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When One’s Heart Feels Like a Pit of Despair Comfort for the Hurting By Leigh Merrett The Word of God exalts two types of heroes: those who through faith experienced supernatural deliverances and those who through faith were empowered to endure horrific situations (Hebrews chapter 11). We all want to be the first type of hero but even Jesus, despite regularly moving in the miraculous, was the second type of hero. And he urged us to likewise take up our cross. Job’s prosperity doubled, but only after enduring devastating loss, grief and agony. As he articulates the inner screams and spiritual breakthroughs of chronic pain sufferers, Leigh plunges into the depths of suffering and returns with pearls for us all. His writings might initially seem negative but it is soon obvious that they are triumphs of faith in the midst of severe adversity. I am flabbergasted by the speed at which he produces such creative works in the midst of agony. They are so powerful and brilliantly written that I am envious of Leigh’s writing skills, but even more significant is that nestled in his works are profound spiritual truths. For content, Leigh’s writings follow in the spiritual tradition of the Psalms, but in literary style they are fresh, simple and gripping. Many of us have been turned off by poetry. We have suffered the home-grown variety that is sentimental and superficial, or contrived and corny. Even poetry with literary merit often requires too much concentration for the chronically ill. You’ll find Leigh’s writings refreshingly free from these failings. About Leigh I long to cut myself to divert the pain from my soul. My heart is broken and my spirit crushed. The idea of death is bliss. The Lord to me is like bitter water, And a deserter in my time of need. I turn to Him, yet feel mocked. Acid eats my soul away, My heart bleeds from stabbing after merciless stabbing. My heart has no shield. I am hunched over from the great weight of burden upon me. I claim the Lord’s promises, only to be disappointed One callous time after another. For the first time since I’ve know Him, Profanity pours out of my mouth. I feel my heart hardening, Yet this time I’m too hurt to let it stop. My face pales as the life drains away in the strain. I nearly faint out of weariness; My flesh can’t take the punishment of my soul. If my flesh were beaten to a pulp, It wouldn’t compare to the ghastliness of this. I look at my eyes in the mirror and see a frightened animal. I can brush my hair, but I can’t hide the despair, Torment, agony, and anguish in my eyes. I call from my heart of hearts, “Papa!” Yet the pain remains, the stabbing continues. I don’t want pity from those around me; I want compassion. The Lord feels cold and indifferent to my yelps. Shrieks come from my mouth as the tears fall. I hit my heart to urge the pain to stop. I fall on my knees at the mercy of One who seems merciless. Oh that my broken spirit would be healed! My heart hardens against the Lord. Involuntary bitterness bites my soul like a viper. Such emptiness and loneliness makes me want to cry out in despair; Yet I know it will do no good. The Lord’s Almighty power becomes a weapon of the enemy against my mind; He has the power to heal, and yet does not. I desire what is not possible. I desire not to live, yet death holds no allure. I wish the spiritual realm would not exist, yet I do not want to live in the physical. Demons encircle me so that the Lord cannot be seen for who He is. Resentment begins to fester in a mire of self-pity. The tormenting whispers hasten “Curse Him! Curse Him! Curse Him!” Deception seems as truth; the Word seems false. Disappointments, weaknesses, and fears hound my senses. The enemy has stolen peace and joy; Now the unspeakable seemingly happens: Hope itself is quashed in heart-wrenching agony. Desire for the Lord is cut off; future ministry holds no appeal. My manipulated heart embraces dark deception: ‘It’s not worth it!’ it cries. I groan under a burden that crushes my being. I try giving my yoke to the Lord, but it is seemingly refused. As my soul receives crushing blow after crushing blow, I murmur ‘I give in’. And then a heavenly beam of light pierces the foul choking smoke as He speaks: ‘But I don’t’. In a stern tenderness in which only Christ can speak, I hear: You are to look to Me in hope, not analyze. You are to seek Me in faith, not worry. You are to adore Me in joy, not despair. Doubt is doubt, and I am God. Confusion is confusion, and I am God. Self is self and I am God. Be still and know that I am God. The promise that joy comes in the morning has proven false to me Too many times for it to be my hope. And yet while I am too much of a coward to put myself into the throes of death; I put myself to sleep. In my turmoil, a ray of light enters my mind: ‘Great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised. For in all these things we are more than conquerors Through Him who loves us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, Nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, Nor powers, nor height nor depth, Nor anything else in all creation, Will be able to separate us From the love of God In Christ Jesus our Lord.’ Oh Lord, do you really see my suffering? Do you really hear my cry? Do you really understand? My weak body of dirt can’t take the brutal punishment of my soul. My head throbs and pounds under the strain of a mind without peace. My body becomes faint as it houses the burden of a joyless heart. I believe with all my being that “the joy of the Lord is my strength,” Yet I only know this from the trial of having no joy due to a lack of strength, And no strength due to a lack of joy. My body and my soul work in tandem To thrust me into the cold emptiness of despair. The pain of physical affliction creates an agony of heart that curses my existence. And yet is it my constant bleeding heart That has manipulated my body into succumbing To the ravages of illness and suffering? I’m scared to cry because I know I cannot take the strain. And yet if I don’t, my soul will weep within me In sobs of depression, heartache, and torment. Lord, who am I to understand this? What am I to try and fathom your will? I am caught in a cage of confusion; Unable to comprehend your promise To work all things to good for those who love you, And reconcile this promise With your very best surely being freedom From a worn out spirit and aching body. And so I wait. And whether at times I wait in quiet adoration Or at others in shrieks of torment, Upon the integrity of your Rock I will sit. I am here Lord, And in your unfathomable wisdom, Unreachable love, and eternal power, You will deliver me. Yes, you will deliver. When one’s heart feels like a pit of despair, And feelings of emptiness almost consume; It is then when the Lord refines His beloved, It is then they are strengthened to overcome. When depressing pain knocks at the soul, And a room of people doesn’t take the loneliness away; It is then the Lord looks over His child, And steadies His watchful gaze. When darkness seems to overcome the One in your heart, And cares of the world look set to devour, Then the Lion of Judah will let out a roar, And strengthen His cubs at that very hour. When one’s strength has failed, And seas of despair swell in one’s spirit, Then does the Lord impart more grace, And weeps for His child. When the stress of burden enclouds, And life seems a meaningless maze; Then does the Lord remind of His being, And the great purpose He has set as your path. When your soul feels like it is choking on smoke, And weeds entangle the joy of God; Then does the Lord blow His Spirit, And becomes the gardener of the heart. When one is angry but doesn’t know why, When patience has dried and slipped away; Then does the Lord unleash His anger on afflicting evil, Then does He wash peace on those who call. When one is at home but still seems lost, When waiting upon Him doesn’t seem worth the cost; Then does He lead to the path he has personally laid, Then does thought of eternal reward and His love override. Where the volume of one’s spirit seems stuck on loud, And when tomorrow looks to be another miry cloud; Then does the Lord send to your heart a song of praise, Then does he beam a light through what seemed an unconquerable haze. When continued grief rears its ugly head, And one wonders if it would be better to be as dead; Then does the Lord comfort with a steadying hand, Then does His rock quash all sinking sand. When His word seems like fairy tales of old, And when you’re seemingly condemned for being born; Then does the Living Word enrapture, Then your heart does His unceasing love capture. When prayer seems too hard, And your identity seems to waste away; Then does the Lord understand and listen to the beat of your heart, Then does He remind you that He has given you a new start. When thoughts seem like encircling vultures, And the prospect of sleep fills one with dismay; Then into your mind peace does He lodge, Then He reminds you that you are His child, And He is the Lord, your wonderful God. Who is there that understands The loneliness of a slow, deathly torment? The grave calls out my name. Hope itself seems bitter. Grief unfathomable, heartache unending. My soul weeps in agony. I want to vomit the prospect of further living. What life is there in this place of death, darkness, despair? It takes every ounce of my being not to cry out against my Maker; He who in my horror seems to allow only callous cruelty. A swamp of curses consumes my innermost being; It is victory incomprehensible not to curse Him and die. I long for death; such is this place of living torture. No bitter tears bring relief of the pain. No thought of the future eases the aching emptiness that craves peace. Uncontrollable hatred wells up and drains all strength; Hatred of the past, hatred of the present, hatred of the future. Only He who sweat drops of blood could understand; And it is against He who my aching spirit is stirred. As my body groans in physical sickness, my soul all but gives up on hope itself; “Nothing is worth this!” my strained heart cries. As my soul collapses within me, and Hell covers every sense, I turn to the Word in my last ounce of strength. And in the words of my Father I find the power to continue: “Many a man claims to have unfailing love, but a faithful man who can find?” The spark of the Spirit’s flame continues to flicker in my heart, Renewed in the resolve to be one who is found faithful And upright in the eyes of my Almighty God. A wheel of blades churns through my heart; Pain erodes my soul. I feel spat on when seeking comfort; Kicked in the stomach when seeking grace. Persevering is like climbing a slippery wall with a rope of thorns; To reach the top is to be greeted with a slap in the face, and another wall. Desire to live is crippled in torment; resolve is struck down in despair. I seek the river of life and find only a river of tears. To live is to breathe in heartache, To breathe is to live in turmoil. Insidious feelings steal peace; Sorrow destroys life. Crippling loneliness breeds despair. Fear casts shadows on the future. Striving strength morphs into wallowing weakness. Perseverance moulds into bitterness. Hope runs into walls of apparent injustice. I see shadows of flowers rather than the flowers themselves. Desire to approach each new day as a child does Christmas morning Is blown away by agony of heart, confusion of mind, and a soul without rest. I don’t choose to let fear grip my heart; fear chooses me. Sweet dreams turn into a tortuous nightmare. But the God of grace turns struggle into empowerment, And curses into blessings. For the joy of the Lord is my strength. I will not let go; in Christ I cannot be moved. He is water to my fire, and ointment to my wound. He is a rope to my pit, and music to my silence. He is my God. I am His, and He is mine. He is my God. It is better to be in a deceptive forest of fear in the Lord’s embrace, Than to live in the feinted pleasures of the world. It is better to walk a cracked path of despair and trial with the Lord’s leading, Than to roll down a wide road of fun and futility. Hope in the Lord conquers all; Trust in Christ’s integrity, not trust in one’s feelings Leads to triumph. If God seems as far away as East is from West, If prayer seems unanswered and pleadings shut down, If Christ appears to forsake the ones He loves, If being trampled seems the fruit of following Christ, Then it can be remembered His children are the centre of His world; Then it can be known that not a whisper is unheard, nor a plea not felt, Then we can rejoice in paying the price of following Him, Then it can be remembered that He died for me. He died for me. I’m languishing. I am in an empty ocean struggling with strength that has long since failed. I thrash about in the darkness of the deep, hoping beyond hope not to disappear into the murky water’s depths. I fight and struggle not to fall under this sea of despair, only to have wave after vicious wave crash over me. I cry out for help, but hear only the swell of the deep. I look for a rescuer, but see only sharks encircling. I’m engulfed by waves of horror, and punished by callous currents of mercilessness. I resist the urge to curse my supposed rescuer, and brace myself to fall under this sea of separation forever. Another cursed wave envelopes me as I sink for the first time completely under the surface of this sea of suffering. As I sink into the clasps of death, a strong arm grabs me and pulls me to the surface. I splutter on the deck of a magnificent ship and glance up at my rescuer. “Well done my good and faithful servant” he grins. His regal stature betrays His royalty. A steely resolve replaces the look of anguish in my eyes as He lifts me to my feet. My rescuer puts me in command of the ship and departs. I sail the seas as a Captain who has conquered. I ride on the crests of the waves in my ship of salvation. The ocean that once choked my throat is now beneath my feet. I scan the horizon and lift many out of the waters of turmoil. Now they too soak in the sun upon my deck, and look down upon the ocean of oblivion. “How did you know we were in these waters of wrath?” asks one who was pulled out of the depths. I point to the name of my ship: Love That Never Fails. “Praise Jesus,” he says. “Praise Him indeed!” I reply, as we pull a new crew member out of the ocean of emptiness. About Leigh I am proud to say that Leigh is my nephew. Some of the above was written when he was twenty, but both his spiritual maturity and depth of suffering is obvious to all who read his works. Leigh is now twenty-one and still suffering, and still believing that our powerful Lord will fully heal him. Leigh is completing a degree course in Bible School, but as valuable as academic study is, it is as cardboard compared to the deep work the Lord is doing within him through allowing this seemingly endless trial. It is building character, perseverance, devotion, sensitivity and compassion into every fibre of his being. In years to come, many will envy Leigh’s powerful ministry, but few will have any conception of what it has cost him to reach those heights. Grantley Morris

Is God Love? How Much does God Love Me? Receiving a Personal Revelation of God’s Love for You  I sometimes wonder if attempting to describe the most magnificent sunset to someone blind from birth would be easier than making this introduction believable to the disillusioned millions of us whose taste of love has so far been largely limited to human imperfections. The bitter disappointment of being let down by humans causes many of us to lose hope of ever finding genuine, selfless love of Godlike proportions – even in God himself. At least until crushed by the harsh reality of human failings, however, it seems everyone longs to be in love. Both thrilling and fulfilling, being in love is a continual source of wonder and delight, bringing joy and contentment like nothing else. It makes life worth living; transforming a drab, dour existence into sheer exhilaration. It is what we were made for, even though human relationships allow only elusive, often frustrating, glimpses of it. God alone has the divine perfection we crave in a lover, but what holds us back is the unfounded fear that God’s love for us is shallow – more aloof and clinical than the red-hot passion of someone exciting who is head-over-heels in love with us. It seems too good to be believable, but the mind-boggling truth is that the awesome God of Perfection, for whom nothing is impossible, is more passionately in love with you – yes, you – than any human has ever felt for anyone. No one can expect to feel convinced of this in just a short webpage, but we have to start somewhere. We know that fervent love for God and love for all humanity is God’s top priority for us (Mark 12:28-31) and yet we struggle to love as we should. This is largely because we get things back to front. We try to love in order to win God’s love. That’s like trying to drive a car without fuelling it. What starts the whole process is a revelation of how stupendously in love with us God already is. 1 John 4:19 We love because he first loved us. The key to falling in love with God – and staying in love with him and loving humanity as well – is found not so much in trying to love but in simply dwelling on God’s love for us. Discovering and clinging to the truth that God is thrilled with us continually draws us to him and transforms us. It is also the secret to victorious living. As I have written elsewhere: When feeling defeated, one of the most important things is to focus on God’s great love for you and not let deceptive spirits trick you into thinking that God frowns on you when you fall into sin. Yes, God is disappointed, but when a little child with good parents runs off and falls, what’s the first thing he does? He looks to mommy or daddy for comfort. You, too, should run into Daddy’s arms for the comfort you need. God is on your side. He cares deeply for you. Your spiritual enemies, however, want to make you feel uneasy about running to God. They know we instinctively shrink from anyone we fear might be angry or displeased with us and we will keep that person at arm’s length. Your enemies want you to be standoffish from the only One who can truly deliver you and defeat their attempts to bring you down. They don’t want you to rejoice in God’s forgiveness but to feel miserable and isolated from the warmth of God’s comfort. Your whole life will light up when you know in every fibre of your being that Almighty God is, to use one of the closest human expressions, madly in love with you. Nothing is so exciting, fulfilling and heart-warming as being loved by the most wonderful Person in the universe. No one understands you like your Maker. He alone has been with you every moment from your conception. No one feels your every pain and delights in your happiness like God. No one longs to exalt you and shower you with gifts as much as him. More than anything else in the universe, glimpsing the immensity of God’s personal, passionate love for you will flood your life with peace and security. Thereafter, neither death nor disaster could ever rob you of the eternal love throbbing within you. Suddenly life will have meaning like never before. Yes, the God with powers beyond our wildest dreams delights in you, loving you more passionately than the most devoted mother or proudest father or grandparent, and more than any starry-eyed lover has ever loved. And yet God’s spiritual enemies are relentlessly scheming ways to undermine your awareness of the purity and intensity of God’s boundless love for you. Every Christian on this planet is subjected to this repeated assault. Remaining continually conscious of God’s love for us and convinced of its magnitude is one of life’s greatest and relentless challenges. The groundless fear that the loving, forgiving Lord frowns on us is like an oppressive fog. It saps us of enthusiasm and weakens our eagerness to cooperate with God in receiving the wonderful things our loving Lord longs for us to enjoy. Contrast this with the assurance that the King of all kings is thrilled with you; that there is a real sense in which you are the centre of his universe and that he is selflessly devoted to maximizing your eternal happiness. A glimpse of God’s never-ending love for you will spur you to victory in every area of your life. Your faith will soar and you’ll be inspired to mind-boggling heights of achievement. So bookmark or note the web address of this page to ensure you won’t lose it and then pamper yourself by exploring every link below. Each is prayerfully crafted to intensify your awareness of, and enjoyment of, the most exquisite love anyone could ever dream of. As you proceed through the links you will find comfort and help in squashing your doubts that God sees you as special and is in love with you; doubts that God is lovable and doubts that he is truly good and kind and selfless and fair. You wouldn’t believe how excited I am about taking you on life’s most thrilling and fulfilling adventure. If, however, I wanted to help you experience the heights of playing sport, as much as I might wish to do it all for you, much would depend upon you as to how far you go. So it is with life’s greatest adventure: I’ll do my utmost, but the more you put into it, the more astounding the result will be. In fact, no matter who you are, if you exceed my resolve to seek the heart of God, there is no reason why you cannot end up surpassing my enjoyment of God. I challenge you to shame me by doing just that. Obviously, I cannot take you beyond where I have been, but I’d be deeply honored if God granted me the privilege of pointing the way. Before we take the plunge, we need to pray. Please join me. Loving God,I long for you to be the love of my life. I hear of others having gooey feelings about you and dramatic spiritual experiences but at times it seems my only feeling is that of being left out. I want to find you warm and intimate and perfect in all your ways but sometimes you seem cold and aloof and more interested in other people. If you truly are the God of infinite love, the God whose love is so staggering that it surpasses knowledge (Ephesians 3:19) with the power to go far beyond what I can ask or think (Ephesians 3:20), I dare to ask for love that surpasses my wildest dreams. Nevertheless, I crave not just excitement and fulfilment but reality. I don’t want to be duped by sentimental nonsense. Neither do I want to be side tracked by superficiality so that I miss the wonders that you offer. I don’t want to delude myself, nor miss out on the best you have for me. Please open my eyes to your real nature. I want to know you as you truly are and to have the courage and conviction to devote my life to what you reveal. So I seek you for a spiritual revelation, a divine encounter so powerful that, whether it comes slow or fast, it ends up adding an entire dimension to my life. If you are so beautiful that – as they say even of nice humans – to know you is to love you, and if to know you is to truly live (John 17:3), open my eyes to the perfection and stunning beauty of your goodness. Captivate me. If the greatest commandment is to love you, my God, with my whole heart, soul and mind (Matthew 22:37-38), empower me to seek you tenaciously until I receive a revelation of your love that is so real and vast that I truly fall in love with you. Not out of pride or selfishness but out of a yearning to thrill you, I want more of you than even what the average Christian settles for. May I become determined to do whatever it takes not to rob myself and break your heart by settling for less than the unique fulfilment and heights of ecstasy and intimacy with you that Christ suffered inconceivable agony for you and I to enjoy. I’m a little apprehensive of where this might lead but perfect love casts out fear (1 John 4:18) and you are meant to be Perfect Love. If you really are Perfect Love, you alone are truly safe, and I open myself up to you. Come with me as I read the following pages. Empower me to use them as a diving board to plunge deep into spiritual reality. Before I can expect you to do this, however, there is one nagging issue I need to settle. Facing up to this should not be as hard as it feels since one of the liberating things about drawing close to you is that I can truly be myself. I don’t have to hide my faults because you already know them. Moreover, you say over and over in your Word that you are eager to cleanse to spotless purity all who admit their failings, and that you lift high all who humble themselves. I cannot expect you to open my eyes to your love if I have blinded those eyes with arrogance. So I need to come clean with you. I have called you God and yet criticized you as if you were the foolish one and I were the one with infinite knowledge and wisdom. I have called you Lord (meaning Master) and ordered you around – “Lord do this, Lord do that” – as if I were the master and you were my slave. In reality, you owe no one anything; we owe you everything. You have given and given and given, and in self-centred arrogance, each of us have taken and taken and taken. You have never wronged us; we have wronged you too many thousand times to count, and yet you have kept turning the other cheek and kept on forgiving, while we have had the hideous audacity to falsely blame you. It’s not just other people who have done this, Lord: I’m guilty of it, too. I not only seek your forgiveness and cleansing, I ask that you show me anything I need do to cooperate with you in eradicating from my life arrogance, bitterness and any other blemishes that could spiritually blind me; fogging my ability to behold your beauty. So now, if I have given myself enough time to settle these key issues, come with me as I walk through these webpages. Having skimmed the surface in this webpage, I beg you to plunge into the helpful and inspiring reading below to deepen your awareness of God’s love for you. To maximize your enjoyment of the most wonderful Person in the universe, it is important to read prayerfully every page. They are part of an enormous Christian website, so to avoid getting lost, don’t forget to bookmark this webpage. You Can Find Love You are Loved Why God loves you as much as anyone else God's Tender Lov e

When is Suicide / Euthanasia Morally Acceptable For Christians? What does God think of suicide? Is it ever right to commit suicide? Is suicide always wrong in God’s eyes? A Compassionate Bible-Based Search for Answers Is suicide a sin leading to hell, or are there times when suicide is acceptable? Pain or depression or strong emotional pressure make it exceptionally difficult to make a decision that we will not end up deeply regretting. An indication of this is found in an amazing discovery regarding failed suicide attempts. Eighty-five percent of people resuscitated after suicide attempts report being glad to be alive. This is staggering. Let’s explore why. These are people who, shortly before, had so strongly considered life not worth living that they had made a deadly serious attempt to end their lives. Since that moment of deep despair, they had suffered such a devastating physical assault on their bodies that they had actually been clinically dead. After such an ordeal, they would surely feel physically worse than before and besides feeling ill and possibly in pain, many would have a wrecked body or disfiguring scars to add to their woes. Emotionally, they could also be expected to feel worse than when they had decided to kill themselves. If they had felt like failures before, they now had the shame of a failed attempt to add to their list of apparent failures. They could be expected to feel very foolish. Nevertheless, despite these added reasons for despair – things getting worse, not better – such a huge majority were glad that their suicide attempt had failed. Even though their problems had increased, they suddenly saw that they had very nearly made the worst mistake of their lives. Tragically, few who get so close to death, get a second chance to come to their senses. You might feel completely alone and abandoned by God, but reality can be very different from how we feel. So intense is God’s personal love that your anguish hurts him. He is so deeply touched by your emotional or physical pain that it becomes his pain. No matter how unbearable life may currently seem, the God of the impossible, who loves showering people with exquisite surprises, has good things planned for you. Even if you were to die naturally soon, there can be astounding eternal compensations for not supplanting God and wrecking his loving plans by taking things into your own hands. For some of us, suicide is like a pain so blinding that it blocks out most rational thought. This cruel affliction comes close to (and sometimes probably succeeds in) rendering its victims temporarily insane. I have a dear friend who sometimes feels driven to suicide. She is a superb mother to her boy. So intense is their loving devotion to each other that it is hard to conceive of a better relationship. And yet when the urge to kill herself overwhelms her, this devoted mother is so unable to think straight that she cannot see that her death would hurt the son who loves and needs her. As people have tragically plummeted to their death because drugs have convinced them that they can fly, my intelligent friend becomes insanely duped into thinking that by killing herself she would be doing everyone a favor. When the cloud lifts and she can again think clearly, she is appalled at what nearly happened. Suicide can be a delusion so seductive that it can feel like an irresistible compulsion. As powerful and mind numbing as it seems, however, this hideous thug – the ultimate thief, attempting to con us out of absolutely everything – is only bluffing when it gives an aura of irresistibility. The Almighty has vowed never to permit any temptation – not even a terrifyingly powerful and deluding temptation to commit suicide – that is too strong for a Christian to resist (1 Corinthians 10:13). Nevertheless, I doubt that there is a mature Christian on the planet who has not at some point been satanically fooled into imagining that a certain temptation is irresistible or that the sin is of little consequence. Likewise, some dear, vulnerable people are satanically tricked into thinking they cannot resist the urge to kill themselves. Some Christians have convinced themselves that they are helplessly enslaved to substance addictions that are a slow form of suicide. Thankfully they have months or maybe even years in which to come to their senses and make the joyful discovery of the liberating power available to them through Christ. In tragic contrast, the catastrophic consequence of actual suicide is instant and irreversible. Death plunges us not into nothingness but into the endless consequences of how we have treated the precious gift of earthly life that God has entrusted to us. Death is a one way trip to eon after endless eon in which to regret or rejoice in our earthly actions. When no one seems to care or understand our plight, life feels like a meaningless waste. The staggering reality, however, is that this is the very time when we are most likely to be divinely viewed as spiritual achievers, gain eternal acclaim and multiply our never-ending heavenly reward. Jesus emphasized that it is what we do that no one knows about that wins us eternal reward (e.g. Matthew 6:1-6; Luke 8:17; John 5:44). I’m not for a moment suggesting that you wilfully remain in icy aloneness by keeping your feelings and sufferings secret. Our spiritual enemy is a beast of prey that tries to isolate an individual from the flock in order to devour it. To change the metaphor: everything seems more dreary and scary in the dark. Dark secrets lose their power to haunt us when brought into the light by sharing them with wise Christians. Nevertheless, times when, despite our best attempts at fellowship and wise counsel, no one seems to understand, are our opportunities for spiritual greatness. Contemplating suicide is a time of stupendous opportunity. Yes, we could slip up – opting for suicide would plunge us into shame – but only when life is tough do we face unique glory by choosing life. To explain, let me quote from what I’ve written elsewhere: Consider Scott and his team, who struggled to the South Pole only to discover their honor of being the first to reach the Pole was lost forever. Amundsen had beaten them by about a month. To add to the futility, they endured further blizzards, illness, frostbite and starvation only to perish; the last three dying just a few miles from safety. Yet today their miserable defeat ending with death in frozen isolation, witnessed by not a living soul, is hailed as one of the greatest ever epics of human exploration and endurance. Every fiber of my being is convinced that their glory is just a shadow of what you can achieve. Though you suffer in isolation and apparent futility, with the depths of your trial known to no one on earth, your name could be blazed in heaven’s lights, honored forever by heaven’s throngs for your epic struggle with despair, illness, loneliness, or whatever. The day is coming when what is endured in secret will be shouted from the housetops. Look at Job: bewildered, maligned, misunderstood; battling not some epic foe but essentially common things – a financial reversal, bereavement, illness; – not cheered on by screaming fans, just booed by some one-time friends. If even on this crazy planet Job is honored today, I can’t imagine the acclaim awaiting you when all is revealed. Your battle with life’s miseries can be as daring as David’s encounter with Goliath. Don’t worry that others don’t understand this at present. One day they will. And that day will never end. As astounding as it seems, the times when we teeter on the edge of suicide are the very times when we stand on the brink of spiritual greatness, if we refuse to throw in the towel by choosing the cowardly path of defeat that is suicide. If you feel suicidal, you deserve an abundance of love, comfort, understanding and encouragement. That’s the role of the links at the end of this page, and if this is what you crave, it might be best to go straight there. This page has a different focus: the question of morality and God’s view of suicide. As already suggested, strong emotions fog our minds, rendering good decision-making frightfully difficult. And deciding whether to kill oneself is one of the most perplexing, and certainly the most critical, decision anyone can make. When considering the morality of a highly emotive subject we need to keep our heads as cool as we can manage. So although I lament the fact that this webpage might seem clinical, I think it needs to be. For emotional support rather than a cool-headed, Bible-based examination of this matter, please go to the links at the end of this page. As staggering as it seems, the holy Son of God was tempted to worship Satan (Matthew 4:9). So no matter how gross the temptation, the fact that we are tempted does not detract from our Christlikeness. Temptation proves how bad the Tempter is, not how bad we are. Not only was Jesus tempted in every way that we are (Hebrews 4:15), Scripture says all of us suffer the same types of temptation (1 Corinthians 10:13). The urge to end one’s life comes to the godliest of us. Both Jeremiah and Job wished they had never been born (Jeremiah 20:14-18; Job 3:1-23). Jonah, Elijah, and Moses not only wished they were dead, they asked God – some even pleaded with him – to kill them (Jonah 4:3,8,9; 1 Kings 19:4; Numbers 11:15). So did Job (Job 6:8-9; 14:13). Jesus feels for everyone suffering this devastating oppression. The exalted Son of God knows and understands. We only have to glimpse Jesus agonizing in the Garden of Gethsemane to know that obeying God can be torturous for a while. Eternally, however, the situation was stunningly different. It was for the joy set before him that Jesus endured the cross (Hebrews 12:2). Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning (Psalms 30:5). By clinging to life, you are destined not for pain or regret but endless joy and fulfilment. An integral part of this temptation, however, is black feelings of hopelessness and inability to think clearly. The satanic goal is to hinder us from realizing what is actually at stake. A goal of this webpage is therefore to empower you to see the issues clearly. So what follows is not a digression into theory but a plunge into the heart of the matter. The temptation to commit suicide is like a scalpel that exposes our heart. It cuts to the driving force of our entire lives. Although the Tempter tries his hardest to conceal it, the issue is whether we place our faith in the Almighty’s infinite wisdom and selfless love for us, or whether we let ourselves become so deluded as to believe that our own genius and concern for our welfare outstrips that of the glorious Lord of perfection. Is the Almighty a foolish, selfish tyrant, or does he truly want the best for us and have the power to deliver? Will we choose God as our God or will we set ourselves up as our own god? If God is our God, then life is about the pursuit of our happiness – as the creative Genius, maker of every good thing, defines it. That means having on our side the God for whom nothing is impossible. It means choosing a life free from eternal regret; investing in those things that will fill us with endless joy and fulfilment, no matter what the short-term cost. Making ourselves god, however, leaves us floundering with our own limited powers and ignorance of the future. At best, we end up with an illusion of short-lived ease that ruins our long-term (eternal) good. Rejecting God’s ability to know what is best is condemning ourselves to a shrivelled existence. Even if we had the stupendous intelligence of God, we could not make an intelligent decision as to when it would be best to end our lives because only the Almighty has all the facts on which to base that decision. He alone knows the future. Only he knows how long our earthly life will be if we entrust this vital decision to him, and how filled with joy and fulfilment and achievement we will end up, and how a longer life will influence our eternities and the lives and eternities of others. Every good thing we have ever enjoyed and can ever enjoy comes from our Maker. To reject him and set ourselves up as god is the height of selfishness. We don’t even have to consider this, however, to realize that to make God our God is the smartest thing we could ever do. Is it us or God, who in terms of knowledge, wisdom, ability to meet our deepest needs, and longing to give us the best, deserves to be God of our lives? Do we have infinite knowledge? Can we understand ourselves and our full potential half as much as God understands us? Do we have the power to impart supernatural joy or the knowledge as to when it would be better to withhold it for a while? So it boils down to this question: is God perfect in love, or can we love ourselves better than God loves us? Genuine love is utter unselfishness. Real love means a total devotion to the happiness of the loved one, no matter how severe the cost is to the lover. Jesus showed us the heart of the Father when he not only sacrificed his pleasure but endured unspeakable agony for our sakes. That is the heart of the Almighty – selfless devotion to your happiness, no matter how much it costs God. The Lord is infinitely more devoted to your long-term happiness than you are. The challenge of Christianity is to make God your God by putting your faith in the integrity of his character and his devotion to you. We cannot serve two masters. We either serve God, or ruin our potential for greatness by serving something lesser. We decide either that God has our best interests at heart or that we are smarter and more loving toward ourselves than the One who made us and sacrificed his all for us. If God is unloving and you can think more clearly than God and can see your future better than him, then by all means ignore the fact that you owe him everything and set yourself up as god. Then you can pretend your life is really yours. Then you can kill yourself the moment you meet your first challenge. But at least have the sense to see that this involves spurning God’s love and trashing his infinite knowledge. It involves rejecting him as your God, since being a Christian means acknowledging that your life is not your own to take, both because God made you and because Christ paid the ransom to reclaim your life from the Evil One’s clutches. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20  . . .  You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body. Or, in the brutal words of the One who loves us tenderly: Luke 9:23 Then he said to them all: “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.” You either belong to God, in which case he will look after you for all eternity, or you decide to take your destiny into your own hands, which gives God no alternative but to leave you to your own devices for all eternity. If your life is not your own then you have no more right to murder yourself than you have to murder anyone else. Is it really so hard to trust the One who upholds the universe – the God who gives all to all, and gave his all for us? I once mentioned that I live to serve and then felt the need to provide a brief explanation. It is so relevant that I will include it here: To serve is my entire reason for living but this does not mean if I were to be so incapacitated that I could barely think, that my reason for living would fade. It is a mind-boggling, utterly undeserved privilege and honor to serve the exalted Lord in the tiniest capacity. In fact, serving him in minute ways – rather than spectacular ones that attract human recognition – is the purest and the most eternally rewarding form of service (Matthew 6:1-6,16-18). Moreover, it is a particular honor to suffer for the One who suffered for us. Acts 5:40-41  . . . They called the apostles in and had them flogged. . . . The apostles left the Sanhedrin, rejoicing because they had been counted worthy of suffering disgrace for the Name. I used to imagine that the unique blessings of suffering apply only to persecution, but I was wrong. If, out of respect for the God who gave me life, and the Son who gave his life for me, I choose not to despise that precious gift, throwing it on the trash heap by killing myself, the suffering endured through remaining alive is never pointless, but is a profoundly meaningful, love-charged expression of my devotion to him. To become champions, athletes must endure pain and tough training sessions. In any field of temporary value, it is by sacrificing ease and comfort, and embracing hard work and tough assignments that people become great achievers. Likewise, for the glory of achievement that lasts forever, it is only by embracing hard times that we can reach our full potential and eternal acclaim. Just as Jesus’ greatest glory was the suffering he voluntarily endured, so it is with us. To outsiders your suffering might seem inescapable, but the possibility of suicide renders what you endure voluntary and so makes your endurance praiseworthy, both now and forever. God wants his loved ones to excel – not just so that he can be thrilled with us, but for our sake. He longs for us to exult in an eternity free from regret; basking in the glory and fulfilment of having overcome the odds and achieved the highest. If earthly life were meant to be a picnic, we would have much to complain about. In passage after passage, the Bible indicates that at least sometimes in our earthly lives we can expect life to be almost unbearable. In the words of the apostle Paul, ‘If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are to be pitied more than all men’ (1 Corinthians 15:19). For our short stay on this planet, we live in a war zone – on what is probably the most significant spiritual battlefront in the entire universe. We live in the deadly clash between good and evil, where not just lives, but the eternities of billions hang in the balance. We either battle the fiercest and most evil and underhanded enemy the universe has ever seen, or we ourselves become enemies of God, enslaved by evil and doomed to eternal defeat and ruin. One of the things making life so exciting and meaningful is that the stakes are so high, and part of what makes life such an adventure is that the path to greatness is strewn with booby traps and deception. You are a champion in the making. You are intended to have the resolve of a warrior; willing to endure the worst horrors as you fight for the greatest cause there has ever been. No matter how insignificant you are tempted to feel, you have a vital role to play in this spiritual battle in the pivotal point of all history. God has staked his reputation, and his Son’s life, on his commitment to turn everything touching your life into something beautiful. If you stay with God on life’s roller coaster you are hurtling toward everlasting joy. No matter how frighteningly out of control the ride seems, nor how certain you feel that it could only end in agony, you are safe. Like any speeding roller coaster, however, terrifying disaster is certain should you bail out before the divinely planned end of the ride. The scarier the ride, the more vital it is that you don’t bail out. Scripture insists that real life has nothing to do with ease or short-term happiness. The easy way, declared Jesus, leads to destruction (Matthew 7:13-14). The Christian life is so challenging in the short term that Jesus warned us to count the cost before deciding to follow him. The way some modern evangelists present the gospel you would think the Christian life is so painless that there is no cost to count. Jesus’ promise was that if the innocent Son of God suffered hate, slander and physical torment, we can expect no less (Matthew 10:22-25; John 15:19-20). Peter mentions being physically tortured and goes on to say, ‘But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God.’ Remembering that he is talking about severe bodily suffering, burn his next words into your brain: ‘To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps (1 Peter 2:20-21). Later he writes, ‘Therefore, since Christ suffered in his body, arm yourselves also with the same attitude . . .’ (1 Peter 4:1). Having discovered that obvious physical persecution can be counterproductive and actually strengthen the church, Satan’s hate-crazed ghouls often favor mental oppression to neutralize Christians. Regardless of tactics, however, the forces of evil are as determined today as they ever were in biblical times to torment their enemies and take out faithful Christians. It is because, at least at some point, life is so horrific for the typical Christian, that Revelation is peppered with such Scriptures as: Revelation 2:10 Do not be afraid of what you are about to suffer. I tell you, the devil will put some of you in prison to test you, and you will suffer persecution . . . Be faithful, even to the point of death Revelation 14:12 This calls for patient endurance on the part of the saints who obey God’s commandments and remain faithful to Jesus. Revelation 13:10 If anyone is to go into captivity, into captivity he will go. If anyone is to be killed with the sword, with the sword he will be killed. This calls for patient endurance and faithfulness on the part of the saints. Then, near the climax of the book, Revelation lists those who end up in hell. Note who tops the list: Revelation 21:8 But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars – their place will be in the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death. The cowardly are those who do not heed Revelation’s plea to persevere when faced with severe suffering. Rather than stay faithful to the call of God on their lives, the cowardly avoid pain or terrifying situations. Tragically, these are the ones who end up in hell, along with murderers, perverts and so on. All of them could have let Christ sweep them to heroism, had they held on that little bit longer. Countless thousands who have ended up grateful to be alive, owe their lives to the fear that no matter how torturous earthly suffering can be, it is only temporary, whereas hell’s torment never ends. As vast as this eternally grateful throng is, it is eclipsed in size many times over by the enormous number of people who have benefited from the extended lives of those who through this motivation resisted suicidal urges. So whether they realize it or not, all of humanity owes an incalculable debt to the belief that wilful death is not an escape, but a terrifying trap from which there is no escape. Nevertheless, we have noted that what motivated Jesus and New Testament Christians was not fear of endlessly suffering even more torment, but love (for God and people) and the certainty of future joy for those who endure. In the long-term, life is thrilling and fulfilling. Despite in the same letter reeling off an appallingly long list of his own off-the-pain-scale traumas and tortures, Paul declared, ‘For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all’ (2 Corinthians 4:17). Like a speck of pepper in an endless banquet, life’s agonies will be swallowed up by eternal joy – for those with the courage and wisdom to cling to Christ all the way. Moreover, that Scripture and many others affirm that not only will we be compensated for our pain, it is the very pain that brings us eternal glory, if only we hold on. Even when it seems like a horror story, life has a fairy tale ending in which the victorious get to live happily ever after. But let’s not confuse the short-term with the long-term. The never-ending reward is not despite our hardships but in proportion to our hardships. This is why Jesus said blessed are the poor, the mourning, the persecuted, and so on. Those who hold on despite the gloom will reach the pure joy of the other side. Moreover, they will be ecstatically grateful for all eternity for the unique rewards their every hardship bought. Like mountain climbers, war heroes and inspirational achievers who overcome severe disabilities, the very hardship is the source of their glory. Paul and Barnabas devoted themselves to ‘strengthening the disciples and encouraging them to remain true to the faith.’ How? By declaring that, ‘We must go through many hardships to enter the kingdom of God’ (Acts 14:22). This is the inspired summary of their entire message. ‘In this world you will have trouble,’ promised Jesus (John 16:33). ‘Dear friends,’ wrote Peter, ‘do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you (1 Peter 4:12). The tragedy is that we have so slipped from biblical Christianity that Christians in the western world are indeed surprised when hard times start. The early Christians had it drummed into them by Jesus and then by all the apostles, that severe suffering is an integral part of the normal Christian life. They understood that suffering is an inevitable consequence of following our suffering Savior. We, in contrast, are caught unprepared when tragedies strike and instead of thinking, Yes, this is exactly what God promised in his Word, we feel abandoned by God, having wrongly supposed modern preachers to be expounding God’s Word when they promise a life of ease prior to receiving our eternal reward. Scripture tells us to rejoice when severe testing hits because that is our moment of glory. When things seem unbearable it is our opportunity to display our love for the Lord and manifest all the character traits he has built into our lives. It is our chance to win never-ending honor and glorify the One who gave his all for us. It is also our opportunity to experience miracles. The Bible is filled with the miraculous, but healing miracles only came to those who were sick, and miracles of deliverance only to those in desperate situations. With us is the God who ordained that every night ends in sunrise and the dawning of a new day. He is the One who turns our mourning into dancing and our despair into delight. He loves showering us with blessings. Delays in those blessings, however, give us even greater blessings because having to hold on in faith when it seems God will never respond, builds into our lives faith more precious than gold(1 Peter 1:7). So to give us the best of both, God delights in giving us glorious surprises at times when they seem least likely. Furthermore, oppressive situations are our opportunity to receive the comfort of the Lord, which has the added bonus of empowering us to minister to others. 2 Corinthians 1:3-5 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. The Bible is emphatic that living by faith is what makes a person a Christian. An airline pilot is not worthy of the name until he has proved he can fly by faith in his instruments when fog or darkness renders him unable to see beyond his cockpit. Likewise, your opportunity to prove yourself worthy of Christ’s name comes when dark thoughts or gloom render you incapable of continuing, except by faith in your Lord. Moreover, if life seems to offer nothing but agony and you refuse suicide just because you do not want to offend God, then simply by choosing to live, you are joining the ranks of God’s heroes. The source of your pain or despair might be non-spiritual, or you might even be suffering the consequences of past sins. That makes no difference. If the only thing keeping you alive – and hence keeping you exposed to more earthly pain – is your commitment to Jesus, then when you suffer, you are suffering for Jesus’ sake as surely as the great apostle Paul was suffering for Jesus when Christ-hating thugs were flaying his back to shreds. Please don’t downplay this truth. None of us can think clearly when reeling in pain or despair, but do your best to think it through: if the only thing keeping you from killing yourself is your resolve to be true to Jesus, then every trace of pain you suffer while you remain alive is as much for Jesus’ sake as the suffering of any Christian martyr. You will probably not be acclaimed on earth, but you’ll be honored by heaven for all eternity. This truth seems unbelievable to anyone harassed by feelings of insignificance and hopelessness. It also seems unbelievable because we live in a world that is vastly different to the next one. Jesus pronounced that in the life to come there will be astounding reversals to people’s status, because God’s values are so different to those of this world. People exalted in this world – and even many exalted in the church – will be brought low, and many of those despised and overlooked and forgotten down here will be raised high. To suffer for the One who suffered for us is not only heroic and the height of love, it is the greatest privilege. This again is almost impossible to grasp without a spiritual revelation. I’ve had glimpses of it (explained in a link below) and the early Christians certainly had this revelation. While still bleeding from their flogging, they rejoiced that they were counted worthy to suffer for their Lord (Acts 5:40-41). We know that Jesus could have prevented his death by calling upon angelic intervention, rather like a martyr might have the option of avoiding death by denying his Lord. Jesus’ death was obviously unique. No other death could atone for the sins of the world. In fact, Scripture indicates that any other human sacrifice is an abomination to God. And Jesus’ sacrifice had to be a willing sacrifice or it would have been ineffective in removing our sin. Jesus explains his unique position when, speaking of his life, he said, ‘I have authority to lay it down and authority to take it up again. This command I received from my Father’ (John 10:18). For him to have avoided death would have been to act in rebellion against God. The spiritual fate of the entire world depended on it. Nevertheless, Jesus did not take his own life. Even though suicide would have been a very tempting way of avoiding the torture he suffered, he refused to spare his agony by killing himself. In a book that records rape, murder, incest and almost every other despicable act known to humanity, it would be extraordinary if suicide were omitted. Every biblical instance I have found, however, is of people who, like Judas, had gone disturbingly off the rails spiritually. We know that Judas, by the way, was grossly mistaken in gambling that death would be better for him than living. Instead of ending his miseries, suicide must have plunged Judas into something far worse. We know this because Jesus said it would have been better for Judas never to have been born (Mark 14:21). Jesus surely was referring to what the betrayer would face after death because Scripture gives no hint that Judas’s earthly suffering was so great as to exceed the sum total of his better times. In many of the few cases of taking one’s own life that Scripture mentions, it was by people like Abimelech, who were already so close to death that they shortened their lives by just a few moments. Judges 9:52-56 Abimelech went to the tower and stormed it. But as he approached the entrance to the tower to set it on fire, a woman dropped an upper millstone on his head and cracked his skull. Hurriedly he called to his armor-bearer, “Draw your sword and kill me, so that they can’t say, ‘A woman killed him.’” So his servant ran him through, and he died.  . . . Thus God repaid the wickedness that Abimelech had done to his father by murdering his seventy brothers. (Emphasis mine) He’s not quite the ideal role model. Another man who hastened his death while dying on the battlefield was King Saul, the demonized (1 Samuel 16:14) loser who was continually trying to kill David – his son’s best friend, God’s chosen king and ancestor of the Messiah. Just before his death, in defiance of God – who wouldn’t speak to him – Saul consulted a medium. He knew this to be a practice so anti-God that he himself had banished mediums from the land. 2 Samuel 1:6-9,14-16 “I happened to be on Mount Gilboa,” the young man said, “and there was Saul, leaning on his spear, with the chariots and riders almost upon him. When he turned around and saw me, he called out to me, and I said, ‘What can I do?’ . . . “Then he said to me, ‘Stand over me and kill me! I am in the throes of death, but I’m still alive.’ “So I stood over him and killed him, because I knew that after he had fallen he could not survive. . . .” David asked him, “Why were you not afraid to lift your hand to destroy the LORD’s anointed?” Then David called one of his men and said, “Go, strike him down!” So he struck him down, and he died. For David had said to him, “Your blood be on your own head. Your own mouth testified against you when you said, ‘I killed the LORD’s anointed.’” This man’s motive might have been to spare a dying man pain in response to the man’s own pleading, but to David it was akin to murder and warranted the death penalty. Like Saul, all Christians are anointed by God. Interestingly, the way Saul died was typical of the way he had lived. You may recall that he lost favor with God by taking matters into his own hands because he considered God’s timing too slow, when the difference was only minutes anyhow. Saul was waiting for Samuel to make an offering to the Lord, but Samuel was taking longer than Saul thought he could wait. So in his panic, Saul assumed a responsibility that belonged only to those to whom God gave it. Just as he was finishing, Samuel arrived. 1 Samuel 13:13-14 “You acted foolishly,” Samuel said. “You have not kept the command the LORD your God gave you; if you had, he would have established your kingdom over Israel for all time. But now your kingdom will not endure; the LORD has sought out a man after his own heart and appointed him leader of his people, because you have not kept the LORD’s command.” How different Saul’s future would have been, had he only left the matter in God’s hands a few moments longer. Confessions of a Suicidal Missionary Suicidal thoughts often hound a missionary in Latin America. She has been diagnosed bipolar (manic-depressive). For any of us, she believes, the temptation to commit suicide is as much of the devil as Jesus’ temptation to hurl himself over the temple precipice (Luke 4:9). Even though the thought, like a home invader, breaks into her mind, she is convinced that allowing the intruder to remain there, unchallenged, is as wrong as entertaining anti-God thoughts. She writes: It’s been estimated that up to 20% of people with bipolar ‘successfully’ commit suicide. That’s an incredibly high number. But that means that 80% don’t. I believe that the initial fleeting thoughts of suicide can easily occur as a part of mental illness. It’s very difficult to resist the almost tantalizing pull that the idea of ‘escape’ offers. But these thoughts aren’t from God. Even though we’re not to blame for the thought entering our minds, the temptation to commit suicide is from hell. To entertain it, to mull over it, to allow myself to indulge in the idea that ‘I don’t have to live anymore’ is, quite simply, sin. So if the initial thought isn’t my fault, what in the world can I do about it? Many times I can’t stop the illness from plunging me into depression, but I can choose what kinds of things I do in response to that depression. I can choose to stay away from fatalistic readings. I can choose not to allow myself to think of ‘tying up loose ends,’ not to research methods, and not to do all the other things that people who are about to die have to take care of. I can talk to, or e-mail, a friend. I can pick up the phone and call my doctor. I can choose to remember the promises I’ve made as a safeguard against suicide. In short, I can choose behavior that I know leads to life and hope instead of sliding down the easy slope of fatalism, cynicism, and despair. Is Suicide the Ultimate Sin? My heart breaks for anyone so distressed that suicide seems attractive. This compassion fogs my own mind, almost as much as pain fogs the mind of someone contemplating suicide. I long to offer a million excuses for the person who commits suicide. I am painfully aware that had I been in that person’s shoes I might have been not a fraction braver. In predicting how I would cope with a crisis, I am no smarter than Peter who mistakenly insisted he would never deny his Lord. Splattered through my life have been so many days that it might total years in which I have daydreamed about how preferable it would be to cease to exist. But unless I put my sympathy on hold, how can I hope to help anyone considering suicide who wants to see clearly what is at stake? So if anything I say sounds cold or harsh, please understand that I have other pages (listed below) that seek to offer comfort. This page, however, is my attempt to serve hurting people by helping them pierce the swirling mental haze that accompanies suicidal thoughts and so see moral issues more clearly. The enemy of our souls, although deluded by pride, is a ruthlessly cunning, mind-bogglingly intelligent, master of psychological warfare. He cannot lessen God’s love for us, nor weaken a single promise of God. Nevertheless, this despicable swindler will employ all his deceptive genius to try to fool us into losing sight of our glorious future and our Lord’s loving goodness. Satan is the originator of the baited trap. He makes the hideous seem beautiful, the recklessly dangerous seem safe, the foolish seem wise, and good seem evil. His deception focuses on the following areas: 1. The lie that your trial is unbearable. God has promised that as you put your trust in Jesus, you will always be able to overcome (1 Corinthians 10:13). No matter how bleak a picture the Deceiver paints, exciting things are ahead for everyone who refuses to surrender to the Evil One’s lies. It should come as no surprise that the forces of darkness lusting after our eternal destinies use black depression as one of their favorite weapons of mass deception. We cannot always choose which feelings will wash over us, but what we decide to believe is always our choice. 2. The lie that you are alone in this trial. Our Savior has faced all temptation and overcome. Millions have placed their faith in him and proved that he is stronger than any temptation. Even when Christians become so dejected that they no longer think they are part of the body of Christ – God’s family throughout the world – they still belong (1 Corinthians 12:15-16). And if one part of that body suffers, all suffer (1 Corinthians 12:26). Far more people than you imagine, would care about what you are going through, and long to support you, if you told them. More significantly, God understands. Your secret pain is like a knife in God’s own heart. He weeps for you and longs to be with you every second of every day. 3. The lie that the sin is so inconsequential that you might as well do it. This third deception has been the primary focus of this webpage. As I seek to remove the Deceiver’s sugar coating to reveal the true nature of the sin, please do not take what I say as an attack on anyone battling suicide. If suicidal thoughts have been coming your way, the fact that you are still alive is most likely a significant triumph on your part and as you take to heart the truths I share, you are headed for greater victories still. There is a real sense in which suicide is the ultimate rebellion against God. It is not only refusing to obey God on one important issue, it is knowingly putting ourselves in a position where we will deny God our service and obedience on every single issue every moment of every day for the rest of the life we would have had. But we don’t have to take that cowardly, anti-God path. We can entrust our earthly lives – and hence our spiritual destinies – into the care of the One who suffered unspeakable agonies to ensure we make it. By this trust we move from what would have been endless regret to incomprehensible reward that compensates us so disproportionately that we will forever rejoice over our trials. 4. The lie that enduring the trial is pointless. To glimpse reality through the thick smog of despair is beyond the power of human eyes. Reality is spectacularly different to what the suicidal person thinks he sees. It does not matter how pointless life seems, if it is because of Jesus that you choose to endure the apparent futility, then even if you do nothing but stay alive it means you are suffering for Jesus. That will pay dividends for all eternity. If sacrificially saving for a down payment on a mansion, or gruelling training for Olympic gold, or studying hard for a law degree, is investing in your future honor or prosperity and temporary happiness, pain endured now by resisting the urge to kill yourself is investing in your never-ending reward. Regardless of what it initially feels like, nothing is more meaningful or important than investing in your eternal fulfilment. Trials do us so much good that they are irreplaceable; building within us things of eternal worth that nothing else could achieve. Evil, Christ-hating powers feature heavily in trials, and yet the final word belongs to the Almighty, whose glory is to secretly manipulate vile forces that rage against both him and his loved ones. In his divine genius, the One who gave his all for us, turns his hate-crazed enemies into unwitting agents of righteousness that further God’s longing to bless us with Christlikeness. Suicidal thoughts truly are our invitation to greatness.

I yearn to pour the oil of comfort upon every wounded heart suffering the loss of a baby to miscarriage, stillbirth, or death in infancy, or reeling in remorse over an abortion. If you carry this pain, the forgiving Lord himself, “the Father of compassion, the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles,” longs to console you, regardless of whether your past has been vandalized by willful sin (and whose past hasn’t?). I will strive to miss no morsel of comfort that might be gleaned from insight into the eternal destiny of one’s baby but neither will I limit myself to this. Deep issues associated with the loss of a child stretch far beyond the matter of the baby’s eternal destiny. Although Christians “don’t grieve like the rest, who have no hope,” (1 Thessalonians 4:13) one would have to deny many other parts of divine writ to twist this to mean that Christians don’t grieve. In fact, to counter this distortion of biblical truth, I have an entire webpage titled, Real Christians Grieve . Our tender Lord has much more with which to soothe those who are hurting than simply assurances about a loved one’s eternity. From where can I retrieve the words and insight to apply healing balm to hearts sick with grief? The Bible inspires me to seek help from the ranks of Christ’s elite – those who know both God and the grief of losing a baby. Scripture implies that Christians seasoned by heartache are the heroes most likely to be entrusted with the divine grace to comfort others (2 Corinthians 1:3-4). In the next life reside wonders that the Bible says little about. Later in this webpage I will carefully plumb Scripture’s depths for pearls of hope, but for the moment, let’s peek at what comfort God has given grieving Christian parents. Many have received personal suggestions from God that their offspring taken in infancy, or earlier, are with him. The Bible alone is our final authority and yet the Bible itself makes a remarkable promise about additional confirmation from God. It is a fundamental belief among Christians of all persuasions that since the birth of the church on the Day of Pentecost, we have been in the age of the Spirit, the era in which the atoning work of Christ’s powerful sacrifice, resurrection and ascension has been sealed by the outpouring of the Spirit of God upon “all flesh.” God proclaimed, and Scripture confirms, that the era in which we now live, ushered in by the coming of the Spirit, is one characterized by ordinary Christians personally receiving divine insight through dreams and visions (Joel 2:28-29; Acts 2:17). Lest this opens the floodgates to anything unscriptural, we are rightfully extremely cautious, but to be too wary is itself unscriptural. A friend of mine used to be sure that God never communicates except in writing – from between the covers of the Bible. Now he is sure he has seen his babies in heaven. Here’s what he says about his former doubts and present caution: Sometimes my wife would say that the Lord had spoken to her. I used to reply that God does not and cannot speak to anyone except by his Word. Visions, dreams, voices, impressions and such are most likely from the enemy, I would declare. Once, when I was about to touch something, I felt the Lord telling me not to. Investigation revealed that hidden inside was a black widow spider. That shook my theory. Slowly I moved from emphatic denial, to being exceptionally cautious about indications that God might be speaking, interspersed by times of blatant skepticism. If ever I have heard from God it has always come with Scripture to back it up, just to assure me that it is God who is really speaking to me. Whenever I hear his voice and or see a vision or dream, I always ask this voice, “Who is Jesus Christ?” The response has always been, “Jesus Christ is Lord.” I always question where the divine encounter is leading me. Is it taking me to a deeper relationship with the one true God? Is it inspiring me to live more holy and pure? Does it line up with God’s Word, and has it come with God’s Word? Then I check myself to ensure that my desire is not to chase after exotic experiences but to run after the living God and have a closer relationship with him. Sometimes the Lord has graciously provided powerful confirmation that I am truly hearing from him. For example, when I was recently seeking to encourage a distressed friend, the Lord gave me a vision about her. To her amazed joy, what I saw was identical to a vision about herself that she had received more than twenty years ago. Not surprisingly, she was profoundly encouraged. Now let’s see what God has shown my friend that is of special relevance to this webpage. People call him childless. He knows differently. Let’s hear his story: I have babies in heaven. My wife suffered two miscarriages and Father God graciously showed them to me, on two occasions. They are so cute. They looked about two years old. Their eyes were bright and full of life. I could see the joy on their faces. Once I saw them sitting on Father’s lap. The other time they were in the Throne Room. The experience was as real as greeting someone at the door. At times when I recall their faces I weep tears of love and joy. I grieve the loss, but I know that they will never have fear or pain. Not subject to the faults and frailties of human parenting, they thrive in the love of the Perfect Father. He cares for them and holds them. They will never know earth’s peculiarities, but neither will they know the pain of isolation and loneliness. Instead, they experience things far beyond our imagination in a place continually filled with joy and music. My arms long to hold these babies. My heart longs for them. As King David said of his baby who died, they cannot come to me but I shall go to them (2 Samuel 12:23). Before sharing more of my friend’s beautiful words, I offer encouragement to those who fear their sin might have disqualified them or their baby from divine compassion. The baby David said he would go to, was born of a shamefully adulterous affair, and died because of the judgment of God. Moreover, of all David’s sons, many of whom were older, the one chosen by God to succeed David as king was Solomon. After the death of the baby born to adultery, “David comforted Bathsheba his wife, and went in to her, and lay with her. She bore a son, and he called his name Solomon. The Lord loved him . . .” (2 Samuel 12:24). Solomon, divinely chosen above all his brothers to be king and ancestor of the Messiah (Matthew 1:6), was born to the woman David should never have married; the woman with whom he had committed adultery and whose husband he had murdered to cover his disgraceful act. My friend also lost another baby, as a result of an ungodly relationship when he was young. His partner aborted his child and did not tell him until years later. Encouraged by David’s attitude to the death of his baby conceived in adultery, my friend believes that this baby, too, is in heaven. He also takes comfort concerning his aborted baby from Scriptures expounded elsewhere in this webpage. Later in this webpage we will mention someone else’s vision of children in heaven who arrived there through abortion. However, let me right now calm the fears, both of those racked with guilt over past involvement in abortion and those concerned that teaching that aborted babies go to heaven encourages abortion. If aborted babies have a pleasant eternity, it no more makes abortion right than a Christian’s eternal destiny makes murdering a Christian right. In fact, it means that aborted fetuses are not mere tissue but have eternal souls and infinite value. Nevertheless, the compassionate Lord died to forgive all who fuse themselves to him, entrusting their entire lives and destinies into his care. The forgiving, cleansing, life-transforming power of the crucified Lord embraces those sorrowing involvement in abortion. His body was broken to mend their broken hearts. He bore our grief and sorrows, suffering in our stead, bearing what our sins deserve, to turn our mourning into dancing. Safe in the Father’s Arms When it comes to words, I’m a compulsive meddler. I was so moved that I added lines and fiddled a bit, but the following was originally my friend’s work. This entire webpage owes its existence to how deeply his words touched me. Far away from fear and death Do my children play; Never to know the sting of sin On their spotless soul; Never to know a single tear Nor stab of searing pain. In the Father’s arms are they, His face do they behold. In arms of tender comfort They rest in loving cheer; Salty taste of tears Never to crease their face; Not burned by scorching sun Nor chilled by thunderous storms. Untouched by earthly shadows And haunting pangs of night, They giggle in golden warmth And snuggle in contented glee. Lifted higher than dreams can go, They soar above The failings of earth And thrive in the love Of the Father Whose tender grace sparkles And wondrous ways smile With endless delight. Yet my arms feel empty. With painful chest I long to hold them To my breast; To see their smiling faces And ease my painful fears. Yet this I know: They are safe In the Master’s care. And I shall see them face to face And hold them when I’m there. They’ve breezed their way to Paradise. How smooth their getting there; So free from blame and shame. More pain than them I’ve known, Yet our destiny’s the same. Their journey there was easy; Long and hard is mine. But whether quick or long, We will meet again. Till then, my loves, rest easy. Behold his face and rejoice Without a single fear. I shall come to you some day And you shall dry my tears, As I weep in joy To see your cheery face. And even now at times I think I hear your giggles, But rest, my loves, in his arms, Till I am with you there. “Blessed are those who mourn” (Matthew 5:4) We will soon explore biblical reasons for believing babies whose earthly lives have been brief are in a happy place. I would be robbing you, however, if I listed only reasons for celebration and failed to mention the healing benefits of grieving. Writes Helen, a mother of six living children: I suffered two miscarriages between the birth of my first living child and my second living child (a span of twenty-five months). That second miscarriage allowed the birth of my next living child. Had I still been pregnant, I could never have conceived the child I have and love today. Moreover, I was so inexperienced with babies that I would have felt overwhelmed at having babies so close together. So I confess that part of me felt a sense of relief that neither of those pregnancies proceeded, but on the other hand, my husband’s attitude upset me. He never let me grieve. At my every attempt to cry in his arms he would tell me, “You should be grateful, not sad. Nature obviously realized she made a mistake and so she scrapped this one. We can have another go later.” In an attempt to lessen one’s grief, it is tempting to fall into a callousness that is dishonoring both to the baby and to our own humanity. It can leave us scarred instead of healed. Many of us do not realize that grieving is as thoroughly biblical and as essential for wholeness as is praise and rejoicing. A biblical understanding of the role of grieving is so important for the healing and Christlikeness of everyone facing sorrow that I have devoted a webpage to this subject. You’ll find a link to it as you keep reading. Bible Insights into Where Babies go When They Die Later in this webpage I’ll share other encounters with God that Christians have had about babies and young children in heaven. Many readers, however, will be hungering for biblical evidence for believing that babies go to heaven, so let’s examine this critical matter before returning to the encouraging experiences of modern Christians. Although it is true that babies are conceived tainted with original sin (Job 14:4; 15:14-16; Psalm 51:5; Proverbs 22:15; Romans 5:12) – and it is because of this that all of us suffer physical death – it is also true that Scripture recognizes that little children have a degree of innocence that distinguishes them from those of us who live longer. Despite the Bible’s teaching on original sin, it also says: Ezekiel 18:20 The soul who sins is the one who will die. The son will not share the guilt of the father, nor will the father share the guilt of the son. The righteousness of the righteous man will be credited to him, and the wickedness of the wicked will be charged against him. Other Scriptures speak of us being judged according to our own misdeeds. And still others speak of being judged according to the light one has been given. Obviously, the very young would breeze through this judgment. It is a divine principle that to whom much is given, much is required (Luke 12:48; John 15:22). Again, the very young do superbly by this spiritual measure. The contaminating effect of original sin is real but Christ died to undo that curse and to save not only those able to put their faith in him, but equally to save some who died too early to specifically believe in him. Let’s see what makes this a scriptural certainty. We know by biblical revelation that salvation is through no one but Jesus (Acts 4:12) and no one can come to God except through him (John 14:6). We also know that the spiritual power of Jesus’ sacrifice is so mind-boggling that it reaches both forward and backward in time (Hebrews 9:25-27; Revelation 13:8) and extends beyond those able to consciously place their faith in him. The crowning proof of this biblical truth is that Old Testament saints will be in heaven (Luke 13:28; Hebrews 11:5) despite never specifically placing their faith in Jesus, nor knowing the details of his atonement. Does the atoning power of the cross likewise extend to those too young to consciously reject Christ or put their faith in him? Was Jesus hinting at this when he said of little children that “the kingdom of God belongs to such as these” (Mark 10:14 and the other synoptic gospels)? Jesus uttered the words just quoted when the disciples had tried to prevent mothers and fathers from bringing their little children to Jesus for a blessing. In the original Greek, Luke 18:15 specifically states that those brought to Jesus were babies and Mark 10:16 also indicates how small they were by saying he took the children “in his arms.” In commenting on this incident, John Calvin said that when infants who were too young to desire Jesus’ blessing were presented to Jesus, he tenderly received them and dedicated them to the Father “by a solemn act of blessing”. Calvin concluded, “It would be too cruel to exclude that age from the grace of redemption. It is an irreligious audacity to drive from Christ’s fold those whom He held in His bosom and to shut the door on them as strangers when He did not wish to forbid them”. It would be nice to make much of Jesus saying little children have angels (Matthew 18:10). Whilst this is quite possibly true from the moment of conception, in this particular instance Jesus seems to be speaking of those old enough to have at least rudimentary faith – “ . . . these little ones who believe in me . . .” (Matthew 18:6). In his famous Systematic Theology , Angus H. Strong concludes that since Christ “died for all” (2 Corinthians 5:14,15 – see also Hebrews 2:9; 1 John 2:2), no one is exempt, no matter how young. And since salvation is appropriated by faith in those old enough to do so, there must be some other way in which the saving power of Christ’s death is transferred to those too young to have personal faith. This is consistent with another line of evidence: the Holy Lord relates intimately with babies: Psalm 22:10 . . . from my mother’s womb you have been my God. (NIV) Psalm 71:6 I have relied on you from the womb. You are he who took me out of my mother’s womb. . . . Isaiah 46:3 Listen to me, O house of Jacob, . . you whom I have upheld since you were conceived, and have carried since your birth.(NIV) God’s covenant with the Israelites was ratified by circumcision, which usually focused not on those old enough to believe or commit themselves to God, but on eight-day-old babies (Genesis 17:10-14; Leviticus 12:3). If the Old Testament speaks of tiny babies having a special relationship with God, we find something even more startling in the New Testament. Of John the Baptist we read: Luke 1:15 . . . He will be filled with the Holy Spirit, even from his mother’s womb. Luke 1:41,44 When Elizabeth heard Mary’s greeting, the baby leaped in her womb, and Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit. . . . For behold, when the voice of your greeting came into my ears, the baby leaped in my womb for joy! Yes, John had a special call on his life, but he was still human. For most of us, God is embarrassingly bigger than our theology. How could the Holy Spirit of God remain in someone not cleansed from the stain of original sin? For baby John to be Spirit-filled while still in the womb, God must have some way of counteracting the effect of original sin in those too young for saving faith. Let’s not forget that all salvation is underserved and by grace. Babies Conceived by Christians Further on is encouragement for those who at the time of conceiving were not Christian, but we will start here. If the curse of Adam’s broken relationship with God can extend to unborn babes, could the blessing of a restored relationship with God extend to one’s babies until they personally break that union? We know both from Scripture and from the science of infection control that when the clean (or sterilized) and the unclean touch, the clean becomes unclean. In the words of Job, “Who can bring what is pure from the impure? No one!” (Job 14:4, NIV) . But true Christians are clean. So we could reverse this question: who could bring what is impure from the pure? Or we could put it this way: a mother with HIV (the precursor to AIDS) could give birth to a baby with HIV, but how could a mother without HIV give birth to a baby with HIV? The child might contract HIV later in life, but at birth it would be free from the disease if the mother is disease free. Can this principle be applied to the spiritual condition of babies conceived by a Christian parent? There is a tantalizing Scripture that might hint at it: 1 Corinthians 7:14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified in the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified in the husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. This seems to mean there is something spiritually special about children who have at least one parent who is in union with Christ. (Some theologians see this as an aspect of the Romans 11:16 principle: “If the root is holy, so are the branches,” or as Matthew 7:18 puts it, “A good tree can’t produce evil fruit.”) Since it is spiritually essential for everyone who has reached the age of accountability to make his or her own decision to follow Christ, the holiness that passes from a Christian to his or her offspring would seem to apply to children of such tender age as to be too young to decide for themselves. Nevertheless, from what we saw earlier, there is still hope for the offspring of non-Christians. If it were possible for any babies to be defiled in the sight of God, it would be those born to pagans who dedicated their babies as the supreme act of worship to a god that repulses the one, true God. However, the Lord calls such babies, sacrificed to demons (1 Corinthians 10:20) “innocent”: Psalm 106:38 They shed innocent blood, even the blood of their sons and of their daughters, whom they sacrificed to the idols of Canaan. . . . Divine Purpose Savor the following Scripture: Psalm 139:13-16 For you formed my inmost being. You knit me together in my mother’s womb. . . . My frame wasn’t hidden from you, when I was made in secret, woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my body. In your book they were all written, the days that were ordained for me, when as yet there were none of them. From that last powerful sentence, Luis Palau draws the wonderful thought that since the loving Lord of the impossible knows precisely how long each person will live, “every life is a complete life” . There is such beauty in that thought that it is hard to let it go, and yet we are rightly repulsed by the thought that the sickening grief felt by parents is caused by the God of compassion. We must never lose sight of the fact that death is by no means the divine ideal. We would know no death, had all of humanity adhered to God’s perfect will. Just as sin breaks God’s heart, so does death, the tragic consequence of sin. The good die “young”. No matter how old they are when they die, we always seem robbed of them too soon. Even when physical death is but the beginning of a perfect eternity, the temporary tearing of human connections – that can hurt us more than physically being torn in two – pains God as much as it pains those left behind. Yet despite it all, we serve a God so powerful and loving as to be able to reverse the evil chain of events set off by anti-God behavior. Can the God of Romans 8:28 transform chaos and tragedy and into purpose and beauty? Until relatively recently in human history (and it still is in many part of the world) infant mortality has been heart-breakingly high. Even in the U.S. today, up to twenty percent of pregnant women miscarry each year. As wonderful as God is, can he really turn this tragedy into purpose and beauty? Events on planet Earth move God, but the eternal Lord of the galaxies has much higher dreams for humanity than what happens in the fragment of time that we call human history. The divine plan is to populate heaven. What heaven’s citizens will then do – rule galaxies, or whatever – we don’t know, except that it will be glorious. We immediately think of two classes of beings in heaven: angels and humans. Angels have no parentage but God, and they are denied the privilege of joining God in creating life through procreation. In addition to angels, however, it seems that God has an eternal purpose for two classes of humans: those who, like angels, have known no personal sin and little or no consciousness of living in a world stained by sin, and those who through Christ have suffered and overcome the consequences of sin. Rather than create more angels who have had no experience of sin, he has given humans the privilege of conceiving these people. Paradise, not this place of shadows and pain, is home. Those of us still on earth are in a war zone; fighting on foreign soil. What soldier feels sorry for those who return home early? As a child, I used to watch Mr. Squiggle on TV. He was a puppet with a huge pencil for a nose. Children would send him ugly, meaningless lines they had drawn. Mr. Squiggle, always up to the challenge, would ingeniously add more lines, transforming the original chaotic, useless squiggles into a clever drawing. God is like that. When presented with the challenge of what looks like a twisted or tragically shortened life, he goes to work, transforming it into an exquisite work of art that will leave us gasping in awe for all eternity. On our side of death we see little more than the chaos, but people of faith will one day have the privilege of gazing upon the completed masterpiece. Moving Experiences with God Rob Harms has been a NetBurst.Net Prayer Coordinator for many years. He shares the following: In 2001 I attended a Christian conference. We arrived just in time for the evening meeting. The next morning the host pastor asked if anyone had a testimony from the previous evening. A young mother waved her hand from the back of building, and was invited to the platform to share. She told how during the worship in the previous meeting she apologized to the Lord for not being able to give him her undivided attention because she had to watch her two small children (apparently the nursery was full). Jesus told her not to worry; he would watch them, The two little children immediately walked over to a nearby corner and started playing quietly by themselves. So the mother turned her full attention to God in worship, and had a vision. She saw multitudes of children of all ages playing on a beautiful grassy hill on a comfortable sunny day. They were leaping and dancing in worship with the Lord. Then Jesus appeared at her side and asked her if she knew who these children were. She didn’t know, so he said, “These are children who have died. They are here with me, and do this all day long. So please go tell their parents that they are here with me, and do this all day long!” A wail arose in the gathering of about a thousand people. So the host pastor said, “If this touches your life, please stand and let the people around you pray for you.” The man right in front of me was among those who stood up. We who were sitting close to him prayed for him. After several minutes a great grin broke out on his face, and he declared, “I am free of my sorrow for the first time in thirty years!” I talked with him later, and learned that he was a pastor. He said he felt that his healing from sorrow would revolutionize his congregation. While she worked in her kitchen, Pastor Chris Pringle played a video in which a preacher said that in the 1980s he was granted a heavenly vision. Having always thought of heaven as a place just for adults, he was taken aback to see children there. The Lord told him that some of the children being raised in heaven were unwanted babies who had been aborted and rescued by God. Others in angelic care had been miscarried and were looking forward to meeting their mothers. How credible you find that I will leave to your judgment, but Chris’s mind flashed back twenty-seven years to the awful time of her miscarriage. She had happily told everyone she was pregnant. Then came the crushing tragedy, followed by all the guilt and pain. Should she have prayed harder? Should she have done something differently? She recalled the tongue-tied people whose well-meaning but off the mark attempts to console her were as comforting as a sword in the heart. And then there were the devastating questions about the progress of her pregnancy from people who hadn’t yet heard of her miscarriage. Tears flowed freely. She had not thought of her miscarriage for ages. Had it been a boy, they would have named him Jesse if he had lived. Her painful recollections were suddenly interrupted. Chris saw in a vision a tall, fair-haired man laughing freely as he walked. As she wondered about who he could be, the Holy Spirit spoke into her heart, saying, “It’s Jesse!” She was particularly surprised because, despite the passage of time, Chris had always thought of him as a baby. Chris recalled how her husband had felt sure the Lord had told him that their first child would be a boy, and how mystified they were when she gave birth to a daughter, the child conceived after the miscarriage. Now she knew that her first child was indeed a son, and was now a vibrant young man. Her heart filled with joyous warmth. The powerful experience changed Chris and her husband, and their children are now looking forward to one day meeting their brother in heaven. It was as though, after all these years, the revelation made their family complete. Their eldest daughter had always secretly wished for an older brother. In Chris’s words: He is no longer a lost baby but a real living member of a family, found in heaven. . . . He has been raised and educated in the courts of heaven . . . tutored by angels, saints and, I am sure, has walked and talked with Jesus. Now that’s an education! Chris has used her experience to bring comfort to large numbers of people. This is probably why it was given to her. I remind readers that is rare for God to grant such an experience and that trying to contact the dead by mediums, séances, or any other occult means is offensive to God. An adult friend of mine spent considerable time as a child in heaven. It was God’s way of helping her heal from severe trauma. You can say what you like about her experience, but she does not lie and few of us would be envious of her heavenly experiences if, in order to have them, we had to suffer as she has. She calls heaven a place of laughter and felt so loved of God there that she is convinced that not only do children have a special place in God’s heart, there is something about them that he delights in more than adults. She found that angels were charged with looking after heaven’s children but the angels lost all control whenever Jesus arrived. The children would go wild with delight, playing with him and enjoying his presence. In a video clip, worship artist, Terry MacAlmon, tells of a vision he once had of heaven. After describing the arena, the choir, the people, and the instruments, he says: I looked over to the right part of this arena. I saw thousands and thousands – even millions if you can imagine – of little children with white robes. They were dancing. Someone leaned over to me and said, “Those are all the aborted babies of the earth giving praise to their Rescuer – dancing for joy to their Rescuer!” Todd Burpo, a pastor, devotes a book titled Heaven Is for Real: A Little Boy’s Astounding Story of His Trip to Heaven and Back to the experience of his four-year old son, Colton who, during emergency surgery, went to heaven. One of the many features of Colton’s experience that has confounded skeptics is that he spoke of meeting his sister. No-one had told Colton prior to this experience that he had a miscarried sister. Pain & Blame We humans feel a huge need to assign blame for devastating events, and with the death of a baby there is a seductively vast assortment of candidates. Just one seething mass of possibilities is that nowadays medical science formulates a confusingly long and burdensome list of things a woman might possibly do to manipulate the chance of a child being carried full term and surviving infancy. The list is virtually limitless because many shadowy suspicions are yet to be convincingly confirmed or have only a very minimal affect. No matter how oppressively long and tenuous the litany of dos and don’ts, it can never reduce the chance of tragedy to zero. The upshot, however, is a terrifying assortment of brutal instruments with which the grief-stricken can torture themselves, should they let themselves sludge down that sewer. Other set of possibilities for self-inflicted torture revolve around the practical reality that any conception carries certain dangers and huge responsibilities and disruption of one’s future lifestyle; rendering it natural for one or both partners to have mixed feelings about the conception. The death of a child can inflame such natural qualms to unnatural levels of guilt. Yet another, though similar, source of guilt is having initially felt relief over the pregnancy not continuing. Others can feel guilt over the very conception. Tracey, a Christian, has graciously allowed me share her story with you. She let her non-Christian future husband pressure her into having sex. She conceived twice and each time miscarried. Later, they married each other and had a child without further miscarriages. Twenty-five years after her first miscarriage, she writes: People assume that miscarriage is easy to get over. One nurse actually said to me, “It’s okay, you can just try again.” My husband did not even acknowledge to me their existence. I believe he was just glad that “the problem” had been solved and that they could not interfere with his plans. My own feelings were of total guilt, since both of my children would have been born out of wedlock. Though they were completely unplanned, I would not have considered doing anything but carrying them both to term. Every day I live with that guilt and the what ifs. I live also with the knowledge that for the few months they lived inside me, they were loved by God and by me and that I trust their lives are in his eternal care. How tragic that for twenty-five years guilt has been haunting Tracey. Guilt is clearly a significant factor in hindering healing from loss. Tracey read an early version of this webpage and was herself profoundly helped even though she was seeking something that might comfort others. After us exchanging e-mails, she wrote to me: I was seeking to help other people, not myself, but I cannot even to begin to thank you for your webpages. I thank God for the effect they had on my life. I was taken aback by you calling my guilt “tragic.” I thought to myself, I’m not a tragic person. I’m a happy person. I have very much to be happy about – a wonderful Christian daughter, a job I like, a home, a faith. Nevertheless, you wrote the truth: I have been haunted by guilt for twenty-five years, and it is indeed tragic. What a waste of my life and my Savior’s love! So I was determined to do something about it. I read the link you provided about overcoming guilt [ Forgiving Yourself and the pages it leads to] and I was so touched that I cried for the first time in a great many years. Thank you. I’ve finally found peace. We could go on and on about the ingenious ways we manage to attribute blame, but, as carefully explored in a webpage you should probably read ( Serious, Do-It-Yourself Healing of Inner Pain, Anger Or Distress From Trauma, Bereavement, Abuse, etc. ) the bottom line is no matter who we decide to blame – ourselves, someone else, or God – it only ends up magnifying our torment. Our one source of peace is to let humanity’s only true Innocent bring to fruition in our own lives what he died for. The spotless Son of God took upon himself the full blame for all of humanity’s woes and suffered in his own tortured frame all the horrific consequences until they were fully extinguished in the brutalized body that was sealed in the tomb. A dear woman miscarried at 16 weeks due to her older child accidentally running into her. Around the time of the baby’s due date she found this webpage. She wrote thanking me, saying that it brought her some peace and mentioned in passing that she was “having a hard time letting go of the guilt.” In my reply I explained what I have just written, saying: We can decide to blame ourselves, or other people, or God, but eventually we will discover that each option ends up achieving nothing but the perpetuation of our pain. There seems no alternative, but Christians have a fourth option – to let Jesus be the scapegoat and bear all the pain and blame. Real guilt is utterly unforgivable without Jesus, but with him it is wondrously simple: one prayer and you are totally cleansed and made as if you had never sinned (for help accepting this staggering truth, see Forgiving Yourself and the pages it leads to). The complicating factor, however, is that feelings can be exceedingly strong and convincing and have nothing to do with spiritual reality. Guilt is a most peculiar thing. Because I have webpages highlighting it, literally hundreds of forgiven Christians write to me because they are riddled with guilt, and in their case, it is usually simply a symptom of an anxiety disorder (also known as clinical anxiety and sometimes called Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). Anxiety happens to feel like a nagging guilty conscience. As you know, it is fairly common for new mothers to suffer from depression. Depression and anxiety are so closely linked that doctors prescribe the same medication for both. So there could well be a hormonal factor in the irrational guilt feelings that had been tormenting this woman. Anxiety acts as an alarm that goes off within us indicating that something is seriously wrong and causing our brain to keep seeking the reason so that it can be corrected. Clinical Anxiety, however, means that the anxiety is driven not by a rational reason for concern but by a chemical imbalance. When, for example, a fire alarm goes off, it sounds the same regardless of whether it was triggered by an actual fire or by a technical malfunction. Since a false alarm sounds exactly the same – highly unpleasant – as when it is triggered by genuine danger, it is very tempting to feel disturbed about the alarm continuing, even when you have checked and confirmed that there is no danger. So it is with anxiety. Unfortunately, for as long as a person suffers from this anxiety (for some people it can last for years) the person will just have to keep reminding himself/herself that it is a false alarm and get used to it blaring and being unpleasant and refuse to treat it as if it were real. When anxiety is a false alarm it is not only unpleasant, it can confuse us spiritually. Anxiety feels like a torturously guilty conscience that keeps nagging away, no matter how utterly we are divinely forgiven, cleansed of all sin and made holy by faith in Jesus. God has promised to forgive all the sins of everyone who puts his/her faith in the forgiving power of Jesus’ sacrifice. Since anxiety is far too incessant to be ignored, however, it is hard not to slip into believing the persistent, overwhelmingly strong feeling, rather than keep stubbornly believing God’s promise. Add to this the fact that anxiety keeps telling us that something is seriously wrong when everything is actually fine, and the foundation to our entire relationship with God – believing that through Jesus our past failings no longer hinder our relationship with God – is under attack. The spiritual confusion can be serious if we cave in to believing our powerfully deceptive feelings, rather than resolutely clinging to raw faith in both Christ’s eagerness to secure our full forgiveness and his ability to do so. Anyone suffering this way will be wracked with guilt and anxiety but the key is to learn to live with such feelings and neither fear the feelings nor believe them. This will be a tough battle because the person’s feelings will be very intense and seem so real, but all of us are called to live by faith and not feelings. For those with clinical anxiety, living by raw faith is much harder to do than for other people, but it is like a coach making his star athlete engage in much heavier training than others – it will end up making him stronger than others, even though during tough training sessions he will seem much weaker than those who are lazing around. It is like a runner lugging heavy weights on his back – it feels as if it is weakening him but it will actually make him stronger as he keeps struggling on. If clinical anxiety has been hounding you, my suggestion is that whenever the feelings come, gently remind yourself that they are simply feelings. Like a false alarm that seems identical to the real thing, they are triggered not by a real cause for alarm (guilt before God) but by a chemical imbalance which, in your case, would most likely have been further accentuated first by pregnancy and then by grief. For much more help with this, see Scrupulosity: Tortured by a Guilty Conscience . Marital Tension Right from the beginning of this webpage, I have emphasized how unbiblical it is to assert that deeply spiritual people do not suffer intense grief. It is likely, however, that a loving couple will misunderstand each other’s reaction to grief. Sadly, they can even find each other’s natural, heart-felt responses not only annoying but hurtful. At first thought, one might expect it to be deeply bonding and immensely comforting to have the companionship of someone you love who is suffering the very same loss as you. The heart-breaking reality is that the very opposite is normal. It is the cruelest of blows that the death of a child – regardless of age – typically puts enormous strain on a marriage. In fact, some marriages do not survive. Understanding the reasons for this will significantly help the couple, reduce their pain and lessen the chance of it adding to the tragedy they have already suffered. The loss of a child is not only horrific, what adds to the devastation is that anyone who is hurting is highly vulnerable both to receiving unwanted advice and for people’s attempts at comfort to end up having the opposite of the intended effect and actually inflaming the pain. We readily understand that people with open physical wounds are unusually sensitive. The slightest touch, no matter how well-meaning, can send them reeling and even cause them to involuntarily lash out in pain. The same applies to inner wounds but because this source of pain is invisible and less tangible, the confusion escalates, causing much misunderstanding. This is such an issue that I have devoted an entire series of webpages to How to Comfort the Hurting . It is not that people are not appreciative nor that advice-givers are insensitive. It’s simply a sad fact of reality that at such critical times in one’s life, people’s most loving attempts to comfort another often miss the mark. An even bigger factor in marital stress at this critical time is that it is natural for people to respond very differently to upsetting events. When King David’s baby was dying, he was so inconsolable that he refused to eat. He continually grieved, fasted and prayed. Almost as soon as the baby died, however, he dried his tears, regained his composure and resumed his everyday duties. Those closest to him were not only mystified, they thought it so abnormal that they dared question the king about his behavior. David provided a logical explanation for his emotions (2 Samuel 12:22-23) but we need to take seriously the undeniable fact that feelings rarely submit to logic. This means that the emotions of someone just as spiritual and intelligent as David could take an entirely different path. Consider how some people detest certain foods that other people love, and in some cases digesting what for most of us is nutritious food can make them seriously ill. Just as people’s reaction to food varies enormously, and it has nothing to do with how godly or loving they are, so it is with the death of a baby. In fact, to help make this matter less emotive, let’s for a moment consider another food-related example to see how the wide natural variability in how people cope with distressing situations extends far beyond the loss of a loved one. During World War II some pacifists agreed to act as lab rats in certain experiments. One instance involved not eating for many days while scientists studied their physical and psychological reactions. Some of those subjected to this coped by devoting hours a day to thinking about food, talking about it, reading cookbooks and so on. Some in the experiment, however, went to other extreme of doing everything they could to avoid all thought of food. Imagine putting such people together. Likewise, some people seek to dull their pain of bereavement by fixating on their loss, whereas some seek to do the opposite. It is not that one way is right or more godly; it is simply that people’s ways of coping differ, and when people with opposed coping strategies are in close proximity to each other, they can unintentionally inflame each other’s inner torment. Another common instance of opposite responses to grief is in the area of marital intimacy. Some feel they need the comfort and bonding of sex more than ever; feeling it necessary to counter both their deep pain and what can feel like a widening gap between the couple due to their differing reactions to grief. You might be tempted to dismiss this attempt at solace as carnal but you will recall from earlier in the webpage that King David not only did this very thing, it is even recorded in Scripture (2 Samuel 12:22-24). This was not an act of male selfishness but a tender outpouring of sensitive compassion. David was not seeking his own comfort but to comfort his heart-broken wife. This expression of love clearly had divine blessing because, as already mentioned, of all David’s children, it was not even his firstborn but the baby conceived at this time that God chose to rule on the throne and be the Messiah’s ancestor. Not only does God’s Word record David using sex as way of comforting his wife and himself after bereavement, Genesis 24:67 is similar in that it says that Isaac was comforted over the death of his mother through marrying Rebekah. As already noted, however, just because something is recorded in Scripture does not mean it is the only possible human reaction to grief, nor even the only spiritual response. At the very moment that some people feel an intense need for the comfort, bonding and reassurance of commitment that typically accompanies marital intimacy, equally devout people could be overwhelmed with the feeling that circumstances render sex grossly inappropriate. Such feelings are an understandable natural response to the shock of the loss. On the other hand, it would be mistaken, and perhaps even arrogant, for anyone to think that feeling this way renders him or her morally or spiritually superior to someone who feels very differently. What is particularly spiritual is selfless love and compassion for others, not whether or not one feels randy. Earlier I mentioned how inner wounds make a person super-sensitive. There is another aspect to this. Some people might seem fine but can have buried within them unhealed inner wounds from before their current crisis. This can make the latest blow far more devastating than for other people. Some people get impatient with others, insisting “you should be over it by now.” There is no one-size-fits-all timeframe and it is cruel to imply there is. Some people work hard at being stoic and burying the grief, whereas others can freely express grief and spend long dwelling on the magnitude of the loss. The sad downside to this is that it can make it very hard for one person to understand the other’s reaction and too easy to misread the person. We must at all cost avoid imagining that someone else is weaker or less godly or more callous or weird, simply because his or her reaction to tragedy differs from our own. With God, love is paramount and, to paraphrase a portion of 1 Corinthians 13:7, love chooses to believe the best of a person. Love labors to exalt the other person. It seeks not to condemn but to view the other person in a best possible light. This very attitude diffuses tense situations. Moreover, love is patient and kind. We must give our loved ones permission to cope with their pain in whatever way they can, without degrading ourselves by feeling judgmental or superior. To stray slightly from Paul’s words but stick like glue to his heart: Though you manifest astonishing spiritual gifts and thunder earth’s most moving sermons, unless you love those who irk you, you are empty noise. You might have stupendous, miracle-working faith coupled with mind-blowing theological knowledge and spiritual revelation but unless you can keep on lovingly forgiving your annoying neighbor, you have failed. You might sell all your possessions to feed the homeless and give your body to be tortured to death for Christ but if you don’t love the person whose behavior torments you, you’re a spiritual loser. (inspired by 1 Corinthians 13:1-3) As torturous as it is, staying close to someone whose response to pain aggravates your own, is a rare chance to grow in Christlikeness. Seize this priceless opportunity to soar beyond hypocrisy and wishful thinking to actually becoming like the glorious Lord who selflessly endured agony to secure our forgiveness and comfort. Just as it is impossible to get physically stronger by merely seeking it or reading about it but only by the discomfort of exercise, so one grows spiritually stronger not by merely praying for it or reading the Bible about it but by arduous effort, such as continually exercising patience and forgiveness and thinking well of someone who keeps on inflaming one’s own pain. In neither the physical world, nor the spiritual is there a lazy alternative. It is an immutable law built into the cosmos. To paraphrase Paul (1 Timothy 4:8), embracing the pain of physical exercise is of some value, but of eternal value is embracing the pain of spiritual exercise – daily dying to self, loving one’s enemies, blessing those who curse you, forgiving seventy times seven, and so on. One can fool everyone – even oneself – in claiming to want to shine with the beauty of Christ, but this is where the rubber hits the road. This is spelled out in many Scriptures but this is crystal clear: Romans 5:3-4 . . . we also rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope. Turning hard times into an opportunity to act like Christ is a critical key to spiritual achievement. As already stated, God has no Plan B. It is so essential that we grasp this that the Lord led an entirely different inspired writer to express the same principle in another part of his Word: James 1:2-4 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. (NIV). And yet again, a third divinely inspired writer comes close to saying this: 1 Peter 1:6-7 Wherein you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been put to grief in various trials, that the proof of your faith, which is more precious than gold that perishes even though it is tested by fire, may be found to result in praise, glory, and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ 1 Peter 4:12-13 Beloved, don’t be astonished at the fiery trial which has come upon you, to test you, as though a strange thing happened to you. But because you are partakers of Christ’s sufferings, rejoice; that at the revelation of his glory you also may rejoice with exceeding joy. Anyone who equates a soft, easy life with being blessed is deceived and has yet to embrace Jesus’ teaching and example. The fact that people can respond to the same event in opposite ways can be perplexing and even infuriating but it is actually a good thing. If both partners went to pieces at the same time and in the same way, it would make them particularly vulnerable, would it not? Cherish the differences in your loved one. It can be excruciatingly frustrating but there are wonderful advantages in having a partner who is pragmatic and seems as unmoved by tragedy as a locomotive is by butterflies. Equally, there are enormous challenges and yet advantages and blessings in having a highly sensitive partner. Look to God for the ability to recognize, benefit from and rejoice in, your partner’s uniqueness. Moreover, don’t let your baby’s death be in vain. Transform it into an opportunity to achieve things of eternal value. I have twice mentioned David’s and Bathsheba’s special blessing after the death of their baby. When you feel down (and such times will come) you might find it helpful to recall that the death of David’s baby might have been the lowest point of his life, when he was tempted to give up all hope, but even if at the time it was impossible to see through the gloom, wonderful things were ahead. Despite his sin and his sorrow, the Lord did indeed answer David’s prayer uttered at that time ( Psalm 51:1 ) to restore to him the joy of God’s salvation. That same gracious God cares for you. As beyond belief as it can sometimes feel: Psalm 30:5 Weeping may stay for the night, but joy comes in the morning. Since this is truth in all its beauty expressed poetically, one’s ‘night’ might stretch beyond a few hours but mourning will turn to morning. Joy will burst through the clouds. Please don’t miss it by keeping the blinds closed. Keep opening yourself up to God. Let his light stream in. Delight in his goodness, even when it is darkest, because he passionately wants this for you: “Rejoice always. . . . In everything give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus toward you” (1 Thessalonians 5:16,18). Even in the valley of the shadow of death, join the one who lost his baby by singing, “Surely goodness and loving kindness shall follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the Lord’s house forever.” A new day is dawning. Divine surprises await you. Further Help Of course, to be able to hold your baby in heaven hinges not only on the eternal destiny of babies but on you yourself being accepted into heaven when you die. Since you have reached the age of accountability, this might not be nearly as certain as you suppose. For more on this, life’s most critical issue, see You Can Find Love. Do you know someone who might be blessed by this webpage? Why not email them the web address? For emotional and spiritual recovery from abortion, see Abortion Help The webpage mentioned above about the biblical, emotionally healthy way to cope with sorrow, is Real Christians Grieve. If guilt issues are hindering your healing from your loss, read Forgiving Yourself and keep following the first link at the end of each article. For help in wrestling with why we live in a world where tragedies occur: God and Suffering. Not to be sold. © Copyright, 2007, 2018 Grantley Morris . Not to be copied in whole or in part without citing this entire paragraph. Many more compassionate, inspiring, sometimes hilarious writings by Grantley Morris available free at the following internet site www.netburst.net Freely you have received, freely give.

The Christianity that Most Christians have Missed A Radical Call to Authentic Christianity As someone who looks to drugs for fulfilment will find himself hollowed out by cravings and gnawing emptiness, so are we when we look for fulfilment in whatever is popularly hoped could bring it. There are many contenders – sex, romantic highs, financial prosperity, status, popularity are a few – but the net result is an endless striving, a chasing after a vapor. Our current economy is fuelled by greed, envy, covetousness, lust, dissatisfaction and insecurity (such as fear of being rejected if we don’t have the latest clothes, accessories, beauty products, status symbols, or whatever). We fill with frustration, and the only answer we’ve got is more, more, more. We find ourselves so frantically spinning our wheels on ice that we don’t realize that our only direction is down. This is so much the disease of our age that if we want solutions we will have to look somewhere other than modern society. We need to discover the power of an ancient secret. The liberating truth we need is in the Bible, of course, and yet we are so infected by the inferior – so frenzied and diseased by the incessant craving for more and more of what never satisfies – that we rarely even see the answer when we stare right at it in the Word of God. We will start with the glaringly obvious – materialism – but these Scriptures highlight a broader issue: although it is important never to settle for less than God’s best, there are many things that God expects us to learn to be content with. We rarely recall the context of the famous Scripture, “I can do all things through Christ” (KJV). It refers to being empowered to find contentment in less than ideal circumstances. Don’t just slide your eye over it; read this as if your life depended on it: Philippians 4:11-13 Not that I speak in respect to lack, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content in it. I know how to be humbled, and I know also how to abound. In everything and in all things I have learned the secret both to be filled and to be hungry, both to abound and to be in need. I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me. How many of us have the slightest desire to follow the Apostle’s lead in learning the secret of being content with an empty stomach? (Yes, that Scripture says “ . . . to be filled and to be hungry  . . . ”) And yet if we dare open our eyes, this keeps popping up in the Bible. Study these words: 1 Timothy 6:6-11 But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we certainly can’t carry anything out. But having food and clothing, we will be content with that. But those who are determined to be rich fall into a temptation and a snare and many foolish and harmful lusts, such as drown men in ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some have been led astray from the faith in their greed, and have pierced themselves through with many sorrows. But you, man of God, flee these things . . . For most of us, our thinking is disturbingly at odds with biblical thinking. Note that the first Scripture below, written in an agricultural society, speaks of life-threatening, economic disaster: Habakkuk 3:17-18 For though the fig tree doesn’t flourish, nor fruit be in the vines; the labor of the olive fails, the fields yield no food; the flocks are cut off from the fold, and there is no herd in the stalls: yet I will rejoice in the Lord. I will be joyful in the God of my salvation! Hebrews 10:34 For you . . . joyfully accepted the plundering of your possessions, knowing that you have for yourselves a better possession and an enduring one in the heavens. (Emphasis mine.) Materialism is just one of the roads that takes us further and further from contentment and fulfilment. There are other dangers to expose, so we won’t dwell long on material prosperity. This is just a launching pad, but could you bear with me briefly? Here are some more thoughts that tend not to sit too comfortably with modern Christians. Proverbs 30:8 Remove far from me falsehood and lies. Give me neither poverty nor riches. Feed me with the food that is needful for me Colossians 3:5 Put to death therefore your members which are on the earth: sexual immorality, uncleanness, depraved passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry Luke 8:14 That which fell among the thorns, these are those who have heard, and as they go on their way they are choked with cares, riches, and pleasures of life, and bring no fruit to maturity. Luke 12:15  . . . “Beware! Keep yourselves from covetousness, for a man’s life doesn’t consist of the abundance of the things which he possesses.” Matthew 5:39-42 But I tell you, don’t resist him who is evil; but whoever strikes you on your right cheek, turn to him the other also. If anyone sues you to take away your coat, let him have your cloak also. Whoever compels you to go one mile, go with him two. Give to him who asks you, and don’t turn away him who desires to borrow from you. Matthew 6:25,27,31-32,34 Therefore I tell you, don’t be anxious for your life: what you will eat, or what you will drink; nor yet for your body, what you will wear. Isn’t life more than food, and the body more than clothing? . . . Which of you, by being anxious, can add one moment to his lifespan? . . . Therefore don’t be anxious, saying, ‘What will we eat?’, ‘What will we drink?’ or, ‘With what will we be clothed?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. . . . Therefore don’t be anxious for tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Each day’s own evil is sufficient. I’ve shared just a few samples from a biblical theme frequently emphasized by the inspired writers. For a few more examples of warnings about the dangerously addictive and deceptive hollowness of material prosperity. Here’s an inkling that being content with what we have goes way beyond materialism: 1 Corinthians 7:17-18,21,24,27 Only, as the Lord has distributed to each man, as God has called each, so let him walk. So I command in all the assemblies. Was anyone called having been circumcised? Let him not become uncircumcised. Has anyone been called in uncircumcision? Let him not be circumcised. . . . Were you called being a bondservant? Don’t let that bother you, but if you get an opportunity to become free, use it. . . . Brothers, let each man, in whatever condition he was called, stay in that condition with God. . . . Are you bound to a wife? Don’t seek to be freed. Are you free from a wife? Don’t seek a wife. You might think, “Ha! That’s okay for Paul to talk about being content as a slave! He might have denied himself marital and family joys, but he was a free man traveling the Roman Empire!” Not quite. It was from prison that he wrote in Philippians about having learned to be content in all circumstances. He was in chains with even less freedom than many slaves when he kept writing about joy and rejoicing in the Lord. “Everyone who drinks of this water will thirst again, but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never thirst again” Jesus told the woman who had five husbands and was now living with yet another man (John 4:13-14). The woman at the well was driven by a craving that was clearly not being satisfied. At an exorbitant emotional cost, her restless searching had taken her from man to man to man to man to man to man, with her heart being repeatedly shattered into smaller and smaller pieces. Sadly, this is disconcertingly close to what most modern Christians, even those with high morals, suffer today. They call it dating and vainly hope the habit they have concreted into their lives will somehow magically disappear after signing a marriage license. The mentally dangerous habit commonly nurtured by modern Christian singles is that of going from heartbreak to heartbreak in a blind search for a drug-like euphoria known as being “in love”. Those who seem to succeed in this quest usually find themselves hooked on romantic highs that scientists insist can only last with one partner for a probable maximum of thirty months. Like the woman at the well, hoping for lasting happiness through romantic highs just keeps its victims aching for more. Other societies have dealt with matters of the heart quite differently to the mess our society has made of things. I Kissed Dating Goodbye is a Christian book by Joshua Harris that challenges current worldly wisdom on this matter. Never expecting to find women willing to date me, I’ve not read the book but more normal singles might like to check it out. Just as materialism is not the focus of this webpage, neither is romance and marital fulfillment. We are considering these matters only because they are symptoms that point to the problem – a problem even bigger, and scarier than we dare think. So, back to the woman who kept finding herself thirsting for more. Jesus claimed to be able to do what years and years of frantic searching and countless men had failed to do – to totally satisfy this desperately needy woman. I must hit you between the eyes with something so obvious that most of us miss it: Jesus did not offer her a divine matchmaking service. The frightening thing about most Christians is that we hope to use God as our Fairy Godmother who will grant us what we think we need. Don’t ever expect to find the Lord of creation in drag, waving a magic wand. Expect a God-sized solution that is so radically different to what you thought you needed that you probably won’t even recognize it as the answer. The stupendous intellect of the infinite Lord moves in ways that soar as far beyond the powers of human imagination as the stars are distant from this planet’s dirt. God’s ways are shatteringly different to what any politician or scientist or fashion expert or overpaid entertainer can dream up. You’ll soon see why I’ve saved the following Scripture until now: Hebrews 13:5-6 Be free from the love of money, content with such things as you have, for he has said, “I will in no way leave you, neither will I in any way forsake you.” So that with good courage we say, “The Lord is my helper. I will not fear. What can man do to me?” Here again, God’s Word speaks of finding contentment in situations where few of today’s Christians could find contentment. What this Scripture highlights, however, is that the basis of true contentment is not ease or possessions or even human relationships, but you enjoying never-ending companionship with God himself. The above Scripture culminates with the staggering claim that with God as your companion, you’ve got it made, even if all of humanity is against you. To me, the following is one of the saddest verses in the Bible: Jeremiah 2:13 For my people have committed two evils: they have forsaken me, the spring of living waters, and cut them out cisterns, broken cisterns, that can hold no water. The Bible does not say seek God in order to find happiness and contentment. It says seek God. It does not say God is your ticket to getting what you really need, it says God himself is what you really need. To dare put in your life anything else in God’s place is dumber than substituting dust for everything you eat, or substituting pure laughing gas for the air that keeps you alive. Consider this Scripture: James 4:2  . . . You don’t have, because you don’t ask. Taken out of context – something we tend to be experts at – we can think, “Wow! Forget a genie in a magic lamp, I’ve found the secret to getting everything my greedy heart lusts after!” The context, however, reveals something very different: James 4:2-3 You lust, and don’t have. You murder and covet, and can’t obtain. You fight and make war. You don’t have, because you don’t ask. You ask, and don’t receive, because you ask with wrong motives, so that you may spend it for your pleasures. God, in his Word, is saying, “You miss out on what you really need, because instead of seeking God for eternal things, you think you can use him as a means of getting what non-Christians foolishly crave.” If a heroin addict should not claim, “My God shall supply all my heroin according to his riches in Christ Jesus,” neither should an addict to worldliness expect God to provide us with what seems to shine with excitement and gleam with the promise of fulfilment but is actually the bait on a deadly trap laid by the sinister spiritual forces that manipulate the world system. God tells us to forsake the things we crave, not because he is a killjoy, but because they kill joy. Each of us are capable of being so mesmerized by the illusion of worldly happiness that we suppose it must be the way to true happiness and therefore must be of God. So we start building it into our theology and even our salvation message, just as the New Testament warns. 2 Peter 2:1 promises “false teachers will also be among you”. It goes on to say of those who had once “escaped the corruption of the world by knowing our Lord”: 2 Peter 2:18-21 For, uttering great swelling words of emptiness, they entice in the lusts of the flesh, by licentiousness, those who are indeed escaping from those who live in error; promising them liberty, while they themselves are bondservants of corruption; for a man is brought into bondage by whoever overcomes him. For if, after they have escaped the defilement of the world through the knowledge of the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, they are again entangled in it and overcome, the last state has become worse for them than the first. For it would be better for them not to have known the way of righteousness, than, after knowing it, to turn back from the holy commandment delivered to them. Likewise, another apostle warns against a way of church growth: 2 Timothy 4:3, 5 For the time will come when they will not listen to the sound doctrine, but, having itching ears, will heap up for themselves teachers after their own lusts . . . But you be sober in all things, suffer hardship, do the work of an evangelist, and fulfil your ministry. . . . Christians like me do not realize the enormity of the gulf between God’s ways and our ways because we are so drugged by worldly presumptions that we cannot think straight. Wrong thinking permeates every part of us, corrupting us far more extensively and profoundly than we would ever have guessed. Worldly thinking hits us all. It is not like a wound that hurts only part of us, it’s like an infection spreading throughout our entire being. Tolerating just one aspect of worldliness – perhaps selfish ambition or pride or lust– and hoping it will not contaminate completely unrelated parts of us, is as dangerous as tolerating cancer in part of our body, hoping it will not spread. As a consequence, sins are more interconnected than we imagine. For example, when describing the sins of Sodom, Ezekiel didn’t even mention sexuality. Instead, he zeroed in on arrogance, affluence, and selfish disregard for the needy (Ezekiel 16:49). Today’s sexual decadence is but a symptom of a much more extensive moral sickness. It is frighteningly easy for us to point the finger at others when we are as infected by the same basic corruption as those we feel superior to. Let’s briefly explore an example of this interconnectedness. Almost all of us have been bitten by the deadly, disease-carrying “bigger, brighter, better” bug. This spiritually crippling disease affects us far more extensively than we realize. Why is it that Christian marriages are falling apart almost as rapidly as non-Christian marriages? Because we think in some areas of life we can get away with ignoring God’s directive to be content with what we have, without it corrupting other areas of life. Proverbs 5:18-19  . . . Rejoice in the wife of your youth. . . . let her breasts satisfy you at all times. Be captivated always with her love. If today’s Christians can’t stay content with their income and status, what makes us suppose they could stay content with their marriage partner? We live in a society where anyone who does not keep trading up and up, is seen as a failure. Do you expect people to feel good about themselves if they still have the same car, house, furniture and appliances that they had when they married, twenty years ago? If not, can you really expect those same people to feel good about having the same old spouse they had twenty years ago? A man is almost considered a loser if he remains faithful to his employer for life (and if he does remain with the one company he is seen as a failure unless he keeps “advancing” to position after position in his career). If this is so, who can expect him to feel good about himself if he keeps the same old wife, year after year after year? For today’s man to be regarded as a success he is expected to trash last year’s gear and surround himself with things that are sparklingly new, look good and are the latest fad. Just as he “needs” the car that people drool over, he must have the wife that men lust after. The woman on his arm is his latest fashion statement and status symbol. Do you seriously expect him to keep trading up to the latest model in everything except this wife? If he must have the latest model car, his wife must also be the latest model. Unless she is sleek and new and beautiful, his claim to success looks decidedly drab. Ecclesiastes 4:4 Then I saw all the labor and achievement that is the envy of a man’s neighbor. This also is vanity and a striving after wind. We are immersed in a world that exalts competitiveness – secretly hoping others will fail; trampling on other people in one’s rush to the top – and ambition – never happy; always clawing for more. The world presses in on us from every side and is highly contagious. Have we escaped the corruption of the world, only to become re-infected by its deadly restlessness; a continual striving for what never satisfies? Ecclesiastes 1:8  . . . The eye is not satisfied with seeing, nor the ear filled with hearing. Ecclesiastes 5:10 He who loves silver shall not be satisfied with silver; nor he who loves abundance, with increase: this also is vanity. Ecclesiastes 6:7 All the labor of man is for his mouth, and yet the appetite is not filled. Jeremiah 2:13 For my people have committed two evils: they have forsaken me, the spring of living waters, and cut them out cisterns, broken cisterns, that can hold no water. I worry that we are drunk on this world. We don’t want to give it up, yet we want to keep our marriage and the spiritual things we value. Does that make us like drunks who don’t want a hangover but want to keep drinking? Could we be hooked on one of the world’s mirages of fulfilment – a soul-destroying emptiness that first entices, then ensnares and finally depraves? Continued: The Shocking Secret of Happiness

Having mentioned the danger of pride in the previous webpage , it would be ridiculous not to point out that this is just one of a formidable array of possibilities to which our flesh could develop a suicidal attraction. It is not because pride is more deadly or deceptive or addictive than other manifestations of our fallen nature that we spent so long discussing it. Pride was chosen merely to illustrate how vital it is that we ‘crucify’ every aspect of the flesh. For example, one of the most insidious things about pride that makes it such a threat to each of us is that it seems so harmless, justifiable, and even good. This, however, is how people typically see any sin that has seduced them (at least until it has so ensnared them that they think it impossible to break free). Consider, for instance, how the deceiver made eating the forbidden fruit seem to Eve. The point of this section is simply to underline, without even attempting as much as mentioning a tenth of them, that there are so very many other deadly manifestations of the flesh that are just as insidious as pride. So please understand that my treatment of the vast topic covered in this section is exceedingly superficial. We will flit through this ridiculously fast, briefly citing only a few examples, and skipping entirely many important matters. Nevertheless, it will give at least a vague idea of why ‘crucifying’ the flesh is so important. This tiny overview is part of our larger goal of discovering how basic ‘dying’ to self (or to the flesh) is to the Word of God. Omit it from your life, and no matter how much Scripture you quote, what you are left with is not biblical Christianity. There are so many spiritual dangers besides pride that when, for instance, Galatians 5:19-21 names the works of the flesh, it is not attempting an exhaustive list, but merely providing examples. This is clearly seen by it being one of several times the Bible provides a list of sins, any one of which could exclude us from the kingdom of God. Each list is different. As mentioned earlier, I believe we will be shocked and grieved to learn all we missed out on, and how little we were able to do for God, simply because our fleshly vulnerability forced our Savior to severely limit what he could do in and through us during this life, lest we self-destruct by perverting his blessings into an opportunity to indulge one or more fleshly weaknesses. Power corrupts – even spiritual power. It need not, but it is inevitable – unless we crucify our flesh daily. Terrifyingly vast numbers of apparent Christians have confused avoiding God’s wrath with a short-lived reprieve, temporarily granted in the hope that we quickly come to our senses and change our ways before it is too late: 2 Peter 3:9-10 The Lord is not slow concerning his promise, as some count slowness; but he is patient with us, not wishing that anyone should perish, but that all should come to repentance. But the day of the Lord will come as a thief in the night . . . Matthew 13:28-30 . . . ‘Do you want us to go and gather them up?’ . . . ‘No, lest perhaps while you gather up the . . . weeds, you root up the wheat with them. Let both grow together until the harvest, and in the harvest time I will tell the reapers, “First, gather up the . . . weeds, and bind them in bundles to burn them . . .” Confusing what will happen on Judgment Day with God temporarily delaying judgment is the most appalling mistake anyone could ever make: Romans 2:1-5 You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge the other, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things. . . . So when you, a mere man, pass judgment on them and yet do the same things, do you think you will escape God’s judgment? Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, tolerance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness leads you toward repentance? But because of your stubbornness and your unrepentant heart, you are storing up wrath against yourself for the day of God’s wrath, when his righteous judgment will be revealed. (NIV) Don’t imagine God’s love will spare us. The exact opposite is true. God-sized love fuels God-sized wrath. If you have ever been angered at someone hurting a person you love, your anger is infinitesimal compared with God’s anger when people hurt his loved ones. Add to this the fact that God loves everyone with divine intensity, and that our sins hurt people, either directly or by setting a bad example. People differ as to which particular sins infatuate them. Typically, there are certain sins we could fairly happily live without, while one or two have so entrapped us as to make us wonder if we could live without them. We might even consider trading an arm or an eye for them. Our greatest danger is not the sins we hate, but the ones we love. What should alarm us far more than the sins that disturb us is the sins we excuse – and, even more so, the sins we are blind to. I would detest doing it, but I could write entire books on this subject. My insights would be pathetic, however, relative to what the holy Lord could expose. As an illustration of how appallingly weak and deluded our flesh is at guessing how we would cope if granted what the flesh craves, consider the vast numbers of people who think it would be good to be given millions of dollars. Contrast this with the experiences of all the people whose lives have been ruined by winning lotteries. Not surprisingly, the Lord had to warn the Israelites that blessing them materially could be their downfall. A sin that is so appallingly rife among most of today’s Christians that it often seems to be openly flouted, is one that the tithe-giving religious were guilty of in Jesus’ day – the love of money. Jesus attacked this strongly, as does the rest of the New Testament, with Paul, for example, calling it a root of all evil. As is typical of sin, almost all of us see greed or the love of money in other people, but never in ourselves. It is far too big a subject to discuss here, but you will find a link at the end of this webpage. I seriously considered providing a list of key Scriptures, but even that would be a lot of reading for you. I suggest visiting the link and seeing all the Scriptures there after completing this webpage. Scripture reveals that in God’s eyes, hate is as atrocious as murder (1 John 3:15). How could it be otherwise? Suppose a person wishes someone were dead. The only thing preventing him from killing is that he fears the consequences of getting hurt, and lacks the intelligence to dream up a way of committing the ‘perfect crime.’ Compare him with someone who goes ahead and kills because he is braver, or smart enough to work out how to get away with murder. Should the first person be deemed more moral, when the only difference between the two is that he is dumber or a bigger coward? That would be ridiculous. Morality is a matter of the heart, not of cowardice, or lack of intelligence. From the perspective of the victim, of course, there is a vast difference between the two people, but their hearts are equally corrupt. So it is with sexual sin. So for just one other of a vast number of possible examples of deadly sins that seek to bring us down, let’s consider lust. The Ten Commandments lists as a grievous sin going no further than merely coveting someone else’s marriage partner (Exodus 20:17), and Jesus declared that to look lustfully at a woman is to have already committed adultery in one’s heart (Matthew 5:28). Let’s quickly explore this. I warn, however, that it could raise your blood pressure. Once a particular sin has us in its slimy grasp, our tendency to excuse the offense while hypocritically despising similar sins, goes into overdrive. If the object of one’s look is both married and a willing participant, it is a sin against his or her marriage partner. That is just the beginning of possible offenses, however. To derive sexual excitement from someone who does not want you to, is rape. Equally, to flout one’s sexuality by dressing in a way that gives sexual excitement to someone who does not want it, is also rape. For a child to be sexually aroused by the way one dresses, is child molestation. If both parties are mature, unmarried and willing participants, it’s as grievous as a one-night stand. And each of these offenses is as vile in God’s holy eyes as any other sexual offense, such as prostitution or homosexual sin. Do we want Jesus to be our Savior – the one who saves us from our sins (that is, takes them from us)? Or do we want the innocent Lord of glory, who not only detests our every sin but suffered unspeakable torment because of them, to grant us a license to keep sinning? The latter option is not an option. The Lord of the universe is so staggeringly holy as to make the strongest of us quake. He is good. That means he hates sin with a divine fury of unimaginable proportions. Sins we dismiss as minor and excusable, he sees as abysmally evil. We began the first webpage by explaining how dying to self and crucifying the flesh are as much God’s exquisite cure for an inferiority complex as for a superiority complex. Both are serious abnormalities that God longs to free us from. Likewise, that same cure delivers those deceived by a perverse conscience; regardless of whether their conscience is satanically inflamed or deadened. Yes, there are people who are deceitfully tormented by non-existent sins – offenses that have already been totally obliterated by the enormity of Christ’s sacrifice. These people need the spiritual sanity that comes through crucifying the flesh. They will cease being the devil’s playthings when they die to their flesh’s screams that they are unforgiveable and, instead, live exclusively by faith in their resurrected Savior’s power and eagerness to cleanse from all sin all who put their trust in him. Most of the rest of us, however, suffer the opposite affliction and, again, the divine solution is for us to crucify the flesh. Most of today’s Christians have been brainwashed by the world, the flesh and the devil into becoming appallingly hardened to sin. What should terrify, horrify and disgust us, does not. Our Lord is moved to forgive and comfort those who are crushed by a realization of the gravity of their sin. Those in a dream world of imagining they can exploit God’s grace, however, are drifting to a nightmare beyond imagination. People with the audacity to suppose they can corrupt divine purity; making the Perfect One a partner in their depravity by condoning their ‘little’ sins that his piercing eyes see as wickedness, are hurtling for the most appalling of shocks. Were you to do that, you would be “storing up wrath against yourself for the day of God’s wrath, when his righteous judgment will be revealed,” (Romans 2:5, NIV). “For if we sin willfully after we have received the knowledge of the truth, there remains no more a sacrifice for sins, but a certain fearful expectation of judgment, and a fierceness of fire which will devour the adversaries,” (Hebrews 10:26-27). God hates sin. It is one thing for him to have mercy on those desperate to break free from a sin; it is quite another to imagine he will have mercy on those happy to remain in their favorite sin. And it is going to yet another extreme to imagine he will have mercy on those so hypocritical as to have talked themselves into considering their own pet sin acceptable, while arrogantly thinking themselves more righteous than those committing certain other sins. As James 2:10-11 points out, we render ourselves guilty of breaking God’s law, regardless of which one it is that we break. It goes on to say that those who show no mercy in judging others shall receive judgment without mercy (James 2:13). Anyone condemning someone else’s sin is as smart as a lawbreaker lobbying for a harsher penalty for breaking the law. Thinking ourselves better than someone else is yet another manifestation of the flesh that we must die to for us to have Christ’s life. We mentioned earlier how we could miss a profound spiritual experience because of a susceptibility to pride, but any fleshly weakness could equally hold us back. Would, for example, we be so sordid as to pervert a sacred experience into a little money spinner (book sales, paid appearance, etc.), or to grab a little fame, or to tout ourselves as a cut above average Christians? For many of us, simply having a big mouth would be enough to disqualify us. Paul, for example, heard things no one was permitted to repeat (2 Corinthians 12:4), and so did John (Revelation 10:4). Would we have sufficient self-control for God to trust us with such revelation? And carefully ponder the implications of this: Matthew 7:21-23 Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter into the Kingdom of Heaven, but he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will tell me in that day, ‘Lord, Lord, didn’t we prophesy in your name, in your name cast out demons, and in your name do many mighty works?’ Then I will tell them, ‘I never knew you. Depart from me, you who work iniquity .’ (Emphasis mine.) None of us can live long without being let down by someone we had trusted. Our flesh screams that God cannot be so utterly different as to be totally trustworthy. The stunning truth is that there is no one not only as capable, but as remotely warm, safe, selfless, dependable and devoted to us as God. Alongside him, the most amazing human is a fickle, bungling idiot who frequently misunderstands us, will inevitably disappoint us, and cannot possibly be with us whenever needed, every moment of every day for the rest of eternity. Total surrender to this astonishing being is the most privileged, beautiful, liberating, empowering and fulfilling experience possible. It is being filled not only with divine love, wisdom, power, goodness and perfection, but with God himself – the most wonderful, fascinating and exciting person in the universe. It is being made whole, like nothing else could possibly achieve. We were literally made for union with the divine. Yielding completely to God is so utterly beyond comparison that it is frustrating to the extreme trying to describe it. I had considered saying it is vaguely like someone with knotted muscles, so tense and suspicious that he is always on hyperalert, finally yielding to the exquisitely safe, gentle, healing expertise of a masseuse of impeccable integrity. I cannot imagine myself relaxing in such a situation, however. I have a couple of other attempts to compare it with something we can imagine. Even they fail, however, since everything is trivial when compared with being yielded to our perfect and infinitely superior Lord. Nonetheless, here are my inadequate attempts. It is like a little girl taking a paint brush and surrendering to a famous artist who tenderly envelopes her hand with his, and suddenly she is producing priceless masterpieces. It is like yielding to an airplane, and enjoying the thrill of soaring heavenward in a manner that should be humanly impossible. Right now, we are blind to the future, and even to most of what is happening around us. We crash through life, stumbling and groping like clumsy idiots when the lights go off in a room filled with priceless, irreplaceable breakables. Since, however, it is our choice whether or not we stand still and call for help, we will be held accountable for all the damage we cause. On Judgment Day, and beyond, when mystery’s fog evaporates and all is revealed, we will see with pristine clarity that choosing to nestle into the very heart of God’s will has always been the safest, coziest place in the universe. In fact, it is the only safe place. The sweetest alternative is like settling into a comfy haven on the Titanic. Make no mistake about it, however: at times, without the exquisite benefits of understanding the implications and alternatives, God’s will can seem the most terrifying, confusing and painful option. Nevertheless, it always turns out to be the one thing you will endlessly celebrate having chosen to do. No matter how enormous the cost, it is always the smartest, most joyous and fulfilling thing we could ever have done. Yes, in the short term, obeying God might be scary, dreary, even agonizing. Anyone truly understanding the nature of God’s will, however, delights in it as much as stumbling upon a life-giving oasis when dying of thirst in a desert. Obeying God might sometimes be confounding, taxing, even distressing. Nevertheless, nothing matches it. With it comes purpose in a meaningless universe; love in a loveless world; a never-to-be-repeated opportunity for glory. No matter how much it glitters, any alternative leaves us languishing on life’s scrapheap. Pushing aside the grave eternal consequences, to fall from God’s will is to waste your life and condemn yourself to being a misplaced puzzle piece trying to fit where you do not belong. But far more is at stake. Life is filled with choices that have unknown eternal implications, soaring way beyond even life or death in importance. That makes cozying into the perfection of God’s will not only the greatest conceivable source of peace, but the highest of privileges. Total submission to God is far more basic to spiritual life than is commonly realized. The disciples called Jesus their Lord – their master (e.g. John 13:13 and Luke 5:5; 8:24, etc). Paul, Timothy, Peter and Jude each called themselves not merely Jesus’ servant, but his slave. They were servants, in the sense of never having to be forced to obey, but slaves, in the sense of being utterly his and, obeying him unquestioningly, no matter how much it might clash with their preferences and comfort. They could delight in this because they understood the goodness and integrity of God. Anyone recognizing how the Almighty is always right, and infinitely superior in every desirable way to any human, is eager to be his slave. On the other extreme, from the perspective of the loving kindness Christ lavishes on us, and that he honors us with the privilege of participating in work that is of critical importance to him, we are his highly trusted partners. Writing to Christians, Paul said, you are not your own, you were bought with a price (1 Corinthians 6:19 – 1 Corinthians 7:23 is similar). Everyone back then was familiar with slavery, and knew he was saying that they are Jesus’ slaves – that he owns them. Here are some Scriptures to take very seriously: Matthew 7:21-22 Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter into the kingdom of heaven – only the one who does the will of my Father in heaven. (NET Bible – New English Translation) Matthew 6:24 No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. . . . John 15:10 If you obey my commandments, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father’s commandments and remain in his love. (Emphasis mine.) Of the unpopular New Testament themes that incorporated crucifying the flesh, there is just one more that I wish to mention here. There is no denying that Jesus suffered on earth to save us from eternal suffering. For years, however, I also believed that Jesus suffered to save us from all earthly suffering. Scripture has compelled me to revise that latter presumption. It is true, of course, that our Lord often rescues us from earthly suffering, but the Bible insists that he often does not. Instead, it teaches that, rather than being crucified so that we could avoid suffering, Christ suffered as an example for all who would follow him, so that they, too, would embrace earthly suffering as he did. It is popular today to preach, “Come to Christ in order to avoid suffering and have a cushy life.” I love and respect many who teach along those lines. So it is with a heavy heart that I am forced to say that such teaching usually produces weak Christians. I fear that they are like those Jesus spoke of “who, when they have heard the word, immediately receive it with joy. They have no root in themselves, but are short-lived. When oppression or persecution arises because of the word, immediately they stumble [“fall away,” say many versions],” (Mark 4:16-17). Tragically, many people actually find Islam or some other radical belief system more attractive than Christianity because the Christianity they have heard of is too soft. Moreover, expecting devotion to Christ to protect us from hard times is contrary to the thrust of the entire New Testament. I have said much elsewhere on this website about the Bible’s insistence that we must suffer with and for Christ. The webpage you are reading, however, has grown too long for me to prove this by repeating it all here. I’ll just leave you with a few sample Scriptures and move on: Matthew 24:9-12 Then they will deliver you up to oppression and will kill you. You will be hated by all of the nations for my name’s sake. Then many will stumble, and will deliver up one another, and will hate one another. . . . Because iniquity will be multiplied, the love of many will grow cold. Acts 14:22  . . . exhorting them to continue in the faith, and that through many afflictions we must enter into God’s Kingdom . Romans 8:17 and if children, then heirs: heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with him , that we may also be glorified with him. Philippians 1:29  . . . it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ, not only to believe in him, but also to suffer on his behalf 1 Thessalonians 3:2-4  . . . to establish you, and to comfort you concerning your faith, that no one would be moved by these afflictions. . . . For most certainly, when we were with you, we told you beforehand that we are to suffer affliction , even as it happened . . . 2 Timothy 1:8 Therefore don’t be ashamed of the testimony of our Lord, nor of me his prisoner; but endure hardship for the Good News according to the power of God James 5:10 Take, brothers, for an example of suffering and of perseverance, the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord. 1 Peter 4:12-13, 16 , 19 Beloved, don’t be astonished at the fiery trial which has come upon you to test you, as though a strange thing happened to you. But because you are partakers of Christ’s sufferings, rejoice, that at the revelation of his glory you also may rejoice with exceeding joy. . . . But if one of you suffers for being a Christian, let him not be ashamed; but let him glorify God in this matter. . . . Therefore let them also who suffer according to the will of God in doing good entrust their souls to him, as to a faithful Creator. (Emphasis mine.) For the following Scriptures, some versions are slightly clearer that the one I usually quote. I will use the NIV: Revelation 2:10 Do not be afraid of what you are about to suffer. I tell you, the devil will put some of you in prison to test you, and you will suffer persecution . . . Be faithful, even to the point of death, and I will give you the crown of life. Revelation 13:7, 10 He was given power to make war against the saints and to conquer them. . . . If anyone is to go into captivity, into captivity he will go. If anyone is to be killed with the sword, with the sword he will be killed. This calls for patient endurance and faithfulness on the part of the saints. Revelation 14:12 This calls for patient endurance on the part of the saints who obey God’s commandments and remain faithful to Jesus. Reorientation We have been examining the spiritual experience, variously referred to in the Word of God as taking up your cross, dying to self, crucifying the flesh, and so on. To understand this experience slightly better, and especially to grasp how essential it is to basic Christian living, we have been examining key biblical terms that are closely related to these unusual expressions. We have dug into, as it were, the unmarked graves of crucial aspects of the Christian life highlighted by the Bible but buried by a generation that has no interest in a holy God and instead has made a sleazy god in its own image. Their god helps them feel superior by frowning on unfashionable sins, while turning a blind eye to their lusts, boosting their egos, and feeding their greed. Ours is the generation prophesied by Scripture who “will not listen to the sound doctrine, but having itching ears, will heap up for themselves teachers after their own lusts,” (2 Timothy 4:3) – a generation who are lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant . . . unthankful, unholy,  . . . without self-control . . . not lovers of good . . . headstrong, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God,” (2 Timothy 3:2-4). We have already peeped at repentance, humility, avoidance of lethal fleshly traps, and total surrender to God. We have seen their inseparable connection with crucifying the flesh, ‘hating’ or ‘losing’ one’s self, and so on. We left them unmarked because the very sight of them can make our flesh flinch, and possibly deter some readers before having the chance to discover they are far more positive than they superficially seem. We will complete this section, however, with terms that are so obviously positive that we can confidently announce them in headings. Love Again, although what the Bible means by love is not exactly synonymous with such terms as denying yourself, being crucified with Christ, and so on, there is a huge overlap. In fact, it is impossible to love, in the biblical sense, without it. Let’s explore this. Whereas what the world calls love (especially in romance) is often selfish, biblical love is utterly selfless and sacrificial: 1 John 3:16 By this we know love, because he laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers. Ephesians 5:2 Walk in love, even as Christ also loved us and gave himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God . . . John 15:12-13 This is my commandment, that you love one another, even as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. God is love, and he insists that love must be our top priority. The parable of the Pharisee and the tax collector praying in the temple (Luke 18:10-14) highlights how critical it is that for our salvation we look down on no-one. This is explained in depth in The Forgotten Secret of Inner Peace (you’ll find a link at the end of this webpage). God’s Word insists that divine forgiveness hinges on us forgiving others. Forgiving is so much easier when we consider ourselves better than no one. In addition to not feeling superior to others, an aspect of dying to self is neither envying nor resenting them. The removal of these blockages frees us up to love. So here, too, love is strongly linked to dying to self. Christlikeness Equally, what is meant by such terms as denying yourself and killing the flesh (old man) is the essential ingredient of Christlikeness: John 6:38 For I have come down from heaven, not to do my own will, but the will of him who sent me. John 8:28  . . . I do nothing of myself, but as my Father taught me, I say these things. John 8:50, 54 But I don’t seek my own glory. There is one who seeks and judges. . . . If I glorify myself, my glory is nothing. It is my Father who glorifies me, of whom you say that he is our God. Living this way was the norm for the Son of God and for all who, through him, are truly a son/daughter of the Most High. It involves submission to God and total obedience – not just obedience when it is convenient, or when it lines up with our plans, or when it makes sense to us. You don’t need me to remind you that this is yet another thing that offends the carnal side of us (our ‘flesh’). We have noted how this perverse part of us keeps needlessly backing away from the One who, for us, sacrificed his all. It fears that a perfect God who keeps on loving is too good to be true, and that he must be like some feckless, fallible human who does not understand us as well as we do, nor cares for us as much as we do. The truth is that our loving Lord far surpasses any of us on both measures. Let’s not deceive ourselves with some romanticized fabrication of Christlikeness. The real thing offends every one of our senses. It’s filthy. It’s bloodied. It’s nauseating. Christlikeness is fasting for forty days and forty nights until you are literally starving to death. It is having the power to feed yourself by turning stones into life-giving food, and refusing to do so. That’s denying yourself. It’s refusing to call upon tens of thousands of mighty angels, while everyone sees you as a weakling and failure as you suffer a torturous death (Matthew 26:53). Let the blood drain from your face as you quake before the eternal, terrifyingly exalted, and petrifyingly holy, Lord of Glory, through whom, and for whom, everything in existence was created and is sustained (Colossians 1:16-17; Hebrews 1:3). See this mind-boggling being humbling himself to the extreme of becoming human, then letting thugs ridicule and bash him, stripping him naked and pinning him like a bug to a cross where he, the personification of innocence and perfection, is tortured to death as if he were the vilest specimen of humanity. Hear the mockers chuckle, “He healed others and he can’t even save himself!” Hear others excitedly say, “Don’t ease his thirst. Let’s see if Elijah comes to save him (Matthew 27:48-49).” Hear his own agonized cry, “My God, why have you forsaken me?” That’s humiliation. That’s dying to self. That’s total submission to the divine will. That’s love. And that’s what following him and being crucified with Christ is all about. It’s the mindset of the average follower (Philippians 2:5-8). We are expected to leave behind the sin that entices, and earthly entrapments, and the ease that paralyzes; looking instead to our Leader “who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising its shame,“ (Hebrews 12:2). “Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood,” it goes on to say (Hebrews 12:3-4). Look to him; not some manicured preacher in a fancy suit telling the world how wonderful he is, nor me writing like a wimp in obscurity. Look to Christ. Let’s not forget that God’s goal is for us to be in the very image of Christ, who, in turn is the express image of God (Hebrews 1:3). Spiritual Power Having seen how submitted to God Jesus was, consider this: James 4:7 Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. (NIV) Spiritual power hinges on whether we are submitted to God. Consider police officers – especially British police officers who don’t even carry a gun, and yet they have such power that even criminals obey them. These officers have great powers only because they are in submission to those above them. If an officer were to disobey his superiors, he would end up suspended and lose these special powers. Baptism Our overview has given us an inkling of how very much of the Christian life hinges on dying to self. In fact, crucifying the flesh is so basic to being born again and to spiritual life that it is even what baptism symbolizes. Despite its length, the first quote is worth examining, not only for its insight into the meaning of baptism, but because it links baptism with crucifying the ‘old man’ (our Adamic, or sinful, nature): Romans 6:3-6 Or don’t you know that all we who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were buried therefore with him through baptism into death, that just as Christ was raised from the dead . . . so we also might walk in newness of life. For if we have become united with him in the likeness of his death, we will also be part of his resurrection; knowing this, that our old man was crucified with him, that the body of sin might be done away with, so that we would no longer be in bondage to sin. Colossians 2:12 having been buried with him in baptism, in which you were also raised with him through faith in the working of God, who raised him from the dead. In the early church, baptism occurred virtually as soon as one decided to commit to Christ. Conclusion We end this section having discovered that the experience referred to by such terms as crucifying the flesh is so foundational to Christianity that we can barely move in the New Testament without bumping into it in one form or another. An On-Going Process Whether baptism is a meaningless ritual, or the source of spiritual transformation, depends on whether one keeps dying to self. What baptism symbolizes is not a one-off event, but continuous. Consider, for example: Luke 9:23  . . . If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. (NIV) 1 Corinthians 15:31  . . . I die daily. 2 Corinthians 4:11 For we who live are always delivered to death for Jesus’ sake, that the life also of Jesus may be revealed in our mortal flesh. (Emphasis mine.) In this regard, ponder the implications of Romans 12:1 saying, present (or offer) your bodies as a living sacrifice. Note that this is not something God does to us, but something he asks us to do. And why the unusual expression living sacrifice? A dead sacrifice can only be a one-off event. From our perspective, once we have died, it’s all over. For a living sacrifice, however, it’s on-going. The physical body we were born with is slowly dying (a consequence of the fall). Likewise, for as long as we live in an earthly body, another consequence of the fall – the corrupted part of us that the Bible calls the old man or the flesh – remains with us. For this reason, Scripture says: Romans 6:11  . . . consider yourselves also to be dead to sin, but alive to God in Christ . . . (Emphasis mine.) Our sin-nature has not disappeared; we have to continually choose to act as if we were dead to it. This is why Scripture reminds people who were already Christians, “Beloved, I beg you . . . to abstain from fleshly lusts, which war against the soul” (1 Peter 2:11) and, “Put to death . . . whatever belongs to your earthly nature” (Colossians 3:5, NIV). Understanding ‘the Flesh’ Despite it being a vitally important spiritual concept, I’ve struggled to find a good analogy for ‘the flesh.’ Let’s start with what is currently my best attempt, and then we’ll plunge into what Scripture actually reveals. Most of us have driven with satellite navigation telling us where to go. Imagine a system that is a little more advanced, and also tells us what speed to travel, when to overtake cars, and so on. Suppose the system that comes with our car is programmed to guide us, not on the basis of what is smartest, safest and legal, but on whatever might give us a cheap thrill. Disregarding No Entry signs on freeways, and hurtling toward oncoming traffic, for example, can be quite an adrenaline rush. Dodging cars while speeding in the wrong direction down a one-way street might get you to your destination quicker – if all goes well. The instructions it gives are a danger to you and other road users, to say nothing of the heavy penalties you would incur for breaking road laws. Perhaps even more disconcerting is that when you make a right choice, it keeps giving all sorts of false warnings, such as repeatedly screaming. “Go back! You are going the wrong way!” or “You are going dangerously slow! Accelerate immediately to avoid a rear-end collision.” This navigation system is permanently fitted. It cannot even be switched off. If we wish, however, we can obtain a second system that is programmed, not for excitement, but to keep us and other road users safe. In the short term, it might not seem much fun, but it is by far the smarter option, and it always advises what is in your ultimate best interest – the decisions that you will end up being glad you made, even if they did not seem so desirable at the time. The old navigation system corresponds with what the Bible sometimes calls the old man – the corrupted part of us that we genetically inherited from ancestors who chose to rebel against God’s guidance. Regardless of how much we might despise this part of us, it will keep telling us what it wants us to do. We cannot silence it, but we can ‘die’ to it. By that, I mean we can choose to be as unresponsive to it as a dead person would be and, instead, obey a new system that, if we choose, can be supernaturally implanted in us through Christ. The wisest choice is to firmly resolve never to obey the old, defective guidance system, and keep remaining ‘dead’ to it, so that consistently obeying the Christ-bought system becomes a deeply ingrained habit. Which system we obey, however, remains a moment by moment decision. The Nitty-Gritty Enough with the superficial: let’s plunge deeper. In the original, the Bible often uses the same Greek word for our fallen nature as for our physical body. Of itself, this verbal connection proves nothing. Deeper investigation, however, suggests that ‘the flesh’ and one’s earthly body are so interconnected that it is impossible for Christians to have one without the other. Certainly, both have been corrupted by the fall (Adam and Eve’s sin). And, in practice, for as long as we live in our earthly body, our ‘flesh’ – the part of us that generates sinful desires – will remain with us. For this reason, the Bible mostly speaks not of our fallen nature dying, but of us choosing to die (be unresponsive) to it. With every privilege divinely entrusted to us comes enormous responsibility. One of our greatest privileges is being able to have offspring. For an obvious example of how a person’s actions can have genetic ramifications, consider how exposure to radiation can affect a person’s genes. Children conceived afterwards, and subsequent generations, can suffer the consequences. Sin has grave, far-reaching consequences, including the genetic. This has enormous implications for each of us, since we were born with bodies that have inherited our ancestors’ genes, and every single one of our ancestors has sinned. As a result, the physical part of us – including our brains – has been corrupted. A clear sign of this is that the physical part of us keeps aging and slowly dying. (Death, you will recall, is a consequence of sin.) From the moment we were born again, our spiritual potential has skyrocketed, but we have retained the same physical body. Among the implications of being born again is that we have an utterly new destiny, and will be given an entirely new body but, of course, not until our current body literally dies. No matter how much one believes in healing miracles, our earthly body bears the consequence of ancestral sin by, for example, aging. In fact, the Bible is quite emphatic about our physical bodies being in a state of decay and distressing us: Romans 8:22-23 For we know that the whole creation groans and travails in pain together until now. Not only so, but ourselves also, who have the first fruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting for adoption, the redemption of our body. 2 Corinthians 4:16  . . . our outward person [our physical body] is decaying  . . . 2 Corinthians 5:1-4  . . . if the earthly house of our tent is dissolved, we have a building from God . . . eternal, in the heavens. For most certainly in this we groan, longing to be clothed with our habitation which is from heaven . . . . For indeed we who are in this tent do groan, being burdened  . . . we desire . . . that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. (Emphasis mine.) One of the sources of our current anguish is that the corrupted part of us that generates sinful desires remains with us for as long as we are in our earthly, mortal bodies. Through Christ, however, we do not have to slavishly obey those yearnings. If you have died to self, pleasing God means everything to you, and pleasing only yourself means nothing to you. It does not involve becoming a mindless, unfeeling robot, however. To die to self is to come alive to God, so that God’s superior passions, sorrows, joys, values and plans become yours. When the Flesh seems Holy Evil always fights dirty. It is insidiously deceptive. The words, “Satan masquerades as an angel of light,” stick in one’s mind. The very context, however, proves that this tactic is employed by other agents of evil. The expression appears in a passage about false teachers who had slipped into the church (2 Corinthians 11:13-15). Jesus called them wolves in sheep’s clothing (Matthew 7:15) – ferocious assassins pretending to be on our side, giving every appearance of being not just harmless, but good. Obvious threats are not nearly as dangerous. Another agent of evil, the flesh, is equally deceptive. We all successfully resist many obvious manifestations of the flesh. Our greatest threat, however, is what slips in unnoticed. Like Satan appearing as an angel of light, and wolves dressed up as sheep, the flesh can seem good and righteous. I long to side-step clarifying this with some practical examples. Unfortunately, for me to do so would be dereliction of duty (cf. Ezekiel 33:8-9). On the other hand, all of us – especially someone daring to address others – should take seriously the gravity of such Scripture as the following: Matthew 7:1 Don’t judge, so that you won’t be judged. James 3:1-2 Let not many of you be teachers, my brothers, knowing that we will receive heavier judgment. For we all stumble in many things. . . . James 4:11-12 Don’t speak against one another, brothers. He who speaks against a brother and judges his brother, speaks against the law and judges the law. But if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law, but a judge. Only one is the lawgiver, who is able to save and to destroy. But who are you to judge another? If I don’t take those warnings seriously now, I certainly will on Judgment Day. We can spot the speck in someone else’s eye a mile away, but the log in our own seems invisible. So here are just a few examples . . . Prayer, fasting, Bible study and generous giving to the needy can be beautiful manifestations of the Spirit, but they can also be manifestations of the flesh – an opportunity to feed one’s ego by proudly displaying oneself as a cut above others, and to win the approval, or even admiration, of others. Jesus was not impressed (Matthew 6:1-2, 5 , 16-18; 23:5-7). Again, “rightly dividing the word of truth,” (2 Timothy 2:15, KJV) and protecting vulnerable sheep by exposing wolves is most important, but these good things, too, are so easily perverted by the flesh. Rather than being manifestations of love, they can be driven by all sorts of nasties, such as jealousy, opportunities to exalt oneself, extract revenge, and so on. Among the “works of the flesh” are “outbursts of anger, rivalries, divisions” (Galatians 5:20). Nothing can be more magnificent than church growth that builds God’s kingdom. The flesh is so insidious, however, that it can corrupt any good thing. It is sadly possible for church growth to degenerate into feeding a pastor’s ego and lining his pockets. My heart breaks for leaders who unknowingly fall prey to this cunning attack. I am equally concerned, however, that being led by the flesh, rather than the Spirit, exposes those under their sway to all sorts of spiritual dangers. Why Doesn’t God Destroy our Fallen Nature NOW? At first thought, it is bewildering, even to the point of seeming ludicrous, that, for our time on earth, a holy, loving God does not remove the sin-prone part of Christians. I have devoted much time to seeking God over this quandary. I did this, not so much for my own sake, but for those who are sorely tempted to think ill of God because of what seems a divine failure. A basic necessity for anyone daring to have a relationship with an infinitely superior, supernatural being must be a willingness to tolerate mystery. The Perfect One always has surpassingly good reasons for everything he does. If we are unwilling to trust God’s wisdom and goodness without our puny minds understanding all his reasons, we are not worthy of him. Nevertheless, as I have sought God’s heart and mind on these issues, he has graciously given me so many surprising, but satisfying, answers that I do not have space for all of them here. This is no cop out, however, nor some ploy to make money out of you. I have detailed the answers elsewhere, and, like everything I do, made them available without charge. You can easily access them through links at the end of this webpage. And don’t worry: the wonderful thing about my intelligence is that the Lord can only reveal to me things that are easy to understand. In Life’s Mysteries Explained , I detail astonishing spiritual benefits we each receive through having to battle intense yearnings to sin – agonizing battles like those of our Lord in the wilderness (Luke 4:1-12), in Gethsemane (Matthew 26:37-39), and, I strongly suspect, many other occasions away from human gaze (cf. Luke 4:13). Scripture insists, by the way, that for our perfect Role Model, suffering horrendous temptation was an essential part of his earthly mission. You are likely to think me crazy until you read the webpage but, as impossible as it initially seems, what gives every appearance of corrupting us, actually ends up purifying us; making us truly holy and Christlike. Staggering as it seems, what battles with the flesh do within us could never be achieved by the Holy Lord removing the part of us that spawns sinful cravings. Another supremely important issue is that if the fallen part of us were removed, we would be rather like angels. Should that happen, there would be little point in us being on this planet. Our divine purpose for remaining here is to engage in the work that is of mind-boggling importance to our Savior – rescuing those who are hurtling to eternal destruction. The downside to being like angels is why the Almighty entrusted the Great Commission (Matthew 28:19-20) to humans, not angels. Reasons for God’s smart choice are explained in another link at the end of this webpage: Why Good Christians Suffer . From God’s perspective, even those whose divine mission is primarily to Christians, are assigned to build Christians up so that they, in turn, can then be used to save the lost. Those called to strengthen people who end up winning the lost, need to be experts in battling the flesh. Indeed, if any of us are to gain any ability to help those who are struggling, it will come primarily, not from books or classrooms, but from experiences gained in our own messy battles with the flesh. There’s an unconvincing shallowness about those who are merely transmitting head knowledge. It drastically reduces their effectiveness. The benefits resulting from resisting fleshly cravings are so immense that they might even be beyond our ability to tally them all. It is not, of course, that the flesh is good, but that God is so good, and so powerful, that he can bend evil so that it ends up not only thwarting the evil one, but achieving the very opposite of his evil intentions. The Cost Dying to self is letting go of the inferior, in order to cling to the superior. It is trading stupidity for wisdom, defeat for victory, the defiled for the pristine, and the decaying for the eternal. The choice is a no-brainer, except that it is exchanging the known for the unknown. That’s where faith and love come in. Faith says it will be worth it because God is the source of everything good, and that even though total obedience is always the minimum God deserves, he is so generous that he stupendously compensates us for everything it costs us. Love says this doesn’t even matter; all that matters is pleasing the love of one’s life: God. Killing our fleshly yearnings is as positive as swapping sickness for health. For people who have been sick all their lives, however, health can be surprisingly scary. It can mean greater responsibility, having to find a job and earn a living, and taking care of oneself. There is another factor, however, that makes faith and love even more needed. Denying ourselves is always the best thing we could ever do. In fact, I have understated the mind-boggling benefits – especially from an eternal perspective. Nevertheless, I would be little better than a sleazy con-artist not to warn that there will be times when the cost is so staggeringly high that it is exceeded only by the reward. Jesus was not wasting words when he spoke of the need to count the cost (Luke 14:27-28, 31 ). Neither was he being frivolous when he kept making it very hard for people to be his followers. Likewise, there are good reasons for the God who cannot lie using expressions that would make anyone recoil in horror to describe what is involved in the transition from spiritual death to life. Jesus spoke of his followers having to hate their lives and their loved ones (Luke 14:26). He said all of them must shoulder a cross. In Jesus’ day, the sight of someone carrying a cross would make everyone’s blood run cold. For his original hearers, a cross was not only as chilling as a firing squad, but perhaps the most brutal instrument of torture ever devised. For us today, even the simple command to follow Jesus is harrowing because we know exactly where our Leader and Role Model ended up. The path he blazed involved being humiliated and tortured to death before entering glory in the next life. A student is not above his teacher, nor a servant above his master, warned Jesus. If he was accused of being demon possessed and considered such a threat to society that they concluded he must be killed, we have no basis for expecting anything less ghastly for ourselves (cf. Matthew 10:24-25, 28, 35-39). Over and over, the Word of God emphasizes that by suffering unspeakably, Jesus was leaving us an example to follow. And to remove all doubt, it lists Paul’s horrifying tally of floggings, stonings, imprisonments, shipwrecks, and so on, as well that of Jesus’ other followers. Crucifying the flesh involves not only rewards that are out of this world, but sacrificing ease and worldly pleasure, and embracing things that others would shrink from. Dying to self is so much the smartest thing we could ever do that, ironically, it ends up being in our own self-interest. There will be many times when it does not seem that way in the short-term. Nevertheless, the cost does indeed surpass the reward – to inconceivable extremes – and the reward never ends. Far more precious than being on the winning side and rejoicing for all eternity for the choices you made, serving the God of love and truth and impeccable goodness means that you have not only done what is right, but through him you have done things of eternal significance, and helped make the universe a better place. In a world of self-obsessed egotists that might not mean much, but for those freed from that blindness, it means everything. A Cowardly Post Script After almost completing this webpage, another thought came to me. I could easily have inserted it where it logically belongs. I’m unsure whether it is cowardice or wisdom that has led me to decide to leave it until the end. Let me explain. The Bible is adamant that to have spiritual life requires dying to one’s self/flesh. To grasp how much this is emphasized in Scripture, we looked earlier at some important New Testament themes that although we cannot erase them from the Bible, they clash with our flesh so much that our flesh tries to erase these spiritual truths from our consciousness. “Oh taste and see that the Lord is good,” invites Psalm 34:8. But our flesh wants to run a mile. All of God’s ways are desirable, but our flesh doesn’t want to hang around long enough to find out. In an attempt to break this impasse, I tried earlier to introduce certain biblical themes briefly, but gently, in the hope of easing some of your concerns, and giving you a hint of how each is far more beautiful and less scary than the flesh imagines. There is one recurring biblical theme, however, that is so contrary to the flesh that I cannot think how to introduce it without enraging the flesh. At the very mention of it, you are likely to feel like lynching me. We cannot deny that it is in the Bible, and we want to retain some respectability by not openly rejecting the Bible but, especially in our era, it is something that few people can tolerate unless they have died to self. There are actually several matters, but I see them as similar. I can divide them into two categories. I guess I’ll just have to blurt them out. I can only say before you start knotting my noose that they seem a good test as to how well we are doing at dying to self. In the first category are such things as, “Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also,” (Matthew 5:39, NIV). “Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. . . . If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back,” (Luke 6:27-30, NIV). Forgive seventy times seven, (Matthew 18:21-22). The second category is obedience and submission. If this grates us, even in our relationship with a perfect, infinitely superior God, it is increased beyond measure when it comes to submitting to fallible humans. And yet this is what the Bible keeps saying: children, honor and obey your parents; wives, submit and obey your husbands (even if they are non-Christian); slaves, obey your masters (even if they are harsh and non-Christian); everyone, honor and obey your spiritual leaders; honor and obey civil authorities (whom you did not get to vote for, and who could be foreign oppressors). Final Thought To die to self is to truly live. To be crucified with Christ is to be resurrected to a whole new life. The fruit of the Spirit begin when the works of the flesh end. Understanding Dying to Self: Making Sense of Jesus and the Bible The Astonishing Power of Humility: Faith in God vs Faith in Self Satisfied: The Christianity that Most Christians have Missed Repentance: Why you Cannot be Forgiven While Refusing to Let Go of Sin Worldliness: More Insidious than Most Christians Realize

Crucifying the Flesh Why Jesus Tells Every Christian: Deny Yourself, Take up Your Cross Daily, and Follow Me My goal is to provide fresh thoughts on an age-old problem that plagues us, whether we realize it or not, or have low or high self-esteem. Dying to self is as far from being afflicted by an inferiority complex as it is from being an egomaniac. In fact, the cure for both is to die to self. Denying yourself, crucifying the flesh, or taking up your cross, sound like something anyone would recoil from, and yet it is actually as thrilling as leaving behind the life of a grub to become a butterfly. This gateway to an incomparably superior life is so basic and essential to the Christian life that God, in his Word, uses a variety of different expressions for it, including being crucified with Christ, losing your life, and putting to death, or mortifying, the old man. Each term sounds as repulsive as cancer, and yet it is actually the very opposite. It is like enabling a person to thrive by killing cancer cells that have so insidiously attached themselves to us as to seem an inseparable part of us. What it is killing is not only debilitating us, but is sentencing us to a slow and miserable death. We are focusing on the missing key to matchless joy, peace and love. Challenging, but thrilling and fulfilling, it’s the beginning of the ultimate spiritual adventure. It’s like finally being released from an oppressive prison cell into a vast, new world, sparkling with possibilities. But I will not lie to you: it’s peculiarly scary. We have been in oppressive confinement for so long that many of us find ourselves frightened to leave the familiar behind and step outside. Doing so, however, is no optional extra. Dying to self, denying yourself, losing yourself, totally surrendering to God – or whatever term you prefer – is essential for drawing near to a breathtakingly exciting, holy God. It is the very heart of authentic Christianity. In fact, it is essential for salvation. The Enemy Within What the Bible calls our flesh is the part of us that feels right, and yet always gets things wrong. In spy terminology, the flesh is the mole inside us – the turncoat who pretends to be our greatest friend and ally, when it is actually continually selling us out and sabotaging everything we do. I think it safe to presume that the fleshly (or carnal) side of us should have been, next to God our highest source of comfort, support and encouragement. Tragically, however, what would have been so exquisitely precious and beautiful was turned by the Deceiver before we were even born and, instead of remaining on our side, it is his ally. Whenever we are hurt, feel isolated, or are tempted to feel sorry for ourselves, this double-agent callously draws near with fake warmth, and pretends to console us. While maliciously claiming to care about us, and understand us, like no one else can, it is actually scheming to isolate us even more, and to dupe us into feeling we cannot live without its insidious, corrupting influence. There is appalling truth in the saying that we are our own worst enemy, and it is all because of the flesh – the part of us we inherited not directly from God, but from ancestors who broke the sacred bond we were meant to have with him. God, however, longs to rescue us. In fact, he is reaching out to you right now. Already Died to Self? My heart goes out to people who are so crippled by low self-esteem that they hate themselves. I once foolishly thought that dying to self, or crucifying the flesh, offers these dear people no benefits. In reality, it liberates and empowers them as much as anyone else. Let’s see why. When it comes to dying to self, I had supposed that people oppressed by low self-esteem had already arrived – perhaps even overshot their destination. Although no one who had died to self is egotistical, however, it does not mean beating oneself up, or being tortured by low self-esteem. As a Christian who has literally died is freed from suffering, a person who has died to self is freed from self. In contrast, to suffer from low self-esteem is to be tormented by self. Among other things, denying oneself involves relinquishing control of our self-esteem so that God can sort it out. For as long as we remain in charge, a distorted self-esteem is almost inevitable. And torturously low self-esteem is as far from God’s best as a dangerously over-inflated ego. In every sphere of life, self-consciousness is a tragedy that not only torments; it makes an otherwise competent person error-prone and inhibited. It leads to self-doubt and, before long, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. People plagued with it could have reached amazing heights, if only they could forget themselves – lose themselves in something bigger than themselves. I’m reminded of Jesus’ words: “whoever will lose his life for my sake will find it,” (Matthew 16:25). In the natural, forgetting about ourselves – what the Bible sometimes calls dying to self – fulfils us by freeing us to soar to our full potential. Spiritually, it does even more: it swings open the door to the divine. More than the spiritual equivalent of allowing life-giving fresh air and sunshine to pour into a suffocating oppressive life, it allows partnership with Almighty God. Thus empowered, we surpass natural abilities. Some self-obsessed people might think themselves wonderful, but it is equally possible for people who consider themselves lower than a cockroach to obsess about themselves. Either way, they find themselves in solitary confinement; trapped in the dark dungeon of obsessively thinking about themselves, or their grief, or their fear, or their resentment, or their . . . Regardless of whether you kept thinking about how superior you are or how inferior you are, you would still be turned in on yourself; continually focused on yourself. That would make your world – and the resources available to you – oppressively small. To have any hope of successfully navigating through life, it is vital that we take our eyes off ourselves. Imagine twisting your car’s rear-view mirror and continually looking at yourself in it, rather than looking at the road. Regardless of whether you keep gazing in the mirror to admire yourself or to criticize yourself, trying to drive that way would not only prevent you from going far, it would make you a danger to yourself and to everyone around you. Dying to self is not done by yourself. It is not a lonely, isolating experience, but the height of companionship because it occurs in exquisite partnership with Christ. It is the beginning of a thrilling new life bursting with endless possibilities through spiritual union with him. By being crucified with Christ you are simultaneously raised, empowered and glorified with our resurrected Lord. It is not merely dying to the inferior, but coming alive to the divine. Whether we feel inferior or superior, self keeps us from seeing beyond ourselves. It blinds us to the divine. With self out of the way, we can not only see God like never before, we can finally begin to see as God sees. Among the countless wonders this opens to us is that God sees through eyes of infinite love. He delights in our individuality – our uniqueness. No matter how many children parents have, love makes each child irreplaceable. By innumerable measures, a baby’s abilities are inferior to an adult’s. If anything, however, that simply makes the baby even more adorable in a parent’s love-filled eyes. Moreover, love makes parents take exquisite delight in, for example, their baby’s first step or first word or ‘cute’ expression; quite unmoved by the obvious fact that literally billions of people on this planet can do better. In many ways, love is blind to the entire concept of inferiority. And there is another side to the divine perspective opened to us by dying to self: the Almighty is the great leveler. Whether you feel inferior or superior to another human, any differences between the two of you are infinitesimal, relative to how superior God is. What God can do through the least of us is exceedingly beyond what the greatest of us could do without him. Tragically, people with appalling self-esteem usually think they have no alternative to being sentenced to live in their own tiny world in something akin to solitary confinement. They might interact with people, but only on a superficial level. They suppose no one would genuinely want them, with the possible exception of someone with evil intent. But there is someone who is astonishingly good and selfless and loving; someone totally trustworthy, who thinks the world of them, and is utterly devoted to their well-being. And he happens to be the smartest and richest and most important person in the universe. No fairytale seems so unbelievable. Nevertheless, it is the raw truth. Open the Floodgates to Out-of-this-World Blessings To help us better understand God’s nature, Jesus posed this question: would you give your child a snake if he asked for a fish (Luke 11:11)? Now let me pose a question: what if your five-year-old asked for a deadly snake to play with? We might not be so foolish as to seek God for heroin or prostitutes. Nevertheless, we can still frustrate both him and ourselves, by seeking the Holy One for things that indulge the selfish, sinful side of us. Our dilemma is that God is too good and too loving to give us the delicious poisons, booby-trapped trinkets and ego trips that end up ruining us, and yet our flesh craves. Not realizing the heart and wisdom of God, many of us get bitterly disappointed with him – some even abandon him – because he fails to deliver what we mistakenly think he should. We easily, for example, get suckered in by over-zealous preachers appealing to our fleshly cravings by ripping verses out of their holy context, and peddling promises without divine authorization. Doing this might be appalling, but despite our passion and sincerity, who among us never slips up? Surely, most who misrepresent Christ have no idea they are straying from his message, and are as confused by the flesh as any of us. God’s blessings are infinitely superior to what our flesh hankers for. They are worth having like nothing in this world, and they bring eternal benefits. Self, however, plugs the spout through which divine blessings flow. The flesh – our worst enemy who masquerades as our best friend – blocks God and his astonishing gifts. It recoils from a holy God; fearing God and his goodness, like a shivering child afraid of the sun’s warmth. It craves things God does not want us to have, and it shrinks from what God wants for us. And our pride wants us to be dependent upon no one – especially a superior being. The flesh is sure it knows better than God, and can do better at protecting us and giving us a good time. It gets things so confused that it cannot trust the one who gave his all for us; the one who sustains the entire universe; the one who not only gave us life but keeps us living moment by moment. At most, it wants God only as its slave, and never as the one in charge. As a result, the astonishing blessings God has for us are backed up; either unable to reach us at all or, for many of the rest of us, able only to trickle to us through a tiny hole in the otherwise impenetrable barrier our flesh builds. The more we deny our flesh, the more that tiny opening widens, and the more of God and his stupendous blessings can flow into us. To get the attention of non-Christians and new Christians, the Lord sometimes circumvents this by resorting to a special act of grace that gets a blessing through to us by an abnormal means that cannot be maintained for long. The only consistent means of delivery is through the opening that so easily gets plugged by self. How Basic to Christianity is This? Dying to self, crucifying the flesh, or whatever you wish to call it, is not just for the spiritual elite. It is essential to abiding in Christ. Consider, for example, how emphatic this is: Galatians 5:24 Those who belong to Christ have crucified the flesh with its passions and lusts. Romans 8:9 But you are not in [or, as several versions put it, controlled or ruled by] the flesh but in the Spirit, if  . . . the Spirit of God dwells in you. But if any man doesn’t have the Spirit of Christ, he is not his. Romans 8:13 For if you live after the flesh, you must die; but if  by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live. (Emphasis mine.) We have mentioned a variety of different biblical expressions that all refer to the same spiritual experience as dying to self. (My favorite is being crucified with Christ. It helps fix our gaze on the critical importance of both what our Lord achieved on the cross, and spiritual intimacy with our glorious Savior.) In addition, the Bible uses a number of other terms whose meaning, though a little broader, includes this experience. A brief peep at these broader terms will highlight just how essential dying to self is to being a genuine Christian. I should forewarn, however, that the mere sight of some of the biblical terms could make your flesh cringe. I had planned to name each term in a heading as we come to it. That would be logical, aid reading and be slightly better visually. Nevertheless, even though the terms frequently occur in the Bible, I am concerned that the mere sight of them might needlessly alarm some sensitive readers, and even deter a few from reading further. Let’s never forget, however, that our flesh – the part of us that keeps seeking to undermine us and rob us of indescribable blessings – is Satan’s mole, programmed to dupe us. It is manipulated by dark forces in a devilish ploy to panic us into scurrying like a cockroach fleeing the light. Let’s not fall prey to malicious forces that would delight in hoodwinking us and keeping us under their power. The hell-bent side of us gets everything horribly wrong, but is disturbingly persuasive. It panics and unthinkingly rejects what is safe and good. It mistakenly thinks it is protecting us, when it is actually robbing us and exposing us to great danger. We so easily misunderstand the implications of some of these terms that I think it better to ease ourselves into them by first breaking down some of the common misconceptions in a few sentences before exposing ourselves to them. The first term I’d like us to examine often groundlessly makes our flesh wince, even though it occurs often in the Old Testament, and over sixty times in the New Testament. Whilst not exactly identical, it overlaps considerably the terms we have been seeking to understand. The term we will examine simply involves embracing the truth that sets us free. What could be more exciting and fulfilling? In the Greek, the word means literally to change your mind. It involves a whole new mindset, which includes dying to self. What we shrink from, however, is that it involves admitting we were wrong. Our flesh/pride hates that. It is astonishing what people would foolishly prefer to suffer than to admit, even to themselves, that they have been wrong. It also involves saying we are sorry, or even being briefly sorry. We detest that, no matter how much joy it leads to. “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted,” proclaimed our wise Leader (Matthew 5:4). The term we are peeping at is repentance . It is not as well understood as it should be that repentance is essential for salvation. Being a heart attitude, it does not involve works, nor the ability to deliver ourselves from sins, but simply acknowledging that even our favorite sin is unacceptable, and our being willing to part with it forever. God wants our love. To be genuine, love cannot be forced, nor induced by something akin to drugs or hypnotism. Moreover, love and morality are almost identical (Romans 13:10; Galatians 5:14). As much as a righteous God longs to forgive us, how can he, if we have sins we insist do not need forgiving? If someone sees the error of his ways and intends to never offend again, it might be morally acceptable to pardon his reckless driving that almost killed people. Even if you had the legal right to do so, however, pardoning a friend when you know he fully intends to keep offending, would be immoral. To let him continue to drive irresponsibly with impunity would make you a partner in his crime when he ends up killing other road users. How can our Savior save us from any sin we refuse to leave? The sin we love and try to excuse is as deadly as all the sins we hate. Would it be acceptable for someone who claims to love you, to force himself on you, and imprison you for life because he is sure he can ‘save you from yourself’? Would it be heaven, if it were filled with people who would rob, rape or kill you, except they have been forcibly lobotomized, or they know their thoughts are monitored and they would be electrocuted the instant they stepped out of line? God is no monster. And because of that, repentance is essential for us to be with him forever. The Lord of the universe wants our heart, and for that to be meaningful, it has to be given voluntarily. He is willing to give us a new heart (Ezekiel 36:26). We just have to be willing to receive it. People plagued by low self-esteem are barely coping as it is. To be brought any lower could literally make them suicidal. Even people who act confident, and are continually boasting of their achievements, might be acting this way in a desperate battle against secret fears of being inadequate. If humility were what it seems at first glance to be, many of us would flee at the mere mention of the word. But what if humility is not at all about bringing these people lower? What if what the Bible refers to is like mining – ridding yourself of tons of dirt and rock so that you end up with gold worth hundreds of millions of dollars? A landowner who fears that the natural appearance of his property is his only asset, would detest ruining it. Whoever takes the risk, however, would discover it’s the smartest thing he could ever do. Everything we have comes from Creator God. Think about the implications. Since it is ultimately his anyhow, that gives him every right to be a taker. And he does indeed ask for everything. Nevertheless, all who do as he asks merely end up trading the inferior for the priceless. Obviously, both humility and dying to self, involve not considering oneself wiser, or of higher morals than the Supreme Being. In fact, wouldn’t it not only be offensive to God, but the ultimate in arrogance to think the Perfect One is wrong, and that our understanding is greater than his? Despite our flesh’s protest, however, concluding that God’s opinion is right and ours is wrong, could actually be the best good news ever. Let’s see how. If, for example, you fear you might be unlovable, incapable, or unforgivable, that’s not your Savior’s opinion of you. In such instances, humbling yourself simply involves realizing that your fears about yourself, no matter how strong and convincing they might seem, are contrary to God’s truth, and therefore untrue. That’s exciting! If the terrifyingly holy Lord forgives you, who are you to not forgive yourself? Dare you in any way imply that you have higher moral standards than the God of Perfection? If the most important person in the universe loves you so much that he is available to you 24/7, who are you to declare yourself unlovable? If the Almighty Lord of the universe dwells in you, how can you possibly be inadequate? If there is nothing the all-powerful Lord cannot do, there is nothing he cannot do through you . Humbling ourselves often involves admitting that we are wrong, and God is right. In so many ways, however – especially if we feel inadequate – the result does not drag us down but lifts us high. Let’s approach this from a different direction. What if, in God’s eyes, humbling ourselves is not about beating ourselves up for our failings, but letting the Lord of Glory be beaten for those failings? Have you considered how humbling it is to conclude that the only way to fix ourselves is to let an innocent volunteer to be beaten to death for our blunders? Indescribable wonders, however, await those willing to face this truth. Consider these Scriptures: Job 5:11  . . . he sets up on high those who are low, those who mourn are exalted to safety. Proverbs 29:23 A man’s pride brings him low, but one of lowly spirit gains honor . Matthew 18:4 Whoever therefore humbles himself as this little child is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven. Luke 18:14  . . . everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but he who humbles himself will be exalted . Philippians 2:8-9  . . . he humbled himself, becoming obedient to the point of death, yes, the death of the cross. Therefore God . . . highly exalted him  . . . (Emphasis mine.) God wants us to be humble, not to put us down, but to raise us up? That seems nonsensical until we discover that only those who remain humble can be raised up and entrusted with spiritual riches without it destroying them. You will see this with increasing clarity as you read further. I planned to skim quickly over pride and humility and whizz on to other matters. The more I prayed and meditated about it, however, the more this has loomed in importance until I have felt compelled to devote more space to it than I ever intended. It is vital that we understand the horrifying implications of pride. Moreover, it dovetails with dying to self. Before delving further into this crucial matter, however, let’s get one thing clear: if we have ever imagined God is being arrogant, intolerant, or impatient, it is because we have failed to understand his heart, and what is at stake. The less our spiritual ignorance, the greater our realization that none of us is nearly as selfless, nor as long-suffering, as God. Let’s be honest: pride is a deliciously warm, uplifting feeling. It makes us feel good about ourselves. It can even help us achieve more. Most of the time, it seems pretty harmless. Some people even esteem it as a virtue. So the next couple of paragraphs will seem over-the-top; perhaps even a downright lie. Nevertheless, I challenge you: see if you still think this way after prayerfully reading the entire webpage. To be proud is to be delusional. It is being deliriously unaware that you are bringing immense shame upon yourself. It is as foolish and dangerous as someone high on drugs on the top of a skyscraper convinced he can fly. Yes, pride makes you feel on top of the world but, like someone blind drunk having a ball behind the wheel of a speeding bus filled with passengers, it makes you a danger to yourself and to everyone around you. To be proud is to be doomed to fail. It is to be ecstatically happy just before never-ending regret. To be humble, on the other hand, is to be sober, and therefore in peak mental and spiritual condition; primed to achieve things of eternal value. It is to be poised for honor. The fleshly, fallen part of us screams that God is a killjoy. Nothing could be further from the truth. Even if you were the world’s most self-serving egomaniac, you would not love yourself more than God loves you, nor would you want good things for yourself as much as God wants them for you. With all of his infinite heart, and with all of his infinite mind, and with all of his infinite strength, God loves you. Our beef with God has nothing to do with his love. Our squabbles revolve around the Lord of the universe being so much smarter than us. Our Maker, the Eternal Lord, has an infinitely superior understanding of what is ultimately in our best interest. The proud have such bloated opinions of themselves that they hardly think it even possible for God to know so much more than them about the eternal ramifications of every action. No wonder their pig-headedness gets them into so much trouble. The Lord of all wants us to die to self, not so that he can dominate us, but to save us from ourselves. It breaks God’s heart to look upon those he loves with infinite intensity, and see them blissfully sailing into calamity. I would prefer to say he longs for us to kill our pride before our pride kills us, or, we might seem to get away with it for a while but, ultimately, we either die to self, or self-destruct. Alarmingly, however, pride does far worse than merely destroy our lives or kill us. At stake is not only your life, but other people’s lives. Only God can keep track of how many lives our pride could ruin. Each life is far too precious to him for the tally not to be permanently etched on his heart. The full number is likely to include not only people dear to you, but various people you barely know who were more devastated by your behavior or flippant remarks than you ever realized. That’s why we will be held accountable for our every idle word (Matthew 12:36). More disturbing still: hanging in the balance are not just lives but eternities. Humbling oneself is most definitely not about seeking to be exalted. Nevertheless, exaltation is where it leads. Let’s not forget, however, that this is primarily manifested, not in this life, but in the next – just as it was for our crucified Lord. We have noted how arrogant it is to reject God’s high opinion of us, and choose to believe slanderous lies about ourselves, no matter how much those lies might seem to ring true. We can expect the flesh, however, to keep screaming condemning lies at us, and backing up each lie with deceitfully convincing feelings. That’s the very nature of the flesh. It is at war with the God of truth. And that’s precisely why it is so liberating and empowering to ‘die’ to this part of us – that is, to cease living as if its lies were true. We were once slaves of our flesh’s lies, but when slaves die, they are no longer obligated to obey their cruel master, no matter how much the former master keeps barking orders. ‘Dying’ is an important part of the equation. Dead slaves are finally free from a sadistic master, but only the living can enjoy the benefits. That’s why spiritual union with Christ involves not only being crucified with him, but resurrecting with him to a brand new life. Here’s something to shout from the rooftops: we serve a risen Lord! Romans 6: 11, 13  . . . consider yourselves . . . to be dead to sin, but alive to God in Christ . . . present yourselves to God as alive from the dead . . . Colossians 2:12, 20; 3:1 having been buried with him in baptism, in which you were also raised with him through faith . . . you died with Christ . . . you were raised together with Christ . . . In Jesus’ famous parable, we are rightly moved by the father seeing his wayward son from afar, running to him, kissing him, arraying him with the best robe, placing a ring on a finger and shoes on his feet, killing the fatted calf, and celebrating with music and dancing. Let’s not forget, however, that it began with the prodigal’s humiliating return as an utter failure, with his prepared speech, “Father, I have sinned against heaven, and in your sight. I am no more worthy to be called your son. Make me as one of your hired servants,” (Luke 15:18-19, 21). We are mistaken if we suppose we can enjoy the loving forgiveness and honor that was lavished upon the prodigal, without having the prodigal’s attitude. If we think we can ingratiate ourselves with God, while still trying to conceal or justify our rebellion or foolishness and claiming our ‘rights,’ we have misunderstood the parable, the heart of God, the human heart, and salvation itself. Here’s a Scripture you might know quite well. We should not overlook the importance it places on turning from one’s sin. For now, however, read just the portions I have highlighted: 2 Chronicles 7:14 if my people , who are called by my name, will humble themselves pray, seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, will forgive their sin , and will heal their land. (Emphasis mine.) It takes so little to receive so much from the God of love and truth. The entry point, however, is the willingness to face the truth: that we have totally blown it and deserve absolutely nothing from God, and that no matter how much we do for God afterwards, we remain as utterly dependent upon his undeserved grace as any other fallen creature. God’s goal, however, is never our humiliation but our empowerment. As we will further see below, truth empowers us – including the truth of our sinfulness and continual dependence upon our Savior. Humility – dying to the urge to exalt oneself – opens the floodgate to stupendous blessings. And only humility can keep it open. Even in Christian circles, pride is so common that, despite the stark difference between faith and arrogance, we often seem to confuse them. The two people most praised by Jesus for their faith considered themselves unworthy. The centurion did not even think himself worthy to have Jesus enter his house (Matthew 8:8-10). The Canaanite woman considered herself a dog (Matthew 15:27-28). Closely related to confusing faith with arrogance, is confusing faith with self-confidence. This twisted thinking abounds, even though confidence in oneself is virtually the opposite of confidence in Christ. Just as no one can serve two masters – God and money, for example, (Luke 16:13) – neither can our faith be both in Christ and in ourselves. Disturbingly many of us squander our puny faith by putting some of it in our good living, faithful service, spiritual heritage, biblical knowledge, prayer life, natural ability, or whatever, instead of exclusively in God’s loving mercy, extended to us through Christ. How do we get things so wrong? Because the flesh delights in perverting everything. The most amazing person in the universe loves each of us stupendously. We have every right to revel in this for all eternity. Such is our blind arrogance, however, that we often forget that this is a manifestation of the enormity of divine love and grace, not because of anything intrinsically desirable about us. Us serving God, is the Almighty, at appalling cost to his reputation, letting us spoil his perfection. We get even the simplest things wrong. We don’t even know how to ask God for things, and he has to keep intervening to sort it out (Romans 8:26). No matter what we attempt, he could have done it better without us. The Lord grants us the undeserved privilege of serving him, and involvement in matters of eternal significance – huge responsibilities – solely because of his mind-boggling love. What we do in partnership with God is of staggering importance, but only because God grants us the undeserved privilege. Whenever we lose consciousness of ourselves and focus on our Lord, astonishing things can result. Refocus on ourselves, however, and it all falls apart. It is like someone afraid of heights doing well until he looks down. To revert to looking at ourselves, or drawing attention to ourselves, is so enticing – especially if, until recently, it has been our normal way of living. Thankfully, after any slip, we can realize our mistake and redirect our gaze to Jesus. Woe to those who get so besotted with themselves, however, that they never take their eyes off themselves. Does Almighty God tenderly allow our weaknesses to limit him, or is his sovereignty such that he forces himself on us regardless? We need go no further than Mark 6:5-6 (Matthew 13:58 is similar) for at least a partial answer. Jesus could do few miracles in his home district because of their unbelief. Here, taken from an almost bottomless pool of possibilities, is just one more example of human weaknesses thwarting God’s wishes: Luke 13:34  . . . How often I wanted to gather your children together, like a hen gathers her own brood under her wings, and you refused! Love wants not domination, but cooperation. Additionally, love exalts the loved one’s long-term well-being above its own wishes, and it also carefully considers all the ramifications of every action. As affirmed in Psalm 103:13-14, the Almighty, like the perfect parent he is, always remains acutely aware of our weaknesses and carefully weights the implications of everything he does. A lesser being would use brute force, but not the God we are privileged to serve. Since humility is the focus of this section, let’s attempt to gain an inkling of how much we can frustrate God’s plans, forcing him to withhold immense blessings he longs for us to enjoy, simply because such blessings would trigger our pride, with catastrophic implications for us. When our eyes are opened in heaven, something likely to stagger us is how much we missed out on in this life, solely because of our inability to remain humble, had we been more blessed. To better grasp what is at stake we first need to understand just how great a spiritual threat pride is to us. We should fear pride more than cancer. It seems, for example, that Lucifer was once a magnificent heavenly being in a privileged position with the Most High, but pride brought him down. Pride goes before a fall, affirms Proverbs 16:18. And under the Spirit’s anointing Paul wrote, “. . .   let him who thinks he stands be careful that he doesn’t fall,” (1 Corinthians 10:12). If that latter quote does not make your heart thump, you have either forgotten the context, or are so drunk with pride that it has left you in a stupor. “Therefore let him who thinks he stands be careful that he doesn’t fall,” is Paul’s conclusion to Christians, after having listed all the thousands of Israelites struck dead in various incidents in the wilderness because they thought it safe to treat divine things casually (1 Corinthians 10:6-11). He reminded his readers, for example, of those who died because they grumbled about God’s actions (1 Corinthians 10:10) and said that although this happened centuries before, God did it not only to warn people back then, but to warn Christians living under the New Covenant (1 Corinthians 10:6, 11 ). The Apostle points out that everyone suffering those terrifying fates did so despite having had profound spiritual experiences, which he likens to spectacular experiences Christians have. No one – not even Paul – reaches the point of immunity. Instead, the apostle said such things as, “I beat my body and bring it into submission, lest by any means, after I have preached to others, I myself should be rejected” (1 Corinthians 9:27). Self-confidence can be deadly. We shall see shortly how it is the opposite of Christlikeness. Those who worship God in Spirit put no confidence in the flesh (Philippians 3:3-4, 7 ). Pride is a hideous, habit-forming delusion that stupefies us so alarmingly that it not only makes us ugly and foolish, but entices us to display our shame to the entire world. Sooner or later – pray that it is not later – we will sober up, and be appalled at the years we have squandered, and all the damage our pride has caused. Imagine a medical student so high on drugs that he believes he can help everyone by performing brain surgery on them. He grabs chloroform and goes into the night, looking for people he can help. That might be a ridiculous horror story, but something nearly as terrifying happens when do-gooders get high on pride. It dupes us into believing we are far more spiritually capable than we are, and it drives us to give people around us what we presume to be helpful advice, when it actually harms them immensely. Consider Job’s devout friends. They selflessly ministered to their friend, generously giving him the benefit of all their godly wisdom and counsel. Such was their overconfidence, however, that they had no idea that their every ‘comforting’ word was not only wounding a man of God, but making the Lord increasingly angry with them (Job 42:7-8). We are in grave danger of making the same mistake with the people we seek to comfort. Ironically, many Christians today go to the extreme of proving how like his friends they are by actually accusing Job of spiritual failure, just like his gravely mistaken friends did. Astonishingly, they do this despite having the benefit of knowing beyond a shadow of doubt that God declared Job blameless (Job 1:1, 8 ; 2:3; 42:7), and knowing that God disapproved of what Job’s friends did. Take to heart how in Jesus’ day, the religious elite drew upon their vast knowledge of God and his Word to expose as a dangerous heretic a vagabond who happened to be the Messiah for whom they had been praying all their lives. Despite being absolutely certain they were far more holy and devoted to God than their ancestors who had rejected prophets of God who had foretold the Messiah’s coming, they confidently opposed and maligned that very Messiah when he stood before them. Proud of our special relationship with God and the infallibility we think it brings, far too many of us are as certain that we are better than the spiritual leaders who killed their Messiah as those people were certain they were better than those who killed the prophets. Just like them, we are in serious danger of using our supposed discernment to despise, slander and reject people, without having the slightest clue that, like Job, God regards as heroes those we sneer at, even if the severity of their trials has left them looking weak and misguided. Whether you realize it or not, someone you know could be teetering on the precipice of spiritual disaster. If so, that makes you not superior, but equally vulnerable. How you respond (by ignoring him, abandoning him, acting like a know-all, or whatever) could push him over the edge – and you with him. Why could it be spiritually calamitous for you? If part of Christ’s body suffers, we all do, says 1 Corinthians 12:26. More than this, your standoffishness, or a comment you presumed to be godly but was actually more from the flesh than the Spirit, could cause someone to fall. If so, you will be held accountable. Keep prayerfully reading this Scripture until the dire seriousness of the situation chills you: Mark 9:42-44 Whoever will cause one of these little ones who believe in me to stumble, it would be better for him if he were thrown into the sea with a millstone hung around his neck. If your hand causes you to stumble, cut it off. It is better for you to enter into life maimed, rather than having your two hands to go into Gehenna, into the unquenchable fire, ‘where their worm doesn’t die, and the fire is not quenched.’ Literally hundreds of people around the world have privately confided with me the utter devastation they have suffered by being on the receiving end of supposedly helpful advice from well-meaning believers with an over-inflated opinion of their abilities. Most offenders are utterly oblivious to the damage they have caused, and blissfully unaware of the alarming extent to which they will one day be held accountable. I shudder to think how guilty I, too, have been, without ever knowing it. Bursting within me for nearly all my life has been an almost overwhelming yearning to instruct people spiritually. And most of the opportunities I have craved have been blocked. Decades ago, the Lord highlighted to me a Scripture that grieved, frustrated and sometimes came close to infuriating me: James 3:1-2 Let not many of you be teachers, my brothers, knowing that we will receive heavier judgment. For we all stumble in many things. . . . I knew the Lord was telling me that he was holding me back. Although I have been conscious for decades of that personal word from God, I still do not think I have been adequately thankful for blocked opportunities. Most people would say I have an appallingly low self-esteem. Despite this, and having far fewer opportunities than I have craved, I almost certainly have little conception of the damage caused by my inflated opinion of my abilities. For so many of us, there is but a fragile veneer of humility keeping us from spiritual disaster. The stronger we grow in humility, the more we can be trusted with spiritual treasure. For a hint of how our susceptibility to pride restricts our Lord, consider Gideon. His under-equipped army of a mere 32,000 was hopelessly outnumbered by forces so vast they are simply said to be “like locusts for multitude; and their camels [a significant strategic advantage] were without number, as the sand which is on the seashore for multitude,” (Judges 7:12). One gets the impression the Hebrews couldn’t cope with their numbers mathematically, let alone militarily! And yet, astounding as it sounds, the Lord had a problem: Gideon’s army was too large. “The people who are with you are too many for me to give the Midianites into their hand, lest Israel brag against me, saying, ‘My own hand has saved me.’ ” he told Gideon (Judges 7:2). This inadequate army was then whittled down to less than one-third of its original size, and still it was too large! Surely they knew only an act of God could give them victory against such odds. But their current sobriety was not the issue. It’s after a victory that pride-intoxicated minds begin to imagine foolish things. More than 99% of the original meagre band was sent packing before finally being pathetic enough for the Lord to use it (Judges 7:7). The great apostle labelled himself as the chief of sinners (1 Timothy 1:15), “the least of the apostles,” “not worthy to be called an apostle” (1 Corinthians 15:9), “less than the least of all God’s people” (Ephesians 3:8, Weymouth New Testament – NIV is almost identical), and as “like an aborted fetus”. Even so, we read: 2 Corinthians 12:7  . . . so that I would not become arrogant, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to trouble me – so that I would not become arrogant. (NET Bible) Note the repetition of “so that I would not become arrogant,” (most manuscripts) to emphasize the reason for the affliction. Whatever the exact nature of this “thorn in the flesh,” it was so distressing that the apostle prayed three times for its removal, and he ceased only when he discovered that it was necessary to keep him from becoming conceited. So dangerous is pride that such drastic action was required to keep this man of God spiritually safe. That either sends chills through you, or you have not grasped the significance. It highlights just how spiritually dangerous pride is – even to very godly people. As already hinted, the critical issue is not merely our current humility, but what would happen if the Lord were to do something special to, or through, us. We are most likely, even now, to be too filled with pride and self-confidence to have any idea how poorly we would handle such a situation. And when pride puts us in grave spiritual danger, what is a God of love meant to do? Paul’s ‘thorn’ was necessarily unpleasant but, understanding it was protecting him from pride, he treasured it as a manifestation of divine grace (2 Corinthians 12:9-10). Would we, however, have had Paul’s good sense not to resent God for him doing everything necessary to keep us from pride? If not, God’s attempt at averting the spiritual catastrophe of pride would merely create another catastrophe. So if we have any vulnerability to pride in the event of being especially blessed, and we lack the maturity to handle a ‘thorn’ as wisely as Paul did, God’s love could compel him to withhold those blessings from us. Otherwise, special revelation, or success, or spiritual giftings, or some other good thing, would end up being a curse to us, rather than the blessing the Lord would have liked them to have been. For a fresh look at this spiritual phenomenon, consider Charles Spurgeon. This exceptionally gifted, highly esteemed Nineteenth Century preacher suffered such devastating bouts of depression and illness that he is said to have tendered his resignation from his phenomenal ministry thirty-two times in thirty-nine years. Like Paul’s affliction, it seems appropriate to label this torment a messenger from Satan. Might, also like Paul, it be that this affliction was needed to protect him from pride? And let’s not imagine that average people are immune from pride. To be dead to self is to be dead to pride. It seems from what we have seen that any failure on our part to daily die to self would severely limit God; forcing him to walk a tightrope with us, because one moment we would be in danger of pride, and the next in danger of feeling so useless, or so upset with God, that we quit. Imagine being so driven by the flesh that to be kept from the danger of giving up, we need equally dangerous ego boosts. What a mess! There are still more ways in which being prone to pride can limit what God can do in or through us. Study this Scripture and see if what comes to your mind is what I eventually saw: 1 Timothy 3:1, 6 This is a faithful saying: someone who seeks to be an overseer desires a good work.  . . . [He must] not [be] a new convert, lest being puffed up he fall into the same condemnation as the devil [pride]. Though capable of being translated differently, the last part of this Scripture in this translation (and many are similar) rams home just how evil and spiritually dangerous pride is. What could be more disconcerting than learning that being “puffed up” with pride could cause one to “fall into the same condemnation as the devil”? None us of is immune to pride (1 Corinthians 10:12). We have even seen the great Apostle Paul in danger of it (2 Corinthians 12:7). Nevertheless, this Scripture indicates that spiritual immaturity, combined with responsibility, heightens one’s risk of falling into pride. It seems logical to conclude that the greater one’s influence or status, the greater the danger of pride. I see it as like climbing a cliff. Even from just three feet up, a fall could be unpleasant. The higher you climb, however, the more serious the consequences of falling. You might yearn to go higher, but are you as able to handle the increased risk as you think? If someone prevented you from climbing higher than three feet, and said it was for your safety, you could feel insulted, and bring shame to yourself by leaving in a huff. If, however, you kept practicing climbing up and down those three feet for the entire width of the cliff face, you would gain invaluable experience and such skill that when you are finally released to climb higher you could do so with safety and expertise. Had you despised staying low, however, and underrated the importance of practicing hard at a low level, you would never gain the ability to safely go higher. We should not imagine that for everyone the risk of pride is sufficiently lowered after the same waiting period. In practice, how long it takes varies greatly, depending on how quickly each person learns how to resist temptations to be proud, and how faithfully each one maximizes opportunities to grow spiritually. If they are to stay relatively safe, those for whom the risk of pride is too high will need to continue to be held back. It might be frustrating, but as I’ve said elsewhere, it’s better to be on ice now than in hot water later. Pride, however, usually prevents such people from seeing their own weakness. So they will see no point in being denied the official or unofficial position of responsibility they crave. This puts them in increasing danger of feeling offended and leaving the church, or even leaving God, if they continue to be denied what their pride believes they are ready for. Here again, we see the almost impossible constraints that people’s susceptibility to pride puts on God. When discussing Paul’s ‘thorn’ and also the stinging rebuke Peter received, we saw how ways of reducing the danger of pride have themselves the potential to cause other grave dangers for those who are weak by virtue of being poor at dying to self. Now we have found yet another instance. How can God keep us safe when we are so dominated by our flesh that every way of protecting us would backfire? Yes, theoretically, the all-powerful Lord could act like an ogre by abusing his power and crushing us into total submission against our will. For a God of love, on the other hand, there are many ways in which our failure to crucify the flesh stymies him. Relative to God, the most knowledgeable and spiritually aware of us knows next to nothing. Most of us, however, are either know-nothings acting like know-alls, or would quickly become so if God were to bless us. Look at what pride did to this godly king: 2 Chronicles 26:3-5, 8, 16 Uzziah was sixteen years old when he began to reign . . . He did that which was right in the Lord’s eyes . . . He set himself to seek God  . . . God made him prosper. . . . His name spread abroad even to the entrance of Egypt; for he grew exceedingly strong. . . . But when he was strong, his heart was lifted up, so that he did corruptly, and he trespassed against the Lord his God . . . God blessed him, but it backfired because of his failure to die to pride. For further insight into what pride does, see Nebuchadnezzar, powerful ruler of the Babylonian empire, proudly thinking he had achieved great things, and suddenly divinely struck with insanity for years, until finally emerging with an awareness of how insignificant he was, relative to God (Daniel 4:30-36). Or consider Herod accepting praise that belongs to God alone, and being divinely stuck dead (Acts 12:22-23). “I am rich, and . . . have need of nothing” thought the Laodicean Christians, arrogantly blinded to the fact that God saw them as “wretched . . ., miserable, poor, blind, and naked,” and teetering on the edge of spiritual annihilation (Revelation 3:17-19, cf. Revelation 2:5). We often approach spiritual matters like people ignorantly tinkering with some contraption that fell from a plane; having no idea it is a nuclear warhead. We dare not dismiss as irrelevant God recording in his Word that people were struck dead for treating the ark of the covenant casually (1 Samuel 6:19; 2 Samuel 6:6-7) and, centuries earlier, Aarons’ sons were supernaturally killed for making an offering not authorized by God (Leviticus 10:1-3). Need I mention Ananias and Sapphira, who were also divinely stuck dead (Acts 5:9-11)? And what about the Corinthians who partook of communion “in a way unworthy of the Lord” (1 Corinthians 11:27) and ended up “weak and sickly, and not a few sleep" (1 Corinthians 11:30). Disturbingly, in every other instance in the epistle, “sleep” indisputably means literally dead – 1 Corinthians 15:6, 18, 20, 51; 1 Corinthians 7:39, [same word in the Greek]). Pride and self feed at the same pig trough. Add to this the fact that pride can keep us spiritually impoverished. Combined, these two truths should at least slightly deepen our understanding of how vital it is to make dying daily to self an ingrained habit. The more dying to self becomes a way of life for us, the more likely it is for it to be safe for our loving Lord to pour out spiritual blessings on us. Otherwise, those blessings would end up inflating our pride, and hence ruin us. Let’s try another angle. Given the blindness most of us have to our own failings, unbelievers are more likely to see our faults than we can. Too often, non-Christians are in grave spiritual danger because the Christians they know do not give the impression of being kind and approachable, but arrogant and self-righteous. This is serious. Isn’t God’s love so immense that he wants no one to perish ( Scriptures ), and he expects us to love even our enemies? How, then, do you think you might feel on Judgment Day, standing before a God of such intensity, and discovering that your snobbish self-righteousness has kept people from coming to their only Savior? How many of us have tender compassion toward Muslims, witches or homeless alcoholics? Or do we arrogantly look down on certain people, like the Pharisee did on the tax collector? According to Jesus, only the despised one was sufficiently aware of his failings to be accepted by the holy Lord (Luke 18:11-14). Yet another alarming side to pride is that it can dupe us into thinking ourselves too smart, experienced, close to God, or whatever, to be capable of being deceived. No one is as vulnerable as those who think it could not happen to them. 1 Peter 5:8 Be sober and self-controlled. Be watchful. Your adversary, the devil, walks around like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. What could be clearer? With the enemy of our souls always lurking in the shadows, eager to pounce the moment we let our guard down, there is nothing more foolhardy than being drunk with pride. Yes, you are prey, and your spiritual enemy is like a ravenous lion, longing to tear you apart. Through Christ, however, you are armed with an assault rifle. For as long as you remain alert, scanning 360 degrees, ready to pull the trigger the instant it is needed, the enemy has no chance. Let pride sucker you into an it-couldn’t-happen-to-me attitude, however, and suddenly all the advantages are with the enemy. Sober, the weakest Christian is safe. Drunk with pride, however, the strongest saint is frighteningly vulnerable. What’s the difference between a heroin trip and temporary insanity? Almost nothing. What’s the difference between pride and temporary insanity? The insanity might be far from temporary. As much as crimes like sadism and child molestation disgust us, we should be even more horrified by our own sins because we are personally responsible for them. Arrogance blinds us to spiritual reality, the most basic of which is that the one thing we have ever deserved is an eternity in hell from the moment of our first sin. Anything else is the undeserved mercy of God. If most of us keep losing awareness of even this elementary truth, how can we be trusted with anything greater? Micah 6:8 He has shown you, O man, what is good. What does the Lord require of you, but to act justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God ? (Emphasis mine.) What’s Going On? That’s enough about pride. We could have spent even longer stripping pride of its camouflage, and exposing the evil beneath the veneer of respectability. My hope, however, is that we have seen enough to know that humility is life-saving sanity, and to treat pride like a grizzly bear cub – no matter how adorable and innocent it seems, you could be one step away from your worst nightmare. We half way through investigating why, despite it receiving scant attention in today’s popular Christianity, God in his Word makes such a big deal about an experience variously referred to as denying ourselves, taking up our cross, mortifying our flesh, being crucified with Christ, and so on. As part of this investigation, we have been exploring how these terms are interwoven with other unpopular biblical themes such as repentance. We ended up giving disproportionate space to humbling oneself because it sheds much light on the entire subject. Now it’s time to move on. In the final section we will quickly mention some other key biblical themes and how they, too, dovetail with what we are learning. Then we will go to other vital information, including deepening our understanding of the flesh (our fallen nature) and exposing instances when the flesh is so deceptive that it seems holy. We will also see why dying to self is not a one-off event but an on-going process, and why, this side of eternity, the holy Lord has chosen not to totally eradicate the fleshly side of even the most devout Christians. Importantly, it also includes a sober analysis of the cost of dying to self. Next: FINAL PAGE

The Pursuit of Happiness? Christian Help Some modern Bible versions translate “blessed” as happy. It is a far richer concept than implied by “happy” but let’s use it for a moment. Jesus said, happy are the poor, the grieving, the meek, the persecuted . . . In other words: the secret of happiness is vastly different to what almost everyone thinks. For Jesus, the pursuit of earthly happiness is itself an alien concept. For him, you haven’t found anything to live for until you have found something to die for. Matthew 16:25 For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, and whoever will lose his life for my sake will find it. So many of us think “the good life” consists of ease, pleasure and affluence, whereas for God, the good life is all about being good. The pursuit of happiness is as hollow and pathetic as making drug-induced highs your reason for living. The Bible makes a stupendous claim. Expressed poetically, here it is: Isaiah 55:1-2 Come, everyone who thirsts . . . Come, he who has no money, buy, and eat! Yes, come, buy wine and milk without money and without price. Why do you spend money for that which is not bread, and your labor for that which doesn’t satisfy? Listen diligently to me, and eat that which is good, and let your soul delight itself in richness. In plain English: Your supernatural Creator can satisfy in a way that nothing else has a chance of achieving. But there’s a catch. Here’s a few picturesque ways the Bible words it: Joshua 24:15  . . . choose today whom you will serve . . . 1 John 2:15  . . . If anyone loves the world, the Father’s love isn’t in him. Luke 16:13 No servant can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to one, and despise the other. . . . Our real god, said C. S. Lewis, is whatever our minds drift to whenever we have nothing in particular to think about. The most critical thing in the universe is that we love the true God with all our heart, soul, mind and strength. Whatever in our lives fills that place is our god. Whatever is in practical reality the love of our life – our greatest passion – is our god. Our god is whatever we look to for fun, happiness, security, fulfilment. There is only room for one in that position. We cannot serve both God and money (Luke 16:13) or God and pleasure or God popularity and or God and “success” or God and . . . Here’s another way of identifying who your god really is: who do you look to as your most significant source of security? Who do you honestly regard as your most reliable provider of safety and provision of your physical and emotional needs: God, or a combination of the government, your marriage partner, your current source of income and your doctor? In the Lord’s Prayer, Jesus taught us to look to God daily for the provision of our everyday needs. Do we do this, or deep down do we feel our financial provision comes from our business or employer? What makes us feel safe: locks, law enforcement, or God? We are not to pursue love, peace, fulfilment, or anything other than God himself. We must willingly sacrifice everything – comfort, success, marriage, children, our very lives – for him. Luke 14:26 If anyone comes to me, and doesn’t disregard his own father, mother, wife, children, brothers, and sisters, yes, and his own life also, he can’t be my disciple. God is not someone to be tacked on to a full life. He does not allow us that option. God must be our life or he is not our God and no matter what we achieve in his name, at the end of the day he’ll be forced to say, “I never knew you. Depart from me”. (Matthew 7:23). We will never get away with using God as our means of getting the love of our lives – whether that be money, ease, happiness, security, health, sex, romance, popularity, or whatever. No! He must be the love of our life. And if he isn’t, then whatever we substitute for him will let us down – badly. Of those whose “god is their stomach” (their sensual desires) Philippians 3:19 says “their destiny is destruction.” Whereas Jesus told us to store up our treasure in heaven, we want our treasure on earth plus basic fire insurance. To enjoy supernatural contentment takes both an act of God and our cooperation. If a content, drug-free person is to remain that way, he must refuse to let himself experiment with drugs. Otherwise, he will soon find himself enslaved. Ironically, for a drug addict to be freed from the degrading, life-controlling craving he must initially resolve to endure far more craving than he would otherwise suffer – the craving of withdrawal. What is true for drugs is just as true for selfish ambition, greed, pride, willfulness, seeking popularity, love of pleasure, ease, and so on. God longs to miraculously satisfy us but for this to happen we must get serious about giving up all the things we feel drawn to. For us to experience true contentment we must be willing to embrace – at least temporarily – deprivation and torment for the glory of God. We must deny ourselves. To save our lives we must lose them. We are either a slave to sin, or a slave to God (Romans 6:22). To reign with Christ, we must be willing to suffer with Christ. To have treasure in heaven, we must sacrifice treasure on earth. 2 Corinthians 4:18 while we don’t look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal. The apostle Paul said that he had learned to be content (Philippians 4:12). God not only offers us supernatural contentment, he expects us to play an active role in it, just as God not only promises power over temptation but expects us to actively resist temptation. For us to investigate this further the simplest way God has provided is to look at the Old Testament. The Bible’s record of God’s judgments in Old Testament times, insists the New Testament, is divinely provided as a warning for us who live in the New Testament era. 1 Corinthians 10:1,5-11 Now I would not have you ignorant, brothers, that our fathers were all under the cloud, and all passed through the sea . . . However with most of them, God was not well pleased, for they were overthrown in the wilderness. Now these things were our our examples, to the intent we should not lust after evil things, as they also lusted. Don’t be idolaters, as some of them were. . . . Let us not commit sexual immorality, as some of them committed, and in one day twenty-three thousand fell. Let us not test Christ, as some of them tested, and perished by the serpents. Don’t grumble, as some of them also grumbled, and perished by the destroyer. Now all these things happened to them by way of example, and they were written for our admonition, on whom the ends of the ages have come. (Emphasis mine). Romans 15:4 For whatever things were written before were written for our learning . . . The Bible is filled with the disastrous consequences of people who refused to be satisfied with their divinely assigned lot in life. Adam and Eve refused to be content with Paradise and being able to eat from every tree but one. They were not even content to be human. They wanted to be “like God,” even though they were warned that it would kill them. Though supernaturally fed by manna, the Children of Israel refused to be content with it but claimed they had been better off as slaves in Egypt (Numbers 11:3-6,18-20). Levites had access to holy things that were denied other Israelites, but not content with this, some tried to claim the priesthood for themselves and in so doing incurred God’s wrath (Numbers 16:8-11,31-33). Not content with God as their king, the Israelites wanted a human king like other nations (1 Samuel 8:5-8). David and Solomon were unwilling to settle for even multiple wives; they had to have forbidden women. In David’s case, it was a married woman (2 Samuel 12:8-10). For his son, it was pagan women (1 Kings 11:1-6). His predecessor, Saul was not content to be anointed king, he wanted to usurp Samuel’s priestly authority and by so doing lost the privilege of heading a royal dynasty (1 Samuel 13:8-14). Near the end of his life, he was not content with God’s refusal to speak to him and he consulted a witch. Kings, in particular, fell for this because power turned them into spoilt brats. To grow accustomed to always getting whatever one wants is spiritually dangerous. King Asa was not content with having the Lord of host as his ally, he turned to political alliances for protection (2 Chronicles 16:7-9). Uzziah was a good king, and yet we read: 2 Chronicles 26:16 But when he was strong, his heart was lifted up, so that he did corruptly, and he trespassed against the Lord his God; for he went into the Lord’s temple to burn incense on the altar of incense. Even though divinely blessed with royal power, he grew discontented with his station in life and tried to seize powers reserved for priests. He was stuck down with leprosy and remained afflicted until his dying day. As true as the above is, there is another side that I dare not neglect to mention, lest I knowingly distort divine revelation or leave you with a wrong impression: we must not let ourselves be content with less than God’s best. Though God had promised Abraham a miracle baby, the man famous for his faith wanted to settle for Ishmael. Genesis 17:17-18 Then Abraham fell on his face, and laughed, and said in his heart, “Will a child be born to him who is one hundred years old? Will Sarah, who is ninety years old, give birth?” Abraham said to God, “Oh that Ishmael might live before you!” Moses before the burning bush was called to lofty things but he, too, wanted to settle for less. Upon entering the promised land, the Israelites incurred God’s displeasure time and again by being content with only partial victory. Spiritually, we see the same thing in our own lives and often find ourselves content to live in partial defeat or moving in less of the power of God than he wants for us. Jesus repeatedly pleaded that we seek so that we might find and ask in order that we might have. It was those who sought him and asked for healing who received it. Even when obviously sick people asked for Jesus’ help, he did not automatically heal them, but queried whether it was healing that they sought. Even for the basic necessities of life, Jesus told us to pray, “Give us today our daily bread” not just assume that we will automatically end up with all that God wants us to have. At first, the fact that there are things we must not be content with seems a confusing contradiction to what we have found in the rest of the Bible, but it isn’t. In the list of biblical examples of, what is involved is not self-centered ambition, but the glory of God; not an entanglement with the rat race of the world, but basic needs. In both lists, we see the importance of dying to self and fully complying with God’s call on one’s life. Sometimes that calling can seem frustratingly restrictive and sometimes it can seem terrifyingly enormous, but God’s call upon our life is always stamped with the mind-bogging wisdom and love of our Infinite Lord. There is ultimately nothing more secure, exciting and fulfilling. Continued: Worldliness: The Forgotten Element in Spiritual Warfare

To focus exclusively on the most critical aspect of healing from spiritual abuse, I have kept this webpage short. Spiritual abuse, however, wounds far too deeply to insult you by giving only a superficial treatment of this grave matter. With my heart – just a cold imitation of Christ’s – weeping for every victim, I provide a link at the end to considerably more insight, compassion and support, should you care to sample it. We humans claw our minds to tatters by accusing people. It might be oneself or someone else, but no matter who is targeted and what it does to him or her, it always backfires, irreparably damaging the accuser. The situation is so dire that Christ sacrificed his all to resolve the disaster created by our judgmental attitude. In the horror of his agony, the Innocent One took all the blame upon himself to give us peace. Even so, we keep finding ourselves tempted to spurn the cross and revert to accusations. In the case of spiritual abuse, it might be hating ourselves for being so gullible, or despising those we blindly followed, or resenting God for not purging from the church every possible offense from (which, embarrassingly, would have to include ourselves). Whatever form it takes, every time we again resort to assigning blame, we squander our lives and insult the One who gave everything that we might stop fault-finding and enjoy the peace that Christ has created by becoming, quite literally, our scapegoat. What could possibly exceed the potential of spiritual abuse to wreak devastation on someone? One’s very spiritual life and entire eternity is at stake. Something of this enormity needs a God-sized solution. And for that, one needs a God-sized heart – a heart throbbing with the love of the God who sacrificed everything to secure the forgiveness of his enemies. Spiritually, to live is to love, and to love is to forgive. As we cannot have physical life without a heart, we cannot have spiritual life without love. To distil 1 Corinthians 13, without love, we are nothing. 1 John 3:14-15 We know that we have passed from death to life, because we love our brothers. Anyone who does not love remains in death. Anyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life in him. Dominating God’s priorities and cramming his agenda is forgiveness and the restoration of broken fellowship. How can we move with God – how can we even be headed in the same direction – unless this is our agenda? Put another way: the entire Christian life is about becoming increasingly Christlike, which of necessity means loving and forgiving, no matter how high the price. For help with forgiving others please see Lord, Make Him Regret What He Did To Me!: A Healing Experience Spiritual Abuse Links: What is Spiritual Abuse? Christian Definition Spiritual Abuse: Its Cause & Cure Abusive Church Leadership: Spiritually Abusive Pastors When Church Hurts: Help When Your Church Fails You How to Recover from Spiritual Abuse, Lost Confidence & Self-Hate Healing from Spiritual Abuse Hurt & Confused by False Prophets or Fake Personal Prophecies

A First Aid Course For Emotions Christ-Centered Down to Earth Important On-line counseling manual This is a Part 2 of a series beginning at “Everyone’s Guide to Basic Counseling” Caution We need a reverent awareness of how vulnerable we are to becoming a tool of the devil whenever someone close to us is hurting. Satan’s first act after he first gained influence over a human was to use her to adversely influence Adam, the person closest to her. That has been the devil’s top strategy ever since. He did it with Job, first using Job’s wife, and then Job’s friends for his evil purposes. He did it with Jesus, using Peter so effectively that Jesus had to tell Peter, “Get behind me Satan.” Still later, the devil got at Jesus through Judas, another close friend of Jesus. Any person who is hurting is obviously under spiritual attack. That’s not so unusual. We all have certain times when we are particularly under attack. But note the implications: evil powers are already targeting the hurting person and the mere fact that you are nearby, puts you high on their list of potential accomplices as they seek to intensify their attack on that person. In such circumstances you must therefore be alert to the possibility of unwittingly being used by evil powers, as Peter was. Of course, there is no place for superstitious fear. To end up hurting people by avoiding them would also be falling into Satan’s trap. When someone is hurting it is a time to keep looking to God for direction, like Jesus; not a time to blurt out the first thing that comes into our head, like Peter. Off the Soapbox Most of us have a natural tendency to lapse into a preaching or lecturing mode when trying to help a hurting friend. By so doing, however, we give the impression of elevating ourselves from the position of warm-hearted friend to that of cold superior. People crave love and understanding, not sermons. Fellow Christians rarely need to be treated like novices or backsliders. They often simply need to be released from the oppression of discouragement and accusations that squash the work of God in their lives. Once this overburden is removed you will find underneath a beautiful work of God already there and ready to flourish. That’s why encouragement is of such great value. It lifts people. In contrast, one-on-one preaching tends to weigh people down, adding to their feelings of inadequacy and aloneness. Preaching, of course, is perfectly acceptable when addressing a body of people. It’s when talking with an individual that it becomes an inappropriate mode of address. What greatly magnifies the offense of advice giving or preaching at a person is that our priceless gems rarely end up being anything the person does not already know. Offering pat answers is particularly objectionable. It assumes people are silly enough not to have thought of the obvious. People have quite enough problems without having to cope with us implying they have the intelligence of a green tomato. Moreover, our superficial solution is probably something they have already tried and they are still hurting under the bitter disappointment of that hoped-for quick fix not working. To rake it up again in an unsympathetic way would be doubly hurtful. To be Christlike we should get off our soapbox, open it, take out the soap and wash our brother’s feet. The margin for error We engage in conversation so frequently that we rarely consider that personal conversation is more delicate than delivering a sermon. Letting Big-mouth Harry address an entire congregation is safer than letting him speak in private with Suzie Tenderheart. Addressing a crowd allows considerable scope for error. What is said might not apply to Suzie’s situation or it might be something so obvious to her that implying she is ignorant of it would insult her. No problem. Chances are Suzie will simply assume the remark was meant for someone else. This margin for error, however, vanishes when the audience shrinks to one. With people brimming with joy and confidence, who feel loved and accepted by nearly everyone, we could safely say almost anything without devastating them. It is very different, however, with a person on the other end of the scale. With someone reeling under life’s blows, the safety margin evaporates. It becomes essential to avoid saying anything that could possibly be interpreted as critical, or a put down. Avoid like a ticking bomb giving the slightest hint that the person might be guilty of sin, or have a deficiency is his/her spiritual walk. Whenever a vulnerable person feels that you are aiming a piece of advice specifically at him/her, the situation is as perilous as an amateur knife thrower trying to land knives as close as he can to the bodies of nervous volunteers, while hoping not to wound them. If we must give advice, we need to work hard at increasing the safety margin by reducing the person’s perception that our advice is targeted at them. I am most definitely not talking about being devious. It is essential that we be genuine. I’m referring to being humble enough to doubt our ability either to perfectly size up a person’s situation or to infallibly hear from God. When I am providing E-mail support I often paste into the E-mail a fairly long slab from my writings. It is filled with encouragement (an important way of increasing the safety margin). To further reduce the possibility of inadvertently inflicting pain, I explain that although the quote doesn’t specifically address their situation, they might possibly find something helpful in it. I use a fairly long quote covering several different things. That makes it less pointed. Because there is so much encouragement in it, almost certainly some of it will bless them and I leave it to the Holy Spirit and to them to determine which other parts are applicable to them. You might use a similar approach by introducing to someone a book or a tape, saying (if that is true) that it blessed you and you wondered if they might enjoy it, too. If it deals only with one subject, however, that would make it more targeted and so the safety margin narrows. If you must give advice, don’t tell someone. That approach is so dangerous that the tiniest error in delivery or content could wound the person. At most, ask or suggest or encourage the person in a particular direction. Say something like “I guess you’ve already considered . . . ?” or, “I don’t know if it’s applicable to you but . . .” Remember, however, that the important thing is not to gain a good delivery technique but a good attitude. You phrase things that way because you genuinely believe they are intelligent and/or spiritual enough to have already considered that option and you genuinely believe you don’t have infallible insight into a person’s situation. A factor seriously affecting the safety margin is the extent of a person’s emotional attachment to you. If someone sees you as an insignificant stranger and couldn’t care less what you think about him/her, you could safely say things that a treasured friend could never get away with. With a person whose emotional well-being hinges on your opinion of him/her, the slightest slip could be disastrous. The bigger the place someone has given you in his/her heart, the less you can safely say about sensitive issues, and the more critical it is that you carefully listen and be supportive. This in no way implies a diminished role in helping people you are emotionally involved with, it simply means you need to lean more heavily than ever upon means other than giving advice. Will it help or harm? So you have some wise advise? How do you know whether sharing it will help or harm? What makes this a particularly tough question is that giving advice is an ego boost, and pride clouds our thinking. The time when a friend is in need, is the time when one wrong word can wound like a bullet and when evil powers are on the prowl for Christian accomplices. We need our spiritual discernment to be at its peak. It is not a good time to risk being blinded by the pride that advice giving tends to produce. The mere fact that what we share is truth, is no excuse for sharing it. Job’s friends ended up desperately needing God’s forgiveness (Job 42:7-8) despite there being truth in much of what they said. (For example, 1 Corinthians 3:19 quotes from one of them – Job 5:13 – as authoritative Scriptural truth). The main problem was that the truth they recited did not apply to Job. Satan even used scriptural truth in his evil ploy to spiritually harm the Son of God (Matthew 4:5-6). It is not even sufficient to have good motives. Tragically, Job’s friends thought they were helping Job and exalting God. Convinced they were serving God, they were actually the devil’s pawns. They were sure they were honoring God and instead they were defaming God’s friend. A distinguishing mark of wisdom that is truly of God is that it is not argumentative. It does not steamroller those who disagree, insisting on being heard or getting its own way. It is not forceful or harsh, it is “peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy . . .” (James 3:17). “Make every effort to live in peace with all men . . .,” (Hebrews 12:14, Romans 12:18 is similar). In practical terms, I suggest this means agree as much as possible with people, and where you disagree, let it show as little as possible. (And of course by “possible” I mean to the extent that it has divine approval.) The hidden enemy An enormous obstacle to effective counseling is the counselor’s own unconscious motives. A Christian approached me for advice about his emotional involvement with a non-Christian woman. As he detailed the situation a gentle anger began pulsing through my veins over the disrespectful way I perceived he was treating God and his wife. Scripture reveals that the mere fact that I am human means there is a good chance I am self-deceived about my true motives. Could something ugly be lurking beneath my consciousness, goading me to be unjustifiably harsh toward this man? I desperately needed God in his mercy to show me. No matter how pure my feelings seemed, they could be ungodly. Counseling while blinded by self-righteousness is as foolhardy as attempting surgery while blindfolded. The scary thing is that people afflicted by self-righteousness are rarely aware of it. I immediately sought time out for prayer and asked for others to pray as well. Before attending to a possible speck in my brother’s eye, I must humbly seek Jesus for major surgery on my own eyes. For my second line of defense I seized Scripture’s recommendation about having several advisors or counselors (Proverbs 11:14; 15:22; 24:6). If this man were somehow touching a raw nerve deep inside of me, making my reaction less godly than I imagined, there must be other Christians free from my particular weaknesses. While keeping his identity secret, I sought input from mature Christians with totally different backgrounds from me. One was a divorced woman. If I had a gender bias, her view should counter it. Could the fact that I’ve never married make me too idealistic? Or could I be jealous of this man’s relationships? Who would have the courage to recognize such humiliating weaknesses? To counter these seemingly remote but frightening possibilities I sought a man who has enjoyed a long and happy marriage. It turned out that the three of us were as one in our interpretation of this man’s needs. Nevertheless, being right gives no one license to slacken in love, kindness, gentleness or wisdom. I spent still more hours cooling my emotions and prayerfully working on how to convey my concerns to this man in the most uplifting manner possible. A better way Showing people what to do is usually far superior to telling them what do. Consider this example: Pray aloud with them, and in your prayer lead by example, finding things to thank and praise God for in the person’s circumstances and declare things before God in faith. Do this gently, sensitively and gradually. It might have to be spread over several visits. If you move too fast and leave the person behind, your efforts will be wasted. Fully acknowledge just how hard it can be to have faith and to praise God in the midst of a trial. Perhaps share with the person some of your defeats in this area. Whenever the person takes the smallest step in the right direction, commend and encourage them. Without being patronizing, cheer them on. When the disciples asked Jesus to increase their faith, he spoke about the mighty things that can be accomplished by tiny mustard seed sized faith. That’s a great faith-builder because even I am capable of tiny faith. Use a similar approach. Help people realize that sufficient faith is not solely for some super-saint but is fully within their grasp. Dangerously inadequate views of suffering We have seen that feeling obligated to give advice causes some of us to flee because we are unsure of what to say. If we don’t run but still feel pressured to advise, we usually end up like Job’s friends saying things that sound godly but not what God would say to the person. We imagine we are being a great help but our good intentions fail to bring comfort and enlightenment. Sadly, there are other Christians, who neither flee, nor try to help, but feel the need to attack people with problems. A common reason for losing patience with Christians who have problems is that any suffering or battle threatens to expose the deficiencies in our grasp of Christianity. It’s much easier to conclude that anyone having a hard time is obviously an inferior Christian, than to face the fact that we, too, might one day have to face such a trial. Poor Job suffered horrifically to bring to us the truth that the most godly of people can suffer trials so awful that they wish they had never been born. His friends relentlessly expounded their theory that godly people don’t have such trials. With their tongues, Job’s friends inflicted pain as skillfully as the soldiers lashing Jesus’ back, while imagining themselves as holy as the Pharisees thought themselves when they sentenced their Savior to death. Once Job’s ordeal was carefully preserved in Scripture, along with God’s judgment of his friends’ advice (Job 42:7-8), one would have expected the death of the theory among Bible believers that godliness is the ticket to earthly bliss. And yet, amazingly, we still find Christians queuing up for the shame of falling down the same holes as Job’s friends who tormented the righteous. I can only assume from this that many Christians must relegate to the trash heap the riches in the book of Job. And yet almost everywhere you look in Scripture, the same truth is taught. Plunge into the Psalms. The book that most expresses joy and praise devotes enormous space to tears and pain, disappointment, fear, frustration and anger. Even Christ was no stranger to tears and suffering. Or are we more spiritual than our Lord? “Since Christ suffered in his body, arm yourselves also with the same attitude . . . (1 Peter 4:1).” Or do we dump this Scripture as well? The book of proverbs warns that unless we match a hurting person’s mood, stooping to his/her emotional level, a well-meaning attempt to cheer can end up as cruel as stealing someone’s coat in the middle of winter (Proverbs 25:20). Instead of heeding Paul’s instruction to “weep with those who weep” (Romans 12:15, KJV), in modern Christianity we sometimes almost feel the need to chastise those who weep, lecturing them for being so “unchristian” as to feel pain. Amazingly, the man inspired of God to urge us to weep was the very man whose words we have so distorted as to imagine we are letting the side down if we shed tears or suffer. If we were so foolish as to jettison the Old Testament, and even Christ himself, as being too emotional to reflect true godliness, surely we cannot ignore Paul, the one who gave us such Scriptures as “Be joyful always  . . .  give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus” (1 Thessalonians 5:16,18). “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!” (Philippians 4:4). A valued friend, John Jollie, made a profound comment about the early church, as divinely portrayed in Scripture. Adversity authenticated their witness, he observed, as much as their miracles did. It also did much to temper and shape their lives. If, instead of treasuring only a few remnants of Scripture, we can bring into focus the full panorama of God’s view of emotions and trials, we would be much better equipped to “bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2, NKJV). Understanding When her husband unexpectedly dropped dead in front of her, nearly forty years of marriage instantly terminated. At church the next Sunday, friends gathered around to comfort her. She remembers nothing of what was said except for one remark: “I know how you feel.” “I knew she meant well,” says the widow, “but what a ridiculous, incongruous thing to say. Her husband was standing there beside her, happy and healthy!” That remark hurt so much that it is still vividly recalled fifteen years later. To this day, however, the woman who had uttered those well-intentioned words remains completely unaware that they had stabbed her friend’s heart like a sword. It’s hard to resist saying “I understand” to anyone in distress. We, too, have suffered and we’ve been blessed with imagination. And on the surface it would seem that those words should be a great source of comfort. And yet those words end up annoying, even hurting, because it is obvious to grieving people that we have not had an identical experience. It increases their feeling of aloneness when we fail to see what to them are unique aspects of their ordeal. Shortly after writing the above, I gained new insight into its importance. I am a 46 year old virgin. Since my early teens I have longed for marriage more than any earthly thing. Although over the years my ability to cope has greatly improved, I was recently under such torment over being single that I was beginning to wonder whether it could affect my sanity. I asked for a friend’s prayers. He understood, he said, because although he has had a long and satisfying marriage, over recent times he has had to forgo sexual relations due to his wife’s illness. That hurt. I felt insulted that he should think that my only burden was sexual deprivation. Apparently I was mistaken about the value of companionship. He understood? He obviously knew nothing about coping with feelings of shame and satanic accusations that never having married proves one is a freak and unloved and unwanted. He knew nothing about the bleak prospect of dying alone and childless. He knew nothing about aching, year in and year out, for a mere hug. And then there was my dependence upon my aging mother to feed and take care of me that was so humiliating and complex that I regularly worried about how I could successfully resist the temptation to kill myself when she died. My friend clearly had no conception of how eagerly I would have swapped trials with him. I had assumed he could guess. Those chilling words “I understand” shattered my illusion that most people can understand what I suffer. His kindly attempt at comfort proved I am less understood and more alone in my agony than I dared imagine. The wiser approach would have been for him to briefly mention being celibate and move on, leaving it to me to draw my own conclusion as to whether that implies he has any insight into my anguish. Of course, it is not enough merely to avoid saying that we understand. What is critical is avoiding the presumption that we understand, especially after making only a token effort to do so. Hastily claiming to understand has yet another unintended down side. It sends the message, “I’m not interested in hearing about your situation and feelings. I already know it all.” What makes this such a loss is that for hurting people, verbalizing their feelings is usually a vital part of the healing process. On the other extreme, we shouldn’t be too free in broadcasting our lack of understanding, because that, too, adds to a person’s feeling of isolation. Rather than jumping to conclusions or resorting to hallow words, show your eagerness to work toward genuine understanding by careful listening, your lack of condemnation and by the genuine pain in your voice and facial expression. It is most powerful for people to know that you have tasted their pain because of the depth and breadth of your own sufferings. If you have been blessed with such trials, however, don’t spend too long describing them. Make it obvious that it is their experience, not yours, that presently most moves you. And, of course, leave it to them to decide how similar your trial is to theirs. A lack of personal suffering does much to disqualify us from ministry. Even though by divine knowledge the Son of God could intellectually know everything in infinite detail, he had to personally experience suffering like ours before he qualified to minister to us. We should always be humbled by the fact that although we might imagine we have suffered as much or more than another person, it remains a mere guess. In variety and intensity, each of us has a unique set of fears. Dreams, expectations, perceptions, needs, backgrounds, all differ. Only Jesus has unlimited knowledge, and we need to keep pointing people to him. Click here to continue with this webpage series. Don’t miss the rest of this vital webpage series Continued . . .

You Can Comfort the Hurting   Everyone’s Guide to Basic Counseling   *   Biblical   *   Practical   *   Essential   A First Aid Course For Emotions     People often find to their horror that the most agonizing aspect of a painful trial is the well-meaning remarks and advice of fellow Christians. But you can avoid the traps and be the Christlike comfort to hurting people that you long to be.   Author’s Background   I enrolled in psychology at university, imagining it would help me in Christian ministry. I quickly discovered, however, that there is power in Jesus that behavioral science could never approach. I believe if ever I have been able to help anyone, it is because I put to one side my academic training and relied upon the Lord Jesus.   I am not opposed to psychology. I majored in the subject. I am disappointed, however, whenever I or any Christian fails to bring the power of God into a situation because we trust our training, or intuition, or experience or even our unaided ability to apply scriptural truth, instead of throwing ourselves upon the infinitely superior resources of Jesus Christ.   Overview   Soul surgery can be as critical and delicate as brain surgery. With a little common sense, however, there is much we can safely do. It’s like the way most people could walk into a hospital and assist patients. Without any training they could spread cheer in the wards and find many valuable ways of bringing comfort. Few would be so silly as to spoil their good work by attempting surgery or prescribing medication. It’s having the sense to know their limits that would make them an asset and not a danger. So in this overview, in addition to discovering valuable ways in which we can offer comfort and support, we will identify the boundaries within which we can safely labor.   This webpage not only explores what I believe is the best approach to counseling but, most importantly, it explains the scriptural reasons for this approach. If, however, you are looking for something briefer, go to the  List of Practical Suggestions .     Gently Does It   If you were treating the open wounds of accident victims you would realize that the most gentle, well-meaning touch could send patients reeling. You would not be offended if someone you were seeking to help lashed out in pain with almost involuntary action. You would half expect it. But imagine the confusion if the wounds were invisible and the person looked uninjured. Consider the further complication if in that person’s experience everyone who had tried to help (and how does he know you will be any different?) had in their ignorance done little but inflict pain.   That’s the norm for someone who is hurting inside.   Emotionally wounded people cannot help but be highly sensitive. Words hit them like whips. It is vital that they be treated verbally with the careful tenderness you would use if you were dressing gaping physical wounds. Once we understand the seriousness of emotional wounds, it’s surprisingly easy to employ the Christlike graces of turning the other cheek and using the soft answer that turns away wrath. When we realize an outburst is just the pain talking, we no longer take it to heart. Only a fool takes personally the actions of someone drunk with pain.   ‘ . . . cry and you cry alone’   In his greener, younger days, Dr Neil T. Anderson was summoned to a hospital waiting room where a couple from his church sat in shock as their son teetered between life and death. They sat and sat, until finally the news broke. The boy was dead. At that crucial moment words treacherously abandoned Neil, fleeing like guilt-stricken cowards from a decisive battle. The parents sobbed. Neil could do nothing but cry helplessly with them. Finally he dragged himself home in utter defeat. Years later he met the couple again and one of their first acts was to profusely thank Neil for the way he had so powerfully ministered to them on the night they lost their son. Neil was stunned. He had been sure he had failed them. Instead, he had done one of the greatest things one human can do for another.   We often achieve most when we think we are achieving nothing, and achieve nothing when we imagine we could teach Solomon a thing or two.   Much heartache could be averted in the body of Christ if, like Neil, we could learn to “mourn with those who mourn” (Romans 12:15) – not necessarily shed tears, but unashamedly embrace the pain of others, and let it be obvious that “if one part [of Christ’s body] suffers, every part suffers with it” (1 Corinthians 12:26).   To be in physical or emotional pain is one of the loneliest experiences on earth. And yet at that time when we need them most, many people flee from us. Some desert us because we have outlived our usefulness when we can no longer give them a fun time. Thankfully, there aren’t too many “friends” like that, but we imagine their numbers are more inflated because we confuse them with the next category. Many shun us because they feel awkward. They would love to help but they are afraid they will say the wrong thing and add to our pain.   A huge contributor both to Christians saying the wrong thing and fearing that they will do so is that we usually feel duty-bound to concoct words of wisdom or quote Scriptures. Rarely is that what a hurting person is hoping for.   We don’t see Jesus asking his disciples for advice, but we often see him asking them for his company. For a glimpse of how much this meant to him, consider his disappointment that they could not stay awake while he prayed in the garden.   Advice is cheap. Love is precious.   Advice a vice?   For most of us, the slightest hint of anyone having a need or problem, ignites within us an explosive yearning to give advice. Yet of all options, giving advice is usually the least effective and most dangerous. When we are on the giving end, we usually consider advice-giving to be a virtue. The world would be saved much pain, however, if Christians considered advice-giving a vice.   Giving advice is taking upon ourselves the role of a superior. Often, it is selfishly inflicting our opinion on a vulnerable person. And it is usually being judgmental. It is considering people to be ignorant – and so we think they need our hallowed wisdom to enlighten them. And it is usually judging them of sin, prayerlessness, lack of faith, not praising God enough, or some other failure such that we imagine they need us to instruct them to change.   Wordless Help   I’m a writer. I spend most of my life at my desk shut away from people, having no personal contact with those that I long to help. Usually they live on the other side of the planet. In my situation I have nothing to offer but words, and yet even I know that we often overvalue words and undervalue what might seem simpler things.   I have a dear friend who suffers horrifically with bi-polar disorder (manic-depressive). She writes of two life-changing moments:   I had gone into the metro station, planning to jump in front of the train. I felt useless to my family, useless to God and damned. I was in utter despair and longed for death. As I stood, watching for the train, I turned and there was a woman standing beside me. She smiled at me. It seemed her eyes were full of the love of Christ. After seeing that smile I could no longer think of death, and I went home to my family with renewed hope, although still fighting terrible despair.   About a decade after that life-saving smile I suffered an extended period of spiritual torture. I mistakenly, but strongly, felt that I had lost my Lord. One day I was sitting in my doctor’s waiting room, in utter despair. In my misery, I could not take my eyes off the floor. A woman bent down so that I could see her and she smiled the same kind of smile at me.   Quick to listen   We almost inevitably overvalue our advice and undervalue our companionship. And the biggest part of good companionship is being a warm listener. And a significant part is simply being there. The perfect friend, however, remains sensitive to the person's need for space, which is likely to change with the person's mood.   “Take note of this:” emphasizes James 1:19, “everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” This describes the most vital of all counseling skills and we should give top priority to honing it. It is significant that this verse indicates God expects this skill not of a favored few, but of everyone.  Quick to listen  gives the impression of having acted this way so often that listening, rather than reacting or butting in, has become our instinctive reaction, just as anger once was for most of us. Scripture is pleading that we co-operate with the Holy Spirit in a radical reprogramming of our natural responses. We need to think constantly in terms of offering compassion and encouragement until these become an automatic response, with judgment and advice-giving being totally displaced from our thinking.   Listen intently. Hang on to people’s every word. Every Christian is highly significant, and yet we are each plagued by an insidious enemy who doesn’t want us to know it. By valuing what a Christian says, you counter the devil’s attempts to undermine the person.   Years ago I discovered that whenever I’m speaking with someone, there are two important parties – the Lord and the person I’m talking with – and I need to listen carefully to both. That’s right. When I’m conversing I don’t even rate as one of the the two most important parties.   How much you listen shows how much you value the other person. Often, how much you talk shows how full of yourself you are. And it is not just how much you listen but  how  you listen that shows how important someone is to you. True listening is not sterile silence. It is savoring and feeling a person’s every word.   The most difficult task of all is distinguishing between what, for the other person, is comfortable silence and what is uncomfortable silence. Often we should endure silences that are to us uncomfortable but are comfortable to the other person. When, in the other person’s perception, silences begin to become uncomfortable, then chatting can become valuable, provided we stay alert for the affect our words our having. Such chatting can give people get a tiny vacation by helping to get their minds off the things that are causing them grief.   The book of Proverbs highlights the importance of listening to people. Proverbs 18:13  He who answers before listening – that is his folly and his shame. Proverbs 18:17  The first to present his case seems right, till another comes forward and questions him.   The power of silence   As suggested by Neil Anderson’s experience, we would usually do so very much better if we made our presence do the talking, rather than our flapping gums. We see this vividly portrayed by Job’s friends.   “When they saw him from a distance, they could hardly recognize him; they began to weep aloud, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads. Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No-one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was (Job 2:12-13).”   They wept. They mourned. They sat with Job in the dirt, in shocked grief, speechless, for seven long days. Then, like so very many of us, they became impatient. Beginning to doubt the effectiveness of their invaluable support, they felt pressured to take over God’s job. Tragically, this ruined their perfect start.   Reeling in dazed bewilderment, Job had not a clue why he had been hit by disaster after disaster. His visitors had the unique opportunity of offering comfort to God’s friend, as people who fully understood his humanity and shared in his frustration and knew the emptiness of staggering through life with unanswered questions. Instead of filling their divinely appointed role of comforting Job as fellow mortals, they chose the satanically preferred alternative of claiming Godlike knowledge. Each wanted to become their friend’s spiritual superior, trying to help from above, rather than helping from his side. Not only was their quest to fill God’s role doomed to fail, they lost their opportunity to support Job as his equal.   Like Job’s friends, we soon tire of being in the dirt with a complaining brother. We want to dust ourselves off and show that we’re above that sort of thing.   Look at Jesus for inspiration. Forsaking his divine privileges, from the time he became a fetus until he was a plaything for Roman thugs, Jesus knew constant humiliation. In contrast to what was his by right, he became physically vulnerable, weak, tempted, subject to pain, and as the final disgrace, rejected even by God.   Matthew 27:46   About the ninth hour Jesus cried out in a loud voice, ‘Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?’ – which means, ‘My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?’   We often see him tired, thirsty, in tears, impoverished, ridiculed. Scripture stresses that Christ had to become like those he was called to help. Hebrews 2:14 ,  17-18  Since then the children have shared in flesh and blood, he also himself in the same way partook of the same . . . Therefore he was obligated in all things to be made like his brothers, that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in things pertaining to God, to make atonement for the sins of the people. For in that he himself has suffered being tempted, he is able to help those who are tempted. Hebrews 4:15   For we don’t have a high priest who can’t be touched with the feeling of our infirmities, but one who has been in all points tempted like we are, yet without sin. Hebrews 5:1-2  For every high priest, being taken from among men, is appointed for men in things pertaining to God, that he may offer both gifts and sacrifices for sins. The high priest can deal gently with those who are ignorant and going astray, because he himself is also surrounded with weakness.   What equipped the Son of God for his exalted ministry was his lowering himself, stripping himself of divine rights and status. We, however, are satanically tempted by the delusion that acting the exact opposite to Christ – exalting ourselves and assuming Godlike status – empowers us to minister. Nothing could be further off track.   Consider our Savior from the time of his arrest until his resurrection. He had never been so humiliated; his apparent inadequacy never more exposed. He said little. And did even less. He was simply  there . And yet his mere presence achieved so much more than every word that has ever been spoken. Nothing we could do could ever compare. Nevertheless, our Savior told us to take up our cross and follow him. Next time we are tempted to play God, let’s do it Christ’s way. “This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers” (1 John 3:16). Talk is cheap. Love costs.   Your divinely appointed role   As amazing as it seems, not even the Son of God could claim for himself his High Priestly ministry. Although it was essential that Christ lower himself to the level of those he longed to help, neither that, nor anything else he did, could give him a ministry. He had to be ordained by Father God for the task. Hebrews 5:4   No-one takes this honor upon himself; he must be called by God, just as Aaron was.  (5)  So Christ also did not take upon himself the glory of becoming a high priest. But God said to him, ‘You are my Son; today I have become your Father.’  (6)  And he says in another place, ‘You are a priest for ever, in the order of Melchizedek.’   Job’s friends didn’t understand this holy principle. Their mistake was like that of King Saul. He became impatient with the seeming lack of progress and decided to take things into his own hands by assuming a role he was not ordained of God to take. Saul was already a high achiever who was doing much for the people of God as their king. Not content with this, however, he took upon himself the role of priest, and offered a sacrifice. He succeeded only in displeasing the Lord and by being replaced by “a man after God’s own heart.” I guess most of us have wondered what special quality this expression refers to. The context suggests “a man after God’s own heart” simply means someone who would not make Saul’s mistake of venturing beyond his divinely ordained role.   We, too, can make the mistake of undervaluing our role as someone’s friend, confidant, sympathizer, and equal. That’s a lofty role that not even angels or God himself can fully fill. Our Lord has entrusted so much to us. Only we, for instance, can give a hug. Yet we could let the Accuser convince us we are not doing enough and that things are moving too slowly. We could conclude that we need to exalt ourselves above our friend by trying to become his/her teacher.   But you are not to be called ‘Rabbi’, for you have only one Master and you are all brothers. . . . . Nor are you to be called ‘teacher,’ for you have one Teacher, the Christ. The greatest among you will be your servant. For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted (Matthew 23:8-12).”   “Not many of you should presume to be teachers . . .  because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly. We all stumble in many ways. . . . . the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire . . . . It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell. . . . . no man can tame the tongue. . . .  (James 3:1-8).”   Dare you rebuke God’s child?   If, without parental permission, you corrected someone else’s child, you would be in grave danger of incurring the wrath of the parents. Never forget that every Christian has a very protective Father. How careful we must be not to encroach on to God’s territory without his express permission!   A woman who has suffered much at the receiving end of Christian do-gooders, confided, “None of the people I’ve talked with thought they were being judgmental; they were simply trying to help.” She believes far too many Christians try to do the Holy Spirit’s work. “Our job, she concluded, is to bear each other’s burdens, not solve them.”   What are the practical implications?   Even in what seems minor aspects of service, such as off-hand remarks to friends, we need to be so cautious, always alert to the Lord’s directions. When you are itching to give advice, remember this inspired prayer, “Set a guard over my mouth, O LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips” (Psalms 141:3) because “Life and death are in the power of the tongue,” (Proverbs 18:21).    We must always avoid exalting ourselves above a fellow believer, and especially avoid acting as if we have authority that we are not ordained of God to exercise. “Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves (Romans 12:10).” In the words of Jesus, “Whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant,” (Matthew 20:26). Authentic Christian ministry is radically different from the world’s way.    We should not despise the power and privilege of being at the same level as the person we minister to. To prevent us from falling for the Accuser’s lies, it is helpful to recall all that the Son of God did to bring himself to the level of those he ministers to. It was this that empowered him to minister to a degree that Almighty God could never have otherwise achieved. Most excitingly, this level of seeming weakness and limitation that Christ went to such efforts to bring himself to, is the very level which, by virtue of our humanity, we are already at. We are divinely placed for powerful ministry. No wonder Paul exclaimed, “I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong,” (2 Corinthians 12:10).   It’s not that giving advice is never a godly option, but at the very least we need to purge our motives and check thoroughly with God to ensure we have his approval to speak. Continued ...

Lost Confidence & Self-Hate This webpage explains why spiritual abuse, lost confidence and self-hate often travel together and why recovery is so difficult. Some of us remain crippled, even to this day, because of bullying and verbal putdowns delivered decades ago. During our most formative, vulnerable years – either as a child or when older as a new Christian – many of us were brow-beaten over and over by one or more significant people in our lives. If the offenders claimed to be close to God, it becomes spiritual abuse. To help explain the impact, I will begin with a brief mention of children. Childhood is too short for little children to question everything adults tell them, and the danger is simply too great for them to refuse to believe whatever they are told until they have proved it for themselves. It is vital for their safety and development that children be virtually prewired to accept as virtually infallible truth whatever respected adults in their lives tell them. Even at this tender age, if the person abusing that position of trust claims to speak for God or to somehow represent him, the devastation will almost inevitably go beyond severe self-esteem issues to having profound spiritual implications. Even when people are older, however, something similar (though perhaps not quite as deep) comes into play during the period when they first come under the sway of spiritual role models. No matter what their physical age, new Christians are as vulnerable as babies. Even if they have the safest of spiritual homes, just outside is a world strewn with spiritual dangers. There is so much information they need to rapidly absorb in order to function spiritually and gain protection from dangers that spiritually threaten their very survival. The practical reality is that at this pivotal point there is simply no time for them to critically assess the accuracy of everything they are taught. In theory, when things settle down, we should prayerfully reassess the accuracy of what we unthinkingly accepted when we had had so much to learn so quickly. Adjusting our thinking, however, is far from easy after mistaken beliefs and attitudes have been built into our lives. Uncritically accepting everything we are taught and letting others mold us works beautifully when nurtured by kind-hearted people as God intended. It makes us alarmingly vulnerable, however, when someone we accept as a role model and source of truth, instead of manifesting the heart of God, repeatedly puts us down. Whether the authority figure hurting us is a parent, a pastor or other key person in our lives, it is usually someone who managed to win the respect of other people. The perpetrators’ approval rating among those they gather around themselves makes it harder than ever to realize that this behavior is actually spiritual abuse. Instead, the very thought seems blasphemous and we are tragically likely to presume that the person must be reflecting the heart of God and to allow his/her rants to drown out the Spirit’s whispers. These whispers will seem disturbingly foreign and unbelievable because they are gentle, encouraging and uplifting – the exact opposite of what we have been taught. God has faith in us and has great plans for us, and if this is contrary to what key humans have told us, we are preconditioned to conclude that the Spirit’s promptings must be nothing but our own misguided wishful thinking. In short, even without deliberately intending to, abusers can so corrupt their position of trust and power that they browbeat and brainwash and undermine their victim’s confidence so appallingly as to render them unable to think for themselves or even believe their Lord when he speaks to them. Just as there was much that was right and Bible-based about the beliefs and preaching of the spiritual leaders who crucified their Messiah, so it is with the wolves in sheep’s clothing that enter the very church of God ( Scriptures ). “Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?’ Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’ ” warned Jesus (Matthew 7:22-23). It is often not this dramatic, however. There are those who sincerely do their best to preach Christ but do it with a harshness that fails to reflect the tender heart of Christ. And there are people who, due to past hurts, are so sensitive and expect harshness and putdowns so much that they read into the words and actions of others a harshness that was never intended. It has been my privilege to have had large numbers of child abuse survivors open their hearts to me. The greatest tragedy is that even long after the abuser has left, his or her impact is as devastatingly strong and toxic as ever because, partly for reasons just explained, the abuser’s brainwashing has been so effective that the victim has taken on board the abuser’s values, almost without realizing it. It is not that victims treat other people as their abuser did – that is rare – but they treat themselves as atrociously as the abuser did, especially in their self-talk. They insult themselves and accuse themselves and despise themselves as much as their abuser ever did, and they actually believe they are right to do so. Sadly, spiritual abuse victims are just as vulnerable. No matter how well-respected a person might be in the community, it remains ungodly to put people down or be harsh or unkind. No Christian wants to take on the values of someone who acts unchristlike, and yet this is what we inadvertently do when we fall into the habit of verbally abusing ourselves or treating ourselves with the harshness of our abusers. Tragically, however, the habit becomes as strong as heroin. As astonishing as it seems, rather than facing the devastating conclusion that we have taken on the values of an abuser and are even addicted to it, we Christians are easily seduced into letting ourselves off the hook by actually convincing ourselves that we are pleasing God by acting like the devil in how we treat ourselves. It is frighteningly easy to re-label as humility or dying to self or fighting the flesh, what is actually a deeply ingrained addiction to perpetuating in our lives the ungodly way our abusers treated us. If we verbally abuse ourselves or think lowly of ourselves as our abusers did, let’s at least not pretend we are being godly by modeling ourselves on them. Of course, we must never passively accept less than God’s best in our lives. There is no room for acting like spoilt brats, irresponsibly demanding that God do all the work while we laze around, content with mediocrity. We must cooperate with our Savior in passionately wanting change and not only praying for it but exerting every effort to persuade, encourage, inspire and urge every part of us to surrender to our Lord so that he may reign supreme in every aspect of our lives, as he does in heaven. This is neither cold-hearted indifference and sloth, nor is it imitating the devil by condemning ourselves and beating ourselves up like some hate-filled tyrant. Let’s get this right: Satan is the accuser (Revelation 12:10); God is the forgiver. Suppression and oppression come not from the heart of God but from his enemy. Refusing to join forces with the devil means refusing to slander, ridicule or belittle ourselves or anyone else. Neither demeaning self-talk nor being cruel to oneself is in heaven’s spiritual armoury. The above is taken from a webpage that you should read more of if you have been a victim of putdowns and now find it hard to stop being unkind to yourself. It is not uncommon, in fact, to end up so confused by an abuser as to be convinced you are being biblical by putting yourself down and treating yourself almost as badly as the abuser did. As I say in the beginning of that page: Ably supported by the enemy of our souls, we Christians have a tendency to unintentionally distort biblical revelation in a way that perpetuates our problems. Put another way: none of us has a perfect belief system, and the longer we who are committed to the Bible believe a particular lie, the more certain we become that it must be divine truth and this conviction clouds the way we read the Word of God. We have far too much integrity to knowingly distort Bible truth but we end up unconsciously cherry picking Scriptures – mentally highlighting ones that seem to support our misconceptions and letting contrary Scriptures fade away or reinterpreting them, like someone cutting jigsaw pieces to make them fit where they do not belong. The alarming consequence is that, despite them actually being contrary to God’s ways, we become increasingly sure that we are divinely required to make our misconceptions rule our lives. The upshot is that if someone, whose spiritual status we respect, repeatedly puts us down or treats people harshly, we are likely to end up not only enslaved by a deeply entrenched habit of being hard on ourselves, but feel sure that by doing so we are pleasing God and being thoroughly biblical. We cannot begin to tackle this destructive habit until we become convinced that despising ourselves or treating ourselves harshly is unscriptural and contrary to God’s heart. That’s the purpose of the webpage I’ve quoted from above and at the end of it are links to how to break the habit once you become convinced that God wants you to do so. As devastating as spiritual abuse is, healing is available. It hinges, however, on letting go of the bitterness and resentment we feel, regardless of whether those feelings are directed toward God, ourselves or other people. For help with this, see How to Heal from Spiritual Abuse .