to her over and over in real life by verbally attacking her, falsely accusing her and persistently trying to take her baby from her, had literally filled her with terror and had brought her within a hair’s breadth of suicide. The altar in her dream was symbolically appropriate because altars have religious overtones and it was in the name of religion that these people had so deeply traumatized her. For years, the dream had kept repeating because in her mind the matter remained unresolved. She continued to fear in the present a repeat from other Christians of what she had suffered in the past. This woman is also plagued by other nightmares in which she sees corpses and she is accused of having killed them. In her dream, she cannot actually recall having killed anyone but she fears that she might have. She also gets the impression that one of the dead bodies is that of her only child. This often-repeated nightmare is not because she has ever physically hurt anyone but is a manifestation of the severe anxiety she suffers. To help you understand, I need for a moment to explain anxiety. Anxiety feels like a guilty conscience, and excess anxiety can have peculiar effects on those who suffer it. A common example is sensitive new mothers who are plagued with thoughts of killing their babies. We have all heard of post-natal depression. Clinical anxiety (anxiety induced by a medical condition) and clinical depression are closely linked (often the same medication is prescribed for both) and the anxiety new mothers sometimes suffer has a very similar medical basis to post-natal depression. What any nervous mother most fears is hurting her baby. This, when magnified by excess anxiety, can cause some mothers to be so plagued by fears of harming their baby that they find themselves unwillingly imagining harming them (by stabbing them, for example). That is the last thing they would ever want and they are so horrified to suffer such a thought that they become preoccupied with it and so keep having the thought over and over. This is just one example of what clinical anxiety can do. This woman’s nightmares about possibly having killed people have similarities to what some anxiety-plagued new mothers suffer (even though her own child is now an adult), and the nightmares are also powered by her low self-esteem and the false accusations she has been subjected to. I have cited these two nightmares because had there been gaps in this woman’s memories – thankfully there were not – she could easily have wrongly presumed that instead of being symbolic, the vivid dreams were memories of actual literal events coming to her while she slept. She might have even, while awake, have concluded she was remembering her past when she was only remembering her dream. A very valuable way of coping with an unpleasant dream is, as soon as one becomes aware of it, use your imagination to turn it around so that it has a happier ending. For example, if you were running from a monster, see yourself stopping, turning around and facing him and see him fleeing from you in terror. At first, you will be able to do this only after fully waking but as it becomes a habit, you may find yourself being able to do this while half-asleep. A particular alter of yours might become quite good at this. Alters Coming Out at Inappropriate Times In order to heal, alters have a need for “body-time.” Some have a strong craving for it and object to being kept suppressed as much as anyone would object to jail. Nevertheless, there are times when it is not safe for them to be out, such as an alter who is still only five years old taking over when you are driving or when you are talking with your boss at work. Even coming out every night when you desperately need sleep can cause consternation. Any alters you oppress by refusing to let them come out, are likely to regard you as their enemy and will do their utmost to sabotage your attempts to control them. If, however, you let them come out as often as possible when you are alone and any other time when it is safe for them to do so, it will be much easier for them to regard you as their friend who has their best interests at heart. This will make them far more likely to respond positively when you explain to them that there are times when being out would not be safe for them. Physical Pain There are three parts to this section. Not Feeling Physical Pain Body memories Headaches Due to Switching Not Feeling Physical Pain Some alters can be so mentally disconnected from their body that they cannot feel much in the way of physical pain. This can also extend to not feeling that their body is tired. They cleverly trained themselves to do this as a way of coping with extreme situations. Being like this might seem a blessing but alters need to learn to feel again for the following reasons: Being unable to feel physical pain can result in serious injuries, as well as unknowingly aggravating existing ailments. Feeling disconnected from one’s feelings (whether it is physical feeling or emotional feelings) can cause one to feel less than human, and so have a devastating impact on one’s self-esteem. Body Memories When one’s body experiences physical sensations as if past trauma were being repeated, it is sometimes referred to as a body memory. Whereas a flashback is an involuntary, vivid visual memory, a body memory is very similar but what is vividly recalled (as if you were experiencing them all over again), are physical sensations and bodily reactions associated with past trauma. You feel it in your body rather than see it in your mind. These can sometimes be mistaken for physical illnesses, especially if you have no memory of the original event that you are recalling in your bodily reactions. Headaches etc Caused by Switching Alters At times, especially when it involves a highly agitated alter who is rarely out of hiding, switching between alters can be physically very demanding and cause headaches, feeling faint, and so on. As alters heal, however, they calm down and adjust to being out, and these physical symptoms become a rarity. Alters Becoming Achievers by Working Together as a Team People with Dissociative Identity Disorder start their healing journey barely aware that, despite their best intentions, they have the misfortune of being inwardly like a chaotic rabble scattering in all directions. The highly achievable goal, however, is for one’s alters to move from this internal chaos to becoming a closely knit team achieving great things, pulling together toward a common goal with joy, confidence and determination. “Any kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and a house divided against itself will fall” (Luke 11:17), but it doesn’t have to be that way. Deuteronomy 32:30 speaks of one person being able to chase many enemies but it goes on to indicate that, by working together, two can put to flight not twice as many but ten times as many. Ecclesiastes 4:12 takes up the theme: “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken,” (emphasis mine). “How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in unity!” declares Psalm 133:1-3, “ . . . For there the LORD bestows his blessing . . .” Alters teaming up to multiply their efforts is far more wondrous and powerful, however, than clones becoming achievers by working together. Since each alter has a unique mix of abilities, alters cooperating is like the biblical teaching of the body of Christ: 1 Corinthians 12:16-26 And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But, in fact, God has arranged the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body. The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” And the head cannot say to the feet, “I don’t need you!” On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has combined the members of the body and has given greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it. For alters to reach their amazing potential, each needs to be treasured and delighted in. At first, this could seem like loving one’s enemies – something which in itself is of great value because it increases Christlikeness – but, having been starved of unconditional love and kindness all their lives, they are desperate for love and keen to please anyone who offers it. They will soon respond by loving back and changing and will become a source of joy. Each alter needs to be nurtured and encouraged and to discover how much Jesus values them and believes in them. When pushed aside, alters do weird things because they have been traumatized and lied to and kept out of the loop, but gentle, loving communication breaks the isolation and the weirdness. Early in their development, alters need guidance and boundaries but, within this safety net, the more freedom they are given, the more they will develop into highly responsible, gifted and indispensable parts of you. And being a part of you means that the stronger they are, the stronger you will be. A significant way for teamwork to develop is for alters to get to know each other well. Especially with young alters, playing safely with each other can greatly facilitate this. And for every alter, sharing their memories with each other is critically important. One person was led of God to encourage groups of two or three alters to sleep in the same room. This helped them get to know each other. Every now and then she would deliberately change the arrangement so that each of them had different roommates and so drew closer to still more alters. Self-Harm Self-harm is so common among people who have been deeply traumatized as children that it is almost universal. One thing that often works with D.I.D. is to hide knives, etc. This can stop some alters from accessing them. For general help, see: Self-Harm: Emergency Relief Cure for Self-Harm Low Self-Esteem Until you fully heal from D.I.D., you can only access a fraction of all the skills and intellectual abilities you have. This means that until you fully heal from D.I.D., you are more competent and gifted than you realize. More than this, however, alters typically have such appallingly low self-esteem that it can make them feel suicidal. This is largely because abusers usually do their utmost to crush their victims self-esteem so as to make them more compliant. To quote from my webpage Healing and Wholeness for Alters: A man told me about an alter of his that had just recently surfaced. “He is kind of a goofball,” he said. “He does not know his name or age.” My heart sank. Hopefully, as a reader of these webpages, you have been so alerted to the sensitivities of alters that you would never use such an insulting name when speaking about alters, especially when they might overhear. In actual fact, if alters first reveal themselves after some alters have already been helped, it is common for them to have overheard conversations and to have grasped from this that they are not the age that they had previously thought they were. Coming to terms with this is confusing for an alter but the dawning of an awareness of an age discrepancy is a sign of intelligence, not stupidity. Some alters appear only briefly to fill a need and are then quickly buried for many years. Until they start reconnecting with other alters and current reality, such alters never have the opportunity to learn much. Their potential for intellectual achievement, however, can be quite remarkable. Here’s another quote from the same page as that quoted above: I wrote on friendship greeting cards and posted them to some of Alice’s alters. When I had only been aware of a few of Alice’s alters I was better able to give them individual attention, but it grew harder when many more appeared in fairly rapid succession. One day, the alter I had known for the longest time suggested that I give a greeting card to one or two troubled alters. She said that giving them something tangible would be beneficial. I decided to buy many cards that were each different, address each one to a different alter, and write a unique, personal message on each card, affirming my appreciation of that alter. Their excitement over receiving their own greeting card far exceeded my expectations. I had often spoken individually to each alter, so I was surprised that the cards would have such a powerful effect on them. Then I realized that most of these alters had not only never in their lives personally received the smallest of gifts, most had not even one item that they could call their own. I ask hosts to think hard about how they might correct this. Until I came along, these alters had been in such isolation that they rarely interacted with people and felt dehumanized. Giving each of them a little gift was another significant step in affirming to them that they are truly real and not, as some people think, a figment of the imagination. Time and again, I have found that a significant aspect of healing involves alters having their humanity affirmed. It is obviously psychologically unhealthy – depressing at the very least – for a person to feel less than human. Likewise, it is unhealthy for people to have any part of them that feels not human or less than human. For a person to be in his or her prime, each part of the full person needs to be psychologically and spiritually in top condition. It is tempting to fear that affirming each alter’s existence and individuality would perpetuate a person’s fracturedness. Consider, however, how restoring each individual part of a machine to full strength and pristine condition would cause the entire machine to function so much better. In fact, fully restored parts fit together better than rusted parts. Likewise, if an alter is empowered to be strong, confident and enjoy life, the entire person will benefit. Moreover, confident, assertive alters feel more empowered to share their secrets, thus breaking down the walls that keep a person fractured. Over and over, as I have affirmed alters, building up their self-confidence and relationship with God, I have seen them develop all sorts of unexpected abilities that have immensely benefited the entire person. It is so very important that you counter a negative self-image by doing all you can to encourage your alters and build them up. A story for alters (especially younger ones) that can help boost self-esteem is Susan has a Secret . Choosing an alter’s name has significant implications for self-esteem. God Loves You: You Are God’s Favorite How to Change Your Self-Image The Importance of Alters’ Names It is so much the norm that we rarely stop to think that having one’s own name is a fundamental aspect of being human. Some alters have been in such isolation that they have not even had a name, much less had been regularly addressed by name. Being continually treated like this would be highly dehumanizing for anyone. If part of you suffered this, it will almost inevitably eat away at your own sense of self-worth. So this is one of many significant reasons for naming alters. Sometimes alters choose for themselves demeaning names, such as Shame or Reject. Unless they refuse a name change, I never use such names because doing so reinforces a lie they have believed about themselves. In fact, if they let you, consider using an opposite name such as Honor or Beloved. It can be hard to think of names, especially if one has very many alters, so here are some suggestions to get you started: Beautiful, Princess, Winner, Victorious, Cherished, Sweetheart, Braveheart, Kindheart, Purity. You could also use the names of jewels and gems and the names of beautiful flowers. In addition, you could look up the meaning of names. For example, Ann means Grace. Jane means God's gracious gift, Amanda means lovable. In Communicating with Alters I wrote: Name Your Alters as Soon as You Can Nowadays, whenever a new species of plant or animal is found, it is usually not something that has never been seen before, but it looks so much like another species that it had never previously been distinguished from that species. Likewise, you need to know each of your alters well, or you could miss the fact that you are talking to an alter you have never previously met. As much as they will allow, learn the name of each alter, or name them yourself. Regularly asking which alter is talking will give the alter the opportunity to indicate that he/she is not an alter you have previously met. “Take a roll call,” suggests a friend who has so far discovered several alters, “and ask if anyone else is there.” More than this, however, when you have found more than one alter, continually checking the identity of the alter you are speaking with (if there is the slightest doubt) will help you keep building as clear and detailed a picture as possible of each alter’s character. This detailed understanding of each alter will help you avoid confusing an alter that is new to you with one you already know. What makes this important is that sometimes, out of shyness, newly surfaced alters pretend to be another alter. So be on the alert for alters who seem to be acting out of character. They might, for example, seem timider or younger or to be wrestling with problems that the alter they are pretending to be has already overcome. You are likely to be surprised at how you come to expect different levels of maturity, knowledge and so on from different alters. If you mistake one alter for another you could hurt that alter’s feelings by expecting too much from him or her. You might, for example, chide an alter for acting as if he/she did not know something that you are aware is known by the alter he/she is pretending to be. Ideally, keep a record of every alter and jot down details about each of them. Even if you are sure you will remember all of this, something unforeseen could happen that causes you to go into hiding and another alter who lacks this information would, at least temporarily, be forced to replace you. Some alters choose normal but diverse names. Three alters of the one person might be named Jack, Bill and Brian. It might slightly aid their sense of unity, however, if they could be referred to by the age that they formed. For example, if the host’s name is Jack, they might be called three-year-old Jack, six-year-old Jack and twelve-year-old Jack. On the other hand, even referring to them by age could have a slightly negative effect by helping them feel locked into that age. One woman told me the Lord had instructed her to start using a hyphenated name for each alter, with her birth name appearing first. For example, if her birth name had been Jessica and she had alters called Little-One, Precious and Mother, their names became Jessica-Little-One, Jessica-Precious and Jessica-Mother. I see God’s wisdom in this as it reinforces to each alter that she is part of one person. A name can have such a powerful impact upon a person that the Bible records people’s names sometimes being chosen or changed by God. Consider, for example, how the Lord renamed Abram. The new name, Abraham, (meaning Father of Many Nations) built up his faith and reinforced a new self-image that lined up with God’s view of him. One of Jake’s alters used to call himself “Reject.” Despite him not being happy with his new name, we renamed him Beloved. The following e-mail from him is not only touching and highlights several things about alters and the powerful way God ministers to them but it also hints at the power of names. He wrote: I’m not hitting any of the other alters anymore. For the last few days, I went to porn, thinking that it would help me, but Terry [one of Jake’s younger alters he used to hit] keeps singing praise to God and I can hear him inside. When I go to masturbate he starts crying and praying and I can’t continue. I want to be like Terry. I told Jesus to be Lord of my sexuality today and asked him to be my Lord also. Jesus told me, “Well done!” Terry says that when I do bad things it hurts him, too. He just keeps praying for me and doesn’t stop. He is afraid of me. I don’t want him to be afraid of me. I don’t hate him anymore. He just loves too much. I am afraid to be loved. Thank you for telling me that I am wanted. No one ever wanted me. Thank you for wanting me to live. Jesus wants me. I am just scared at times of him. He has not hurt me, though. He took me to heaven with him for a little bit. He does love me. I am still confused sometimes, though. I am ‘Beloved of God’. I don’t want to be ‘Reject’ ever again. I’ve seen alters profoundly helped by being given a significant, positive name. So choice of names is worthy of prayer. Sex – Marital Relations If some alters are distressed by marital relations and some are not, it is good for those who are not comfortable with it to go to the Safe Haven during such times. Those who are happy to be out at such times, however, should explain to the others that there is no danger to those who choose to be out. Marital relations need not be a traumatic experience for alters who have suffered sexual abuse. In fact, I have been reliably informed that it can sometimes be such a positive experience that alters have been known to first reveal themselves during physical lovemaking, not because they were the slightest traumatized but because they felt so loved and valued. Complications in Relating to People People with D.I.D. have a stupendous yearning to feel loved, secure and “normal.” This puts them under enormous pressure to enter into romantic relationships, or even marriage, long before they are able to make such a decision calmly and wisely. Consequently, appalling numbers end up in abusive relationships or relationships that are tragically more torturous for both them and their partners than if they had restrained themselves and waited until they were healed. It is better to remain single than choose a partner who does not thoroughly understand D.I.D. However, although it is natural to be attracted to someone who understands D.I.D. very well because he/she has D.I.D. , the union would create such a highly complex marriage that it would be highly challenging for the most psychologically robust person, much less to anyone still recovering from D.I.D. Little Alters (Older than Babies) Here’s a pertinent quote from Healing and Wholeness for Alters The Horror of Being a Child Alter It is hard to conceive of a more tortured existence than that of an alter living in an adult body and yet trapped in the years of childhood. When treated kindly and wisely, alters can find total relief, but unless they receive the attention and comfort they deserve, their pain will never end this side of the grave. Moreover, unless people with alters learn how to avoid making things worse, they will almost inevitably create still more sources of suffering for their already severely traumatized alters. No matter how much people might despise the fact that they have alters, they must face the obvious reality that no one can have peace while a part of him/her is reeling in pain. To live in denial, and ignore the needs of one’s alters will only perpetuate, and quite possibly intensify, one’s anguish. We’ll look at how to give alters the help and comfort they need. For insight into how much child alters typically suffer, try vividly imagining being in the following endless nightmare. You are three years old and have not only suffered deeply damaging trauma; you are endlessly reliving it. As if this were not enough torment, you are trapped in an adult body, which results in the perpetual horror of you being as real as anyone else and yet treated as nothing. You are despised by all of the few people in the world who are vaguely aware of you, and you are sure their reaction proves you are a hideous freak. You cannot let a single person see you play or giggle or cry. Anyone – you know of no exceptions – catching a glimpse of you acting your age will ignorantly but sincerely conclude that you are literally insane, or at the very least, abnormal. Even children think it weird to see an adult acting like a child, and children are usually quick to speak their mind. So you dare not talk to anyone or even let them chance upon seeing you act in any way that for you is natural. You feel forced to all sorts of extremes to hide from everyone, and yet you have the desperate human need to end psychologically damaging isolation. Moreover, how can you avoid making your embarrassing presence felt? You might not even be potty trained. Imagine, if you dare, the implications of someone in an adult body having that problem. You might not have grasped that when people see you, they see the body of an adult. (The common blindness of alters to the true nature of the body they live in is only slightly more extreme than that of a dangerously thin anorexic seeing herself as fat.) If you believe you have a child’s body when you don’t, you won’t understand people’s disgust at you acting as a child and so you will take their reaction even more personally. And if you live in the body of a menstruating woman, you will be disturbed that someone very close to you bleeds. No one has ever explained to you that this is not a life-threatening illness. If you have grasped that it is your body that is bleeding, you could be even more distressed. And having the body of a sexually mature woman might subject you to more sexual advances that terrify you. It might be that the one person hardest to be utterly invisible to – the host person in whose adult body you live, the one who best understands you and should be your greatest ally – finds you such an embarrassment that he or she hates you and, it seems, would literally kill you, given half the chance. You have not only a normal child’s craving for hugs and touch but your trauma accentuates this need. Nevertheless, you either find yourself in the body of a person who doesn’t get nearly the degree of touch that you as a distressed child need, or you are sentenced to live in the body of a married person who receives touch that is traumatically inappropriate for a child. More alarming still, sexual abuse is quite likely the very trauma that made you an alter in the first place. You could find yourself repeatedly exposed to movies, conversations and behavior that might be acceptable for adults but are deeply upsetting or even terrifying for a three-year-old. To magnify every source of agony: you find yourself, through no fault of your own, in the devastating predicament of being unable to grow up. This means that unless someone at last recognizes your needs and helps you mature mentally, you must suffer all this loneliness, rejection and devastatingly low self-esteem, not merely for the length of a normal childhood but for twenty, thirty, forty or more years. It can be deeply disturbing when you finally learn that you are actually part of a much older person. Suddenly you no longer feel you know who you are. How should you act now that you know you are not really a child but you still feel like one and you still like doing what others regard as childish things? Realizing that you are decades older than you thought could mean the shattering of many cherished dreams. So much you had hoped for as a child has either already passed or you now know can never happen. It’s not just young alters that can suffer greatly from the way their hosts and/or other people treat them. Consider, for example, an average man who has an alter who believes he is female. Imagine how that alter would be treated, both by the man and by everyone else. One needs to be alert to the fact that little alters can be naïve and vulnerable and particularly prone to forming an unhealthy attachment and/or dependency upon people. There are dangers, for example, if alters regard anyone as their mother, other than another alter or their real mother. Everyone with D.I.D. has suffered horrific abuse as a child – usually, far more than they realize – and parts of you continue to greatly suffer because of it. I beg you not to continue the abuse by denying little alters the things they need to feel loved, valued and comforted. Parts of you might be filled with such self-loathing that they do not believe they should enjoy life or have fun and some even feel guilty about trying. Please try hard not to let these views keep other parts of you from healing. Little alters can end up having amazing abilities that will help you immeasurably in your employment, spiritual life and other vital aspects of living. But for this to happen they need to be able to heal and develop in their own time and way. Dolls, Toys & Play   Before focusing on how children normally use dolls and stuffed toys and why it is helpful for young alters to do likewise, I draw your attention to a quite different way that some people with Dissociative Identity Disorder use them. Sometimes a host (the mature alter who most often relates to the outside world) might use dolls or stuffed toys to represent alters. A host might, for example, gather dolls and stuffed toys around him/her and read them a story or hug them. One host would even put a doll to her breast and pretend to breastfeed an alter. It ended up being not just comforting but profoundly healing to the alter the doll represented.   Using dolls/stuffed toys this way might at first seem bizarre, and some people will never do it. Nevertheless, it is as useful as military strategists in a war room using models on a map to represent troop movements. Just as talking out loud, or writing, can sometimes help by making an internal conversation seem more real, so this can help externalize an internal interaction with an alter, making it seem more tangible and so deepen the impact.   Another unusual application is using dolls to represent sexual encounters. Like porn or self-harm, this is usually unhealthy. One danger, for example, is that an alter might end up imagining doing it to someone else and so edge toward becoming an abuser. It might, however, be used sparingly to explain to a therapist some aspect of past abuse.   Let’s now move to alters playing like normal children.   Older parts of you are likely to despise the things that comfort little children and help them develop. Nevertheless, you have been robbed of a normal childhood and no matter how hard you try to ignore it, parts of you have needs that have never been met. You will end up more at peace and more whole if you:   allow these needs to be fully met   let the hurting parts of you be comforted, feel loved and secure   let your little alters grow up (as contrasted with being forced to act as if they are grown up when they are not).   Moreover, little alters playing together is an important way of developing teamwork, which is essential for you to reach your full potential.   An alter was formed when just a baby and, for the next almost forty years, assumed a highly responsible role. She had little conception of the importance of play until other alters began to heal and it was suggested she temporarily hand over her responsibilities to them so that she could revert to being a child for a while. She writes:   By going back to being a child I learned to relax and play like a child. It taught me the purpose behind all the tomfoolery that kids accomplish. There is always the learning aspect to play but, more important than specific skills, being a child is about learning to relax and take it easy. Adults forget this necessity sometimes because of all the cares and burdens they are responsible for.   The sad part was that I had all of those adult cares and burdens heaped on my shoulder from the very beginning of life, so I didn’t even know I needed to learn to relax and have fun. Going back to being a child exposed all of that to me.   My whole life had been about trying to be strong. I had to be strong to deal with my family’s everyday life. I had to put aside all of my feelings and my own secret hurt and continually focus on all the different kinds of abuse we suffered. I had to be strong by making sure each alter was out when he or she was needed and that no alters were out when they shouldn’t be. Having any kind of feeling or expressing a want or a need was a sign of weakness and in my home being weak was dangerous, even life-threatening.   Even when we had escaped from our abusers I continued to act as though we were still there. It was the only way I knew to make sense of life. So I continued denying my feelings, needs and wants. I continued to reject any memories I had. I continued trying to be strong and making sure that all of the alters were in their appropriate places.   My time of reverting to being a child gave me the chance to grow up in as normal a way as possible and has inspired me to work on finding ways to take a break and relax and deal with feelings, rather than keep trying to shove them aside.   False Memories   Genuine memories of unpleasant events often feel unreal. Such feelings do not imply that the events did not happen. For example, even when perfectly normal people are coming to terms with the death of a loved one, they often have times when it feels unbelievable that the person is dead. Moreover, a common form of dissociation is for one part of a person to be aware of and recall a traumatic event but for a different part of the person to experience the associated feelings (horror, fear, pain, and so on), or for someone in a traumatic situation to go into a trancelike state in which he/she feels he/she is not present. Another common occurrence is for a person to switch alters (perhaps even several times) partway through a traumatic event so that no single alter knows the full sequence of events. In any of these cases, an alter’s memories of an event will inevitably have a strong feeling of unreality about it.   Another complication is that, for their own desperate need to feel secure and perhaps other reasons, children have a deep need to love and respect their parents and other significant adults in their lives. Moreover, people’s moods often change more markedly than little children can come to terms with. An obvious example is an alcoholic who is angry and violent only when drunk. Another is someone who is very different when out of the public eye. To little children, it can seem as if it is no longer the same person and even older ones can recoil from believing it is the same person and prefer to live in denial. This alone can be quite a factor in causing the formation of alters, with the result that parts of a person are left totally unaware of the person’s bad side. Moreover, the part of the person left ignorant is usually the host – the part who is out most often – so that that part is emotionally freed up to face the demands of everyday living.   Unfortunately, it is easy to jump to a wrong conclusion when you have only five random pieces of a huge jigsaw puzzle, but early in the healing journey, the information you so far have is just like that. Anyone trying to piece together just fragments of surfaced memories could make a sincere mistake. For example, I know an abuse survivor who for a little while mistakenly concluded that her father must have been involved because in one memory she could see two men present when she was being abused. She knew that one of the abusers was her neighbor but she could not see the face of the other and she could not recall her father allowing her to go anywhere without his supervision. After prayer, her memory became clearer and it turned out that she was remembering a time when, while being abused, she had deliberately pictured in her mind a demon standing next to her abuser. It was a way of telling herself, while it was happening, how evil and horrifying this event was. This might seem weird but she was very young and highly traumatized and the abuser had claimed to have demons.   When remembering things that happened as a little child, you are not only usually seeing only tiny snippets of a long event, you are seeing them not rationally but through the terrified eyes of a traumatized child. The potential for misinterpretation abounds.   I know a woman who had the memory surface of being in a darkened haunted house surrounded by mutilated human corpses and other grizzly scenes. In her memory, a man in a black cape suddenly grabbed her and proceeded to sexually molest her. We explored this memory together and it turned out that the memory was not as bizarre as one might suppose. It was a memory of when she was three. At that age, she was unable to understand that the “haunted house” at a carnival was make-believe. What to older children was just scary fun, was terrifyingly real to such a little girl. No one twice her age should have been there. Had her father been able to remain with her, it would not have been so traumatic for her but he was too big to squeeze through some of the passageways and they got separated. Her memory of the molestation was accurate, along with everything else that she saw, but her interpretation of some details – that were real corpses, for example – needed to be reevaluated from an adult perspective.   Another complication is that dreams can sometimes be like flashbacks and be very accurate memories, but at other times they are symbolic.   I know a woman who repeatedly has nightmares in which blood is everywhere and she is being sacrificed on an altar by Christians. In reality, she has never in her life been on an altar, nor have Christians physically attacked her – except her parents, who claimed to be Christians, had often mercilessly beaten her on the buttocks (without drawing blood). These nightmares were not of literal events but were her mind expressing how it felt to be on the receiving end of the way certain church-goers had treated her and how horrifying, heartless and malicious their actions had been. The dream might seem a gross exaggeration but it was emotionally accurate. What they had done to her over and over in real life by verbally attacking her, falsely accusing her and persistently trying to take her baby from her, had literally filled her with terror and had brought her within a hair’s breadth of suicide. The altar in her dream was symbolically appropriate because altars have religious overtones and it was in the name of religion that these people had so deeply traumatized her. For years, the dream had kept repeating because in her mind the matter remained unresolved. She continued to fear in the present a repeat from other Christians of what she had suffered in the past.   This woman is also plagued by other nightmares in which she sees corpses and she is accused of having killed them. In her dream, she cannot actually recall having killed anyone but she fears that she might have. She also gets the impression that one of the dead bodies is that of her only child. This often repeated nightmare is not because she has ever physically hurt anyone but is a manifestation of the severe anxiety she suffers.   To help you understand, I need for a moment to explain anxiety. Anxiety feels  like a guilty conscience, and excess anxiety can have peculiar effects on those who suffer it. A common example is sensitive new mothers who are plagued with thoughts of killing their babies. We have all heard of post-natal depression. Clinical anxiety (anxiety induced by a medical condition) and clinical depression are closely linked (often the same medication is prescribed for both) and the anxiety new mothers sometimes suffer has a very similar medical basis to post-natal depression. What any nervous mother most fears is hurting her baby. This, when magnified by excess anxiety, can cause some mothers to be so plagued by fears of harming their baby that they find themselves unwillingly imagining harming them (by stabbing them, for example). That is the last thing they would ever want and they are so horrified to suffer such a thought that they become preoccupied with it and so keep having the thought over and over. This is just one example of what clinical anxiety can do.   This woman’s nightmares about possibly having killed people have similarities to what some anxiety-plagued new mothers suffer, and the nightmares are also powered by her low self-esteem and the false accusations she has been subjected to.   I have cited these two nightmares because had there been gaps in this woman’s memories – thankfully there were not – she could easily have wrongly presumed that instead of being symbolic, the vivid dreams were memories of actual literal events coming to her while she slept. She might have even, while awake, have concluded she was remembering her past when she was only remembering her dream. Your primary focus, however, should be gaining emotional and psychological relief, not trying to accurately reconstruct all the facts about your past.   Regaining Memories   Since dissociation is all about becoming highly detached from a tragic event, you can expect it to seem unreal. Moreover, if dissociation goes to the extreme of creating another personality, it truly is as if it happened not to you but to another person. In the process of healing from D.I.D., however, alters draw closer and closer. This is not merely like two separate people talking so often about their experiences that they know each other intimately, your alters are literally part of you. You share the same brain.   As alters cease to feel the need to keep secrets from each other, they gradually discover how to access each other’s memories. The very part of the brain where those memories are stored is no longer off limits to other alters.   Do not try to force this process but focus instead on removing any supposed need for access to these memories to be barred. The supposed need is largely driven by the worry that some parts will not be able to cope with the truth. There are two sides to this: not only can the alter who controls access to the memory keep the barrier up because of their concern about how others will cope with it, other alters can themselves fear that they could not cope and so avoid any attempt to access the memory. Once these concerns diminish (and they will as alters grow stronger) accessing each other’s memories begins to occur naturally. Learning how to do so is made easier by practicing accessing each other’s positive memories and abilities.   Things such as flashbacks are your mind screaming that it has had enough and can no longer keep living in denial and suppressing past experiences. Those past experiences need to recalled and faced and resolved. Sudden, unsought flashes of memory (sometimes they can be felt [body memories] rather than visually seen [flashback]) are unpleasant but are a huge step forward in the healing process. They are the mind rebelling against remaining fragmented because the emotional cost of fragmentation and the amount of mental effort required to maintain it is much higher than you probably realize. What you need to fear is not the past returning to your memory, but continually living in ignorance of your past. To keep yourself in ignorance is like trying to live in denial of a cancer that is curable if only you know you have it and seek help.   Objective verification of facts of childhood abuse (such as the testimony of other witnesses) is usually exceedingly hard, or even impossible, but do whatever you can in that regard. Sometimes there might be medical evidence such as a current x-ray revealing bones fractures that must have occurred as a child.   Keep journaling, getting to know your alters and looking to God but don’t be quick to accuse people of hurting you. On the other hand, however, treat any suspect with caution. For example, don’t get into a situation where you could end up alone with them or they could have access to your children.   Believing Yourself to be a Liar   It is not uncommon for people with D.I.D. to mistakenly think of themselves as liars. There are several reasons for this:   1.  Abusers crush their victims’ self-esteem, thus filling them with self-doubt.   2.  We all have a strong tendency to let what others say about us shape our self-image until we actually believe that is who we are. What makes this so significant to this discussion is that most people with D.I.D. have frequently been falsely accused of deliberately lying. Here are some reasons for these deeply wounding accusations:   Often an alter will do something in public when another alter is not present and so has no knowledge of it ever occurring. The alter who is totally unaware of the event is likely to sincerely deny all knowledge of it, thus making him/her seem like a liar in the eyes of other people who witnessed the event.   Motivated by the need to conceal the crimes they commit, abusers usually do their utmost to convince people into thinking they are very upright, respectable people. They often assume powerful leadership roles and are usually so good at deceit that decent people (for whom abuse itself is almost unthinkable) find it inconceivable that these apparently respectable deceivers could be guilty of such crimes. The tragic consequence is that if you tell these deceived people the truth, they are therefore more likely to believe the respected adult than the victim.   In order to protect themselves from being exposed as abusers, some abusers are cunning enough to deliberately set up their victims to be seen as liars if they tell anyone. Abusers do this by lying to their victims and deceiving them so that if their victims repeat what they have been tricked into believing, these things can easily be disproved, thus destroying the credibility of the victims when they say true things about the abuser.   3.  With D.I.D. you can expect to feel so detached from certain experiences that when an alter shares something you wish were not true that has been kept from your awareness all your life, there will be no ring of truth to it. Not only will it not feel  true, it is likely to be contrary to everything you have believed about a person. For example, for their own security children have a desperate need to believe the best about their parents and even abusive parents typically have times when they are nice to their children. If you have always been around when your parents were nice and other alters protected you by taking over when your parents were not nice, the full truth about them will seem like a lie.   4.  D.I.D. is all about trying to cope by living in denial of highly distressing truths. Having employed this technique all your life, it becomes a deeply ingrained habit. To convince yourself that an upsetting truth is a lie enables you to keep employing this time-worn survival technique even after you have heard the truth.   Fearing You have Committed a Crime   The following is taken from Sadistic Ritual Abuse Explained but it applies to many abusers:   Knowing that some children react to trauma by forming separate identities (insiders) as a coping mechanism, some abusers deliberately induce trauma. A typical way is to put their victims into a no-win situation, such as telling them that if they do not kill a certain person, then someone else dear to them will be killed. That way, no matter what the victims do, they will be riddled with horror and guilt over feeling a false sense of responsibility for the person’s death.   A key point to keep in focus is that the result is the same in the victim’s psyche regardless of whether the event actually happened or was merely a clever hoax. For example, if guns are filled with blanks and the person supposedly shot keels over in a pool of fake blood and is never seen again, the trauma will be as effective in producing an insider as if the person had actually been murdered. Furthermore, it is easier for the abuser if the event is actually an elaborate trick. It means, for example, there are no bodies to dispose of and if the abuse victim were ever to report the “murder” to the police they would discover that no one had been killed and the victim would be discredited, should he or she make other allegations.   We all know how convincing showmen (illusionists) can be when pretending to be magicians. On top of this, victims are usually young and already so highly traumatized that even the most intelligent victim is rendered vulnerable to tricksters. Some abusers force drugs upon their victims, making it even harder to discern reality.   Never forget that since abusers are given over to evil, they cannot be expected to be truthful. Just as the devil himself is a liar (John 8:44), deceit is second nature to these people. Moreover, it is very much in their interest to deceive, because the more they can deceive a victim, the less believable that person’s stories will sound if ever reported to authorities.   Abusers cannot be trusted to tell their victims the truth about anything. If, for example, abusers engage in satanic rituals, they might happen to believe in those practices but even their apparent belief could be a lie. They know that dark cloaked figures, “human sacrifice”, and eerie rituals would help traumatize a child and this could be enough to motivate them to use such things as props.   Unable to Recall Trauma   Parts of you are used to keeping you in the dark about various traumas you have suffered. They did this because they thought you were not strong enough to cope with the memories while functioning normally. What they have not taken sufficiently into account, however, is that you are now much more mature and have more support and now live a more stable life than when the trauma occurred and that the emotional cost of keeping you unaware is far higher than they realize because they need your maturity etc. to help them heal from past events. For more on the importance of facing the past, see:   Positive Confession? Or Living in Denial?   Another issue is alters believing an abuser’s threats that if they tell anyone about what happened to you, something terrible will happen. An abuser might say that if an alter says anything about the abuse, police will put you in jail, you’ll be stoned as an adulteress, you’ll be taken from your family, a demon will torture you, a loved one will be hurt, etc. Often the threat could be seen by an adult as being ridiculous or it is no longer valid because of the passage of time, but an alter trying to protect you is likely to be unaware of this unless you explain it to him/her. An alter might therefore keep information from you out of fear that you would blab what you learn to other people. This makes it very important that you respect the confidentiality of alters and that they know you are trustworthy in this regard. Certainly, help alters understand that it is safe to tell others, but don’t reveal anything without their permission to do so.   Forgetting Things   People with D.I.D. can be so forgetful that some have even feared they might have Alzheimer’s. Frequently, it causes immense stress and can get them accused of lying, simply because they honestly cannot recall events that observers know you did.   With D.I.D., the reason for forgetfulness is usually simple: D.I.D. is all about part of a person (an alter) protecting the rest of the person from having to cope with certain upsetting memories. They do this by keeping from the rest of the person all awareness of those memories, thus freeing the rest of the person to focus on other things necessary to succeed in life. The downside, however, is that it usually applies not just to traumatic memories but to neutral memories the alter has. So if the alter gains useful information needed for the person’s employment or everyday functioning, access to that information (memories) is temporarily lost whenever another alter takes control.   You could suddenly find yourself without critically-needed information simply because the alter that has that information is asleep or was upset and went into hiding. How long you are left without this information could vary from a few moments to years.   Since the temporary disappearance of an alter could occur unexpectedly, it is good to safeguard oneself by keeping written lists of things that need doing each day, written records of how to perform in one’s place of employment, and so on. Do this even if you feel sure you could never forget.   It is good to reach the stage where you have alter meetings in which all alters gather and fill each other in on what they have done, how they feel and so on. Some meetings can be longer, where things are discussed in length but even brief ones where everyone is brought quickly up-to-date can be of great value. Then it is not so disastrous if the alter who did something important is not around at a critical time. Such meetings can increase your efficiency and reduce embarrassing slipups.   It is also good to train up other alters in important tasks so that they can take over should a key alter suddenly not be available.   For many reasons, the more one heals, the less of an issue this is. For example, alters get stronger and so are increasingly less likely to be frightened into withdrawing deep inside, and other alters learn not to suddenly take over and displace the alter in charge. Also, as alters begin sharing secrets with each other, they lose the need to prevent others from accessing their memories. Eventually, their memories can be accessed even when they are not around.   Here’s a condensed and adapted extract from one of my webpages:   Sometimes a friend of mine with D.I.D. would wake in the morning to find things rearranged and – most frustrating of all – she would have to hunt everywhere for her keys that were not where she had left them.   One day, as I was chatting with her child alter, the alter mentioned in passing, as if it were something unusual, that last night she had slept all night. That immediately aroused my interest. “What do you usually do?” I asked.   It turned out that the alter only felt safe to play without ridicule when everyone else was asleep. She particularly liked playing with keys and her host had moved her other toys away from the bed, so she had to get up to access them.   “I try not to wake Mommy (her host),” she said. “Please don’t tell her.”   I gently persuaded her that her host would not be angry and obtained her permission to let the host know. It turned out that the host had overheard part of the conversation anyhow.   The host and alter were able to work out some amicable and effective solutions. An obvious start was to keep the toys by the edge of the bed, so that the alter could play with them in bed. Better still, the host explained to the alter how they would both feel more refreshed if they slept at the same time, and the host began slotting into her waking hours a time when her alter could play in privacy. She also purchased a pocket doll for her alter to play with when she was at work. Both alter and host benefited from this new level of mutual understanding and cooperation – and she could find her keys each morning.   Switching   Switching occurs when one part (an alter) of a person withdraws and another part takes full control of the person’s consciousness. It can occur either because the alter who had been in control voluntarily withdraws, or because another alter forcibly takes over. Voluntary withdrawal might simply be because the alter is tired, but it might be because something frightened the alter, such as something occurring that bears even a superficial similarity to some past trauma. When the alter goes deep inside, some other alter is forced to fill in the vacuum, even though the replacement alter might not have a clue about how to cope with the new responsibilities.   An alter might forcibly take over just because he/she enjoys being in the external world or it might be because the alter senses danger and feels he/she must take over to protect the rest of the person. The perceived danger might not necessarily be real. It could be something as harmless as meeting a man who wears the same aftershave as a former abuser. Nevertheless, it will feel  terrifying to the alter.   To quote from Forgetting Things:   Since the temporary disappearance of an alter could occur unexpectedly, it is good to safeguard oneself by keeping written lists of things that need doing each day, written records of how to perform in one’s place of employment, and so on. Do this even if you feel sure you could never forget.   For many reasons, the more one heals, the less of an issue this is. For example, alters get stronger and so are increasingly less likely to be frightened into withdrawing deep inside, and other alters learn not to suddenly take over and displace the alter in charge. Also, as alters begin sharing secrets with each other, they lose the need to prevent others from accessing their memories. Eventually, their memories can be accessed even when they are not around.   Body Time   The time when an alter has full control of the body and so can freely interact with the outside world is known as body-time. Some alters were once so terrified that they remained deep inside for many years but as they heal they gain confidence and become curious about the outside world. And some begin to really enjoy things most of us take for granted but to them are so new and exciting. Alters gaining the confidence to come out is a good sign and when they are fully healed they, and all the other alters, will always relate to the outside world. In the early stages, however, their inexperience in relating to the outside world can pose embarrassing and even dangerous problems. So until they gain all the needed knowledge and experience, their times in control need to be carefully monitored. They must learn not to take over without express permission from the alter with the needed experience and the experienced alter needs to remain in the background and supervise. This is known as co-consciousness.   Co-Consciousness   Co-consciousness occurs when two or more alters are simultaneously aware of what is happening in the external world. Usually one is the driver’s seat, as it were, and the other is able only to observe. Some describe it as like looking at the world from behind a plate glass window. For hosts or alters with little previous experience of this, it can initially be alarming to find oneself unable to control one’s own body, but with a little practice it can become as natural as learning to ride a bike.   You might almost always have one level of awareness, but there are other possibilities that you might sometimes experience. Other alters can also move from one level to another. Since such changes can be bewildering, let me list the possibilities.   1. You are fully in control of the body and are uninfluenced by any other alter . If you almost always have this level of consciousness (and especially if other alters rarely, if ever, take over the body when you sleep), you will find it difficult to believe you have D.I.D. Even if you are aware of other alters or of having symptoms associated with D.I.D., you might have an alter who has no such awareness and is often in charge of the body. If that alter were the only one to interact with a therapist, it is unlikely that even a skilled therapist will detect D.I.D. This can make diagnosis problematical.   2. You are fully in control of the body but are being fed information and/or skills and/or feelings by one or more other alters.  You might realize that other alters are contributing, or you might presume that it is all your own doing. If you are in the latter situation, you might be puzzled as to why your feelings sometimes do not match your circumstances. You might also have become so accustomed to being fed a particular ability that you are shocked when you suddenly lose that ability when that alter sleeps or goes deeper inside. All that you might know about it is that you no longer have that ability. A common reason for an alter suddenly withdrawing is that something frightens the alter (it might not be upsetting to you ) because what happened bears superficial similarities to something unpleasant that the alter experienced years ago. Usually, the alter does not remain in hiding for very long, but it can be very disconcerting when it happens, and you can be left floundering without that alters knowledge and/or skills.   3. You retain awareness of the outside world and of what is happening to your body, but you have no control over the body because another alter has exclusive control over it. In this case, you will be acutely conscious that something unusual is happening.   4. You have lost any awareness of the outside world, and may or may not have any awareness of alters in the inside world.   Confusion   I have never heard the word confused  nearly used so often as when talking with people with Dissociative Identity Disorder.   A primary reason for confusion is alters becoming aware of current reality after having been buried deep inside for many years. It is like the fable of Rip Van Winkle who went to sleep for twenty years. What seemed like only yesterday was actually years ago and so much had changed without his awareness.   Moreover, in the case of alters who were young when they lost awareness of the outside world, not only do they find themselves in a different time and place, enormous changes have occurred to their own bodies. What a shock to suddenly discover that their body has suddenly not only grown up but become that of a middle-aged person! Some alters even go to sleep convinced they are one gender, only to look in a mirror and find that their outside body is that of the opposite sex.   Another common source of confusion occurs when an alter quite familiar with current circumstances is suddenly displaced by another alter but the original alter or host remains co-conscious and finds himself/herself unable to control his or her own body.   Not only does the displaced alter temporarily lose the ability to control the body, but the new alter might not even be able to do so. The alter taking over might be a baby who has not yet learned how to walk or control his/her bodily functions. Moreover, to a little alter, everything could seem big and mysterious.   If, however, the temporarily displaced alter does not remain aware of what is happening, that introduces another source of confusion. When the alter finally regains consciousness, another part of him/her will have moved things and perhaps spoken with other people without the original alter having any recollection of it.   I am astonished by how quickly – usually just a matter of days – alters come to terms with these massive changes, but who wouldn’t initially be confused? Feeling confused is disturbing at first but, as unpleasant as it initially is, it is among the most wonderful things that could ever happen because it opens up all sorts of beautiful healing opportunities.   Another source of confusion is that alters can switch one or more times during a traumatic event so that no single alter recalls the entire event, and it is only when all participating alters reveal what they remember that the entire event can be pieced together. When only a portion of the event is known, it is easy to incorrectly presume how it began or ended.   Yet another perplexing source of confusion is feeling fearful or sad or some other emotion and finding no reason for that feeling. Such instances are likely to be because the feelings of another alter are washing over you. Ask the alter (even if you are not sure whether he or she can hear) why he feels that way. This can be a wonderful opportunity to get to know an alter better. The simple act of the alter sharing with you can help the alter feel less isolated and so bring the alter a degree of comfort. You are likely to also be able to give some reassurance or helpful advice to the alter.   When you feel confused and are not sure why, it could be an alter who is feeling this way. So act on this possibility by telling yourself (preferably out loud) in the hope that the alter might hear: “You have been asleep for a very long time and many things have changed but most of the changes have been good.” Tell the alter about the good things that have happened in your life. If, for example, you are safer now than when the alter was probably formed, say so.   Alters that have been buried inside for a long while have been kept needlessly tormented by being cut off from so many things that would give them peace and reassurance. For example, they are likely to have been living in constant fear, expecting to be abused again at any moment because they have no idea that the abuser no longer has access to them. They had thought themselves to be weak and vulnerable and that no one would believe them, because they had no idea that they now live in a much stronger, more mature body and are no longer dependent upon their abuser. Little children are easily deceived and frightened and manipulated and now they finally have you; a safe, loving and wise person to protect and guide them.   You, yourself, will feel more peace and security when an alter feels more loved and secure because of you.   There is yet another good thing associated with the fact that feeling confused means an alter is re-connecting with the real world: it gives you the opportunity to connect with a part of you who has valuable skills and intellectual abilities. It opens the way for you to become more capable than ever.   Anxiety   Because of the trauma people with Dissociative Identity Disorder have suffered, anxiety is distressingly common for them. In their past, they were so often anxious for good reason that it became virtually a way of life – an ingrained habit – making it difficult to return to normal levels of calmness. Even when things are going well they tend to expect it not to last long and minor things trigger a return to anxiety.   Like a useful campfire that gets out of control and becomes a raging wildfire, it is good to have a rational concern about getting too close to a venomous spider but it can get out of control and escalate to an irrational fear of spiders that are a safe distance away and to fearing harmless spiders and even fearing being anywhere there is the slightest possibility of spiders. So it is with all fear and anxiety. It can become an out-of-control habit. It is no more the person’s fault than an innocent child being forcibly injected with drugs until he is thoroughly addicted. Old habits can be broken, however, and replaced by new ones. Nevertheless, like breaking an addiction, it takes sustained effort.   Excessive anxiety can also be linked to an imbalance in a person’s body chemistry and often this can be at least partly rectified by medication.   Another factor is that lack of sleep typically worsens anxiety, and anxiety often hinders one’s ability to sleep, so this interaction can become a vicious circle.   It is helpful to understand the effect of anxiety.   Anxiety acts as an alarm that goes off within us indicating that something is seriously wrong and causing our brain to keep seeking the reason so that it can be corrected.   When, for example, a fire alarm goes off, it sounds the same regardless of whether it was triggered by an actual fire or by a technical malfunction. Since a false alarm sounds exactly the same – highly unpleasant – as when it is triggered by genuine danger, it is very tempting to feel disturbed about the alarm continuing, even when you have checked and confirmed that there is no danger. So it is with your anxiety. Unfortunately, for as long as you suffer from this anxiety you will just have to keep reminding yourself that it is a false alarm and get used to it blaring and being unpleasant and refuse to treat it as if it were real.   When anxiety is a false alarm it is not only unpleasant, it can confuse us spiritually. Anxiety feels like a torturously guilty conscience that keeps nagging away no matter how utterly we are divinely forgiven, cleansed of all sin and made holy by faith in Jesus. God has promised to forgive all the sins of everyone who puts his/her faith in the forgiving power of Jesus’ sacrifice. Since anxiety is far too incessant to be ignored, however, it is hard not to slip into believing the persistent, overwhelmingly strong feeling, rather than keep stubbornly believing God’s promise. Add to this the fact that anxiety keeps telling us that something is seriously wrong when everything is actually fine, and the foundation to our entire relationship with God – believing that through Jesus our past failings no longer hinder our relationship with God – is under attack. The spiritual confusion can be serious if we cave in to believing our powerfully deceptive feelings rather than resolutely clinging to raw faith in both Christ’s eagerness to secure our full forgiveness and his ability to do so.   You will be filled with guilt and anxiety but the key is to learn to live with such feelings and neither fear the feelings nor believe them. This will be a tough battle because your feelings will be very intense and seem so real, but all of us are called to live by faith and not feelings. For much help with this battle, see Scrupulosity: Worried by Severe Guilt Feelings   and keep following the main link at the end of each page for as many pages as it takes. Most likely, you will need to keep returning to those pages.   For those suffering from an Anxiety Disorder, living by raw faith is much harder to do than for other people, but it is like a coach making his star athlete engage in much heavier training than others – it will end up making him stronger than others, even though during tough training sessions he will seem much weaker than those who are lazing around. It is like a runner lugging heavy weights on the back – it feels as if it is weakening him but it will actually make him stronger as he keeps struggling on.   Anxiety can even cause us to keep thinking things that we desperately want not to think, such as harming a loved one or being hounded by horrifically blasphemous thoughts. For help with this, see When a Christian Can’t Stop Thinking Blasphemous Thoughts . For valuable help with anxiety see Fear, Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD):Christian Therapy For still more about the anxiety that traumatized people suffer, see the next two sections below.   Post Traumatic Stress Disorder   It is possible not to recall the actual events but Dissociative Identity Disorder is a consequence of severe childhood trauma. Since Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is likewise a consequence of having suffered trauma, it is usual for people with D.I.D. to suffer from PTSD. In fact, especially because therapists tend to be more familiar with PTSD than with D.I.D. they often detect it in people before discovering that they also have D.I.D.   Fears, Phobias   You could easily have alters who fear things that are no longer a concern because he/she is unaware of things that have happened since the trauma that formed him/her. For example, the abuser might no longer have access to you, your body might now be more mature and stronger, and your maturity means you are no longer dependent upon abusive family members, abusers are more afraid of you now that you are older, because your testimony is more likely to be believed.   Here is a small, condensed extract from Fear, (PTSD): Christian Help & Cure. You really should read it all.   Fear is a horrible feeling; but it is just a feeling; not reality.   When it is based not on present danger but is a mere carryover from a past experience, fear is deception. It is a seductive temptress enticing us to cheat on God and ditch his beautiful plans for our life. It is a disgusting con man cheating us out of our rights and duping us into letting him keep robbing us of peace, achievement and fulfilment.   Fear is a prison taking away our freedom; a bleak dungeon that we dupe ourselves into pretending is a cozy comfort zone. We block off the open door with a Home, Sweet Home  placard and shiver in the cold; choosing chilly isolation instead of sunny reality; preferring to feel sorry for ourselves than become achievers.   Fear is an ever-encroaching desert; a cancer that keeps spreading to healthy parts of a person.   Fear is an enemy, but one we can defeat; winning for ourselves immense glory. Others might not realize the magnitude of our victory in breaking out of our cruel confinement into normality, but all of heaven knows and it will forever hail us as heroes.   The appropriate response is to rise up in anger and refuse to let fear rob, cheat and bluff us any longer.   We might have been born in defeat and mediocrity but we have been born again as children of the King of kings. This makes us divine r oyalty; princes and princesses of the Lord of the universe, not slaves to feelings. Empowered by supernatural union with our crucified Lord, let’s die to the soft life and rise to the glory of our calling as Christ’s champions. The journey to Christlikeness is neither quick nor easy, but as Christ sweat for you in Gethsemane, so you can sweat for him – and win eternal glory.   You’ll find much help, comfort and encouragement in Fear, (PTSD): Christian Help & Cure   Fearing You’re Going Insane   It is common when people become aware of their different personalities, for such unusual things to occur that they begin to fear they are going insane. Here are the most common causes of this understandable but groundless fear:   You might have discovered you have done something without any memory of having done it. Selective memory is hardly surprising, given that a major reason for developing D.I.D. is to keep certain memories from the rest of you. It will be resolved when alters gain confidence in sharing memories and in cooperating with each other.   You might suddenly lose certain abilities. If, for example, a baby alter took over, you might not be able to walk, but only crawl. Or you might lose awareness of where you live and get lost driving home from work. You will regain these abilities.   You might, for no apparent reason, feel emotionless or feel strong emotions, such as fear or anger. This is because another alter’s emotions, for whom the feelings make perfect sense, are washing over you.   You might feel like a different person, with different likes and dislikes, and perhaps even feel you are the opposite sex.   Most things likely to initially disturb you are simply due to changes in the mix of alters who are close to the surface of your consciousness. Alters differ in their abilities, emotions, memories and personalities. Especially if something spooks them, some with will withdraw and others will come to the fore. As healing progresses, however, things will stabilize, with alters feeling safer and stronger.   A part of you physically hurts you, perhaps when you are asleep. If you had distressing experiences as a child, it would not be unusual for part of you to still be reeling in unhealed pain. (In fact, a part holding on to this pain is probably what keeps you from being so aware of it.) Self-harm is a very common response to extreme inner pain.   A part of you keeps sabotaging your good intentions. You might for example, want to break a habit but a part of you cut off from your understanding, sees no point in doing so.   When you begin to heal, peculiar things like the above might happen more than even before. This is not because you are getting worse but because you are growing in awareness of things that had previously been blocked from your consciousness, and because alters are becoming more hopeful that it is safe to reveal themselves to you and that they can heal.   People fearing they are going insane because of symptoms related to D.I.D. can relax. Dissociative Identity Disorder is not an illness, insists Psychiatrist Dr George Blair-West.   He declared on national television about someone with over two thousand alters, “There is nothing wrong with Jeni’s human mind or any other person who suffers from dissociative identity disorder. Their mind is just coming up with an incredibly sophisticated, clever solution to a scenario that most of us could not begin to understand or relate to. . . . The thing that seems to push the mind to do this, more than anything else, is realizing you have no way out – that nobody is going to come and get you, nobody’s there to save you: you’re on your own and you have to come up with a solution that is entirely of your own . . . and you are doing it in this incredibly sophisticated way, which is why this condition is not an illness.”   Dissociative Identity Disorder has given Jeni what he calls superpowers, one of which is her memory. “She has a memory unlike yours or my memory. Her alters are living in different time-space realities, effectively – particularly those younger ones. . . . It’s almost like being able to click on a folder in a computer, open it up and read it, without any decay over a 40-year period,” he said on Australian national television.   Let’s look at it another way:   In a sense, we all have multiple personalities and switch between them according to our circumstances. We would act differently, for instance, in each of the following circumstances:   In the presence of a head of state When alone with our spouse On a night out with the girls/guys When playing with children When depressed   In other ways, too, everyone has “multiple personalities.” For example, we might say, “My heart says one thing, but my head says another.” The ability to see things from such different perspectives can be a significant asset. When indecisive, we speak of being “in two minds.” When dieting we are not sure which part of us will win – the part wanting to be thin or the part wanting to keep eating. In Romans 7, Paul devoted almost an entire chapter detailing the battle within himself between the part of him wanting to obey God and the part wanting to indulge himself. “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do” (Romans 7:15).   So having multiple personalities is not nearly as abnormal as it first seems. Moreover, dissociation is normal. In order to focus on the task at hand, all of us sometimes temporarily put unpleasant memories out of our minds, or tune out to such distractions as background noises. It is just that for some people this natural tendency is done to a greater extent. For them, shutting off awareness of certain distressing things is done so effectively that a separate consciousness forms within the person, with part of the person knowing, feeling and thinking some things that the other part does not.   Traumatized children – especially those who are artistically and/or intellectually gifted – have a remarkable ability. They are able to soldier on by splitting into a highly functional part that has little awareness of the extent of their suffering, and other parts that are much more aware of what happens out of the public eye. These people have, from an early age, stumbled upon an ingenious mental strategy for coping with situations that are almost beyond human endurance.   When people first become aware of their alters, it is often quite a shock and some rather weird things can happen, such as doing various things without any memory of having done them. At this stage of the healing journey, you might begin to wonder if you are going insane. Nevertheless, this is the time when one is actually becoming saner than ever, because one is finally getting in touch with his/her inner reality and no longer living in denial.   Remember that you have survived when things were at their worst and things will slowly improve from now on.   Some alters have self-images and beliefs that might seem bizarre to you but it is consistent with traumatized children who were cruelly tricked and lied to and then kept cut off from reality. It is also consistent with precious children whose reality was so appalling that they felt compelled to try giving themselves a break by creating a fantasy world.   When you were too young to cope with all that was thrown at you, you cleverly kept your mind compartmentalized so that parts of you could focus on various necessary tasks without being overwhelmed by consciousness of other mind-numbing events. Now that the crisis is over, the walls are beginning to come down so that you can become whole. To quote from Healing your “Inner Child” / Inner Pain:   Even though having alters is a common, well-documented reaction to childhood trauma, it is usual for people, upon first discovering that they have alters, to find it deeply disturbing and seek repeated assurance that they are not going insane. In reality, for any of us who have alters, the discovery is a very healthy sign and a significant step toward far more peace, joy and fulfilment than we have ever known.   As explained in The Positive Benefits of D.I.D.: Does Multiple Personality Disorder Create a Superior Brain? , I believe that Dissociative Identity Disorder develops the brain beyond what it otherwise would have, such that when a person begins to heal from the disorder, having had multiple personalities actually turns out to be an intellectual advantage. Of course, until healing commences, having Dissociative Identity Disorder is primarily a disadvantage because and each alter (and the host) has access to only a portion of the person’s brain.   Feelings of confusion as well as strange symptoms are normal for people recovering from D.I.D. From time to time, a friend of mine would ask the Lord what was wrong with him. Each time God would simply but very tenderly reply, “You have alters. I’m healing you.”   It is most unfortunate that in old, ill-informed circles, schizophrenia was mislabelled “split personality.” This grossly inappropriate name might cause someone unfamiliar with psychology to wrongly imagine there could be a link between schizophrenia and what used to be called Multiple Personality Disorder. There is not even a superficial similarity. Unlike schizophrenia, Dissociative Identity Disorder does not cause bouts of insanity, nor is it helped by medication (although someone with D.I.D. might have additional conditions like depression that might be helped by medication). The differences go on and on.   Here’s some advice from a protector alter to other protector alters that everyone with D.I.D. could all heed:   If someone breaks a leg, there is a critical period when a crutch aids healing but the time arrives when continued use of the crutch hinders the final stages of healing. You have been that crutch that has contributed greatly to healing your alters and now you have reached that thrilling point when your role needs to change. There are still many responsibilities, but your sacrifices for your alters have brought them to the point where they can now help. And you need to let them do this, both for their sake and for yours. Trust your alters. It will release them into their final stage of healing and will do the same for you.   It’s likely that alters are fighting with you and the tug-o-war is getting you nowhere. Let go of the rope. Just let what is happening happen. You cannot disappear. Neither can you go insane. Your D.I.D. will ensure that your mind has the flexibility to adapt, and God is with you. You are on the brink of something you have always yearned for but never dared hope could be yours. Let go, my friend, and ride to fulfilment, resting in the safe arms of God. What is happening to you is exceptionally healthy. Your mind is birthing something new and wonderful. Be at peace.   Wanting Revenge or Justice Christians & Raw Emotions: Hate & Anger at Injustice Revenge! Divine Vengeance Against Those Who Hurt You Christian, Be Angry! And Sin Not Serious, Do-It-Yourself Healing of Inner Pain, Anger or Distress from Trauma, Bereavement, Divorce, Breakup, Abuse, Tragedy, Etc.   Grief and Regret   It is common for an alter to grieve missing out on things that other alters enjoyed, such as being around when their children were growing up. Help them understand that in time they will be able to fully access all the memories and experiences other alters had and it will be exactly as if those experiences were their own. So this is not something to grieve about because the loss is only temporary.   Integration   Dissociation is about losing control. You lose access to parts of your brain with their associated abilities, knowledge, feelings and so on. It means you lose some of your intellectual capacity. You lose your ability to reach your full potential.   Dissociation also involves keeping parts of you ignorant of the knowledge that would bring you relief from inner pain, turmoil and needless distress. Whereas smart decision-making hinges on knowing as many of the relevant facts as possible, dissociation keeps any part of you from having full access to all the facts. Dissociation often occurs at unexpected times; causing its victims to suddenly be left in the lurch without relevant facts and/or abilities. It can result in being falsely accused not just of stupidity but of lying. Ending dissociation, however, has nothing to do with losing any alters. On the contrary, since each alter has exclusive access to a different part of your intellectual capacity, losing any alter would keep you permanently dissociated. This renders it ludicrous to suppose that healing would involve losing any of your alters. Each alter is a precious, irreplaceable part of you.   Since healing involves strengthening every part of you, real healing of D.I.D. has as its goal the empowering of each alter. It is setting them free from the fear, confusion, isolation and ignorance imposed on them by their abuser(s) who had cruelly deceived and manipulated them. It is ending torment so that each alter becomes more fulfilled and beautiful and responsible than you ever thought possible. It is helping each alter to be happier, more peaceful, competent, and more in charge.   Keeping alters suppressed or isolated causes them to be bitter, hateful and weird. The more empowered they are, the more Christlike they will be and the more like each other they will be. This happens because they will become increasingly aware of current circumstances and of your understanding of Christ, and the damaging lies the abuser(s) told them will be exposed as lies. They will become increasingly skilled at accessing each other’s abilities and this will increase their desire not to dominate other alters but to love each other and enjoy their companionship. As this process develops, uniting with other alters will no longer seem scary but will be increasingly natural and it will in no way diminish them but will cause them to feel more secure, more important and more alive.   The more that alters heal, the more alike they become. Young alters grow up, those who think it is the 1990s understand what year it really is and adjust to everyday living, those who hate God gradually fall in love with him and become kind and supportive, those who desperately need to express themselves will have had ample opportunities to do so, those who thought they were the opposite sex find peace with being the gender they really are, and so on. This means that, over the years, integration will get easier and easier and will eventually begin to occur naturally, unless there is some hold up in the healing progress.   Alters are very sensitive and cannot be pressured into integration. Any attempt to force them could cause them to retreat into long-term hiding and result not in healing but in a serious setback. The goal should not be peace or an easy life but to maximize your abilities so that you can achieve the most in life. This will end up bringing the greatest fulfilment, for which you will forever be grateful.   Integration is two or more alters merging. It seldom starts with all alters uniting but with just two. The next merging might not involve those two but another pair of alters merging with each other. And so on. It has nothing to do with getting rid of an alter you do not like . On the contrary, it is liking an alter so much that you choose to be with him/her 24/7. It is like moving from friendship to marriage, only the union is even deeper.   Because some people mistakenly think that integration is getting rid of an alter, they suppose that no longer being aware of an alter means integration has occurred, when all that has happened is that the alter has gone into hiding.   Integration is not the end of an alter but the end of the disadvantages of splitting. It is the end, for example, of times when you find yourself floundering due to the loss of information and abilities when a certain alter is not around. It involves continually having the other’s strengths and abilities and companionship and support. The price is that it also involves full awareness of the other’s pain and distressing memories. You cannot enjoy all the benefits without this. The downside seems scary but it will lessen the other’s pain and distress because the isolation is broken and the hurting alter will enjoy the healing benefits of your strength and your ability to see through misconceptions (such as self-blame) that cause most of the on-going pain.   You will probably prefer to work on the other’s healing before integration so that there is much less pain to unite with. Nevertheless, delays are like a cripple fearing the pain of healing surgery and so putting it off. Yes, a certain degree of pain is temporarily avoided but for longer than necessary the person ends up suffering all the problems associated with being crippled.   On the other hand, the ideal time to get a machine working to perfection is when it is in pieces. It is then that every part can be carefully examined, cleaned, polished and restored to full function. In fact, fully restored parts fit together better than rusted parts. Likewise, while a person is still fractured would seem the ideal time to build up each part so that when they are all put together the person is fully functional and, in fact, able to reach peak performance.   Integration is not all or nothing. You can have trial integrations where you try it for just a minute or so and then separate again. As you gain confidence, you can gradually increase the length of time you are united.   Here is some more help, condensed from another webpage of mine:     The Goal of Integration   In The Positive Benefits of D.I.D.   I explain why I believe people with Dissociative Identity Disorder have superior brains. So I don’t believe the goal of integration should be to become entirely like people who have never had D.I.D., any more than the goal of a genius should be to lower himself to having “normal” intelligence. (I do not have D.I.D. myself, so I say this without bias.) The goal should be for all the alters to be identified and work harmoniously as a team that dearly love and support each other, know each other’s secrets, and have full access to each other’s memories and abilities. I do, however, think it best to try to avoid having some sleep while others are awake. For all of them to sleep at the same time and likewise to be alert at the same time will avoid unduly exhausting themselves and having to struggle through on less than full intellectual capacity.   Toward Wholeness and Integration   A child alter, who had been formed because of sexual abuse, was greatly disturbed. She who had seen herself as a little girl had come to realize that she had the body of a mature woman. This alarmed her because she believed that a sexually mature body would make her more subject to unwanted male attention. She found comfort when I explained how having an adult’s strong body, and the authority and believability that goes with it, made her less vulnerable to molesters. But she was still upset by the thought of no longer being a child.   To point out that she had not only an adult body but also an adult mind had seemed a small step to me, but not to her. Until then she had seen herself as a little girl trapped in an adult’s body. She found the thought of being a full adult horrifying because she saw it as being robbed of her childhood and of her dreams. After me telling her this too early and too bluntly, she had coped primarily by living in denial of what I had said.   A couple of weeks later she asked, “How old am I really?”   I looked to the Lord, anxious not to make another mistake.   I began a careful explanation of how she had come to exist as an alter and concluded with, “It’s most unfair that you’ve been dumped with all the pain and have missed out on all the good memories, but Jesus suffered so that he could take all your pain upon himself. You got left behind when the rest of you grew up but God wants to make you happy by helping you catch up so that you are reunited with the rest of you. That way, you’ll get all the good memories that you deserve – the memories that until now you have been robbed of.”   I ended by specifically answering her question. “I believe that at present you are emotionally four years old. I’m not sure what your mental age is, but you certainly seem smarter than a four-year-old. And you have the beautiful, strong body of a mature woman. These three things are out of step. It’s no wonder you’re confused. It would be confusing for anyone. But God wants to heal you so that all of you is the one ‘age’ with happy memories and no confusion.”   Usually, when little alters fear losing their childhood, it indicates that they have not yet received all the fun, love and nurturing that they need. If this need were left unmet, the effect of deprivation during childhood would continue and one would expect the whole person would go through life suffering from unfulfilled emotional needs. If so, the Healing Lord understands and would not want these little alters to miss out on what is needed for emotional wholeness. So little alters need not fear. God will not rush things. He does not want them to miss out on the nurturing they long for.   As I continued to explain things to her, peace began to settle upon this dear alter. She no longer saw herself as a separate person trapped in someone else’s body but as a vital part of one person. Now she saw herself as having been tragically disconnected from the rest of her and that union with her other parts represents true fulfilment and the end of confusion. She was not the freak that she had seen herself to be, but simply someone who, through no fault of her own, had been deeply wounded emotionally, and God wanted to heal that wound. Becoming one with her host was not the frightening loss that she feared but the gaining of new memories and abilities. It was discovering that she was a key piece in a jigsaw puzzle that would never make sense without her. It was a healing, a coming home, a restoration, becoming whole.   Just a little while later, this alter began finding herself merging with two of her fellow alters whenever they met with Jesus. I asked her what it felt like to be one with the other alters. She replied that it made her feel stronger, more capable and more alive. The experience took nothing from her; it added to her. It enriched her.   It is natural for alters to mistakenly suppose that integration would mean they would cease to exist but not only will they never cease to exist, integration means gaining more abilities – the abilities of the other alters. There is no loss. It is a win-win.   One woman with D.I.D. put it this way:   As much as I hate having this disorder I often used to worry about who I would be without it. Through your webpage, I’ve learned it doesn’t have to be that way. I would be more, not less.   A woman had many alters who were excitedly discussing forming into groups of two or three and merging with each other. Some, while not committing themselves to permanency, were actually trialling it for a few days at a time. This had come about naturally, without the slightest input from any counsellor. Many of them would have loved to merge with their protector alter whom they greatly admired. The protector refused, fearing that merging would result in gaining each other’s weaknesses. She worried that gaining any weakness would lower her ability to protect the alters, should that need ever arise. Moreover, she did not want to inflict her own weaknesses upon any other alter.   I told the protector that I expected that each would gain the other’s strengths and that weaknesses would disappear, unless all the alters she merged with had the same weakness. At my suggestion, she asked God about it. He always comes up with brilliant insights. He replied that it would be best to wait a little while before merging with any other alter and that she should focus first on merging with God. This alter was already a very committed Christian but at times was a little tentative in her relationship with God, as is typical of someone whose trust has been seriously violated by humans. Of course, God’s response is very scriptural. For example:   1 Corinthians 6:16-17  . . . For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.” But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit.   The alter concluded that by merging with the perfect Lord, her own weaknesses would cease to be an issue.   Bursting Out of Confinement   In Heidelberg Zoo, Germany, a bear was confined in a small cage for years. Every day it would continually pace up and down as far as the cage would permit – twelve paces up and twelve paces back. Finally, the bear was released in a large new enclosure, but to everyone’s dismay, all it would do was walk back and forth, twelve paces up, twelve paces back.   Alters are like that. It’s not that an alter does not have the skills or memories or emotional ownership of certain events that a fellow alter has. It is simply that such alters are living in denial, or mistakenly think that they are more limited than they really are. They can access all the memories and skills of the full person but they believe themselves incapable of going beyond the narrow confines of who they think they are. They usually see themselves as having no existence before a certain age, nor beyond a certain age. They need to be freed from the confines that this self-image imposes on them.   As alters begin to heal, they will occasionally draw upon memories or skills outside of the age they imagine they are limited to. For example, an alter who thinks she is a child might display maturity or vocabulary or a skill that the person never had at that age. Or an alter might speak of an event that occurred before he was formed as if he personally experienced it. This often happens so naturally that alters are unaware that they are doing it. They can be greatly helped if, when you notice it happening, you gently draw to their attention that what they are saying or doing indicates that they truly are the full person that you have been telling them they are.   Since alters exist in an attempt to protect other parts of the person from at least some of the trauma of deeply disturbing experiences, they retain the deepest emotional reaction to experiences. Not surprisingly, they also sometimes seek to protect the rest of the person by keeping unpleasant information to themselves. Although these secrets seemed horrific when the alter formed, the host has since matured physically and probably spiritually, or circumstances may have greatly changed. For any of these reasons, the secrets are likely to be less upsetting to the host than the alter supposes. It is also not uncommon for an alter to be trying desperately to keep a secret without realizing that the host already knows about it.   Metaphorically speaking, it was as though artificial roadblocks had been set up in her host’s brain dividing the real person into several alters. Neural pathways from each alter to the thoughts, memories, viewpoints and so on of the rest of the person are all in place and full access can easily be established once each blockage is removed. As an alter stops holding on to secrets and looks to God for healing, the blockage slowly dissolves, thus allowing the alter, simply by thinking, to access memories and skills that the alter hadn’t known he/she had. As this begins to happen, the alter becomes increasingly like the whole person, with just a slightly different perspective unique to that alter.   Once confidence is gained and an alter reveals his/her secrets to the rest of the person, a significant reason for the alter to exist as a separate entity vanishes. To unite with other alters the alter must also like those alters and (if the alters are older) not be afraid of growing up or losing his/her individuality. The alter is then likely to merge with one or more other alters and the process continue until all the alters have integrated into one person with the full power of all the memories and skills and perspectives of each alter combined. The order in which merging takes place might surprise. For instance, a teenage alter might happen to have more in common with one in its thirties than one in its twenties and so the teenage alter could merge with the thirties alter, while the alter in its twenties temporarily continues to remain separate. Moreover, it is often a case that opposites attract. Alters with a particular weakness will often team up with those who can compensate. A timid alter might team up with a courageous one; an alter lacking a particular intellectual skill might team up with one that has that skill, and so on.   Hindrances to Integration   Total  healing and full integration might take years but the good news is that throughout your healing journey you will enjoy the benefits of continual improvement. Like a young athlete who will become world champion, you will keep getting better and better even though you cannot expect to reach your peak in just a few months.   The first step toward full integration is for alters to reveal themselves. By reading my webpages you will come to understand that each alter needs to feel safe enough to do this and that upon first surfacing, each alter usually has so much pain – and sometimes bad habits – that the host and already-surfaced alters are reluctant for a new alter to manifest himself/herself. So the surfacing of alters is usually a slow, drawn-out process and yet even then the person usually feels that it is happening too quickly. There are various factors affecting how long it takes for all alters to be identified. An obvious factor is how many alters a person has. People who have suffered long term Satanic Ritual Abuse could have over a hundred.   Even with daily counselling and only thirty alters who get on well with each other, it is likely to take at least a year – probably much longer – for all alters to be identified. Moreover, I know of no way of ascertaining that every alter has revealed himself/herself. Often there are alters that no other alter is aware of, and even if an alter knows, he or she might feel obligated not to reveal another alter’s existence without that alter’s permission. Thankfully, invaluable moves toward integration will begin long before all alters have appeared. As alters mature, they will become increasing alike and various alters will team up.   Beyond the mere surfacing of alters, full integration is also slow. What particularly makes integration a drawn-out process is that each alter must want it. Just because certain alters have been conversing with you for months and have undergone significant healing does not mean that they do not have further serious issues that need to be worked through before they are ready to integrate. There are so many potential obstacles to an alter wanting integration. Let’s list some of them.   An unwillingness to accept present-day reality.   The person’s real gender, actual age or current marital status are examples of reality that an alter might not be ready to accept. Desperately wanting to keep living in denial would make such an alter recoil from uniting with an alter who accepts reality.   An unwillingness to accept truths known to another alter.   An alter might, for example, be so desperate to love and respect a certain person (a parent, perhaps) that it refuses to believe another alter’s experiences that shatter the myth – perhaps by proving that the person was an abuser. For such an alter, integration would involve gaining memories that the alter refuses to accept. So the alter will remain separate until it is willing to accept this.   Wanting to monopolize access to a certain skill.   An alter’s concern that she might end up ignored or undervalued by other alters could move the alter to keep other alters dependent upon her by monopolizing access to a certain skill or useful memories she has. Integration involves each alter having full access to all memories and skills, and until she feels more secure, such an alter will refuse to let this happen.   Fear that integration means ceasing to exist  I have explained earlier the benefits to alters of integration.   Maintaining a different sleep schedule from the other alters  An alter might prefer to avoid stress by sleeping at times when the rest of the person is interacting with people. Young alters need to play and might be given no opportunity to do so except when everyone else is asleep. Another reason for a different sleep schedule might be that an alter feels it is safest for at least one alter to be on guard at all times against any possible attack. The result is working in shifts with alters, rather than seeking to work in unison.   Going into hiding whenever things get difficult. Leaving it to other alters when things get tough will obviously hinder integration.   Not wanting to share another alter’s beliefs or hopes. For example, cultivating hopes and dreams might be important for one alter but might appal another who is terrified of the pain of dashed hopes.   Falsely blaming an alter for past traumas One alter, for example, might believe that another acted inappropriately and so blame the alter for what happened. Such ill-feeling will block integration.   Resentment over genuine offenses An alter might in the past have “hit” or insulted another alter or have wished an alter were dead. Unless alters forgive each other, they will not merge.   Intolerance of immaturity  This can take many forms. For example, when allowed to manifest herself, an alter formed as a baby might need diapers or want to be bottle fed. Older alters could strongly resent this. Or older alters might want to watch movies that would terrify children, or do other things inappropriate for children and hence upset their own young alters. This will hinder healing and so block the path to integration.   Moral objections An alter might swear, use porn, smoke or do something else that another alter strongly objects to on moral grounds. Until resolved, this will divide alters. There might be serious disputes over choice of food, clothing, music, use of money, and so on.   A significant person in the alter’s life might not want integration  Alters might resist integration because they fear that a counsellor or loved one might like them less after integration. Or the loved one might be consciously sabotaging integration because he or she prefers to relate to someone with alters. The loved one might, for example, be so keen to have children that he or she encourages alters who think they are children to continue to be childish.   Alice, whose alters are nearing full integration, writes:   One of my alters set some ground rules that we all follow: 1. Do not take out your hurt on other alters. They are hurting too.   2. Do not use force on another alter. Each of us knows what it is to be manipulated and treated roughly, so we do not perpetuate this by treating others badly.   3. Do not make fun of another alter. We all know how hard it is to communicate and how confusing it is when alters first surface. We have all been trapped by isolation and this expresses itself in many forms. Let each alter come to terms with what she is experiencing and to communicate it as best as she can.   4. Above all, never betray an alter. Anything confided to you, including the mere existence of an alter, is a sacred trust that must not be revealed to anyone without the alter’s full permission.    These rules have helped alters become friends. It starts from the moment any of us become aware of an alter who is new to us. Remembering how lonely and confused we once were, we immediately offer her our friendship and remain faithful and kind to her, no matter how unpleasant she might initially seem. If she hurts us in any way, we refuse to take it personally but compassionately realize it is because she is delirious with pain. We must love as Christ loves, in full faith that such courageous love will slowly melt the heart of a bitter, angry alter; transforming her into a beautiful and precious friend. And on the way to this transformation, we teach her our ground rules.   Maintaining those ground rules has made us dangerous to hell. United, we fight together as an army against everything that would seek to bring us down. We can read each other’s minds and function as one, switching around to let some rest or to let each other’s strengths be used to achieve what is needed. The most critical thing, however, is to be submitted to God in all of this.   It is very empowering for an alter plagued by a particular weakness to be integrated with one who does not have this weakness. So often the most is achieved by the merging of alters that have quite different strengths and weaknesses. Nevertheless, in the entire healing process, and particularly with integration, divine wisdom is needed. Keep seeking God for his timing and which alters should merge with which.   Overly Worried about Other People’s Problems   Alters are used to taking upon themselves the emotional pain and concerns of their host in order to spare the host. This habit can cause some alters to try to do this for loved ones but there are two obvious difficulties with this that should be explained to the alter:   1.  Since the loved one is a separate being, the alter’s emotional distress will not relieve the other person’s distress.   2.  It is easy (especially for an alter) to see someone else through the prism of one’s own experience and pain and mistakenly think the person is far more   Programming   The term “programming” might seem mysterious and perhaps even overwhelmingly powerful, but it isn’t. It simply means training and you can reverse it.   If you were hungry and about to eat delicious food, your mouth would water. In other words, you expect to eat and so your body automatically prepares for it. If every time a bell rang it was immediately followed by being a delicious morsel, you would expect to eat whenever you heard the bell and so your mouth would water in anticipation.   This is a simple example of programming. Your mouth watering at the sound of a bell would be beyond your conscious control, but the effect of the programming would fade if the bell kept ringing without you being given food. Eventually, the sound would cease to have any effect on your mouth. Even before the effect wore off, if you know that the bell will no longer be associated with eating, you would not be fooled intellectually, even though it might take a while for the effect of the programming to wear off.   Certain evil people have used the principles of programming to try to manipulate their victims and this information has been shared among some abusers. As demonstrated in the above example, however, programming does not mean a person will always remain intellectually duped by what happened in the past. Neither does it mean that a programmed response – a physical or emotional reaction, such as flinching or a racing heart or panic or fear – will be permanent. For example, every part of a person can come to realize that he/she is now safe and that there is therefore no need to fear. This knowledge will not immediately stop the programmed emotional or bodily response but it is the first step toward it. A person can then remind himself/herself not to believe the feelings the stimulus triggers and to calm down. A person can even train himself/herself to associate relaxation or even pleasure with the stimulus that used to induce fear, so that gradually the negative completely disappears.     Forgiving Yourself: How Despising Yourself Can Hinder Your Healing   See Survivors Share the Secrets to Inner Healing from Sexual Abuse   See also:   Forgiving Yourself   How to Change Your Self-Image   Various Types of Alters   No part of a person is the full person. The full person is, of course, the sum total of all his/her parts, including parts that the person is unaware he/she even has.   I do not consider any part of a person more important than any other part. Consider a family. Only a perverse, dysfunctional family would consider a baby disposable or less important or less worthy of love than another family member. A baby, despite currently being able to do almost nothing, usually receives more care and attention – not less – than other members. Moreover, a baby will grow and might eventually become stronger or more talented or more intelligent or earn more money than any other family member. (And, with D.I.D., baby alters can grow up very quickly.)   Another consideration is that alters differ as to what they are particularly skilled at. A skill that you think unimportant might suddenly become vitally important. For example, if you are in danger of getting lost, a good sense of direction is more important than mathematical ability. In another situation, however, that could be reversed.   I will not attempt to categorize every possible type of alter, but awareness of certain types can significantly speed healing. Not everyone with D.I.D. has every type mentioned below, but being aware of the possibility could enable you to discover and help such an alter much quicker.   The Host   Sometimes, the host thinks of himself or herself as the ‘real’ person and considers alters as inferior ‘add-ons’. The introduction to this section shoots holes in this attitude. In reality, the entire person (host included) would quite possibly never have survived childhood had it not been for the sacrificial effort of many alters who, by bearing physical and emotional pain and keeping secrets from the host, freed up the host to focus on everyday life.   The host is simply the alter who nowadays has control of the body more often than any other part. It is not unusual for other alters to sometimes temporarily take over the body. With some people, a host might lose control for years and another alter assumes the role of host. The host might have been relating to the outside world every year of the person’s life or the current host might have been formed later in life and took over because the previous host could not handle the stress.   Protector Alters   Protector alters shield other alters by putting on a tough front and trying to force to back down anyone they see as a threat. Tragically, they suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) which causes them to often see danger where there is none. The easiest understood instance of PTSD is a soldier who upon returning from the front line to the safety of home is still on hyper-alert, unable to sleep properly, diving for cover whenever a car backfires, and so on.   So protector alters are hyper-vigilant and much more suspicious than current circumstances require. The alters that the protector seeks to shield usually accept the protector’s assessment of danger, and even if they do not, the protector still usually tries to get them into hiding at the first perception of danger.   Unfortunately, protectors often hinder healing by assessing counsellors as threats. They can also perceive their host as a threat and so keep alters and/or information hidden from their host. A host can be perceived as a threat if he/she might blab things the protector believe should be kept secret or if the host is seen as not cautious enough, and so on.   Even though these dear alters might initially hinder – or even sabotage – the healing process, they are not enemies. Even if their help is sometimes misguided, they are highly traumatized, self-sacrificing alters courageously trying their utmost to keep the person safe.   Do all you can to work with, rather than against, a protector. Continually strive to get the protector on-side and to allay all the protector’s concerns. Even, as much as possible, empower the protector by giving him/her the right of veto on critical decisions.   As the protector gradually learns to trust you, much progress can be made in discovering other alters. Once on board, protectors are very valuable allies in the healing process.   Sleeper Alters   You have probably heard of sleeper spies or terrorist cells that remain inactive for years until they are needed. Some people have certain alters like this. They remain inactive – sometimes for many years – until a crisis alerts them that they are needed and then they come to the fore. They can use various means to alert them of a crisis. It might, for example, be whenever a person engages in more self-harm than usual. Another way is to be remain close to a certain alter and be activated when that alter is particularly distressed.   Some of these alters are helpers that support others when things become unbearable for one or more of them. (By coming to the rescue, they might sometimes perform the admirable task of averting the formation of a new alter.) Other sleeper alters are protectors who are quite strong and can overpower other alters to take over almost completely during what they perceive to be a crisis.   Being sleeper alters means that they are likely to have been somewhat out of the loop while the rest of the person has been healing and so they might be less in possession of all the relevant facts than some other alters. Even more perplexing is that in order to exercise the authority they feel the emergency demands, they might pretend to be another well-liked or powerful alter. The result can be very confusing for the rest of the person.   So if a person suddenly starts acting out of character, a sleeper alter might be the reason.   The difficulties in helping sleeper alters are obvious when you consider that since the very nature of a sleeper alter is to remain hidden until an emergency, they appear only rarely. Moreover they see their key function as supporting/protecting the person by  remaining hidden and unconnected most of the time, so even if discovered, they feel the need to return to hiding.   Obviously, it is very important to try to convince a sleeper alter that it is now safe to remain out of hiding indefinitely. Such alters usually find not returning to hiding very scary, however, and can feel that by remaining out they are being unfaithful to their role and letting the whole person down. Not everyone has an appropriate domestic situation, but where applicable, the simplest way I have found to break this impasse is for the alter to fall in love with his/her marriage partner. They crave love and understanding so much that when they find it, they will be very reluctant to lose it again by going back to ‘sleep.’ Another possibility is for other alters to give the new alter lots of love, understanding and comfort. Of course, the ultimate friend and counsellor remains Jesus. Encourage alters to let Jesus share his heart with them. He will reassure them.   Abusive Alters   Often when one takes the time to get to know alters who are being harsh to fellow alters or hurting them or even sexually abusing them, it becomes apparent that they actually believe they are helping. They might think, for example, that they are toughening up the alters, thus making them less vulnerable to abuse. Or, in the hope of saving the person from even worse abuse, they might enforce an abuser’s oppressive rules about never crying, or punishing them for doing anything the abuser might object to. Often the abusive alter is unaware that the abuser no longer has access to them, and so the alter continues the oppression unaware that there is no longer the slightest need.   As always, it is important to try to understand what motivates an alter and to gently help the alter see through any misconceptions the alter has.   Introjects   An introject is a rather amazing type of abuser alter. Until the misconception is exposed, an introject not only acts like  an external person the survivor knew, but every alter within the survivor – including the introject alter – actually believes that this alter is not an alter but is the real external person. At first, this seems astounding but it is consistent with the wide range of different things that alters can think of themselves, such as thinking they are animals, aliens and so on.   Often the external person the introject identifies with is someone who abused the person who has this alter. Since some external abusers trick their victims into thinking they are Jesus, survivors of such abuse can sometimes have an introject alter who believes he/she is an abusive ‘Jesus,’ and this could cause massive confusion for other alters if they presume this must be the real Jesus. Even though not all external abusers realize it, introject alters who mimic their external abusers usually enforce the external abuser’s wishes upon the alters when the abuser is absent. In fact, this can continue even after the abuser has died. Some introjects report back to the abuser as informers.   Not surprisingly, introjects have themselves suffered immensely.   It is important to bring introject alters to the point where they finally realize they are part of the abuse survivor and not part of the external abuser. Helping them discover the current date and that they are in the body of someone other than the abuser can help. Once introjects become loyal to the survivor, the person’s safety is significantly enhanced. I suggest you do not get sidetracked now but elsewhere on this website I have a detailed record of counselling an introject.   When Alters See Themselves as Someone or Something they are Not (Also Introjects – Alters who Assume your Abuser’s Identity)   Until they begin to heal, alters usually think they are someone other than who they really are, even if it is simply believing they are younger than their physical body. What they believe about themselves can sometimes seem quite bizarre but, usually, it is something that ends up giving them a tiny bit of peace by helping them feel a little less vulnerable. So helping them realize that they are now safe is a big step toward them accepting their true identity.   Some alters (called introjects ) even assume the identity of a real external person and even convince other alters that they are that person. (The above link explains how other alters can easily accept as true whatever alters believe themselves to be.) Usually, the person they see themselves as being is someone who impacted their lives, and it is not uncommon for that person to be their abuser. This belief helps them feel more secure but has the unfortunate consequence that they will act like their abuser in the way they treat other people and alters.   Since, until healing begins, alters tend to get left behind and not be aware of the passage of time, the actual person they believe themselves to be is likely to be much older than the introject realizes and may even have died. Pointing this out can sometimes help introjects realize they are not really that person. They also need to know that it is now safe to be who they really are.   Discovering they are not who they thought they are will not only bring them peace, it will also help any other alters who were being frightened or tormented by introjects assuming their false identity.   Sleeper Alters / Assassin Alters   You might think yourself incapable of having such alters, but at some point of desperation in your childhood, you might have unknowingly formed one, even though for most of your life your attitude has been very different. If you have any sleeper alters, the extremes they could go to means you very much need to become aware of them. Disturbingly, however, they will probably see it as their duty to deliberately conceal themselves from you.   You might have heard the term sleeper cell  – a tiny group of secret agents who are ready to act as saboteurs for a foreign nation or terrorist organization but, to avoid being detected, they remain inactive until required. This is the sense in which the term sleeper alter  is used. Many alters act a little like this but I am referring to those who are sometimes called assassin alters . This latter term suggests the extremes to which such alters might go if they perceived the situation as sufficiently desperate. They see themselves as the last line of defense in protecting the system (all the alters and the host) should life become utterly intolerable. The fact that they have most likely already tolerated atrocities that would have provoked many people to violence proves they are not malicious. Nevertheless, they remain ready to take a life (including that of their whole system) if they perceive the threat as sufficiently extreme.   If, at some point in your (perhaps forgotten) past, you were being treated abominably, you might have feared that if things got any worse life would become so intolerable that the only solution would be suicide or physically attacking the abuser. Suicide, however, could have terrible consequences for one’s loved ones, such as dependent children (whether siblings or one’s offspring). Killing someone in what you believe is self-defense would likewise cause great distress to one’s loved ones. For example, the abuser might be a family member whose death could have highly undesirable consequences for one’s loved ones, or courts might not see it as justifiable homicide and you being jailed could adversely affect those loved ones.   Even if never acted upon, it might be somewhat reassuring to know that one has as a last resort the possibility of ending one’s torment by suicide or killing the abuser. Such reassurance would be lost, however, if one feared that concern for one’s loved ones might prevent one from taking that option, should it ever be needed. A way around this dilemma is to create one or more alters who deliberately keep themselves ignorant of the outside world – even having no contact with alters who might pass on such information. That way they cannot possibly form any emotional attachments that might weaken their resolve to fulfil their mission in a desperate situation.   The obvious challenge with remaining ignorant of the outside world is how can a sleeper alter know when he/she is needed? The alters’ solution is to train themselves to respond to certain triggers that they believe will indicate an extreme emergency. An example might be when a certain alter engages in an unusual amount of self-harm or displays some other sign of being unusually distressed. Once triggered, the alter will do everything possible to assume full control of the system. In order to exercise the authority the alter feels the emergency demands, he/she might pretend to be another well-liked or powerful alter. The result can be very confusing for the rest of the person. So if an alter suddenly starts acting out of character, a sleeper alter might be the reason.   It is also possible for abusers who understand D.I.D. to deliberately create sleeper alters who they train to respond to a trigger, such as a code word or some indication that the abusers’ vile secrets are about to be exposed. In response to such a trigger, the alter might take drastic, undesirable action under the false impression that it is required.   One might later escape the abuser’s influence or change one’s mind about suicide or violence ever being acceptable but this alter will be so isolated that he/she is unlikely to be aware of such changes.   The obvious concern is that no one is likely to know of the existence of sleeper alters until these alters are triggered into taking over, at which time they might panic and act rashly. A further concern is that their ignorance of current circumstances is likely to cloud their ability to act wisely.   Since a person can have several sleeper alters who are unaware of each other, I know of no way of being sure that people have discovered all of their sleeper alters. It is helpful, however, to be aware that sleeper alters might unexpectedly be triggered and if this ever happens, you will need to rapidly update the alter with all the information needed to respond in a safe, informed way.   Once a sleeper alter is discovered and the immediate crisis is averted, it is clearly important to avoid further unnecessary crises by doing your utmost to convince the alter that it is now safe to remain out of hiding indefinitely. Such alters usually find this very scary, however, and can feel that by remaining out they are being unfaithful to their role and letting the whole person down. Do all you can to persuade such an alter that there are always better options – or at least options more pleasing to God – than suicide or murder.   These alters crave love and understanding so much that when they find it, they will be very reluctant to lose it again by going back to “sleep.” So it can be particularly helpful for other alters to give the new alter lots of love, understanding and comfort. Another significant help is for the alter to become more aware of loved ones such as children, or to fall in love with his/her marriage partner.   Of course, the ultimate counsellor remains Jesus. Encourage alters to let Jesus share his heart with them. He will reassure them.   The good news is that sleeper alters are very strong and resolute and this quality makes them valuable assets once they are integrated.   ‘Astral Travel’   ‘Astral Travel’ Astral travel is the occult belief that some people’s spirits travel while their body remains elsewhere. People with Dissociative Identity Disorder can sometimes experience things that seem like this but the most accurate explanations lie elsewhere.   There are several possibilities.   1. When someone seems to astral travel to you Often when people feel as if they are being attacked by an abuser who is not physically present, it is actually because an alter is suffering a flashback – the replaying of an exceptionally vivid memory of past abuse. During a flashback, the memory can be as powerful as if it were physically happening at that moment.   A less common experience that could be mistaken for an abuser accessing someone by astral travel is the actions of an introject alter. Introjects are alters who have taken on the identity of an outside person (often an abuser). Since they have become convinced that they are this outside person, and they share the same brain as other alters, their fellow alters will see the introjects as being that outside person.   The least likely scenario is that, while toying with your mind, a demon has taken on the identity of an outside person.   2. When you seem to astral travel This is usually an alter’s vivid imagination – often a habit initiated as a mental way of giving oneself temporary relief from an oppressive situation or mental torment. Occasionally alters are ‘programmed’ to do this, i.e. trained by their abusers to imagine this upon the occurrence of a certain trigger.   The final possibility is what the Bible calls a vision. Consider, for example:   2 Corinthians 12:2 I know a man in Christ, fourteen years ago (whether in the body, I don’t know, or whether out of the body, I don’t know; God knows), such a one caught up into the third heaven.   The Advantages of Having D.I.D.   I don’t have D.I.D. but I would be over the moon if I discovered that I did because it would mean I have greater potential than I ever dreamed and now that I know it, I can look forward to reaping the benefits. For help in understanding this, see the following:   Your Amazing Potential if you have Dissociative Identity Disorder A Superior Brain? The Positive Benefits of D.I.D.   Should Alters be Baptized Individually After they Accept Christ?   I commend any alter who would like to be baptized and it is entirely each alter’s decision. But if another part of the person has already been meaningfully baptized is there any necessity for more baptisms?   Suppose someone has a hundred alters (quite a realistic number) and is married. Although it might take some time for each alter to come to terms with it, eventually every alter should individually accept that he/she is married. But if only one alter were present at the wedding ceremony does this mean there should be a hundred weddings?   Legally, it takes only one wedding to make a person married. Wouldn’t God see baptism the same way?   Moreover, as the alter heals, repeated acts like this become superfluous. Healing involves each alter sharing their memories, so that eventually one alter’s memories become the other alter’s memories. After all, they all form the one person. So if an alter gives her life to Jesus and another alter has been baptized, memory-wise that baptism eventually becomes as real to the alter who was not originally present as if she herself were baptized. Another consideration is that separate baptisms would seem to reinforce division between the alters. Nevertheless, there is no right or wrong in this. It is each alter’s decision.   Why so Much Emphasis on Jesus/God?   After four years of intense university study I qualified as a psychologist. I discovered, however, that there is far more power in Jesus than psychologists are able to tap into and so I abandoned a career in psychology (where I could have got far more money) and got a low grade, part-time job to support me while I devoted myself to what I am certain is helping people far more effectively and on a much deeper level. I have done this totally without charge at the cost of hundreds of thousands of dollars (in terms of lost income) because I consider helping people to be far too important to make any money – not even covering my own expenses – from it. My website is enormous. It is so extensive because I keep nothing back that I could charge for. Everything is there for free.   Life is too short to waste it on trying to offer superficial cures. My entire website is unashamedly Christian and my approach has helped not only large numbers of people, it saved my own wife’s life, who insists she would otherwise have killed herself.   Over and over and over I have observed that the people with Dissociative Identity Disorder who make huge advances in their healing are always those who have helped their alters to make Jesus their best friend and to share everything with him and learn from him. He is by far the best therapist in the universe and he alone fully understands everything that every alter has suffered and has supernatural solutions.   Links Related to the Entire Webpage   How to Comfort the Hurting   What happens during our most impressionable years – such as having our trust seriously violated, being regularly abused by one or more parents, having our self-esteem crushed or being made to feel unlovable – can seriously challenge our ability to believe that God is so different to the way those close to us have treated us. Some pages that can help are:   God as Tender as a Mother? How to Change Your Self-Image