The following is from someone who has written to me and kindly allowed me to share her story:
Twenty-eight years ago I had an abortion. I was on drugs at the time and heavy circumstances convinced me to abort my baby.
Six months later, I gave my heart to the Lord and the abortion was one of the things in my heart that I felt regret and hurt for. I asked God’s forgiveness and I knew that he forgave me. I forgave myself and I thought I had let it go. I just tucked it away somewhere inside and thought from time to time about how old she (God had revealed it was a girl) would be but the feeling of being her mother never really occurred to me and I just saw her as an aborted baby with Jesus.
Yesterday, a friend and I were talking about where the President stood on abortion and she told me of a woman who believed that abortion was murder and had kept her baby. For some reason, the word murder hit me strongly. I cringed. Then I opened up and confessed that I had had an abortion because I had been using drugs heavily and felt I couldn’t take the chance of severely damaging the baby. As I was saying this to her, a small burst of hurt surfaced. Surprised, I quickly told her I was okay as I was sure God healed me.
I had been going through a time where I couldn’t feel God’s presence and I wondered if there was a deeper work God wanted to do in me. Today, I called another friend to pray for me for a breakthrough and I told her it may have to do with me having an abortion so long ago. I told her of God helping me at that time but maybe there was more. We just talked a bit and I was tearful. Then she asked me a question that really stunned me. Had I ever named the baby? I did not know what to say because that baby was a stranger to me. I guess I never thought of her as my child, as I aborted her and she went right to Jesus. I had never even told two of my three other kids about her and somehow that child didn’t seem like mine.
Upon being asked that question it became a reality for the first time that she was my baby and was therefore a loss to our family because she would have been a real part of our family had she lived. I was upset with myself for having separated myself from being a mother to her.
I cried when my friend told me about her own miscarriage and how as part of her grieving she actually wrote a letter to her child. I was deeply touched and for the first time I realized that my aborted baby was at one time a part of me and she was a loss to me. She was a sister to my three other children and two of them didn’t even know about her. It became very personal for the first time and as we talked more, a name just popped into my mind that I believe the Lord gave me. Her name started with the same letter as all three of my other children starts with.
I am still working through this and I wrote a letter, then read it out loud, telling her why I had aborted her and that I was very sorry and that I have missed seeing her grow up. I said some more and told her I gave her a name today. It was all said as if I were talking to her and releasing it at the same time.
I feel love for her and a loss at the same time and she is very real to me, not just an aborted baby of twenty-eight years ago.
I felt like I had to share this with you. Maybe it could be used for other women who have detached themselves from the aborted baby but still haven’t grieved the loss. God is merciful and he heals.
A couple of days later, this woman e-mailed with an update:
I have an extra blessing of confirmation that the Lord gave me after I wrote to you.
When my friend asked if I had given my baby a name she also told me the true story of a four-year-old boy who died, had several experiences in heaven and lived again. After his recovery, he mentioned meeting his sister in heaven. His parents were puzzled until they remembered their miscarriage. He said his sister was waiting for them to give her a name. That deeply touched my heart.
Now for the awesome confirmation: Three months ago another friend gave me a book. I wanted to read it right away with my fourteen-year-old daughter but we had never even opened the cover. The very evening that I shared my story with you – the same day that I had named my baby – I started reading the book with my daughter. To my amazement, it was the very book from which my friend had gained her information about the little boy who said his miscarried sister was waiting to be named.
I had been so wanting to read the book as soon I had received it but God had his perfect timing.
What are the chances that I would open that book and read about naming the baby on the very day my friend had mentioned it and I gave my baby a name? Wow! I just wept.
Footnote: As demonstrated by their views about abortion and euthanasia, Christians regard human life as sacred. In contrast to secular society, they don’t see people as the result of an accident in a primeval swamp, or the meaningless product of human lust. They see the lowliest of us as bearing the image of God himself; made by him and the focus of his love. They believe God values us so highly that he wants to enjoy us for all eternity, and that he has spared nothing to make this possible.
© 2012, Grantley Morris. May be freely copied in whole or in part provided: it is not altered; this entire paragraph is included; readers are not charged and it is not used in a webpage. Many more compassionate, inspiring, sometimes hilarious writings available free online at www.netburst.net Freely you have received, freely give. For use outside these limits, consult the author.