How to Thrill Your Husband

Insights for wives who want

to give their husbands the best

WARNING: Please read this before proceeding

Please Pray

Before Reading

 About Sexuality

Why?

1. To protect yourself. God might not want you to read a certain webpage of mine.

2. Because we need to hear from God, not from a human.

You are unique and your Lord and Maker treats you as such. He personally tailors his revelation to you. I cannot do that in a webpage available for thousands to read. All I can do is plead that you seek God to do what I cannot do by personally directing you to those specific things he wants to share with you.

I have undergone more soul searching and emotional pain over writing about sexuality than any other topic. I have at times pleaded with God that I could move on to other topics that would cause me less distress and would edify me more. But this isn’t about me. It’s about trying to find God’s will and submitting to it. And it’s about those people who need guidance and godly support about dilemmas that refuse to stay buried. It’s about people who find vast quantities of worldly material but little Christian help.

Disturbed that despite all my attempts to write with godly restraint I might still have gone over the edge, I sought the opinion of a woman whom I believe is sensitive to the Lord's heart. As she read one of my pages she saw in her mind’s eye my hands cupped together in front of me. Fluffy cotton wool filled my hands. What she saw was symbolic and so out of proportion, but snuggled within that cozy nest sat a woman. My hands were positioned so that from that place of comfort and security she could safely view new wonders and solutions to mysteries that had previously bewildered her. That image thrilled me because this is the tenderness with which I long to treat you while acting as your servant.

I think that most readers will feel I deal with these matters delicately. As individuals, however, we differ greatly in our sensitivities. My own peculiar mix of strengths and weaknesses means I can write these pages in a detached way and (usually) be less affected than if an average-looking woman walked past me. But you could be different. You might be one of those who feel uncomfortable about some of these writings; one for whom the little detail I give is too much.

So I urge you to pray about which, if any, pages you should read. Your purity is one of God’s magnificent goals for your life and I would be devastated if, instead of contributing to this, I in any way detracted from the beautiful things God longs to do in you. Some pages are particularly unsuited to singles.

Many people value what I’ve written on these topics. This, I think, is God kindly responding to how much my longing to serve you and my Lord has cost me emotionally in writing these pages. But what is a little pain, relative to the privilege of serving the Lord of all, and helping someone for whom he gave his all? Above all, however, if God is in anything I have written on this topic, it is confirmation of the scriptural principle that he delights in using the weak and ignorant to confound the capable and wise (1 Corinthians 1:27-29). Nevertheless, some people finding it helpful doesn’t mean you will, so here’s a suggested prayer:

Loving Lord,

Like no one else, you have my best interests at heart. You know my hurts, my needs, what will most comfort and encourage me, and the next step you want me to take in becoming more Christlike. So I don’t want just to read a webpage, I want to hear from you. And thank you that you want to speak to me. Cause me to choose those webpages – and only those pages – that will most help me hear what you want to say to me right now.

This webpage is best read after reading

How Holy Wives Express Marital Love

Most husbands wish their wives would initiate lovemaking more. It can be deeply meaningful and moving to a man. It makes him feel loved. Women usually take longer than men to get in the mood for intimacy, but don’t always wait for the feeling. Occasionally, start when you only slightly feel like it but you sense your husband would appreciate it. Your feelings will most likely catch up, but this time do it because you love your husband rather than because you love sex. And I’m sure you can think of more exciting ways of initiating intimacy than simply saying something like, “Let’s go to bed.” You might suddenly join him when he is showering, you might start whispering in his ear such things as “I crave your body,” you might . . . Well, I’ll leave that to you.

Blow away the cobwebs of predictability. Have fun. Let loose. Act a little crazy.

The greatest thing you can do for your husband and your marriage is to heavily involve God in it. High on the list of other helpful things you can do is to delight in your own sexual pleasure. That will keep you longing for more, and your genuine excitement about sex is one of the greatest possible turn-ons for your husband.

Many of the things that thrill a man, however, do not usually appeal to women. So unless they had ulterior motives, selfish women wouldn’t do them. Whereas average people find many things demeaning – such a kneeling and kissing one’s partner’s feet – genuine lovers are so lost in their partner’s pleasure that even the concept that anything could be demeaning is incomprehensible. It is doing things solely for the other person’s enjoyment that turns sex into lovemaking, rather than self-centred pleasure-seeking.

As you have no doubt observed, the visual side of sex means a lot to a man. For many a man, it means almost as much as both romance and foreplay mean to a woman. Out of ignorance, some men have sex with their wives without foreplay. I think you know that is no way to treat a woman. In the same way that some men don’t realize that foreplay should be a part of loving their wives, many women don’t understand the role of the visual in loving their husbands. Have you seen the way peacocks initiate the mating process by displaying their gorgeous tail feathers and vibrating them in a spectacular fashion? God created them to do that for their mate. I know many women find it embarrassing, but they, too, should seek to put on a visual display for their husbands in the intimacy of marriage.

Do you dress to please your husband or just yourself? The great tragedy is that the average wife seems to dress up for strangers and not for her husband. It should be the other way around. They should, at least occasionally, look far more beautiful and sensuous when alone with their husbands, than when they are dressed for a most important public event.

Do you really know what your husband likes, or do you merely think you know? Is your husband not interested in what you wear simply because he thinks you are dressing for your own ego and not for him?

For most forms of women’s clothing, it usually works out that the more impractical and uncomfortable the garment, the sexier it is (wouldn’t ya know it!). But that’s okay. You only have to slip it on a few moments before your husband sees it. One look at you in that uncomfortable gear and – bless his heart! – he’ll be so moved with compassion that he’ll beg you to take it off. He’ll probably even stick around to supervise – just to make sure you don’t hurt yourself, of course. And on the other hand, if it’s particularly comfortable, you might get to keep it on for weeks.

Since, at least in these things, most men like variety, it might be preferable to choose several less expensive items than one that will last until he is in a nursing home. Both black and red are usually exciting colors for a man. There are other possibilities but avoid skin tones and brown.

I realize you need to be comfortable when you sleep, but when it comes to nightwear, including slippers and a bathrobe, there are some monstrosities that could remind your husband of a three year old, or his mother, or grandmother, or a bag lady. There are equally practical alternatives that won’t turn him off his food. Since your husband is about the only person who will ever see you in this clothing, and he’ll see you in it quite a lot, it’s particularly important to buy these items for him more than for yourself. Don’t buy anything in this line that you can’t return, and press him for an honest opinion, after assuring him that you are specifically dressing for him and that you don’t just want something he can tolerate but what he really likes. He probably has little idea of what is available in women’s bathrobes, so if you can drag him along when you choose a bathrobe, do so. Suggest he stroke it to consider touch as well as appearance. A paper bag over his head might reduce his embarrassment as he walks into the shop.

The male need for visual variety

As briefly explained above, variety is important to a man. But don’t despair you can go a long way toward breaking a man’s tendency to get bored looking at one body. To revive your husband’s interest in your body, let your mind run wild in dreaming up ways to make your body a continual surprise package.

For those who are feeling adventurous, someone, who would prefer to remain nameless, has provided in The Spice of Life a list of creative ways of doing this. That page is not for everyone. I suggest you pray as to if and when you should read it.

Wrap-up

Seek the Creator for creative ways of expressing marital love that will satisfy a normal man’s craving for variety – a craving dangerously inflamed by living in decadent western society. As you do this, our Lord will no doubt give you ideas that will soar far above the suggestions offered in this webpage and the many in the link (The Spice of Life). Gently persist with new things even if your husband’s first reaction is not encouraging. It could open up a whole new dimension to him, bonding the two of you closer than ever.

The Next Webpage?

In contrast to the above, The Spice of Life is so wild that I have reservations about even placing it on the web. How can you know whether you should read it? Only through prayer.